Saturday, 14 April 2018

You Are Not Alone

you are not alone

Many people around the world today often make the mistake of wrongly thinking that they are the only ones facing certain situations in their personal lives.

This leads most of them into depression, a negative mindset and even suicidal thoughts. In this article I will try to make you see reasons why you are not alone in the challenges you face.

Growing up, I used to think that I was all alone in many of the circumstances I found myself.

As a teenager, I didn't really get along so well with my mom. Maybe it was because Dad had passed away when I was much younger. But we often disagreed on many occasions because of my lack of understanding or trying to see things from her own perspective.

I often thought I was alone in this and it often affected my predominant disposition because I felt unloved. It was until when I discussed with other seemingly happier colleagues that I realized some of them had actually been through more serious disagreements with their parents. But they didn't let it stop them from being themselves.

At parties or picnics, I usually felt awkward as regards how to act and behave. I was too self conscious wondering what people expected me to do and what I should do. Scared of making mistakes and stuff. All these kind of thoughts made me not act freely and I thought I was the only one who felt that way.

My eyes were opened when I talked to others who were seemingly the life of the party. They admitted that they felt the same way and were often tempted to be too self conscious, but they trained themselves to simply take action and do what came naturally instead of keep thinking like I did.

And that's really the secret here: Acting even when you feel alone. When those thoughts haunt you, do you act and switch your mind away from it? Or do you keep seeing more and more reasons why you are alone?

What you do when you feel alone really goes a long way to shape your experience.

There was a time I used to think that I was the only one who had few friends and that meant that I was less popular. I'm actually very careful in selecting my friends and my friends were few and I was feeling bad about that...

Till I found out that the people I thought were popular with many close friends also had few very close friend but many acquaintances. That is.. They knew many people or have been with many people, and it's just the familiarity and exchanging pleasantries that linked them.

I used to think I was the only one who was yet to get a job, start an awesome business and start having fun. Turned out that many other people were in my shoes still working on getting a job or starting a small business.

There was a time I was so confused about finding my purpose. I didn't know exactly what I was in this world to do and I felt bad that I've not yet narrowed my life down. It was liberating to find out that many other people were in my shoes. And I could still live out all my ambitions.

Some people who are in relationships or married often times fall for this trap too. They see all the good things happening in other marriages or relationships outside and only see the wrong thing in theirs. Then they feel all alone in that condition.

Are you seeing the problem? Some of the marriages or relationships they envy might have faced or are facing worse challenges than theirs, but the partners involved acted and somehow twisted the hands of fate to their favor. And now you envy them and you think their relationship was all perfect.

What the seemingly perfect partners did was simple: Instead of feeling all alone about their own predicaments and getting depressed, they understood that they were not alone in their situation and focused on working their way out of the love challenge.

The only way is working your way out of your feelings of being alone. Then you'll see how things transform.

Some people you see also pretend. They have mastered the art of pretense. They also feel all alone sometimes, but they can cover that feeling with a lot of things. Some resort to drugs, excessive drinking and lasciviousness. All because they are trying to avoid that feeling.

But all those substitutes don't help because you're just avoiding the feeling. The best thing is to work your way out of it through the things you do.

All you need is to simply observe or discuss with people, you will see that you are never alone in whatever you face and many others are encountering the same thoughts or experiences.

My life changed when I realized how easy things I thought were difficult really were. And when I saw that challenges I faced weren't really so different from the  challenges of those I envied.

The difference between me and them was in my attitude. While I had let my challenges make me look down on myself, they ignored their challenges, still saw themselves in a positive light and took conscious action to overcome those challenges.

When I understood this, I copied their pattern and consciously took any action to overcome the personal challenges I had. Though difficult for me initially, but as I kept on doing it, my life changed.

I attracted people to myself and when they left me, I didn't feel bad, I moved on to other people. I wasn't stuck thinking about the meaning of stuff like why they had to leave and why stuff happened to me. There is no meaning to anything except the one you give that thing. So I committed to acting right.

When I disagreed with mom, rather than feel like I was all alone or sad, I tried to see things from her perspective and made her understand my own feelings about stuff. No matter how strongly I disagreed, I walked up to her and tried to understand her. Our relationship got better and waxed stronger.

When I went to parties and felt awkward, I take the initiative and start a conversation with someone or even get up and dance naturally to the beating of the music. I never cared in the world what anyone thought about my dance steps.

Instead of feeling like I only had few friends. I made conscious efforts to build my network of friends and tried to keep in touch with most of them occasionally. My network expanded for good.

Bottom line is that I tackled all my feelings of aloneness with conscious activity. I didn't let my feelings make me inactive. I acted despite how my mind wanted to make me feel. That was when the transformation began in my life. And that is where yours will begin too if you ever feel alone.

Most of our problems arise from either over thinking or a lack of the most basic form of it. Because if you had given a little thought to other people, you would've seen that they too faced the same challenges, but the difference between those who appeared to be having it smooth and yourself was all in the attitude!

 You could sit around all day feeling bad about your predicament or you can do something about it right away. The magic happens in doing. When you do, you make a difference. Stop being stuck with feeling and thinking too much. Learn to Act your way out!

There are many people who have faced, are facing and will still face whatever thing you think you are facing all alone. Don't fall for the trap of thinking that you are the only one facing anything. It leads to acute depression and suicidal thoughts.

If some of them were able to make it out successfully, why can't you?

Thinking sure helps, But over thinking without any action is a curse.

You are definitely not alone.. If you're religious, you should know that God sees everything and is with you at all times. Just play your part by doing and watch the miracles happen.

Keep winning!

Sunday, 8 April 2018

Enjoy The Process

enjoy the process

Oftentimes, we are too focused on the end goal of what we desire to achieve that we fail to enjoy the process we must undergo to achieve it. 

We are too future oriented to pay attention to what we are presently doing. This isn't really desirable for us if we really want to succeed. 

If we cannot enjoy the process involved in getting what we want, how will we be motivated every single day to achieve it? 

A lot of people today are unhappy. They don't let like what they are doing, they hate every present thing they have to do to achieve their desire and they try to fast forward to where they want to be. 

The truth is that there is really no fast forward button in life because life will always follow the due course, no matter how badly we intend to speed up its process. 

When you are always refusing and hating what you have to presently do, you're only hurting yourself because you are missing the opportunity to learn the lessons you need to learn from that situation, so you can move on to higher positions. 

When you keep turning a blind eye to that present situation, you are only extending the time you will have to face it. In a previous article titled "The Power of Your Attention," I shared insights on the benefits of paying great attention. 

Without that attention, you will miss. Therefore, it's pointless to desire anything if you're not enjoying the process involved to get there because there is only one way to get there and that is to pass through the process. 

If you want to be a world class footballer, you have to enjoy the process of going for tedious trainings and practice games. You must enjoy practicing the dribbles, the stunts, the free kicks and the penalties. 

You cannot hate these things or try to fast forward them to suddenly become a star. It doesn't work that way. Expertise takes time, attention and hard work. And it's only when you're enjoying the process that you can give those three. 

If you want to join the Armed Forces, you should be prepared to enjoy the drills, target practices and rigorous stunts involved. They may be tiring and painful, but you have to enjoy it and always be willing to participate. 

You cannot hide or always feign sickness when those things are being done, yet claim that you want to be a renown officer. 

You want to be a great writer? Then you have to enjoy the process of writing constantly, reading the written works of other people and perfecting your writing style. 

If you hate sitting down in one place to write at least 500 words or more and you don't like reading, how do you want to become a great writer? What would you write? How well would you have developed your craft? 

You want to be a well known politician? Then you must enjoy the process of setting up meetings with political stakeholders, the process of campaigning and speaking to a large number of people. You must enjoy travelling around almost all the time to make decisions that affect a large number of people. 

If you are predominantly an introvert and you don't like people being in your own space or you don't like to speak in public or even travel a lot, how on earth do you want to be a great politician? 

Usain Bolt, the world's fastest man ran for 3 - 4 hours every single day for practice because he was in love with his process to be the fastest man.. Before he became world class, he loved to run. 

Mohammed Ali, one of the greatest heavyweight boxers of all times was said to run 3 to 5 miles three times a week during his preparation for a fight. He would hit the speed bag rapidly in 5 minutes. It should've been stressful to him, but he loved it. 

An article from medium claims that Elon Musk, the founder of Tesla and Space X, works between 80 to 100 hours a week running Tesla and SpaceX, even when his net-worth would easily allow him to elope to a beach and never be heard from again. For the record, Elon says he’d have to be on serious drugs to live that kind of beach life.

The article also says Bill Gates (Billionaire, Philanthropist and Founder of Microsoft) loves working with scientists and field workers at the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. He could work less hours if he wanted to, and he takes more vacation than he did in his 20’s (where he took zero vacations), but chooses not to. 

These men could have easily quit, but because they've fallen in love with their processes, they get better and better. 

You just have to love the process to become what you want to become if you're passionate about getting there, because there is no other way. 

If you cannot love the process, there's no point wishing for it because it's the process that will build you to achieve it. 

Some people may tell you that they didn't enjoy the process, but they struggled and passed through it before they made it. 

I tell you that if they were not enjoying it in any way, they wouldn't have been able to complete it. The right description is that it was very tough for them, but because they liked it and were really passionate about their dreams, they loved it and continued. 

How can you make any progress doing something you don't even love? Even when you force yourself, you are still bound to make mistakes and overlook certain things because your attention is not there. 

You can actually develop love for something. Some of the things we currently enjoy today, we probably didn't enjoy them years ago. So it's possible to develop love for something.

Therefore, if you want to get somewhere and you can develop genuine love for the process involved, by all means, go ahead. But if there's no love for the process and it seems you cannot develop any love for it, it is wiser that you leave the dream and go for one that aligns with your passion and creative genius. 

Not loving the process involved in achieving anything is almost as certain as failure in that thing. Because after wasting more time than necessary in it, you'll still find out that you cannot be where you envisioned. 

How to be where you desire to be is hidden and encoded in the "process" … From the first day you engage the process till when you finally become what you desire, every action of yours builds up that dream! 

The dream you seek is not so far away from you if you understand the magic that happens through the process. In short, the more you love and enjoy the process, the closer you are to your dream or desire. 

The more you hate and dislike the process, the farther away you are from the dream. 

Every step in the process builds that dream and that's why you cannot go through the process reluctantly or indifferently. The process is like the little drops of water that will make up the mighty ocean which is dream. 

That's why you should abandon dreams when you know you cannot enjoy the process and go for dreams in which you can love the process. 

We all want to achieve our dreams in the shortest time possible and with loving the process, we can hack time. 

If you love the process, stress wouldn't seem like stress, work would seem like play, effort would seem effortless.. You wouldn't know where your energy to practice will come from because you'll never get tired easily. 

You will find yourself studying, learning, asking questions and doing research or practice on your own without being told by anybody. You'll work 110% and you'll not feel satisfied. 

If you hate the process, everything looks like a chore. Every second drains the energy off you. You cannot wait to complete the barest minimum required of you, so you can rest. There would be no motivation to achieve more. You're just passing time. 

Once time is up, you cannot study, research or practice on your own. You hate everything about the process. You just got to quit and quit now. Go out there, find the process you'll enjoy and pursue it! 


Enjoy the process, hack the time and just keep winning! 

Friday, 6 April 2018

Be New Every Single Day

Be New Every Single Day

All progress comes from our being new..
A musician keeps singing new songs.. An engineer keeps innovating new designs. A scientist keeps carrying out new experiments.

You don't have to carry over the past with you everyday you wake up.

Be new every single day. Don't be the same old person you were yesterday..

It's only when you're new every day that you experience miracles.

The past is usually a burden to us and when we stop letting it drag us behind, we become free to experience the beautiful things in the new.

Many people are stuck with either the good or bad experiences of their past that they cannot even live.

When you keep thinking about the past, you keep reliving it in your mind and you miss the beautiful opportunities to experience greater things which the present always offers you.

Many other people who have accomplished certain notable things in their lives tend to feel that they are complete or that they have arrived.

Once you start thinking that you're complete you start becoming dead.

Aspire for more and more everyday. There should be no point where you should get to and stop trying. Each level you attain calls you to a higher level.

Don't be the same old person you were yesterday. You can always be better than your old self and every single moment of today offers you that chance.

You see, the reason why some of us are still trapped in the same circumstances is simply because we have not changed our attitudes or tried to improve ourselves.

The circumstances you experience outside of you is often a mirror of your own person life.

If you find yourself in the same circumstances over and over again, you need to change and become new.

You can move a new neighborhood, you can change the way you dress, you can become more careful about your words, you can try a new method of doing something you've always done or you can make new friends.

There are many ways we can renew ourselves and our attitudes. And all it takes is conscious action. Be conscious of what you really want to achieve.

Be conscious of the things you always do. And try to improve them.

We must not let the circumstances or achievements of the past keep us stuck. We must celebrate our successes, but it shouldn't make us to relax and stop seeking to improve.

Because life is all about improvement and renewal. Reptiles shed off their old skin to reveal their new bodies. Plants die and their seeds grow again to renew them.

We must never get stuck at any point in mind or in body.

Always be new everyday and keep winning!

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

Like Yourself First

Like Yourself First

We live in a world where many people want to be liked. We want to be seen and appreciated. We want other people to like the good things about us and appreciate our unique gifts or talents.

This isn't a bad thing. Who doesn't want to be liked by others? Being likeable to many people is actually an advantage for you.

A problem only arises out of this normal human desire when you focus on other people liking you without liking yourself first.

This is where many of us get it all wrong. When you crave for other people to like you, but you don't even like yourself at all.

There was this young lady who was obsessed with men liking her. She did everything to get a man's heart and keep the man to herself, but all the men she kept dating left her after sometime.

This happened repeatedly and it took some counseling for the girl to understand what the problem really was.

She didn't like herself at all. And therefore, she thought that getting those likes from men outside would help her fill up the emptiness she felt by being unhappy with herself.

She failed to understand that it was impossible to fill herself up with something that is not already within her.

The men she had met somehow felt that emptiness and lack of happiness about herself in her heart and that somehow pushed them way.

"Whatever you don't have inside of you will always manifest itself."

A chat with a counselor revealed that the girl didn't like herself, her background and the way she looked. The counselor advised her to try something new.

He told her to make a conscious decision to start loving and appreciating herself the way she was without waiting on any man to do it it for her. She also told her to extend this attitude to whatever things about her that she resented.

It was difficult for this young lady to practice this exercise. I mean, all her life, she has been used to not liking herself the way she was, the force of habit was already working in her.

A day, two days, one week.. She kept on trying even though she fell back to the attitude sometimes. But whenever she was conscious of her decision, she will feel good about herself and appreciate the way she is.

That was how her life started transforming for good after some time . She reported back to the counselor months later and was filled with lots of good news.

She reported that people started being nice to her even without her trying too hard to please them. She started to discover some gifts about herself that she never paid attention to.

She generally felt better and she is happier because she wasn't really expecting much from the outside anymore. She had learnt to generate a natural liking for herself from within.

The experience of this young lady isn't so different from what many of us experience. You might be a man experiencing the same thing. It might not be exactly her case, but you might be battling with something similar which stems from not liking who you are.

Look, it's a must that you possess that natural likeness for your own self. When it comes from yourself, you won't need to depend on external validation or acceptance to feel good about who you are.

If you dress up in a nice cloth, compliment yourself first! Look yourself in the mirror and say "You look awesome." Don't wait for anybody to say it to you first.

If you post something on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, be the first to like it. If you found it worthy of posting, then I can bet that it is an awesome post.

So immediately you post it, like it first. You don't have to wait until someone does that.

You must form the habit of being the first person to appreciate yourself. Like and appreciate yourself by yourself. It will make you feel better and you'll be amazed at how efficient you'll become.

It's not like being liked by others is undesirable. It is desirable and should be enjoyed as an additional bonus. But first, you have to like yourself before any other thing!

I don't know what it is that you don't like about yourself that makes you look down on yourself and expect other people to be the first to tell you how amazing you are.

Is it the way you look? Is it your performance in academics? Is it how you think your life is turning out? Is it your family background? Is it what?

Whatever it is that is making you not to like yourself as God has created you to be, I'm saying you should screw all of that. They don't matter at all. They're all garbage.

Whatever reason that is making you to feel bad about yourself should be thrashed. You should completely ignore it and try liking yourself first for who you are.

Appreciate whatever little things you're grateful for in your life. See the good in yourself. Always see the good in yourself. Because you get more of what you see.

Eckart Tolle said and I quote "Acknowledging all the good that you already have in your life is the foundation of all abundance"

How many people are acknowledging the good in their lives? Many are just busy acknowledging only the bad in their lives and the things they don't like. How can such people ever like themselves?

If there's anything that you don't like about yourself, my dear, just accept it if it's something you cannot correct and begin to love it that way.

When you begin to love aspects of yourself that you always hated, you will begin to experience a kind of transformation in your life that you cannot explain.

Look, I don't think we can unequivocally explain why we were born the way we are or why we have our skin colors or why we have been born in a particular country to a particular family.

I think none of us can comfortably explain any of those whys. Therefore, it is of vital importance that in whatever condition you find yourself, you must learn to like yourself first.

That genuine likeness for yourself is what will help you to thrive and grow in that condition.

I think I have said enough. A word I believe is enough for the wise. If you're still feeling negative about yourself, having low self-esteem, getting jealous over another person or whatever, you better change and begin to like yourself the way you are.

Not liking yourself first will only lead to more misery and sadness. Liking yourself first is the first bridge to success, happiness and achievement.

Be the first to like yourself first and keep on winning!

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