The Bold Winner's Blog

Why Are You Really Setting Boundaries? As highlighted in a previous article , having non-negotiable boundaries as an individual is a powerful way to protect yourself. It also gives others the opportunity to respect themselves in their interactions with you. However, while setting boundaries is a healthy practice, it is important to examine why we have those boundaries in the first place. Sometimes, the mindset behind a boundary can mask deeper negative beliefs that need to be addressed. Boundaries are not punishment. They are simply actions you will take if a line is crossed. The responsibility for enforcing a boundary is always on you. It cannot be about controlling the other person or dictating how they should behave, because that is outside your control. With this understanding, the reason behind your boundaries becomes important. For example, if your boundary is that you will not tolerate someone constantly showing up late, ask yourself: Why do I have this boundary? Is it because I...

  As an adult, you have to stop expecting other people to care for you or take care of you, and learn to do that for yourself, by yourself. If, in that mindset, people choose to care for you, that’s fine. Accept it, and care for them as you’re able. But don’t start to expect it as something you need in order to be happy. When you depend on others that way, you set yourself up for disappointment. Even with the best intentions, people have their own lives. Things happen. Circumstances change. Someone who cares about you may not always be able to show it in the way you expect. You can’t let that make you unhappy or bitter toward them. The way to avoid that is to get used to taking care of yourself, for yourself. When you do that, your expectations aren’t placed on the few people who are generous enough to show you care from time to time. Resentment and hard feelings usually come from expecting others to always be “a certain way” or to always “do certain things” for us. When you learn ...

Be good, but don’t just be nice! Boundaries are key. Some people want you to always smile and laugh with them, to always be the reasonable person, the one who avoids conflict, the one who keeps making the effort to make things work. The one who consistently makes sacrifices, while many of them are unwilling to do the same for you. You know why? Because you have no boundaries. You give yourself away for others because you think, “it makes me a good person.” You want others to see you as someone who always does the right thing, someone who is correct in the eyes of the world. But if you look closely, how has that worked out for you? You keep getting hurt, trampled on, and treated like you don’t matter. Then you complain to anyone who cares to listen about how good you are and wonder why people treat you like dirt. The problem is not being a good person. The problem is having no boundaries. When you have no boundaries, you become a people pleaser, nice even when you are unhappy. You don’...

Happy New Year, Winners! I shared this New Year message with some of my friends: "Knowing exactly what you want out of anything is the shortest way to get it. Don’t be confused. Set your boundaries and enforce them with your actions when they’re crossed. This year, you’re not wasting your time or anyone else’s. You just go and get it. Show no mercy. Be selfish if you have to. Protect your own interests at all costs, and don’t let anyone take advantage of your cool-headedness. Show them crazy if you must. Keep winning. Ike" It felt real, genuine, and like exactly what needed to be said. At some point, when I read it again, a part of me wondered whether the choice of the word “selfish” was appropriate or not. But I knew that word accurately captured how I felt at the moment I shared it with my friends. So what part of me seemed to have an issue with that word, selfish? That question led me into deeper reflection. I realized I had always assumed that being selfish was inherently...

Have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. Wishing a very wonderful Christmas to all bold winners to every one of you who celebrates Christmas. It’s a wonderful time of the year, and I hope you have a beautiful time this season. I have met a few people who have told me they don’t like Christmas because, for them, they may be struggling with their families or come from dysfunctional homes. When they see families coming together during this period, it makes them feel like they are lacking something. But you know what I always tell people who dislike Christmas for this reason? Your life doesn’t have to look like the lives of other people for you to be happy. As a matter of fact, however your life may seem to you is the exact reason why Christmas exists, to let you know that regardless of your circumstances, situation, or condition, you are loved and worthy enough for Christ to take human form and die for your sins. Now, even if you’re not a Christian or you don’t celebrate Christmas...

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to live at someone else’s pace instead of honoring the reality of their own life. You must understand that your life moves at your own pace, and your conditions and circumstances are not the same as anyone else’s. So before you make any decisions, consider the parameters of your own life. Ask yourself whether the choice you are about to make is based on someone else’s life, which is different from yours, or on the true parameters of your own. For example, if someone decides to spend $1 million buying a house and they are a billionaire, you can’t make the same choice with your own $1 million if all you have is $2 million. The circumstances are widely different. Another instance: say you were born into a situation where you grew up without knowing the love of both parents, or you lost a parent early. You cannot be making the same choices as someone who was born into a family where both parents were present throughout their childhood, adol...

We crossed 1 million views this week! If 100,000 people viewed this blog 10 times, that’s 1 million. If 10,000 people viewed it 100 times, that’s a million. If 1,000 people viewed it 1,000 times, that’s a million. If 100 people viewed it 10,000 times, that’s a million. If ten people viewed it 100,000 times… well, you get my excitement. However I imagine it, the fact remains that, no matter the number, some of you keep coming back to read this blog, and that alone makes me truly excited. This blog started 9 years ago with the simple aim of sharing ideas and thoughts that might be exactly what someone needs at a certain moment in their life to keep going. My experiences, learning, and personal growth have evolved over the years. Sometimes when I go back and read things I wrote long ago, I’m amazed by how much my mindset has changed. But I also see that everything was written from a genuine place. I write here for the sheer joy of writing and sharing what feels true to me in my presen...

It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to lose your temper sometimes, as long as it doesn’t become a pattern. It’s okay if you made a wrong choice, as long as you learn from it and don’t repeat it. It’s okay to feel bad about an aspect of your life you wish were better, as long as you recognize that it doesn’t diminish your worth in any way and you don’t dwell on it. It’s okay to feel hurt by something someone did, as long as you  move on and don’t spend all your time trying to understand why they did it. It’s okay to want to help people and do things for them, as long as you don’t overextend yourself and you maintain your boundaries. It’s okay to want things for yourself and not always push your needs aside, as long as you understand that sometimes setting your individual needs aside may still be the best choice for a particular situation. It’s okay to lose some battles, as long as losing them gives you the edge you need to win the long war. The point of this post is that it’s okay...

I had aimed to write at least twice a month, and although I had the ideas and inclination to write last month, I never found the time to sit down and let my thoughts flow. It’s the second of November, and I’ve decided to let the second article words flow. As with everything in life, I believe we all have a personal responsibility and we all have a choice to do something or not do something about it. If you think back on your life from where you are now, you’ll see that your present moment and current reality stem from the sum of all the past choices you’ve made. Of course, there may be good things and bad things happening, some of which we feel we didn’t choose. However, if you look at everything from the perspective of your ability to make a choice, you’ll realize that regardless of the circumstances or situations you didn’t choose or cause, the outcome, what happens next, how those experiences affect you, and whether you’re able to navigate them depends greatly on what you choose to ...

I had written something on this subject in the past here . However, I gained some fresh perspective I'll love to share.  Forgiveness has always been a difficult topic. I, myself, struggled with it for a while. There’s a natural feeling of justification when you want to deal with people who have hurt you in the past, people who have wronged or betrayed you. It feels noble and right to want to hit back at them, to give them a taste of their own medicine, and to show them all that you’re made of. However, over time, forgiveness has proven to be the most noble way. Now, some people misinterpret forgiveness to mean that you should let certain people back into your life and give them another chance to hurt you again. I personally don’t believe that’s what forgiveness is. I think forgiveness is letting go of resentment, bitterness, hate, and anger towards those who may have hurt you in the past. This letting go doesn’t mean you should be naïve enough to give them the chance to hurt you th...