Thursday, July 9, 2020

Derive Joy From Every Win


I am really inspired and excited to be writing this and I think the inspiration to write it is coming at a very good time. If you pay close attention to the people around you and to happenings around the world, you will find that a couple of people are unhappy. Statistics show that about 1 in 4 people are mentally depressed.

Why are they unhappy? They are thinking of problems, thinking of how they will get to where they desire to be, bothered about the things that they are yet to have, the kinda relationships they dream of and etcetera. No one is expected to be happy all the time, however one needs to at least feel good most of the time regardless how things may seem.

So how can these unhappy people (who are constantly bothered about the things they desire) learn to be happy? I have a simple tip today which I believe will go a long way to help them. If you are already feeling good about yourself most of the time, you can share this tip with someone who you know is mostly down and adopts negative views.

And the tip is this... before I spill it out, there is a bit of context. I have noticed that a lot of people do not enjoy or celebrate the little progress they make at every point in their lives. A lot of them do not even take notice of how far they have come. To these people, they are always hoping only to be happy or celebrate when they meet certain criteria or achieve goals that look big.

For example, some people have these ideas of: I will be happy when I buy a car, I will be happy when I get married to someone with certain characteristics, I will be happy when I buy a car, when I travel to the Bahamas for a vacation, I will be happy when I get a particular job and so on. They imprison their happiness on certain conditions.

So these people become so fixated on the things they want, the things they "assume" will make them happy! And they forget that happiness is not a thing that is just gained by achieving an objective. How many times have you gotten to that point when you achieved something you have always wanted and hours later after the initial excitement and adrenaline rush, you begin to feel same way you have always felt? I can bet that a lot of you will agree that the excitement gotten from achieving something you have always wanted doesn't usually last too long.

So what that should tell us is that happiness isn't something just gotten by achieving just an objective. To be genuinely happy is to learn to build and derive joy from every step on the way. So when you eventually get to the "top", you are already a genuinely happy person and the additional excitement derived from getting there won't really die off so easily because you have become an ocean of joy.

I'm beginning to sound too philosophical.. but what exactly do I mean? My point is this and therein lies the tip: learn to derive joy from the little wins. Don't wait to achieve the biggest things before you allow yourself time to enjoy the little things you are able to have. There is joy in every little victory and the more you derive the joy in those things, the happier and more motivated you will get to keep working hard for the big wins.

A happy person working towards an objective is more likely to achieve that objective than someone who is unhappy for obvious reasons. You are either happy or unhappy.. I don't really believe there are in-betweens. Happiness attracts more happiness and that's probably why happy people find more and more reasons to be happy. And that's why they reach their goals faster. There is a certain positive energy that surrounds and follows you when you are genuinely happy.

Stop postponing your happiness. It is good to have big dreams and big goals, but never let those aspirations blind you from seeing and deriving joy from your little wins or any win of any kind.

If you do this, you will be amazed at how happy you will become over time. So just get off your head and be happy about the small things. Whether it is someone that smiled at you today or you got a job(maybe the pay is not up to a million dollars as you would have wanted.. haha), maybe you were feeling sick and you are now stronger, be happy about that. I mean, there are many examples I can give you, but I believe you are smart and you get the point already!

Let's learn to be grateful for the things we have and the things we have been able to achieve. It is no small feat and there are people wishing to be where you are presently. So learn to feel grateful and learn to be happy about any form of success that comes your way.. it may be in our career, relationships, your health, your going out and coming back safely.. anything.. just be happy and be grateful. Your joy will be multiplied.

Derive joy from your wins and keep winning!

Till next time,

Ike.

Saturday, June 13, 2020

What Happened To Victor Pride of Bold and Determined?



So after so many months without visiting his blog, I tried to visit boldanddetermined.com for some fired up articles only to get a surprise.. that the blog has been permanently closed and then there's podcast following from Vic Pride (now Brother Nicholas) claiming that He's now Born again and has given his life to Jesus Christ.

I didn't know how to feel. Whether it's good news or bad news will ultimately be up to us, but I just think I should share my thoughts about it here. But before that a brief background story.

Victor Pride has been running the motivational blog bold and determined since 2011 and he has actually inspired and motivated a lot of young men and women to break out lazy attitudes/habits to live the life of their dreams. 

Even though, I never really agreed with quite a number of his ideas about God, religion, the government, women etc, I still saw the truth in some of the things he said. And he had a very unique way of writing with gives you that adrenaline rush to get up and get kicking. I bet you, his writing style is worthy of emotion and it's sad all the articles are all gone. Some of his views were quite dangerous, but that didn't take away that unique ability he had to write kick ass content.

I believe he was a successful blogger given the following he had and the sales he made from selling his ebooks. He wrote mostly about Mindset, body building and entrepreneurship. And even though his blog contained some truths, I think something was missing which is what he later found out and probably led him to closing down the blog.

It got me thinking; as motivated as Vic Pride is and with how much he must have made from writing, why would he give it all up and quit? The answer suddenly dawned on me: Motivation, Mindset and Will power are not everything!

I thought hard about it and figured that he was probably too motivated that he excluded other components in his life which could have led him to find more meaning and happiness. He got to the top only to find out that it was lonely there. Money, good health and women aren't really all there is to existence and I think that dawned on Victor Pride before he gave his life to Christ.

Motivation is great. Without motivation, we cannot do anything. We will feel empty lifeless and weak.. so definitely motivation has a role to play to enable us succeed in life because it is through actions that we get things done. However, motivation may get you to be successful, but it's not enough to make you happy and fulfilled.

There are two components to being happy and fulfilled and they are: spirituality (a strong relationship with God) and quality of your relationships (how you genuinely connect to people and community). These two combined with motivation I believe will lead a much more fulfilling life beyond wealth and material success.

Those two components in your life will fill a void that no amount of money or success can fill. The void is always there to remind us that as humans, we are part of something far greater than our individual selves and if we do not connect back to that source, we will miss the mark and go astray irrespective of what we achieve.

I think that was what happened to Vic Pride. In his podcast, Vic admitted that he hated people! Which is proof that the second component was missing. He avoided people and felt that by enriching himself, getting as much money as he could and by being independent, he would totally be independent of people. But we are social creatures and no matter how annoying we think other human beings are, we are still connected to them in a way or the other.

It's not possible to be totally independent. It's not even real. No matter how successful you get, you can't take away people and connections. If you try to do that, you will lose yourself. People matter and our connection to them matters as well. We must be genuinely interested in working with people and helping to make our communities better the little way we can. That's how we find meaning.

There's joy found when you stop thinking about yourself and your ambitions for a while and look at your neighbor and try to see how you can make their lives better. There's joy when you reach out to less privileged people and see how you can help out. These little things give you meaning.

And then his opinions about God. He wasn't really clear about that. Many of his articles seemed to make it look like you are your own god. He was so focused on willpower that he failed to see that even though God allows us freewill, we are ultimately here to fulfill his will with that freewill. 

Relationship with God matters a lot. And it gives clarity to one's life. Life is too mysterious that you can't just say you came here all by yourself and the world somehow created itself with animals just forming themselves and stuff. It's too hard to believe that all these things started happening randomly without original design. Which is why it's paramount that one builds strong relationship with the creator.

I don't want to go into talks about various religions and stuff. But all I have to say is; as long as you strongly believe that God exists and you genuinely want to do good in this world, you will definitely find your way to do God's will. If your heart is true, you will experience an encounter that will make you commit to building a strong relationship with him, just like Vic Pride (now Nicholas) is doing. 

Religion in general helps us deepen our faith in God and even build better relationships with people around us. But without the motivation component, even the most religious people and believers still fail. Motivation is what fires up that freewill to do God's will and engage meaningfully with people around you.

So, those are my thoughts about it. I honestly pray brother Nicholas finds meaning and lasting happiness through his new found faith. The thing to learn here is: motivation alone is not enough, being successful is not enough. Finding meaning through serving God by doing what is right and genuinely caring about other people is what ultimately fills the void we all have.

Don't wait to get to the top to experience the "emptiness" and then start regretting it. As you're working hard, as you're fired up to excel and as you are reaching towards those awesome goals you have, never forget the place of your Creator and never forget to build strong relationships with people around you.

That way, when you get to the top, you wouldn't feel so empty. 😁 By the way, I have a confession to make; One of Vic Pride's article inspired me to start this blog, one good thing from bold and determined. I owe this article to him and I hope as he finds meaning, he can now be inspired to write much more balanced views about life, people and spirituality.

Till next time,

Connect the three components and keep winning!

Nigel.

Friday, June 12, 2020

How To Show People You Value Them


show people value


Hi guys,

Been a while! Lots of things happening around the world right now and nobody even knows what will happen next! There are ongoing protests right now over racism and police brutality and Covid 19 is still making headlines. These are really tough times for everyone as economies are struggling and social distancing is becoming a norm.

Despite these present realities, you don't have to alienate yourself from people or keep too far away from them because of social distancing. Right now more than ever, it is very important you show people that they matter to you and you value their relationship and friendship. Here are six tips you can take advantage of:

1. Engage them from time to time

We are all busy, that's true! I agree to that statement even though (on a lighter note) I think most of us are busy doing nothing.. haha. However, no matter how busy we are or think we are, we must discipline ourselves to make out time to engage with the people we care about. We all have 24 hrs in a day. If you sleep 10hrs(I hope you don't spend this much time sleeping though), you have 14 hrs left. If you work 9-5, you have 6 hours left for yourself. Out of those 6 hrs, taking out about 5-10 minutes only each day to contact people and at least ask how they are doing won't actually hurt you. 

It's good you try to reach out to at least one different person everyday. It mustn't be same person always, but just look through your contacts and engage someone. Engaging people you value few times a week actually means a lot to them rather than ghosting on them for a long time then returning in months to know what's up.

2. Respond Quickly When They need your Attention

The saying goes, "a friend in need is a friend indeed". When people need your help or expertise on something that is bugging them, how you react to them at that point actually matters a lot to them. You need to practice being there for the people you value each time they need you. Your prompt support and attention when they need you is worth more than money to them.

You have to understand that for them to need your attention or seek your help is an opportunity for you to solidify the relationship you have with them. If you usually don't care, return your calls or even text back your peeps when the reach out to you, it only means one thing to them ; "you do not value them"

3. Offer any form of assistance to them when you identify their need

People need to know you value them through your actions and how you are willing to support them in their goals and aspirations. This sounds a bit selfish and you may ask, "why are they not willing to support me either?" But the truth is: "we are all selfish in one way or the other!" And if you are waiting for people you value to do things for you before you offer your assistance or do things for them, you may be waiting for a lifetime.. lol.. And moreover, your relationship with them will be affected.

So what does a bold winner do? He/She takes the initiative. You don't wait for people you value to do stuff for you before you reciprocate. You can set the pace. Discuss with them, find out what their problems are and try to see how you can help them mitigate those problems. It must not be monetary, it may be pointing them to people, opportunities or helpful advice that can make their situations better. They will respect you, value you more and have the urge to help you too. I have tried it and it always works. The more you help people, the more they want to reciprocate the gesture. Win-Win!

4. Support Their Vision

We all have big dreams and bid ideas of what we want to achieve and where we want to be. That's what keeps us going, that's what inspires us and that is what gives us the hope to keep striving and never give up! The people you are really close to and the people you value also have their visions for the future as well. You will show them how much you value them by supporting those dreams. 

Don't bring them down or make them look stupid when they share their big plans with you. It may not look serious to you, but to them, you are hurting their pride and belief in themselves when you talk down their vision or refuse to support them. Rather than show a lack of support, you can help the reshape their vision into something better than what they presently have. Never look down on their vision, be willing to support or make positive recommendations where necessary.

5. Don't Forget their birthdays!

Birthdays are special to a lot of people. It's a day when you must make the people you value feel loved and appreciated. One of the worst sins you can commit is to forget the birthday of someone you value! It might not be intentional. Yes, I agree you may forget or maybe you had an important meeting and you never found time.. Whatever is the excuse, the person will not understand it that way. 

They may listen to your excuses later and nod, but deep down(subconsciously), they begin to feel you do not have time to even celebrate them on their birthday. I used to be guilty of this, but what helped me was, I started using web tools to track birthdays of people in my life and I set reminders to alert me whenever a birthday is coming up. Since then, I rarely miss any special birthdays. I call them, spend time talking with them and wishing them well. I even send them a gift if possible. They don't know how I am tracking these birthdays and stuff, what really matters to them is that I remembered and made them feel special. So, take advantage of tech tools and social media to never forget birthdays.

6. Compliment them and get them surprise gifts

Everyone likes a good compliment and so do the people you value. Are they looking good? Tell them. Did they get a nice hair cut? Tell them. Are they putting on a new nice looking dress? Tell em. Did they make you proud by a recent project they completed? Tell em! Are you proud of the way they delivered their presentation? Tell em. Was their voice sounding great during rehearsals? Please and please, tell em! We will never run out of compliments by telling em!

There is always something good you can say to people you value when you meet with them in person or communicate with them far away. Find those good things and just tell em! You have nothing to lose. You make them feel better and you brighten their day with those words. Other than words(if you have the means), sometimes get them something really nice that the will appreciate. Perhaps, they have been hinting on something they need to get or maybe you have observed they may like a particular commodity, get it for em. They will value you for that.


I guess that sums it up. Go forth and show those people you really value them. The world will be a much more beautiful place for you and me if we can show other people we care and they are inspired to do likewise. Covid or no Covid, we are humans and together we will create a better world; one where everyone has the potential and opportunities to be a bold winner!

Until Next Time,

Just Keep Winning! 

I'm rooting for you 24/7!

Nigel.




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