They Owe You Nothing

The moment you begin to get the point that other people owe you nothing and therefore develop the mindset of working towards whatever you want to have in this life, the better for you.

It's so common these days to hear things like: "My uncle has a lot of cash and yet he's not willing to help me," "My sister is a manager at a big company and she hasn't even given a job role," or even something like "I'm related to him, but yet he hasn't done anything for me even though he's doing very well."

Even in relationships, people behave as if their partners owe them happiness always by saying things like: "I'm his lover and since he won 2 million naira, I hope to get a million," "He or She doesn't do everything to make me happy," or "He doesn't do as much as this other person or that person." And that's how relationships begin to collapse because someone starts comparing the partner with someone else because of this inordinate sense of entitlement.

The gospel truth is that no one really owes you anything and you should really be grateful to anyone who loves or cares about you enough to do helpful things for you. The fact that these people are close to us or that they love us so much doesn't mean that it's by force they do things for us. No matter how deeply connected, we must always respect another person's freedom of choice.

Indeed, when we ask for help from someone we love or someone we know to be successful and we don't get any, we will tend to be unhappy. However, that unhappiness shouldn't linger long enough if we really respect that person's freedom of choice. It shouldn't lead us to hating that person or bad mouthing them because they couldn't help us.

The habit should be to help ourselves. No one else but our very own selves can truly help us. Our sincerest efforts to get things for ourselves and make our lives better can achieve much more for us than any external help from others.

This is not to say that people cannot help us. People can help us and even transform our lives for good. But the point is that rather than just hope on help from other people or totally putting our desires in their hands, we should develop that attitude of helping ourselves. So that if help comes along the way, then it becomes a bonus. But if it doesn't, we won't be so bitter about it because we're already working our way towards those needs.

If you want money, you go out there and get it by doing exactly what you have to do. You don't really have to wait on a particular person to give you money and then when he or she doesn't, you curse them because you felt entitled to the person's money. How ridiculous!

If you need a job, you hustle your way into it. That you have someone you know who is in top level management at a firm doesn't mean that they must give you a job. They reserve the freedom and the right to give or not give you that job because you don't know what they may be facing in the firm or what it took for them to get to that level. Why not strive to get a job yourself?

If you feel that your partner isn't making you as happy as you desire, why not find a way to make yourself happy and then involve him or her? Does falling in love with someone mean that we've lost the capacity to even make ourselves happy? Being unable to make yourself happy because you're in love means that there's a problem with you already. You can and should always be able to make yourself happy and sometimes try to make your partner happy too. Because sometimes he or she could be facing challenges and unable to make you happy sometimes. Would you rather die?

We can always get the things we want for ourselves without feeling that anybody owes us any of it. Whether it's money, a successful career or love.. Whatever it is, you can always do something about it in whatever little way you can. That little thing you can do to change your situation for yourself is extremely important, crucial and must not be neglected.

They owe you nothing.. YOU OWE YOURSELF EVERYTHING!

The earlier you realize this, the better for you. You will become more tolerant and forgiving. You will become a source of goodness to others rather than unnecessary hate. You will begin to blossom. You'll see and know that whether they choose to help you or not, it's doesn't matter.

You'll not be lazy and you won't waste your time backbiting those who won't help you. Your eyes will be open to the various opportunities around you which you can take advantage of to improve your life!

Understand this, help yourself as much as you can and just keep winning!

A Better Way To Study

When we talk about study, what usually comes to mind is reading books. What did you think this article was about? You probably thought I was going to write about ways to read more effectively. Well, this article aims to point out a better way of studying other than just reading.

To begin with, the word study, according to the Oxford English Dictionary means: "The devotion of time and attention to gaining knowledge of an academic subject, especially by means of books." Take note of the last line: "…especially" by means of books. In other words, it means that there are other means you can study asides books.

The second definition from the same dictionary says "A detailed investigation and analysis of a subject or situation." This definition seems to be much closer to what I'm writing about. Deep emphasis on "detailed investigation and analysis."

Knowledge is everywhere around us. And if only we can pay some attention to many things happening around us, we will know what we need to know.

I'm not against reading as a way of studying. It's good. I've personally learnt many things that has improved my life through reading books, but I know that if I hadn't combined my reading with other means of study, I may not have made as much progress as I've made.

Why do you think some people who are seemingly uneducated still make significant strides in their personal lives and become very successful? Some of them never even saw the four walls of a school system talk more or read big books, but they're not failures. Why's that? They studied through other means!

You can study better by devoting your time and attention to anything. Whatever it is! If you can even observe what's going on in your own environment, you will gain useful knowledge that you may not even find in books.

Books are good, but there are things we must study in life by personal experience and careful observation. There are things we study when we make efforts to be more confident and take risks.

Some people have been so efficient at reading just books, but yet their lives aren't still great. You ever wondered about why's that too?

It's simply because you won't find everything by studying through books. We will study better when we engage ourselves with life and open our eyes to the truth happening around us. If we can be careful to study our surroundings, timings and individuals, we will gain an indispensable kind of knowledge that books may not be able to give us.

I believe that we are all here to learn different lessons and that's why we are not all experiencing the exact same thing. We live in different worlds, though we all coexist on earth. None of us can always and exactly be experiencing what another person is experiencing. It's impossible.

That means that our lives are unique and so are our lessons. To study your own world and your life better, you will have to stop depending too much on merely reading and try your best to understand and interact with that world in which you're experiencing. That way, you'll be able to learn your own unique lesson and make rapid progress.

Here's the summary of everything I'm trying to say:

"If you can study, you will know what you need to know.

Studying does not necessary mean sitting in a class and reading books.

You can study by conscious observation of your environment and the people around you.

You can study by experimenting and keeping record of events with respect to time.

You can study by just opening your eyes to see what's actually happening around you.

Because, our lives are unique and the lessons we are supposed to learn are not the same for everyone. We cannot all undergo the same experiences at same time!

Observe and understand what's happening in your own world. You will know what you need to know if you study this way.

Stop getting distracted with minding other people's businesses. You have your own life, it's more than enough business.

Even the scriptures say "Remove the log in your eyes before complaining about the speck in your neighbor's eye."

Stay conscious, study better, rapidly improve your life and keep winning!

They Won't Stop Talking About You

Just take some time to read through this article and you’ll figure out why you cannot please everyone. Think about the following scenarios and pause to reflect on every sentence:

You stay at home in your room and decide not to trouble anyone; they say you're too quiet, that you lock yourself up all the time and barely visit anyone.

You always visit them all the time or you visit your neighbors often, they say "What's wrong with him, why can't he stay in his house?" I wonder what he's looking for in everyone's house.

They see you with girls; they say "He is a playboy! We said it! Look at him."
You decide to hang out with guys, they say "Are you sure he's a man?" "He's always with the guys, maybe he is even gay."

You decide to dress simply without too much blinks, they say "Look at him, he has money, but he won't spend it on himself."

You decide to buy expensive stuffs and wear; they say "You see! He's always showing himself that he has money. He’s always bragging. "

You work very hard every day to make a living, they say "He's always working, he doesn't ever rest."
You decide to rest, they say "Look at him, his mates are outside hustling and he's here whiling away his time."

You don't do drugs or take alcohol. They say "That guy is always forming that he's holier than thou. He doesn't smoke or drink. He's a Jew ass nigga."

You decide to drink or smoke like them. They say "You see, that boy has joined bad gang." "He's a hypocrite, we thought he was good."

See guys ... There's nothing you can do in this life to totally eliminate gossiping from jobless people who take pleasure talking about you.

The country is so tough now that people have taken gossiping to an entirely new level.
You must ignore these people and stay true to yourself and your values. Don't do anything just for people to say 'good' about you because no matter what, they will talk.

Just stay focused and think about your actions before you take them.
If it's okay to you and your conscience, fine do it. Else, no matter what people say to you, don't do it.

There's no time to try to please everybody. Stay focused. Do what you feel is best for you and keep winning!

Herd Mentality

Herd mentality is everywhere around us. It's so easy to observe that it often goes unnoticed, but it's a silent killer that we all must be wary of as bold winners. This post was written to remind you that you're not everyone else and you can always stand out from the herd when you are in disagreement.

When you log onto your Facebook and you see a post with  about 400 likes and then one post with just 2 likes posted around same time as the previous post, which post are you more likely to also like?

When you walk into a bar and all the people there seem to support a particular football team in a football game, which team are you most likely to support?

When you're walking on the street and then you see people gathering around a celebrity (an actor, a sport star or a musician), what are you most likely to do?

When you hear lots of people complaining about a particular government with good arguments, what are you likely to think about that government?

When everyone around you seems to be bleaching their skins just to look fairer and more beautiful than they already are, what are you likely to think or do?

When certain well known people you know tend to smoke and do drugs, what are you likely to think about smoking and drug addiction?

When people around you are flirting around, cheating on their partners at will and living recklessly, yet they seem to be doing well, what are you likely to do?

When most people at the office are saying lots of negative things about a particular staff member, what are you likely to do?

When other people tend to show off all their achievements to anyone who cares to pay attention, are you not moved to do the same?

When everyone is dressing in a way that you find inappropriate, however most people think that the dressing is cool or trendy, are you not likely to throw away your values and dress same way just to feel trendy?

When everyone else is having random sex with anyone and seem to be having fun while doing that? Won't you be moved to be reckless as well?

I've asked all these questions because I want you to honestly answer them and see how far this herd mentality has gone in changing the way we think.

It's easier to do something when you feel that many people are doing it or many find it cool than when few people are doing it.

It's really affecting a lot of intelligent and success oriented minds. Our experiences always tend to shape our beliefs and when we feel that something is acceptable to more people than less, we tend to easily welcome it into our own personal lives.

But it doesn't have to be so and if we really want to stand out, we must do away with that innate tendency to do something just because many others are doing it.

It's not always about what you think many others are doing. It's about you and what you really want for your life. You're not the same with everyone, so you mustn't setup your own standard with what they are doing.

Let people do what's best for them. It's none of your business. Know yourself and do what's best for you! You must not be a die hard smoker or drug addict to be successful. Drugs can ruin your entire life and your motivation to excel.

You mustn't sleep around with different people, just to feel cool about your manliness or womanliness. Challenge yourself with higher goals and aspirations and save yourself the various risks associated with promiscuity.

You must not like a post because 1000 people have liked it. You have to know why you're doing whatever you're doing. You like things because it agrees with your kind of person and your values, not because everyone likes it. Who cares?

You mustn't bleach your skin to feel good about yourself. Why can't you cherish your skin the way you are? Why can't you feel good in your own body? It's because you've agreed with the herd that a bleached skin is better than a natural one. You should scrap the nonsensical thought and love yourself the way you are.

You mustn't gossip about other people, support a cause or complain because everyone is doing so. What's the point? If your opinion is unique and you think it's  better, share it and enlighten the herd. You stand out.

We must learn to cherish our individual differences and our various choices. We must cherish our ability to make our own decisions guided by our own reasoning and consciousness.

I mean, we have a brain for a reason! We act like we're brainless when we do things because everyone is doing them.

To really make progress, we must learn to think for ourselves and question why we do certain things without even knowing why.

We must stop falling into this trap of herd mentality. It's the trap of mediocrity. Successful people have always been ahead in planning and thought because they don't always follow the crowd. They think for themselves and do what's best for them not for everyone.

Avoid herd mentality.. Think for yourself, stay success minded and keep winning!

Be Good For No Reason

I think this world would be a lot better if we could all be good for  no reason. If we make it a point of duty to simply be good to other people and to our immediate environment.

If we could form the habit of doing good without any expectation and being good  to our community for no reason, there  would be dramatic change. But the big question lies in the definition of being good.

On what basis can we say for sure that the actions we intend to take is a good one? Is it culture? Is it morality? Is it the scriptures?

For the  purpose of this blog post, being good here means showing love to others and helping them out when you can. It means being able to connect with the feelings of other people and help them solve any of their problems in any little way you can.

Actions that can be classified as being good could be: buying food for someone without them asking, visiting the motherless babies and providing them with the gifts you can, giving to a beggar or a homeless person, volunteering to help organize something nice, showing care love and concern to another person without expectation from them, occasionally sacrificing your pleasures for the good of someone else and etcetera.

The question: "Can we be good through acting violently or offensively?" will be the topic for another day. But it's a great principle to be good for no reason. It helps you act out of love and relieves you from making too much expectations from others which could turn you into a beast.

Being good for a reason is dangerous because the goodness comes from the reason(in form of expectations) and not from the heart. You could change to a very angry person if you're doing good for an expectation and then the expectation is not met. It could change you into a very hateful person.

Take for example, you're working very hard in your office because you expect the boss to notice you. You're doing everything good, working late, volunteering to do odd jobs and all that. You're doing it with the expectation of being promoted and then you didn't get the promotion. Most likely you'll stop doing it and adopt a negative or laissez affair attitude at work since your reason for being good wasn't met.

Most marriages and love relationships have stood the test of time simply  because one or both partners is dedicated to being good for no reason. Yeah, sometimes we have expectations from our partner, but those expectations must never at any point be the reason why we choose to be good and loving to them. Whenever our expectations from our partner becomes the reason why we are good to them, the marriage or relationship will tend to crash easily once the reason isn't satisfied.

For some reason, your partner may not be able to meet up with your expectations. Is that enough reason to stop being good or loving to him or her? Think about it. Because if the expectation is the reason for the love, then it's no different from a business rather than love.

People will not always reciprocate your good towards them, still be good anyway for no reason.

People will still be rude or negative to you when you're being good, still be good anyway.

People will say you know nothing and you're wasting your time when you're good, be good anyway!

There may be nothing in it for you after being good. The people you do good to may not even appreciate it. But be good anyway.

Because being good for no reason is good for you. It's good for your peace of mind and your spirituality. Being good heals your soul and puts you in a progressive state of mind at all times. You'll feel a positive aura all around you when you're good.

Most especially, you'll make the world a better place when you're good.

Check out this video on kindness:

Be good and keep winning! 

5 Things Every Twenty Something Should Keep In Mind

Hitting the twenty year old mark is something that comes with lots of responsibilities. It's a period when the decisions you make critically shapes your future. It's important that young people in their twenties keep these five things in mind.

1. Career
In your twenties, it's important you find your purpose. Finding your purpose in this period could really be the best thing that will happen to you. It's easier to model your life and career around your purpose when you've found it at this stage than in your 40's or 50's.

Your career path at this stage should be clearly defined if you want to be successful. You cannot just apply to any jobs or study any course work without knowing exactly why you're doing it. At this stage, wasting your time on anything you have no plans on is an easy route to failure.

2. Relationship
The twenties is usually a time when your sexual attraction to the opposite sex usually peaks. It's a time when many young people make mistakes in dating and finding someone they're compatible with. Lots of young people at this age aren't serious about their actions as regards building a lasting relationship. It often hurts them and reduces their chances of being in happy relationships and finding the right person at a later age.

You don't have to wait to be thirty before you start being careful with your love life  and relationships. It's not about just having fun and hitting it off with any random person. You should clearly define your relationship goals at this level and make conscious efforts to build strong relationships with those you're compatible with.

3. Network
Your life is greatly influenced by the quality of your networks. At your twenties, you should be conscious of those you have in your circles. You need to build networks with people that add value to your life and people who inspire you to be the best you can be.

You shouldn't only be around those who only care about partying and living a lascivious lifestyle. You should be around people who are progressive in their thinking and attitude. You should be around successful people who are filled with ideas.

Make efforts to be good friends with these kinds of people. Genuinely care about their welfare and hang out more often with them.

4. Responsibilities
Before twenty, many of us might have been shying away from taking up any responsibility. This is quite understandable because from birth to our teenage age, most of the things have been done for us by parents or guardians. So naturally, most of us would want to shy away from doing anything to serve others and instead get from others.

Well, at twenty something.. You're way above that level. Society now sees you as an adult and not a kid anymore. You should be more willing to take up responsibilities now than ever before. Taking up responsibility will build your ability to lead, exude confidence and work with other people. You'll learn many important things in life through being a responsible person now. It could come in form of volunteering in your religion, organization or community. It could come in form of teaching or working for others.

It's high time you stopped running away and man up to those responsibilities.

5. Money
Money they say makes the world go round. Without money, your capacity is quite limited in the Real World. At twenty something, you really should be financially conscious. It's high time you throw away the idea of squandering money anyhow. The amount of money you have at this stage  and the one you're working to get is very important.

You should make and keep plans for every amount of money you intend to spend. You don't have to be an accountant to do that. Just make a conscious effort to live within your means and balance your income and expenses. You'll save yourself lots of needless debts in future.

Instead of spending too much on beer and outing with friends, why not save towards an important idea you've been nursing? You should still have some fun or hang out with your friends, but you have to plan for it and know exactly how much you intend to spend. You're not spending to please your friends.. The size of your pocket should be considered.

Keep these things in mind and I bet you, you won't make much mistakes in your twenties.

Stop Hating On Other People's Success

I was inspired to write this article because of what I have been observing in my environment for a while now. Majority of people find it very easy to continue hating on the success of other people. I don't know why they like to do this, neither do I know what they stand to gain, but I know for sure that this is an attitude they must stop if they really want to succeed.

Today, I was checking out an online news forum where I learnt that a governor had just sent 30 listed shoemakers overseas to China to master and develop more skills in their craft. I was happy that the governor was able to take such an initiative as a contribution towards the empowerment of those youths and also motivate other youths to be diligent in whatever they do. But I was surprised to read one of the first comments on the news which said:

"I'm sure the list was politically induced..
How can this be a success when those with passion for shoe production are left out on the streets for some politically connected children of godfathers..?"

And I was taken aback. Why was this guy quick to claim that this was a politically induced list? Why was he quick to believe that those listed were the children of political godfathers? These questions raced around my mind. It wasn't just his comment, other people were expressing their doubts about how the governor came up with the list and the authenticity of the selection process.

In all these, there were fewer people who congratulated those selected and shared good remarks about the governor. So few! Majority were just criticizing what they were not sure about. They were just hating on the selected.

It's not just online, many people behave this way too in their daily lives. How many times have you heard people ask the question,"How did he make so much money so fast?" "Where do you think he got his money from?" Or say things like "He must've been involved in some shady business," "He might have been a ritualist," "He must be a fraudster," whenever they see a very rich young individual? I have personally heard it more times than I can count.

Or maybe there's a young hardworking lady who has made a First Class in her undergraduate studies and people are quick to say, "She must've been sleeping with her lecturers," or "She's been cheating her way through every exam." Even when a lady attains a high political or business position, most people will say "She must have slept her way into it." Why's that?

There's a young man who's so passionate about body building and fitness. He begins to build himself gradually and continually. Then he develops an attractive and healthy body structure and he keeps on building his body. People begin to say, "Don't mind him. He's jobless. All he does is gym, nothing else!"

A young girl is happily married to a young responsible guy and instead of being happy about the couple, you'll hear some people say "That girl has been wayward all her life, she doesn't deserve to be married to such a man." They say she has been a bad girl and the  marriage shouldn't have been successful.

I've been bothered about why people do this and I've come to three conclusions:

#1. They're simply jealous 
When you become really successful in what you do, be it in terms of more money, fame, recognition etc, people become naturally jealous because they don't have what you have. Now most of them will rather attribute negative things to your success rather than be motivated to work harder and achieve their own success.

 Are you jealous of the success of other people making you hate on them? Then you need to transmute that jealousy into motivation for yourself because saying negative things about successful people will keep success far from you and make you feel comfortable with where you are. A poor man who calls all rich people ritualists or thieves will never be rich because he believes riches are connected to negativity.

#2 Some are sadists
The second reason I figured out is that some of those people are just naturally sadists. Some people are so negative about everything good. These guys only think in the negative direction and hardly see any positives. Most of them became like that because they have been so frustrated in life and they have given up on any efforts at being successful.

They rest in their obscure position and each time they see anyone successful, it reminds them of all their failed attempts at success and reminds them of the life they could've been living if they hadn't quit. This hurts them and in order to feel better, they will always say something negative about other people's success. These people will hate you for being successful, no matter what! Why not have them hate you for being so happy and successful?

#3 Successful people remind them of their fears
The last reason is fear. People have their fears all bottled up inside of them. When they see successful people, their fears spring up. Will they ever be as rich as that man or woman? Will they be as successful as they are? Will they be able to save up enough money to build that kind of house? Will they ever become as famous as that guy? All these questions race through their mind.

They become scared that they may never be as progressive as you are and may never have what you have. It scares them. And some of them will choose the easy way out which is to hate your success. A person with a mind to succeed will not turn to hating on you because you're successful. Even though they're also reminded of their fears, they will be motivated to face it and keep trying!

If you fall into any of the three categories above, save yourself the stress and strive to make your own life better. Instead of being jealous and letting yourself remain stagnant, why not be genuinely happy for successful people and strive to become successful too?

I don't want to believe you're a sadist, but if you fall into #2, you need to understand that your past doesn't define you. You can still turn your whole life around with a single decision and action. Why choose to be sadistic?

We all have fears, but facing them and using them as our source of motivation has often proven better than letting those fears turn us into hateful people.

Because there's no point hating on successful people! There's no point whatsoever! You gain nothing by doing it, rather you lose because your hate for success will keep you in the same place.

Your hate can't change their success. Your hate won't get those things they have for you. Your hate won't add or subtract anything from the lives of these successful people, so why bother hating on people's successes?

The young man who made money quickly may have been lucky enough to get it right early in his business. There's no where it's written that making profit must be very slow. The beautiful girl who made a First Class may have worked very hard for it and burnt her midnight candle. The newly married young lady may not have been as bad as you've tagged her.

You should even ask yourself: Has everything you've ever achieved been through a negative way? Did you always cheat through everything? If No, why do you quickly attribute negative things to success? If Yes, then it's understandable why you think everyone is like you. Drop the hatred and negativity.

Rise above it and focus on your game! Start with telling yourself the truth about your position and where you want to be, then commit yourself to tirelessly working towards that place you want to be. When the time is right, you will hit your own success and you'll  be glad you did rather than join the haters.

If you're already successful, you shouldn't care about what haters are saying. I guess you know that already. If you can inspire or help others to be as successful as you are, please do. But never pay any attention to haters because if you're not careful, they will infect you with hate and bitterness and you will spend useful energy hating on those haters.

If this article makes sense to one person, my work has been done.

Don't hate the success of other people, be happy for them and keep winning! 

An Important Change You Must Make This New Year

Happy New Year guys! It's that time of the year against when we kick off with fresh plans, resolutions and motives. While making these necessary preparations, there's an important change you should not forget to make. That's why I've made this blog post.

The previous year has been tough but good anyways. I consider it good not because it has been the very best year, but because against all odds, you and I still made it into this New Year. It's enough reason to be grateful and hope for the very best. As we hope for the best of the New Year, we must make a vital change  in our attitude.

A lot of us could've have achieved more last year if we waited less for other people. If we had taken more responsibilities and necessary actions by ourselves towards achieving our objectives, we could've been miles ahead of where we are right now.

How many times have  you waited for people to do something for you that you could've done for yourself? How many times have you waited to people to meet you instead of making the effort to meet them? How many times have you expected people to give you jobs instead of getting those jobs yourself or creating jobs? How many times have you studied on your own and prepared for an examination rather than depend on a colleague to cheat with?

How many times have you waited for someone else to love you instead of going out of your way to love someone? Have you made efforts to organise small parties or picnic with friends or family rather than wait to be invited to one?  Are you still waiting on your relative or friend to give you money or accommodation when you can take care of your own self?

I could go on and on to ask questions relating to waiting and depending on other people rather than yourself. The point really is to stir you to reflect upon the previous year and see those areas you've been too dependent on other people and seek to make serious changes this New Year.

You're never really free if you've not really mastered your own self. You should strive to be independent, so you can be creatively interdependent this year.

The more you make efforts to get things for yourself rather than wait and hope on a "saviour" to keep doing that for you, the better for you this year. The change you must make is to stop waiting on others and seize the initiative to get whatever you want.

If you seek to have fun, you should be able to create fun and not just wait or seek for where it has been created. Go out of your way and dare to live life with all its uncertainties. Don't wait for people to do it. If you can do it yourself, try your best and  you will be better of.

Sometimes, go out of your way to set up and suggest meetings with friends and loved ones. Sometimes, you actively search out the solution to what you face rather than hope on someone to just give you the answer. Try to make your own money and live in your own house. It will build your self confidence and arm you with a winner's mindset.

Think of building your own business, try to love other people without having too much expectations from them. Dance, work and play. Try to live your life by your own terms and quit sucking up to other people because you're so dependent on them for your most important needs.

This change in attitude is key to make the best out of this year. Stop waiting, stop depending and stop hoping on others while being inactive. You are much more than a person who merely waits. You are a winner and you need to discover this for yourself by consciously making committed efforts in getting those things you want for yourself by yourself.

When you make this commitment, you will be surprised at how much help and success will come your way this year as you strive to live free.

I wish you the best of the year.

Stay sharp and active!

Keep winning!