Friday, 20 April 2018

How To Stop Worrying About The Future

How to stop worrying about the future

I'm very ambitious and I dream of many things. I want to be successful, I want to be wealthy and I want to be famous for a good cause.

I want to contribute to making the world a better place and I want to take up responsibilities that challenge me to be the best I can be and make the optimum use of my intelligence.

My mind is always working every single day to seek for the things I can do to achieve all these desires and whenever I identify something I can do towards that, I do it.

I believe in God and in all my aspirations, I still say my prayers. My prayers are focused on God guiding me to recognize opportunities around me and take action based on the best ideas that I have.

I know I am doing my best and I am not lazy. But here's the problem that I face: Because of all these dreams that occupy my mind, I often find myself worrying about when I'm going to achieve them.

I expect too much from the actions I take and when it seems that my results or expectations are taking too much time to yield to fruition, I become unhappy and more worried.

Does this sound like you? Are you doing your best and you still find yourself worried about when and how things will turn out? Just know that you're not alone in this and continue reading.

People who are very ambitious and people who care about making a difference are usually those who are worried. So the first thing that worrying says about you is that you are already on the path of success.

Lazy people who care less about their surroundings and how they can make a difference in today's world are those who are always relaxed. They have nothing to do, so what is there to worry about?

If you ever found yourself worrying about your future, it's a sign you want to succeed.

However, you must know and try to always be conscious of this fact: Worrying is not the way to success. The way to success is in being active.

At this point, you might be thinking: "I know that already. I've been active. So what the heck is he talking about?"

Well, I haven't landed.. It's true that active people still worry. But the moment they start worrying, what do you think happens? Inactivity sets in. They aren't engaging themselves when they are worried. That's why their minds take over and they begin to feel bad.

The thing about success is that it doesn't want you to sit idly while waiting for it. Neither does it care about you figuring out when and how it will happen. It wants to surprise you. And you only give success that chance, when you are occupied with doing your work or something else!

And therein lies the point I'm trying to make. The secret to stop worrying is to make plans and always be occupied with things that improve your life, teach you something and make you happy.

When you are occupied with these things, you don't remember to think about success. You are busy growing and improving your skills and well-being. And it often happens that success likes you to be occupied this way before it decides to surprise you.

So when you catch yourself worrying about a lot of things, what it means is that you are becoming less occupied. It means you have allowed your desires and expectations stall your progress and happiness.

Look, I understand that it's natural to feel unhappy and sometimes worry when things you are trying to achieve, don't go as you planned it, but the key here is to quickly step out of that worry and occupy yourself with exciting things.

Your work should be exciting to you and you should derive some joy and sense of pride from doing it. If you're not excited by the kind of work you do, then what's the point?

Getting yourself occupied with other things doesn't mean you should work all the time. You should also make out time for relaxation and play.

When you keep getting yourself occupied positively despite how things are going or what results may be showing to you, you will be able to overcome worrying.

I will summarize everything with this analogy:

When you're cooking food, does the food get cooked faster when you keep checking and checking it every minute?

Or does it appear to get cooked faster than you thought when you go ahead and occupy your mind with something else(say a movie or task)?

Do you get that surprise email when you keep checking and checking your mail box every second?

Or when you forget about it and carry on happily with your life?

Doesn't it seem as though things happen faster when you're not looking?

Worrying is a trap for the mind.

Stop worrying, be happy, develop yourself and keep winning!

Your success isn't that far away! 

Saturday, 14 April 2018

You Are Not Alone

you are not alone

Many people around the world today often make the mistake of wrongly thinking that they are the only ones facing certain situations in their personal lives.

This leads most of them into depression, a negative mindset and even suicidal thoughts. In this article I will try to make you see reasons why you are not alone in the challenges you face.

Growing up, I used to think that I was all alone in many of the circumstances I found myself.

As a teenager, I didn't really get along so well with my mom. Maybe it was because Dad had passed away when I was much younger. But we often disagreed on many occasions because of my lack of understanding or trying to see things from her own perspective.

I often thought I was alone in this and it often affected my predominant disposition because I felt unloved. It was until when I discussed with other seemingly happier colleagues that I realized some of them had actually been through more serious disagreements with their parents. But they didn't let it stop them from being themselves.

At parties or picnics, I usually felt awkward as regards how to act and behave. I was too self conscious wondering what people expected me to do and what I should do. Scared of making mistakes and stuff. All these kind of thoughts made me not act freely and I thought I was the only one who felt that way.

My eyes were opened when I talked to others who were seemingly the life of the party. They admitted that they felt the same way and were often tempted to be too self conscious, but they trained themselves to simply take action and do what came naturally instead of keep thinking like I did.

And that's really the secret here: Acting even when you feel alone. When those thoughts haunt you, do you act and switch your mind away from it? Or do you keep seeing more and more reasons why you are alone?

What you do when you feel alone really goes a long way to shape your experience.

There was a time I used to think that I was the only one who had few friends and that meant that I was less popular. I'm actually very careful in selecting my friends and my friends were few and I was feeling bad about that...

Till I found out that the people I thought were popular with many close friends also had few very close friend but many acquaintances. That is.. They knew many people or have been with many people, and it's just the familiarity and exchanging pleasantries that linked them.

I used to think I was the only one who was yet to get a job, start an awesome business and start having fun. Turned out that many other people were in my shoes still working on getting a job or starting a small business.

There was a time I was so confused about finding my purpose. I didn't know exactly what I was in this world to do and I felt bad that I've not yet narrowed my life down. It was liberating to find out that many other people were in my shoes. And I could still live out all my ambitions.

Some people who are in relationships or married often times fall for this trap too. They see all the good things happening in other marriages or relationships outside and only see the wrong thing in theirs. Then they feel all alone in that condition.

Are you seeing the problem? Some of the marriages or relationships they envy might have faced or are facing worse challenges than theirs, but the partners involved acted and somehow twisted the hands of fate to their favor. And now you envy them and you think their relationship was all perfect.

What the seemingly perfect partners did was simple: Instead of feeling all alone about their own predicaments and getting depressed, they understood that they were not alone in their situation and focused on working their way out of the love challenge.

The only way is working your way out of your feelings of being alone. Then you'll see how things transform.

Some people you see also pretend. They have mastered the art of pretense. They also feel all alone sometimes, but they can cover that feeling with a lot of things. Some resort to drugs, excessive drinking and lasciviousness. All because they are trying to avoid that feeling.

But all those substitutes don't help because you're just avoiding the feeling. The best thing is to work your way out of it through the things you do.

All you need is to simply observe or discuss with people, you will see that you are never alone in whatever you face and many others are encountering the same thoughts or experiences.

My life changed when I realized how easy things I thought were difficult really were. And when I saw that challenges I faced weren't really so different from the  challenges of those I envied.

The difference between me and them was in my attitude. While I had let my challenges make me look down on myself, they ignored their challenges, still saw themselves in a positive light and took conscious action to overcome those challenges.

When I understood this, I copied their pattern and consciously took any action to overcome the personal challenges I had. Though difficult for me initially, but as I kept on doing it, my life changed.

I attracted people to myself and when they left me, I didn't feel bad, I moved on to other people. I wasn't stuck thinking about the meaning of stuff like why they had to leave and why stuff happened to me. There is no meaning to anything except the one you give that thing. So I committed to acting right.

When I disagreed with mom, rather than feel like I was all alone or sad, I tried to see things from her perspective and made her understand my own feelings about stuff. No matter how strongly I disagreed, I walked up to her and tried to understand her. Our relationship got better and waxed stronger.

When I went to parties and felt awkward, I take the initiative and start a conversation with someone or even get up and dance naturally to the beating of the music. I never cared in the world what anyone thought about my dance steps.

Instead of feeling like I only had few friends. I made conscious efforts to build my network of friends and tried to keep in touch with most of them occasionally. My network expanded for good.

Bottom line is that I tackled all my feelings of aloneness with conscious activity. I didn't let my feelings make me inactive. I acted despite how my mind wanted to make me feel. That was when the transformation began in my life. And that is where yours will begin too if you ever feel alone.

Most of our problems arise from either over thinking or a lack of the most basic form of it. Because if you had given a little thought to other people, you would've seen that they too faced the same challenges, but the difference between those who appeared to be having it smooth and yourself was all in the attitude!

 You could sit around all day feeling bad about your predicament or you can do something about it right away. The magic happens in doing. When you do, you make a difference. Stop being stuck with feeling and thinking too much. Learn to Act your way out!

There are many people who have faced, are facing and will still face whatever thing you think you are facing all alone. Don't fall for the trap of thinking that you are the only one facing anything. It leads to acute depression and suicidal thoughts.

If some of them were able to make it out successfully, why can't you?

Thinking sure helps, But over thinking without any action is a curse.

You are definitely not alone.. If you're religious, you should know that God sees everything and is with you at all times. Just play your part by doing and watch the miracles happen.

Keep winning!

Sunday, 8 April 2018

Enjoy The Process

enjoy the process

Oftentimes, we are too focused on the end goal of what we desire to achieve that we fail to enjoy the process we must undergo to achieve it. 

We are too future oriented to pay attention to what we are presently doing. This isn't really desirable for us if we really want to succeed. 

If we cannot enjoy the process involved in getting what we want, how will we be motivated every single day to achieve it? 

A lot of people today are unhappy. They don't let like what they are doing, they hate every present thing they have to do to achieve their desire and they try to fast forward to where they want to be. 

The truth is that there is really no fast forward button in life because life will always follow the due course, no matter how badly we intend to speed up its process. 

When you are always refusing and hating what you have to presently do, you're only hurting yourself because you are missing the opportunity to learn the lessons you need to learn from that situation, so you can move on to higher positions. 

When you keep turning a blind eye to that present situation, you are only extending the time you will have to face it. In a previous article titled "The Power of Your Attention," I shared insights on the benefits of paying great attention. 

Without that attention, you will miss. Therefore, it's pointless to desire anything if you're not enjoying the process involved to get there because there is only one way to get there and that is to pass through the process. 

If you want to be a world class footballer, you have to enjoy the process of going for tedious trainings and practice games. You must enjoy practicing the dribbles, the stunts, the free kicks and the penalties. 

You cannot hate these things or try to fast forward them to suddenly become a star. It doesn't work that way. Expertise takes time, attention and hard work. And it's only when you're enjoying the process that you can give those three. 

If you want to join the Armed Forces, you should be prepared to enjoy the drills, target practices and rigorous stunts involved. They may be tiring and painful, but you have to enjoy it and always be willing to participate. 

You cannot hide or always feign sickness when those things are being done, yet claim that you want to be a renown officer. 

You want to be a great writer? Then you have to enjoy the process of writing constantly, reading the written works of other people and perfecting your writing style. 

If you hate sitting down in one place to write at least 500 words or more and you don't like reading, how do you want to become a great writer? What would you write? How well would you have developed your craft? 

You want to be a well known politician? Then you must enjoy the process of setting up meetings with political stakeholders, the process of campaigning and speaking to a large number of people. You must enjoy travelling around almost all the time to make decisions that affect a large number of people. 

If you are predominantly an introvert and you don't like people being in your own space or you don't like to speak in public or even travel a lot, how on earth do you want to be a great politician? 

Usain Bolt, the world's fastest man ran for 3 - 4 hours every single day for practice because he was in love with his process to be the fastest man.. Before he became world class, he loved to run. 

Mohammed Ali, one of the greatest heavyweight boxers of all times was said to run 3 to 5 miles three times a week during his preparation for a fight. He would hit the speed bag rapidly in 5 minutes. It should've been stressful to him, but he loved it. 

An article from medium claims that Elon Musk, the founder of Tesla and Space X, works between 80 to 100 hours a week running Tesla and SpaceX, even when his net-worth would easily allow him to elope to a beach and never be heard from again. For the record, Elon says he’d have to be on serious drugs to live that kind of beach life.

The article also says Bill Gates (Billionaire, Philanthropist and Founder of Microsoft) loves working with scientists and field workers at the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. He could work less hours if he wanted to, and he takes more vacation than he did in his 20’s (where he took zero vacations), but chooses not to. 

These men could have easily quit, but because they've fallen in love with their processes, they get better and better. 

You just have to love the process to become what you want to become if you're passionate about getting there, because there is no other way. 

If you cannot love the process, there's no point wishing for it because it's the process that will build you to achieve it. 

Some people may tell you that they didn't enjoy the process, but they struggled and passed through it before they made it. 

I tell you that if they were not enjoying it in any way, they wouldn't have been able to complete it. The right description is that it was very tough for them, but because they liked it and were really passionate about their dreams, they loved it and continued. 

How can you make any progress doing something you don't even love? Even when you force yourself, you are still bound to make mistakes and overlook certain things because your attention is not there. 

You can actually develop love for something. Some of the things we currently enjoy today, we probably didn't enjoy them years ago. So it's possible to develop love for something.

Therefore, if you want to get somewhere and you can develop genuine love for the process involved, by all means, go ahead. But if there's no love for the process and it seems you cannot develop any love for it, it is wiser that you leave the dream and go for one that aligns with your passion and creative genius. 

Not loving the process involved in achieving anything is almost as certain as failure in that thing. Because after wasting more time than necessary in it, you'll still find out that you cannot be where you envisioned. 

How to be where you desire to be is hidden and encoded in the "process" … From the first day you engage the process till when you finally become what you desire, every action of yours builds up that dream! 

The dream you seek is not so far away from you if you understand the magic that happens through the process. In short, the more you love and enjoy the process, the closer you are to your dream or desire. 

The more you hate and dislike the process, the farther away you are from the dream. 

Every step in the process builds that dream and that's why you cannot go through the process reluctantly or indifferently. The process is like the little drops of water that will make up the mighty ocean which is dream. 

That's why you should abandon dreams when you know you cannot enjoy the process and go for dreams in which you can love the process. 

We all want to achieve our dreams in the shortest time possible and with loving the process, we can hack time. 

If you love the process, stress wouldn't seem like stress, work would seem like play, effort would seem effortless.. You wouldn't know where your energy to practice will come from because you'll never get tired easily. 

You will find yourself studying, learning, asking questions and doing research or practice on your own without being told by anybody. You'll work 110% and you'll not feel satisfied. 

If you hate the process, everything looks like a chore. Every second drains the energy off you. You cannot wait to complete the barest minimum required of you, so you can rest. There would be no motivation to achieve more. You're just passing time. 

Once time is up, you cannot study, research or practice on your own. You hate everything about the process. You just got to quit and quit now. Go out there, find the process you'll enjoy and pursue it! 


Enjoy the process, hack the time and just keep winning! 

Friday, 6 April 2018

Be New Every Single Day

Be New Every Single Day

All progress comes from our being new..
A musician keeps singing new songs.. An engineer keeps innovating new designs. A scientist keeps carrying out new experiments.

You don't have to carry over the past with you everyday you wake up.

Be new every single day. Don't be the same old person you were yesterday..

It's only when you're new every day that you experience miracles.

The past is usually a burden to us and when we stop letting it drag us behind, we become free to experience the beautiful things in the new.

Many people are stuck with either the good or bad experiences of their past that they cannot even live.

When you keep thinking about the past, you keep reliving it in your mind and you miss the beautiful opportunities to experience greater things which the present always offers you.

Many other people who have accomplished certain notable things in their lives tend to feel that they are complete or that they have arrived.

Once you start thinking that you're complete you start becoming dead.

Aspire for more and more everyday. There should be no point where you should get to and stop trying. Each level you attain calls you to a higher level.

Don't be the same old person you were yesterday. You can always be better than your old self and every single moment of today offers you that chance.

You see, the reason why some of us are still trapped in the same circumstances is simply because we have not changed our attitudes or tried to improve ourselves.

The circumstances you experience outside of you is often a mirror of your own person life.

If you find yourself in the same circumstances over and over again, you need to change and become new.

You can move a new neighborhood, you can change the way you dress, you can become more careful about your words, you can try a new method of doing something you've always done or you can make new friends.

There are many ways we can renew ourselves and our attitudes. And all it takes is conscious action. Be conscious of what you really want to achieve.

Be conscious of the things you always do. And try to improve them.

We must not let the circumstances or achievements of the past keep us stuck. We must celebrate our successes, but it shouldn't make us to relax and stop seeking to improve.

Because life is all about improvement and renewal. Reptiles shed off their old skin to reveal their new bodies. Plants die and their seeds grow again to renew them.

We must never get stuck at any point in mind or in body.

Always be new everyday and keep winning!

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

Like Yourself First

Like Yourself First

We live in a world where many people want to be liked. We want to be seen and appreciated. We want other people to like the good things about us and appreciate our unique gifts or talents.

This isn't a bad thing. Who doesn't want to be liked by others? Being likeable to many people is actually an advantage for you.

A problem only arises out of this normal human desire when you focus on other people liking you without liking yourself first.

This is where many of us get it all wrong. When you crave for other people to like you, but you don't even like yourself at all.

There was this young lady who was obsessed with men liking her. She did everything to get a man's heart and keep the man to herself, but all the men she kept dating left her after sometime.

This happened repeatedly and it took some counseling for the girl to understand what the problem really was.

She didn't like herself at all. And therefore, she thought that getting those likes from men outside would help her fill up the emptiness she felt by being unhappy with herself.

She failed to understand that it was impossible to fill herself up with something that is not already within her.

The men she had met somehow felt that emptiness and lack of happiness about herself in her heart and that somehow pushed them way.

"Whatever you don't have inside of you will always manifest itself."

A chat with a counselor revealed that the girl didn't like herself, her background and the way she looked. The counselor advised her to try something new.

He told her to make a conscious decision to start loving and appreciating herself the way she was without waiting on any man to do it it for her. She also told her to extend this attitude to whatever things about her that she resented.

It was difficult for this young lady to practice this exercise. I mean, all her life, she has been used to not liking herself the way she was, the force of habit was already working in her.

A day, two days, one week.. She kept on trying even though she fell back to the attitude sometimes. But whenever she was conscious of her decision, she will feel good about herself and appreciate the way she is.

That was how her life started transforming for good after some time . She reported back to the counselor months later and was filled with lots of good news.

She reported that people started being nice to her even without her trying too hard to please them. She started to discover some gifts about herself that she never paid attention to.

She generally felt better and she is happier because she wasn't really expecting much from the outside anymore. She had learnt to generate a natural liking for herself from within.

The experience of this young lady isn't so different from what many of us experience. You might be a man experiencing the same thing. It might not be exactly her case, but you might be battling with something similar which stems from not liking who you are.

Look, it's a must that you possess that natural likeness for your own self. When it comes from yourself, you won't need to depend on external validation or acceptance to feel good about who you are.

If you dress up in a nice cloth, compliment yourself first! Look yourself in the mirror and say "You look awesome." Don't wait for anybody to say it to you first.

If you post something on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, be the first to like it. If you found it worthy of posting, then I can bet that it is an awesome post.

So immediately you post it, like it first. You don't have to wait until someone does that.

You must form the habit of being the first person to appreciate yourself. Like and appreciate yourself by yourself. It will make you feel better and you'll be amazed at how efficient you'll become.

It's not like being liked by others is undesirable. It is desirable and should be enjoyed as an additional bonus. But first, you have to like yourself before any other thing!

I don't know what it is that you don't like about yourself that makes you look down on yourself and expect other people to be the first to tell you how amazing you are.

Is it the way you look? Is it your performance in academics? Is it how you think your life is turning out? Is it your family background? Is it what?

Whatever it is that is making you not to like yourself as God has created you to be, I'm saying you should screw all of that. They don't matter at all. They're all garbage.

Whatever reason that is making you to feel bad about yourself should be thrashed. You should completely ignore it and try liking yourself first for who you are.

Appreciate whatever little things you're grateful for in your life. See the good in yourself. Always see the good in yourself. Because you get more of what you see.

Eckart Tolle said and I quote "Acknowledging all the good that you already have in your life is the foundation of all abundance"

How many people are acknowledging the good in their lives? Many are just busy acknowledging only the bad in their lives and the things they don't like. How can such people ever like themselves?

If there's anything that you don't like about yourself, my dear, just accept it if it's something you cannot correct and begin to love it that way.

When you begin to love aspects of yourself that you always hated, you will begin to experience a kind of transformation in your life that you cannot explain.

Look, I don't think we can unequivocally explain why we were born the way we are or why we have our skin colors or why we have been born in a particular country to a particular family.

I think none of us can comfortably explain any of those whys. Therefore, it is of vital importance that in whatever condition you find yourself, you must learn to like yourself first.

That genuine likeness for yourself is what will help you to thrive and grow in that condition.

I think I have said enough. A word I believe is enough for the wise. If you're still feeling negative about yourself, having low self-esteem, getting jealous over another person or whatever, you better change and begin to like yourself the way you are.

Not liking yourself first will only lead to more misery and sadness. Liking yourself first is the first bridge to success, happiness and achievement.

Be the first to like yourself first and keep on winning!

Monday, 2 April 2018

Do Not Be Realistic

Do Not Be Realistic

I think this article is going to be one of my realest. It has been pricking my mind to bring the words to life on this blog and despite my attempts to ignore the call, I find my mind being repeatedly hit by it.

The title of the article is quite controversial. I mean who tells you to not be realistic in a world filled with systems which have been built on logic and sound reasoning?

I will now try to make you see reasons why I have said "Do not be realistic."

In today's world, there is a strong mental war going on between what you believe and what you see happening presently around you. The game is that your environment and experiences tend to force certain beliefs on you.

You tend to easily accept these beliefs because that's what you see and think is happening around you. Therefore, you believe that nothing else is possible and you allow that belief or perspective to rule you.

It is important to mention here that whatever you believe and hold as true is incredibly powerful. It has a way of constantly shaping the way you see things, the things you see and your actions.

You wonder why the major belief systems are still existing? Answer: Strong beliefs.

Now, since you know your beliefs carry tremendous power, it's important you carefully guard your thoughts and the things you accept as true.

Many people will come to you and tell you to be realistic, so that you can accept their point of view.

They might say "Be realistic for once, everyone who has tried it has failed. Why do you think you can?"

They may say "Be realistic, you can't get that job. Do you know the kind of people who you'll be up against?"

They could've even say, "Let's be realistic, there are no good men or women out there anymore. They are all liars and cheats."

Or something like "Be realistic, change in our country is impossible."

People try to say you should be realistic when they want you to accept a particular point of view or belief.

You should be very careful when anyone tells you to be realistic because accepting whatever they want to tell you at that point has the potential to change your entire life.

If your beliefs can greatly influence your experiences and your actions. It's obvious that it can change your entire life.

Often times, it is usually the unrealistic people that bring about unforeseen change, innovations and transformation.

Other people told them to be realistic, but they went on with their unrealistic ideas and made a breakthrough for the rest of the world.

There was a time flying was unrealistic. Men who contemplated flying were mocked and seen as fools and time wasters. Until, two unrealistic brothers known as the Wright Brothers proved the realistic people wrong.

Space flights looked impossible too. It was unrealistic to contemplate leaving this earth to outer space until the the first artificial satellite Sputnik, was eventually launched in 1957 and the first manned spaceflight followed four years later. This was a result of work and efforts from very unrealistic researchers and scientists who saw the possibility.

There was a time the idea of a telephone was unrealistic to many. Some people couldn't see the possibility of speaking to someone miles away from you and hearing the person's voice in real time. Today it's now reality. Thanks to an unrealistic man called Alexander Graham Bell who didn't listen to the realistic people of his time but went ahead to create.

Roger Bannister was the first man on the planet to run a four minute mile. It was unheard of as at that time. Completely unrealistic. He broke the record in 3 minutes 59 seconds. Two months later, his record was broken. Today the current record stands at 3 minutes 43 seconds. It has become realistic to run a mile in less than 4 minutes thanks to unrealistic Bannister.

Notice something: The realistic things of today looked unrealistic sometime ago. Therefore, the realistic things of the future will seem unrealistic now to many. Only those few unrealistic people can presently see the realistic in the seemingly unrealistic. And once unrealistic people break the record, it becomes realistic and it encourages others to break the record.

Why I say don't be realistic is so that you can believe in the possibility!

It is the possibility that carries our power and capability to create something entirely new just as we were created to do.

It doesn't really matter what is already existing. It doesn't really matter what you're currently experiencing in your surrounding. It doesn't matter what stares you in the face everyday.

You don't have to limit your thinking to the present. The present events shouldn't dictate how things should be for you.

You can still dream. You can still choose to see good. You can still think out of the box and see something different which other people aren't seeing.

 It is when you think this way that you'll see ways to create that unique possibility in your heart. Because the truth is that the possibilities are endless in this world. We live in a world where anything is possible as long as we can dream it.

There's no one permanent reality because everything is constantly changing. And that change is brought about by nature and those people who dare to go after their dreams.

The place you may currently find yourself is not all there is to life. The kind of people around you or the things they do, doesn't explain anything about everyone around the world. So don't let those tiny experiences around you give you realities to believe in. You'll be very wrong when you easily believe what your experiences try to make you believe.

You need to train yourself to see all possibilities.

Even if the people around you have tried and failed, it doesn't mean that you'll try and fail. Don't accept the reality that you'll end up like others.

Always think of your case as a difference case from the rest of them.

Maybe you're dating or married and they come to you and say that all women are the same or all guys are the same, you don't have to accept their reality. Your own reality could be different.. And your options are vast. So why limit your mindset by trying to be realistic?

Maybe you're really passionate about sparking up positive change in your environment, maybe there's something you hate about the way your leaders are running your society. They will tell you that you should be realistic and nothing can be done to change anything you're concerned about.

I'm telling you not to be realistic and not listen to those average minds. If you genuinely care about sparking up positive change, you can do it. It could be you! All it takes is just one highly spirited person willing to heed to the call of his or her soul and relentlessly pursue that vision of change.

Maybe they told you to be realistic and believe that there are no jobs out there for you. They try to make you buy the reality that it's impossible for you to get your dream job because millions of other people like you are competing for very few slots. They say you should be realistic and give up because if you're not highly connected to the company's management, you're going nowhere.

I'm telling to screw all of those opinions they have and believe in yourself. Believe that your case is different and keep trying. If you can keep your mindset on track and take advantage of your opportunities, you will find jobs in places where people have claimed there are no jobs. You might even be a job creator.

The positive belief you have about your case will somehow attract your desired opportunity for you in a way you cannot explain. The hard part is sticking with your dream: sticking with the possibility that your case is different.

Many people call it faith, some call it hope, others call it the law of attraction. You can call it anything. But there is power in holding onto strong positive views about your life and your society. It's not easy to hold onto it in a world were everything seems to be going south contrary to what you believe.

It's not easy to hold onto this possibility or vision when every single day your mind is bombarded with information from people, the media and the news with things contrary to that possibility.

It will be easier for you to be realistic and accept what they're telling you. Anybody can do it. Anybody can see it. I mean it's there. It's a no brainer! But it takes great men and women who are destined to excel beyond their wildest dreams to see something different from what physical eyes could see.

You think it's easy to believe that there's a good man or woman out there for you when every single day you hear tales of cheaters?

You think it's easy to see the possibility of a country where people can live in peace and harmony with one another when everyday you hear about wars, shootings and deaths?

You think it's easy to see yourself succeeding in your endeavors when everyone around you had tried it have failed?

You think it's easy to see the good in anything when everyone else claiming to be realistic sees only the evil in it?

My dear, it's not easy! That's why the present reality will test you. It will test you to the limit to push you into the trap of being realistic.

It's when you pass this test by holding strongly onto your beliefs and acting upon them that you begin to experience miracles.

You begin to experience things that realistic people won't ever get to experience simply because you didn't buy into their beliefs.

So, dare to be unrealistic. Go against the grain just as your innermost thoughts lead you. Don't be a Yes man or woman to everything. Learn to throw out beliefs that limit your thinking out of the window of your mind.

It's very hard to be unrealistic in a world where almost everybody wants you to be realistic and accept their own reality.

You should be wiser than that. You are way different from everybody else and you cannot be like them. Trying to be like everyone will drown your individuality and what you are designed to create in this world. All it takes to be like everyone else is to always be realistic.

The few men and women who rise above the average masses are those who dare to be unrealistic, crazy and sometimes even stupid with their approach.

The realistic ones keep repeating and accepting what everyone else does and that's why they experience the same things and make same mistakes.

You now know better.. Use your mind to your advantage.

Will you dare to be unrealistic and follow your heart to pursue and create your dreams into reality or would you take the easy way and be realistic like everyone else? Your choice!

Until next time,

Your man,

Nigel.



Friday, 30 March 2018

6 Things You Can Give Which Cost Nothing

6 Things you can give which cost nothing

A few days back, I was having a little chit chat with some of my colleagues at work and one of them was all about how he wanted to make so much money so that he can give it to his loved ones to make them happy.

The way he kept laying emphasis on that made me suspect that he probably thought that giving those people money was the only way he could show that he cared about them.

Well, I had to commend his desire to make millions: it was a good thing, however, I kinda let him see other ways he could also show his care presently before he made those millions.

We live in a world where so many people are crazed about making money at all costs. Some of us think that money is everything. Money is definitely important and believe me, I also desire to have tons of it, but a life with lots of money without meaning, without purpose, without love would be quite boring.

Forgive me for digressing from the main topic. Here are the 6 other things you can give to people which cost you nothing just as I shared with my co-worker:

1. Time

Time is one of our most valuable assets. And that's why many people keep talking about their time being wasted and saying they don't have time. Time is really important and critical in today's world.

With a lot of time on our hands, we could accomplish more. But we humans have been designed to have a limited time to exist here on planet earth, so we want to make the best out of it.

This leads some of us to place all our time on our careers and businesses, forgetting to share and spend time with other people that matter to us.

How do you feel when you spend some time talking to a loving parent, close friend or someone who cares about you? Don't you feel great? Don't you feel happy being around them?

Of course I know your answers. We all love to spend time with people we cherish and if we spend less time with them, our fondness for them wanes without us even knowing it.

So taking some time off your "busy" schedule to meet your friends, loved ones, family or anybody else really means a lot to them. People who care about you are happy that you give them some of your time. You build and strengthen your relationships with your time.

None of us is really as busy as we claim to be sometimes, I believe that no matter how tight our schedules are, it's possible to squeeze out some time to spend with others.

2. Compliment Words

Your words matter. The things you say to other people matters a lot. Think of how this world would be if nobody talked to anybody. If there was no sound or language.

Would be quite weird right? Lol.. Well that's to show you how powerful words are. If saying to someone "You're an idiot." can transform that person from a meek lamb to a roaring lion, I bet you already got the point.

Learn to give complimentary words to people. See something good in them and say it to them. It doesn't cost a thing.

You see most of us find it very easy to see what's wrong with a person and we are quick to point it out and criticize them very quickly. Damn, some of us need an award or probably an Oscar for fault finding.

But that's not what we should always focus on. Lets learn to see something nice in other people and compliment them genuinely.

I'm yet to see anyone who doesn't love being complimented. Some people pretend like they didn't hear you, but then they go back home with your words in their hearts and they smile when they think about it.

So, you can make a difference in another person's life and show your affection by saying nice things to them when you notice it. You don't have to be a complainer who whines all the time about other people's faults.


3. Help

When was the last time you went out of your way to help someone without being asked? Can you really remember?

Say you're passing by and you notice your neighbor needs a hand to help start up his car, do you wait to be called? Do you offer to help? Or do you just mind your own business and move on?

Or let's say a loved one needs help with setting up stuff for a birthday celebration or naming ceremony, can you offer help to them?

There are many instances I could give here regarding helping people, however my point is just that you don't necessarily need money to help out.

You can offer help by volunteering to handle certain tasks or activities. You can teach them. You can help them in discharging their duties if you're less occupied. It doesn't have to be money.

I mean, who doesn't like to be helped out? It would be difficult for anyone to decline a helping hand when offered one.

People are going through a lot in life alone. Learning to offer a helping hand to them when you can do that is a lovely gift you can give to them.

4. Texting and Calls

Thank God for the internet. Today the world has become a global village and technology is rapidly turning everything upside down.

You can reach out to another person on the other side of the world just by the push of a button or a simple click.

Traditional call and texting rates have dropped ever since the use of the internet became mainstream.

These days you can chat with other people on social media for free with no data whatsoever.

Facebook Video calls, Whatsapp calls, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter.. Just name it. There's no reason not to keep in touch with those who you care about.

The thing is that many people are yet to take advantage of most of these opportunities created by the internet to get closer to people.

We are totally out for business and making money and can't even pick up our smart phones and just chat up people that matter to us.

A simple "hello" or "hi" could start off a wonderful conversation with a brother, sister, lover or a close friend.

You could get access to information that could even lead you to the money you've been pursuing all these years. Lol. But some of us can't even spare a few seconds to call or text people we cafe about even when calling and texting are almost free these days.

Why not place a call or text that person you care about and you've not spoken to all these while?

You think all they need is money from you? Haha

5. Support and Advice 

We all need good advice and support at some point in our lives. No man is an island. No matter how independent we may want to appear, we will still find out that at some point, we need to lean on someone so we can get back on our feet.

So how willing are you to support someone else or offer them good advice?

You don't need always money to support people. By giving out your fairly used phone to someone else who may need it, or by letting a friend who is yet to stand on his feet stay with you in your house if you can, you've really made a difference in their lives.

You can give away items you no longer need to other people. Why cover up space in your house with unwanted and unused items?

You can offer your advice to other people who you care about and help them better face whatever they are passing through.

6. Attention

How well do you pay attention to the people you claim to love?

Do you care to listen to them when they are saying something or are you just waiting for them to stop talking so you can say your mind?

Do you observe them? Do you notice the look in their eyes when they are down and need to say something to you or you don't even take notice of their disposition?

Do you notice their new hairstyle and the new haircuts? Do you notice their scars or injuries?

Do you notice their change in behavior and the unconscious body movements they make to hint that something is wrong?

Look here Mr, Mrs or Miss.. Paying great attention to people you care about is very important. People love to be noticed and heard even when they say nothing.

Some people don't know how to talk when they are really bothered about something. It will take your careful attention to know that such people aren't feeling okay.

Many words left unsaid are only understood by those who pay attention. You may not be close to them, but in their voices, responses or expressions during calls, you should be attentive enough to decipher those unsaid things.

Being able to pay attention has a lot to do with being emotionally intelligent. That would be topic for another good day.

So there you have it. You can give these 6 things and even more to people for free without spending nothing and it will go a long way in showing how much you care, love and appreciate them.

Keep these ideas in mind as you live your life and just keep winning!

Thursday, 29 March 2018

Why Success At All Costs Is Bad Advice

Success at all costs is Bad advice

Hi guys, it's been a while since the last time I wrote. I had some technical issues with my main device. I'm back and better.

Today I'm really inspired to share this blog post aimed to help you see reasons why pursing success at all costs is bad advice.

This blog has been about success and achievement. It's been targeted at helping people to live better lives by getting to know and understand themselves better, then make the best decisions in their lives.

It has been all about activity, action, motivation and inspiration.

However, I'll love to really point out that in all these our desires to be successful in life, to make a difference, to lead change, to become recognized and whatever kinds of great things we want to achieve, we should be wary of trying to achieve them at any costs.

There is a right way to pursue whatever things we desire. Those who claim that there is no right or wrong way are only trying to sweep the truth under the carpet.

If you want to pass a particular course excellently, you can choose to go the right way by studying that course and getting to know it or you can choose the wrong way by trying to cheat your way through it.

The thing is that both ways leads to seemingly the same results. But then, the person who passed through the right way will be able to correctly apply or defend his knowledge wherever he finds himself while the other person who cheated his way through it won't be able to do the same.

Some people who desire to become very wealthy may seek to deal in fake goods, engage in fraud, deny other people their due money or commit crimes just to get quick money.

Rather than pursue riches the right way by creating value, solving an identified problem or working to earn an honest living, some people choose to be corrupt and shady.

The thing is that such people who pursue success through any means tend to make certain deadly mistakes that could irreversibly affect their lives.

They don't enjoy whatever they have achieved because they live all their lives haunted by the things they didn't do right and stand the risk of being caught.

Cutting corners doesn't pay as much as going through the necessary stages necessary to achieve anything.

Your peace of mind, happiness, sense of purpose and fulfilment is more important than many of the things you may desire to achieve in life.

I understand that the desire to achieve success at any costs is greatly influenced by many things which we see and experience in our lives daily. Social media has also influenced it.

You log on to Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat and you find out that some of your friends are already where you want to be.

One of them posts a picture of a brand new house or car that he or she recently bought. The other one posts a picture of their wedding. You scroll down and you find out that another one just landed a highly paid job with a top multinational firm. You like the posts and drop a few comments.

But then, your mind comes in.. You begin to think about your own life and you start to compare yourself with them. You probably begin to think: "Why is my own case different?" "Why haven't I gotten married?" "Why haven't I gotten a job or why am I not successful in my own business?" "Why haven't I been able to own a car or a house?"

You begin to think deeply about these things and before you know it, you start considering some negative suggestions that might seem to get you those things quickly.

You begin to consider settling down with an abusive or cheating partner who doesn't love you because you are under pressure to get married.

You start thinking of illegally smuggling certain contraband goods or drugs into your area so you can make quick cash.

Negative things begin to flow in and you start thinking of doing things that are morally and reasonably wrong because you just want to be like those people who are in your age group who are seemingly living the dream.

Well, you're in luck, because I'm here to remind you that everyone's time isn't the same. As long as you're doing what you can do about your situation, you will be fine.

Keep applying to jobs, keep doing an honest business, keep searching for the right one for you, keep moving at your own pace.

The mere fact that other people your age possess or have accomplished the things you desire before you doesn't mean that you're a failure, so you shouldn't let such thoughts put you under pressure to make terrible mistakes.

Do what you can do. Move at your own pace. Form the habit of continuing to try. Be happy for those people who have what you desire and keep the hope alive for yours while being active in pursuing it.

You will get there. It is okay to be where you are right now because the future still holds a lot of possibilities for you. You never know what the next moment holds for you. One second, one action, one idea, one more application, one more date, one more effort can change everything.

So, don't let unnecessary pressure push you into trying to achieve your own success at any costs. It is okay to move slowly sometimes. It is okay to take your time. It is okay to be more careful in making your decision. Some people are successful at a very young age. Others make it at a later time.

The important thing is that you make an honest effort everyday towards those things you desire. Don't let yourself be pushed to go into things that would affect your peace of mind, purpose and happiness all for the sake of success.

I hope this article makes sense to at least one person.

The sky is the limit for you. Your time will come. Stay bold and keep winning! 

Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Develop A Culture Of Excellence

develop a culture of excellence

Many people are comfortable with being just okay or average. They don't want to go the extra mile. They just want to do things at the most basic acceptable level and be free to go back to their relaxation.

Many want to be just good enough and not stand out. Just make some observation around you. You will see that most people are just okay with the barest minimum.

However, reality continues to show us that it is only those who excel in their fields that are celebrated. The world celebrates and rewards only those who are exceptional in whatever they do. This is why it is important we develop a culture of excellence.

When I mention the names Pele, Messi or Christiano Ronaldo, it doesn't take you long to know that those guys are exceptional in the game of football. They've become so good at football that their names have become associated with exceptional football.

When I mention Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin or Donald Trump, you already know that they are exceptional leaders who have distinguished themselves through their style of leadership.

When you hear Michael Jordan, you already start thinking of basketball and how skillful the guy has been. When you hear Usain Bolt, you think of speed.

When you hear Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela, you're already thinking of men who were exceptional in fighting for the things they believed in and injustices prevalent during their time.

The name Walt Disney trends till today in the world of cartoons because his creative cartoons were and are still legendary.

It's not just about the men.. there are excellent women too.

Serena Williams has been exceptional in the game of Tennis.

Michelle Obama, Angela Merkel and Ellen Johnson Sirleaf(the world's first elected female black president) were excellent in politics.

Oprah Winfrey(one of the most influential people in the media industry and one of the few female billionaires in the world), Beyonce, Taylor Swift were all excellent in Media and entertainment.

Maya Angelou was a legendary poet and award-winning author.


There is something common to all these famous people who I have mentioned and that thing is excellence! Excellence is what will practically distinguish you from the rest and earn you respect, recognition and the wealth you may seek.

You see, there are many people in the world who are doing these same things that these recognized people are doing. Some are still starting, some have been doing it for a long time and some have given up.

But how many of them are being excellent in what they are doing?

Excellence cannot be hidden. Once you are excellent in anything, people will always talk about you and recommend you to higher things without you knowing. They will come to you and even invite people to come as well without you paying for any advert.

The best advert is being excellent in whatever you do.

Developing a culture of this excellence is not easy. In a world of over 7 billion people, an alarmingly high percentage of them don't care about being excellent. They just want to survive and do the same thing others are doing.

Why do you think they won't get the same results those people get? When you do only what every other person around you does, how can you be different from them? You can't! You'll just be like them.

But when you do more than the rest and go through the risks and the pains many of them aren't willing to go through, you'll definitely get what they don't have. That's how it works. Your culture of excellence will always pay off.

If you'll take the time to go over the biography of some of these famous and successful people, you will find the culture of excellence embedded in their routines.

They worked harder, they tried harder, they trained harder, they acted more, they read more, they contested more, they practiced more, they disciplined themselves more and used their spare time to develop their abilities. They were more thoughtful and courageous. All for the sake of sharpening their excellence.

Their excellence finally singles them out from 7 billion people who may be trying the same things. If you want to sound religious, you can say it's God's blessings or grace that singles them out, I will also agree with you.

However, I believe that blessings and grace favor those who are excellent in what they do and not those who are lazy and reluctant to try.

So, to conclude this post, I want to enjoin you all to strive to maintain excellence in anything you do. Be the exceptional guy or girl. If everyone does it in a particular way, find a way to do yours in a better and improved way.

The desire to improve always is a mark of excellence.

Every one can stand up to give a speech. But the difference between a speech that genuinely connects with the audience or brings out emotions from them and a speech that people are bored to listen to is excellence in the delivery of that speech.

We all love excellence, but few of us are willing to go through what is needed to be excellent because we don't like stress. At the end of the day, we are no different from the average person.

Don't you love watching those inspiring personalities speak to you?

Don't you love watching Messi play or Beyonce sing?

Why do you love your best musicians, actors or celebrities? The answer is their excellence.

So, in truth we all love excellence in any form. However, many of you don't want to develop the culture of that excellence because it looks hard.

The truth is that developing excellence is not as hard as you think. If other humans who you admire could cultivate it, why can't you?
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The problem is that we think too much about what we have to do, we worry about the hard work involved and we decide to just not go through it and just be average.

But we don't want to be average. It is our minds that trick us into thinking we want to be average so that we can avoid the "hard work" we have envisioned. But the reality is that deep down you also badly want to be excellent.

Therefore, shake off that mindset that makes you think being excellent is hard. It is not. What you need is only a willingness to try one thing at a time and you will see how things will go.

Before you know it, you become used to those steps and it becomes part of you. Then your excellence becomes as easy as pie because you are now used to it.

Develop a culture of excellence and keep winning!




Saturday, 17 March 2018

Why Your Prayers May Look Like A Waste

Why your prayers look like waste

Many people around the world today pray for a lot of things from God. For some of these people, their prayers are answered soon enough and for some others, God seems to have turned a blind eye to their pleas.

To the latter, they begin to think their prayers are a waste and sometimes they become frustrated and jump into the conclusion that God doesn't exist. This article seeks to explain why your prayers may look like a waste in case they seem to be unheard.

I'll begin with examples:

Meet Fred and Jerry: Fred is an undergraduate student in a reputable university studying accounting. And Jerry is a friend from the same school studying the same course.

Fred had been studying really hard to pass his upcoming final exams and he still makes out time to pray. Jerry wasn't really studying. He was always seen in the chapel praying to pass his exams. He hoped to pass the exam somehow by faith.

The exams came and Fred passed in flying colors. Jerry failed woefully and started blaming God.

Meet Jane and Julie:

Jane's husband has been seriously sick for days and she had been advised to treat her husband with some required medication and treatment. Jane bought the required medication, treated her husband as advertised and prayed for his speedy recovery.

Julie's husband on the other hand was also really sick. Julie was advised just like Jane on the treatment required to take care of her husband's illness. Julie thought of herself a strong devotee and believed she only had to pray. She did nothing else but pray.

In the end, Jane's husband recovered quickly. Julie's husband is now late. And she says it's God's will.

There are two countries; country A and country B.

Country A had serious issues. There was corruption, there was no lasting progress made in the country, everything seemed to go down the drain.

Citizens of country A actively went into politics and fought for the true democracy they wanted. Some of them who actively participated in transforming their country also prayed.

They made sacrifices and kept fighting for the country they wanted. It paid off and today Country A is a leading nation in the world.

Country B had similar issues. But they were just focused on praying about those issues. They expected God to magically transform those challenges for them.

They kept praying and allowed those challenges to grow stronger and stronger and yet claimed it was God's will.

Today country B is pretty messed up and is in serious external debt. Things have gotten so bad that it will actually need a miracle to turn things around.

The youths and majority of the learned population in country B don't even believe in the country. It has become a laughing stock on a global scale. Why? Because they prayed more rather than actively reprogram the country when they had the chance.

Some pray for good jobs, money and cars. But all they do is pray and keep praying. Many of them won't go out there and at least try the little they can in line with their prayers.

They stay in the same place, do the same things they have always done, then expect God to give them those things by virtue of just their prayer.

How will God bless you when you do nothing else but pray all day? What is He going to bless? What are the efforts you make that he will bless?

But you expect a magic from him.

There are multiple examples depicting how much most of us would rather pray instead of taking some actions to show our faith in the answer to our prayer.
But I will stop at these few.

Your prayers will look like a waste to you when you are not active, when you are not taking your shots, when you are not doing anything at all to create what you desire in prayer.

Nature has always tried to teach us that life is all about activity. It is activity that will create. It is your activity that God will bless to answer your prayers.

A house won't build itself. Water cannot drink itself. A car cannot appear and become yours. Businesses won't start by itself. Everything takes some time and comes through processes.

You are the one who will kick off those processes through the things you do, through the part you must play  and through your contribution.

It is your "kick off" that God blesses and through it, he gives you what you desire.

Therefore, learn to play your part in kicking off the avenues through which God can bless you, no matter how small they may be.

Go out and meet the people you're led to meet or ask for help. Apply to the dream jobs or opportunities you wish to have no matter how many times you may have been rejected in the past.

If you're inspired to start a small business, kick it off with whatever little fund you have been able to save and if you have no funds, look out for jobs you can do to raise money or ask friends and loved ones for small loans.

If you're sick or your loved one is sick, kindly take them to the hospital for medical treatment. There's a reason God blessed those doctors with their knowledge and expertise.

If you have exams, by all means, study well and prepare your best for it.

If you think your country has lost it in governance and politics, why not play a part in it's transformation in whatever way you deem fit?

You can start a political party, you can shape the minds of others using social media.. At least, you can vote for your desired candidate.

It is when you play that your part in achieving whatever you desire that your prayers to God stand a chance.

Your prayers are never a waste when you're doing your own best in your capacity.

It only looks like a waste when you aren't being active about it.

I think every genuine prayer is actually answered and the only thing that makes it look as if has not yet been answered is sin. Sin here means the failure to play your own active part as a human and do what you have to do.

Pray while also being active and keep winning.



Thursday, 15 March 2018

Do It Irrespective Of Acceptance

Irrespective Of Acceptance

Many people today care too much about being accepted by others at any cost. They give up on their values, their ambitions, their morality and even their own peace of mind just for acceptance.

It's a natural thing for a human being to desire to be accepted by other people. However, it must never be to the detriment of that individual. You cannot displease yourself or put yourself at a disadvantage because you want to be accepted.

A lot of people have given up on doing the positive things they are genuinely passionate about doing because they want to be accepted and they care about how others perceive what they are doing.

The secret that most winners know is that irrespective of whether people like what they do or not, as long as it is something good and they are passionate about doing it continuously; they care less about how people see it.

When you are convinced of exactly what you want to do and you know deep down in your conscience that it is a good thing, go ahead and do it irrespective of acceptance.

J.K.Rowlings, the writer of the famous Harry Potter novel said that twelve publishers rejected the manuscript! A year later she was given the green light by Barry Cunningham from Bloomsbury, who agreed to publish the book but insisted she must get a day job cause there was no money in children’s books.

What if she cared too much about the acceptance of the book that she quit her determination to get a publisher?

Legend has it that Colonel Sanders, the founder of KFC thought restaurant owners would love his fried chicken recipe and there would buy it and sales would increase. He drove around the country knocking on doors, sleeping in his car, wearing his white suit and asking people to buy it.

Do you know how many times people said no till he got one yes? 1009 times!

What if he cared too much about acceptance and decided to quit the business because he wasn't accepted?

Walt Disney was the man who gave life to Disney World and Mickey Mouse. History has it that during his first animation, his company went bankrupt.

He was fired by a news editor cause he lacked imagination. He was said to have been turned down 302 times before he got financing for creating Disney World.

If he cared about his rejections, would he have continued trying to get finance?

Michael Jordan, the renown basket baller once said:

"I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

If all these failures which may have led to his non acceptance by certain people deterred him from playing basketball, do you think would have ever heard about him?

Nelson Mandela was known for his indispensable role in fighting apartheid. It is said that at some point, the people closest to him tried to discourage him from fighting for what he believed in.

If he had listened to them and thrown his dream away because he wanted to be accepted by family and friends, who knows how far apartheid would have gone till date?

All these famous people I have mentioned cared more about their vision than acceptance.

They cared less about those who accepted or rejected them and focused on still making a genuine effort in line with what they are passionate about.

How many times they were rejected, how many people rejected them and who rejected them never mattered.

What mattered most was the dream..

Whether people like it now or not doesn't matter at all.

Whether they love it or hate it doesn't matter at all.

Whether they think it is a wise thing to do or not doesn't matter.

Whether they are willing to roll with you or not for the sake of that dream doesn't matter.

What really matters is that you do what you love to do and keep doing it irrespective of whatever they want to think.

Before you made up your mind to do anything, you must have weighed your options carefully. You must have thought it through. And even though you still keep an open mind, you still know exactly what you want. So just do it.

The people you should crave for their acceptance are people who share similar dreams and visions as you do.

They are the people who inspire you to keep performing your best, the people who are already making a difference in  the lives of others and the world at large.

The people you wish to be like and friends who see the potentials in your vision.

They are the ones you should even at least care about their acceptance. But even their own acceptance mustn't be at any cost as well.

Just keep doing what you're passionate about doing. Just keep working on the functions you're genuinely interested in. Just keep on keeping on.

Everybody doesn't have to accept you.. Because it's not everyone that will understand you no matter what you do.

You don't have to smoke or take hard drugs if it's not your thing just for acceptance sake.

You don't have to live in a promiscuous way just to be accepted.

You don't have to throw away your morals and your conscience because you want to be accepted.

If you must do away with the things that matter most to your heart and happiness all for the sake of acceptance, then the acceptance can as well go to hell.

The desire to be accepted isn't bad as long as it brings out the best in you and makes you perfect your abilities.

It's not bad as long as you don't sacrifice your heart and personal happiness.

But when you have to do away with the very essence of your humanity, throw whatever acceptance you seek into the thrash can.

Of what use is being accepted when you have to throw away everything that makes you happy and feel at ease? Is the ultimate aim of the acceptance you seek not to be happy?

So just keep doing what you're passionate about doing very well. Irrespective of how many people accept it or not. Just keep doing it.

It will definitely pay off in the end.

Be your true self, do it irrespective of acceptance and keep on winning.



Sunday, 11 March 2018

The Definition Of A True Woman

The definition of a true woman

Previously, I wrote an article on the definition of a true man. It would be fair enough to also write and article for the women who read this blog.

Women are beautiful, lovely and sensitive creatures way different from men in a lot of things both mentally and physically. They are special in their own way and also play very important roles in our society.

Just like in the case of the men, value systems seem to be changing for women too.

Most women seem to rate themselves these days based mainly on their looks. They spend so much time and money in ensuring they look very good, clean and posh. They can do anything to look attractive and get attention.

Some even go to the extent of almost going nude on social media just to feel good about themselves and get reassuring likes.

Painfully, most of these same women don't pay attention to what is inside of them. They often neglect the unseen qualities which make them who they truly are.

There are some women who boast about how many men they have been with and gotten money from. They boast of the things that their boyfriends buy or do for them and they define themselves by these things.

Some boast about how unrestrained they are in insulting men. Some of them have no shame when it comes to boasting about those things.

Well, here on the bold winner's blog, we think a woman is not authentically defined by those things which now appear commonplace and here's what we think:

A true woman is one who does not necessarily base her self esteem on her body. This doesn't mean she doesn't look good or take care of her looks, rather, she understands that her looks are just an added asset.

A true woman doesn't define herself by the number of men she has been able to sleep with and get cash in return from.

She doesn't sell herself that cheaply.

A true woman is hardworking, respectful, considerate, smart and dedicated to the role she has to play.

A true woman has a great sense of responsibility.

If she's married, she respects her husband well enough. This doesn't mean that she never offers her opinion. She does that when she has to, but does so in a respectful manner.

A true woman who is married genuinely loves her children and takes very good care of them. She can make sacrifices to ensure that her children are okay.

She doesn't always nag at her husband or put him onto undue pressure. A number of men have gone to their early graves because they married a bad woman who robbed them of their peace of mind and turned their children against them.

Instead of nagging, she tries to figure out what exactly is the problem and seeks for ways to help and support her husband.

A true woman is always real. She doesn't pretend except for a very good reason, and she has an understanding mind. She is tolerant and open minded. She is not abusive and is able to control her  tongue from getting too sharp.

She is willing to help and support those around her and she is very courteous. She is kind and if she's religious, she is devoted to God.

This kind of woman doesn't have time for nonsense. She always keeps herself occupied with things that add value to her. She listens to good advice and she develops her skills.

These kind of women can do various things to provide support to their families. They aren't lazy, they aren't spending all day on social media showing sensitive parts of their bodies to get likes.

They are busy working towards a good cause. They are the women that make things happen in the society. They are the women who understand that their real values lie in what they can contribute to the world.

True women have distinguished themselves in various fields. In science, arts, entertainment, politics, medicine, sports, just name it.

You can find bold winning women who are making a difference all over the world. From Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama, Angela Merkel, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, to Serena Williams. There are many of them.

These are women making things happen. And if you're a woman, you can be like them too.

You're not a tool to be used by men just for sex, clubbing and night parties. You're not here to show us just your body and seduce men. The world doesn't really revolve around the size of your waist or your bust.

You're way more than that young lady. You've been designed to make a difference in this world where you find yourself.

Don't be afraid of accomplishing a lot. True men will be attracted to you and trust me, a union or relationship between a true man and a true woman is a match made in heaven.

By all means look good, clean and sweet. But never make the mistake of thinking that it is everything you're all about. There are many things within you waiting for discovery.

As a true woman, your diligence will make you unlock all those treasures within you and you'll be surprised at how your life will turn out and the impact you can make.

True women cannot be used and dumped because they are very smart. Before they even get that close to a guy, they must have known the kind of a man he is.

Some women are played around by men because such women think it is all about sex and money. They don't think beyond those two things.

They don't work on their characters, careers and inclinations. They don't think of making impact in their immediate surroundings. All they think about is a man who can give them money because of their body. How lower can a woman get?

Free yourself from such bondage if you're entangled by it. A true woman is unfettered by those things. She keeps aspiring for more and more. And she has a heart of gold which can be easily seen by true men.

Be a true woman, keep winning!

Saturday, 10 March 2018

The Definition Of A True Man

the definition of a true man

In today's world, it seems as though the definition of a man is getting more debased day by day. Value systems seem to have changed and being a man appears to now be centered on ephemeral, distasteful and immoral behaviour. Here on this blog, you'll get the truth on the definition of a true man.

Yesterday, I got into an argument with a male colleague at work. Ordinarily, I try my best to avoid any form of arguments except when absolutely necessary. This was one of those exceptional days.

We were all having a wonderful discussion about things we need to know in making the right choice as regards a life partner for marriage and everyone of us was sharing their candid opinions and learning from those shared by others.

Then, the young man who was standing aside joined in and started saying that we were all talking nonsense. He continued by saying that only his opinion was valid because he had slept with so many different women to the extent he had lost count.

I didn't know whether he was saying this to feel good about himself because obviously, he wasn't really  a self confident man. I also thought maybe he was drunk, but he maintained that the opinion of other participants in the conversation didn't count because in his mind; he had slept with many women.

At first, I was grossly disappointed that a man like him who I had some level of respect for was boasting about sleeping around with different women even prostitutes. However, I kept quiet and decided to ignore. Hoping he would also keep quiet.

But the dude went on from boasting about his lascivious lifestyle to boasting about the number of drinks he could consume and the packets of cigarettes he could smoke at a sitting. And he further implied that as we were not smoking and drinking just like he did, we were not true men.

That struck the chord and I had to engage him on words toe to toe. I first told him that he was really annoying with his behavior and irritating attitude by implying that our opinions were wrong because we weren't living the same way as he did.

And I schooled him on the definition of a man:

A real man is not defined by the number of women he may have had sex with or by the number of drinks or cigarettes he can consume in a day.

A true man is not really defined by the way he looks.

Neither is he defined by the material possessions he may have amassed.

All those things barely scratch the surface.

A true man is defined by his attitude, his fearlessness in the pursuit of his goals, his courage in the face of impending danger and his resolve to stand by his words.

A real man has a great sense of responsibility and contributes as much as he can to the progress of his society. He is not lazy, he does not boast(because he knows himself) and he doesn't waste his time with unnecessary things.

He is focused and determined. A real man doesn't waste his time trying to get various women to lie with him. When he loves, he loves for real and he cherishes, provides for and protects his woman.

Chasing after different women is what makes most men lose their focus in life.

And these things are self evident. The men who have been relegated to the doldrums are those who are notorious for excessive womanizing and wayward lifestyles. The men who are high on the ranks are known to have been very focused and they're committed in their relationships and ambitions.

By their fruits, you shall know them.

A true man is hard working, focused and dedicated. Not a lazy man who thinks about girls all day.

A real man takes pride in his achievements related to making an impact in the society and distinguishing himself through diligence in his works.

A real man takes pride in that particular women who he has given his love to. He focuses his attention on her and her alone and constantly makes her feel like a woman.

A true man is a man who knows when to be angry and when to be calm. He knows when to apply force and when to be diplomatic. He knows himself, his abilities and where he wants to be.

He is a man who isn't afraid to stand for what he believes in and goes alone if need be.

He is a man respected by his peers and his society at large.

The Modern man defines a real man thus:

" A real man is a man with genuine self-confidence and true masculinity. He’s a man who knows his own mind and knows what he’s about in life, and he’s not afraid to stand up for what he believes in.

When a man has these qualities, he has a natural self-assuredness that makes him stand out head and shoulders above other men, and women feel an instinctive sexual attraction towards him because he has what it takes to protect her and provide for her, allowing her to relax into being a woman in the relationship.

A real man has the strength of character to be his own man in the world and to always be true to himself. If he takes part in any passing trends in society (e.g. fashion trends, social trends, etc) he does so because he is interested in it, not because he’s trying to hopefully impress people and get them to like him.

He focuses on being the best version of himself it’s possible to be by developing the characteristics that help him to go on improving and becoming a better man at each new stage in his life...  "

I'll love to add that a true man is not always a gentle man. He is gentle when he needs to be and also tough and firm when the situation calls for it.

A true man is simply total and very focused on making reasonable impact.

Basing the definition of a man on very little, ephemeral, crude or vulgar things isn't what any highly motivated and successful man should be doing.

A man is defined by his attitude and his diligent achievement in his society and his work.

Be a true man and keep winning!

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