Don't Make Your Problems Your Life


In life, there are challenges or what some people call problems. Everyone of us faces them at different points of our lives. The difference betwen those who appear truly happy and those who constanly look miserable is this: the seemingly happy ones do not allow their challenges consume their entire lives while the ones who are sad most of the time give too much energy to their problems and hence are drained of life force.

Some of us make our problems bigger than it really is. And instead of doing what we can to at least seek a solution, most would rather keep complaining and worrying about the problem. This is always counter productive. What is the joy in continuously crying and whining about a problem that already exists if you are not making any plans of action and then taking those actions as a way of solving them?

It is worrying that some people let their problems consume them so much that they can only relate with people who complain all the time and worry about the same things. There are even online groups and social groups where people join just to meet up with people worrying and cussing about same problems.

Don't get me wrong, there are social groups that are really helpful and therapeutic for people going through different life issues. And the best of these groups should help you get out of the problem by supporting you with advice, practical plans of action and genuine support. You should not be joining groups for the purpose of continuing in the worry/complain phase. It leads you to a vicious circle because it gives you a false sense of security mingling with people who only worry and magnify their problems too. That is the point. We should be careful about what groups we join and why we are joining them.

It is important that we do not allow the problems and challenges we face become our lives and how can we do this? First, we need to realize that we are not the only ones who have faced or will face that kind of challenge in life. It is very important you keep this in your mind, you are never ever alone in whatever challenge or situation you may be facing. 

Some people are also facing the exact same thing, some have even faced worse things than what you are facing but were able to pull through. If you are in doubt, a simple Google search about what you think is your problem will give you access to millions of stories all over the world and you will see people who have faced worse.

You will be surprised that most of the people you think have their lives figured out and everything going great for them may have the same issues. But because you think the problem is just unique to you, you allow the problem drain your energy, you stop living your life and you think others have better lives than you do. But all you need is take a closer look around you and in the lives of others.

Most people think they are alone in their problems because they have not really taken a genuine interest in the lives of other people. Which leads to the second point: if you haven't, start taking a genuine interest in the lives of other people. In my blog article on building better friendships, I shared a couple of tips on how you can build greater friendships which would lead to a genuine connection with other people. 

If you already have genuine interest in other people, well done to you. If you have not and if your problems are taking a greater toll on your life, it could be a pointer that you need work on your relationships with other people. The reason why this is important is that when people feel that you are genuinely interested in their wellbeing, they will open up to you.

And when they open up to you, they will tell you things that you may not necessarily see on the surface and behind their smiles because they believe you care about them and can support them. It is at this point you will realize that these people have their own challenges too. And you will be surprised to see that your own challenges may be child's play compared to what you will begin to know.

So, it's important to know people beyond the surface, and know their highs and lows. You also will have to share your highs and lows with them as well, so they also know you beyond the surface. When you learn that other people have these same highs and lows, you naturally stop maginifying your problems. Because you will see that everyone has problems,but they still strive to enjoy and keep happy in the midst of their problems because that is what life is about!

You cannot wait for an end to problems. You can only hope and plan for it. So in the hoping, planning and action taking, you must be enjoying the entire process. If not, you will allow the problems consume you, postponing your happiness until they are solved.. without realizing that your life is passing you by as you are waiting in sadness.

So there is benefit in realizing you are not alone and there is benefit in genuinely connecting with others. Building a strong connection with others also helps you identify people you can trust to a great extent. Having at least one person you can trust is very essential because you can talk to this person freely about your challenges without fear of judgement. Talking really helps. Most people who prefere to bottle up their problems inside them tend to miss out on the surprising perspectives that other people could bring.

Have you not been in a sitiation where you shared something and someone makes a suggestion, then you go "I never even thought of that!". That's what sharing your thoughts with a different mind can get you. None of us is smarter than all of us. No matter how smart or intelligent you are, there might be something you are not seeing and something you are missing. But our minds sometimes may trick us into thinking we have figured it all out. The truth is: none of us has figured everything out. Talking to a fresh mind you can trust, can bring clarity to issues you are facing.

Another suggestion to avoid making your problems your life asides from realizing you are not alone in it, developing great relationships and talking to trusted people would be this: Make a commitment and plan to enjoy yourself regardless of any problem.

It is funny how people do not make this commitment. They allow their problems or challenges isolate them from consciously enjoying their lives and doing things that make them happy and excited. See, problems are a part of life that we must accept and plan for, it does not have to put every other thing in our lives on pause mode.

In short, the more overwhelming you think your problems are, the more fun you should be having. And I am saying this for a very good reason. These problems we often worry about only live inside of our heads. If you are not thinking about it, technically it is not existing outside your thoughts. So a commitment to enjoy yourself and doing what you enjoy is a commitment to get those thoughts out of your head for a while. 

I know the problem itself won't disappear, but eventually it would. What if the problem would disappear in 2 years? Would you allow your mind keep thinking about it for two years before you can channel your mind to more beneficial thoughts? And what if you allow your mind think negatively about this problem for two years and then after two years, a new problem arises which will expire in 10 years? Does it mean you will continue to think about that problem for 10 years?

I would not even wish that for anyone. So make the commitment to get out of your head. Plan about different areas of your life and set goals for yourself. As long as you have made a plan of action for any problem bothering you, put that problem on the shelf and get on with other things that keep you healthier, happier, richer and motivated. Do not allow yourself continue brooding over the problem.

It is better to continue living your life happy in the midst of any problems, than to let those problems make you have a negative view of everything around you. If you have other tips to help people who may have allowed their problems take a toll on them, share in comments below.

Don't make problems your life and keep winning!

Your man,



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