Showing posts with label Happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Happiness. Show all posts

Friday, 20 April 2018

How To Stop Worrying About The Future

How to stop worrying about the future

I'm very ambitious and I dream of many things. I want to be successful, I want to be wealthy and I want to be famous for a good cause.

I want to contribute to making the world a better place and I want to take up responsibilities that challenge me to be the best I can be and make the optimum use of my intelligence.

My mind is always working every single day to seek for the things I can do to achieve all these desires and whenever I identify something I can do towards that, I do it.

I believe in God and in all my aspirations, I still say my prayers. My prayers are focused on God guiding me to recognize opportunities around me and take action based on the best ideas that I have.

I know I am doing my best and I am not lazy. But here's the problem that I face: Because of all these dreams that occupy my mind, I often find myself worrying about when I'm going to achieve them.

I expect too much from the actions I take and when it seems that my results or expectations are taking too much time to yield to fruition, I become unhappy and more worried.

Does this sound like you? Are you doing your best and you still find yourself worried about when and how things will turn out? Just know that you're not alone in this and continue reading.

People who are very ambitious and people who care about making a difference are usually those who are worried. So the first thing that worrying says about you is that you are already on the path of success.

Lazy people who care less about their surroundings and how they can make a difference in today's world are those who are always relaxed. They have nothing to do, so what is there to worry about?

If you ever found yourself worrying about your future, it's a sign you want to succeed.

However, you must know and try to always be conscious of this fact: Worrying is not the way to success. The way to success is in being active.

At this point, you might be thinking: "I know that already. I've been active. So what the heck is he talking about?"

Well, I haven't landed.. It's true that active people still worry. But the moment they start worrying, what do you think happens? Inactivity sets in. They aren't engaging themselves when they are worried. That's why their minds take over and they begin to feel bad.

The thing about success is that it doesn't want you to sit idly while waiting for it. Neither does it care about you figuring out when and how it will happen. It wants to surprise you. And you only give success that chance, when you are occupied with doing your work or something else!

And therein lies the point I'm trying to make. The secret to stop worrying is to make plans and always be occupied with things that improve your life, teach you something and make you happy.

When you are occupied with these things, you don't remember to think about success. You are busy growing and improving your skills and well-being. And it often happens that success likes you to be occupied this way before it decides to surprise you.

So when you catch yourself worrying about a lot of things, what it means is that you are becoming less occupied. It means you have allowed your desires and expectations stall your progress and happiness.

Look, I understand that it's natural to feel unhappy and sometimes worry when things you are trying to achieve, don't go as you planned it, but the key here is to quickly step out of that worry and occupy yourself with exciting things.

Your work should be exciting to you and you should derive some joy and sense of pride from doing it. If you're not excited by the kind of work you do, then what's the point?

Getting yourself occupied with other things doesn't mean you should work all the time. You should also make out time for relaxation and play.

When you keep getting yourself occupied positively despite how things are going or what results may be showing to you, you will be able to overcome worrying.

I will summarize everything with this analogy:

When you're cooking food, does the food get cooked faster when you keep checking and checking it every minute?

Or does it appear to get cooked faster than you thought when you go ahead and occupy your mind with something else(say a movie or task)?

Do you get that surprise email when you keep checking and checking your mail box every second?

Or when you forget about it and carry on happily with your life?

Doesn't it seem as though things happen faster when you're not looking?

Worrying is a trap for the mind.

Stop worrying, be happy, develop yourself and keep winning!

Your success isn't that far away! 

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

Like Yourself First

Like Yourself First

We live in a world where many people want to be liked. We want to be seen and appreciated. We want other people to like the good things about us and appreciate our unique gifts or talents.

This isn't a bad thing. Who doesn't want to be liked by others? Being likeable to many people is actually an advantage for you.

A problem only arises out of this normal human desire when you focus on other people liking you without liking yourself first.

This is where many of us get it all wrong. When you crave for other people to like you, but you don't even like yourself at all.

There was this young lady who was obsessed with men liking her. She did everything to get a man's heart and keep the man to herself, but all the men she kept dating left her after sometime.

This happened repeatedly and it took some counseling for the girl to understand what the problem really was.

She didn't like herself at all. And therefore, she thought that getting those likes from men outside would help her fill up the emptiness she felt by being unhappy with herself.

She failed to understand that it was impossible to fill herself up with something that is not already within her.

The men she had met somehow felt that emptiness and lack of happiness about herself in her heart and that somehow pushed them way.

"Whatever you don't have inside of you will always manifest itself."

A chat with a counselor revealed that the girl didn't like herself, her background and the way she looked. The counselor advised her to try something new.

He told her to make a conscious decision to start loving and appreciating herself the way she was without waiting on any man to do it it for her. She also told her to extend this attitude to whatever things about her that she resented.

It was difficult for this young lady to practice this exercise. I mean, all her life, she has been used to not liking herself the way she was, the force of habit was already working in her.

A day, two days, one week.. She kept on trying even though she fell back to the attitude sometimes. But whenever she was conscious of her decision, she will feel good about herself and appreciate the way she is.

That was how her life started transforming for good after some time . She reported back to the counselor months later and was filled with lots of good news.

She reported that people started being nice to her even without her trying too hard to please them. She started to discover some gifts about herself that she never paid attention to.

She generally felt better and she is happier because she wasn't really expecting much from the outside anymore. She had learnt to generate a natural liking for herself from within.

The experience of this young lady isn't so different from what many of us experience. You might be a man experiencing the same thing. It might not be exactly her case, but you might be battling with something similar which stems from not liking who you are.

Look, it's a must that you possess that natural likeness for your own self. When it comes from yourself, you won't need to depend on external validation or acceptance to feel good about who you are.

If you dress up in a nice cloth, compliment yourself first! Look yourself in the mirror and say "You look awesome." Don't wait for anybody to say it to you first.

If you post something on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, be the first to like it. If you found it worthy of posting, then I can bet that it is an awesome post.

So immediately you post it, like it first. You don't have to wait until someone does that.

You must form the habit of being the first person to appreciate yourself. Like and appreciate yourself by yourself. It will make you feel better and you'll be amazed at how efficient you'll become.

It's not like being liked by others is undesirable. It is desirable and should be enjoyed as an additional bonus. But first, you have to like yourself before any other thing!

I don't know what it is that you don't like about yourself that makes you look down on yourself and expect other people to be the first to tell you how amazing you are.

Is it the way you look? Is it your performance in academics? Is it how you think your life is turning out? Is it your family background? Is it what?

Whatever it is that is making you not to like yourself as God has created you to be, I'm saying you should screw all of that. They don't matter at all. They're all garbage.

Whatever reason that is making you to feel bad about yourself should be thrashed. You should completely ignore it and try liking yourself first for who you are.

Appreciate whatever little things you're grateful for in your life. See the good in yourself. Always see the good in yourself. Because you get more of what you see.

Eckart Tolle said and I quote "Acknowledging all the good that you already have in your life is the foundation of all abundance"

How many people are acknowledging the good in their lives? Many are just busy acknowledging only the bad in their lives and the things they don't like. How can such people ever like themselves?

If there's anything that you don't like about yourself, my dear, just accept it if it's something you cannot correct and begin to love it that way.

When you begin to love aspects of yourself that you always hated, you will begin to experience a kind of transformation in your life that you cannot explain.

Look, I don't think we can unequivocally explain why we were born the way we are or why we have our skin colors or why we have been born in a particular country to a particular family.

I think none of us can comfortably explain any of those whys. Therefore, it is of vital importance that in whatever condition you find yourself, you must learn to like yourself first.

That genuine likeness for yourself is what will help you to thrive and grow in that condition.

I think I have said enough. A word I believe is enough for the wise. If you're still feeling negative about yourself, having low self-esteem, getting jealous over another person or whatever, you better change and begin to like yourself the way you are.

Not liking yourself first will only lead to more misery and sadness. Liking yourself first is the first bridge to success, happiness and achievement.

Be the first to like yourself first and keep on winning!

Wednesday, 28 February 2018

Learn To See Beyond Money

learn to see beyond Money

Our world today seems crazed about money. When you ask the average person what he or she wants, you're certain to hear the word "money" in 90% of the responses you get. We've become so obsessed with getting so much money that very few people can see beyond it these days.

It's understandable why people seem to be so crazed about the cash. With so much money at your disposal, you can get anything you want, you can travel to places, you can buy any stuff, you can live big the way you want. So, money seems to be everything, right?

Well, in this article, I will try to make you see reasons why money isn't everything and why you should learn to see beyond money if you want to make sustainable progress in your life.

Money is very important and we really need it in our lives. I totally agree. I also need money and more money as well. However, I am not willing to sacrifice my ultimate happiness, fulfilment, peace of mind and strong relationships for the sake of money.

There was a story of a trader in a market who was fond of cheating anyone who came to his shop to buy things. For instance, if you wanted to buy something sold for 10 bucks, he would sell it to you at 100 bucks and he would go home happy.

Another trader who was just beside him was selling those things at a normal rate and each time after his neighbor cheated any buyer, he would turn to this other trader and tell him, "You see, you're not as wise as I am, I'm making money." The other trader would just ignore him and continue selling as normal.

What the first trader didn't know was that each time the customers he had cheated discovered the normal price of the goods they bought from him, they would vow never to come to his shop again. And they even went on to tell their friends who were bulk buyers to stop buying from the cheat.

By and by, this cheating trader kept losing customers and he started depending on just the money he had gotten from cheating. But the other trader's customers kept growing steadily. Even though he wasn't dishonest to charge exorbitantly, he was still making great profit as he sold off large quantities of his goods.

Months later after making serious losses, the cheating trader quit his business. He had failed because he failed to see beyond the money he was getting through cheating.

This example only touched on building trust as a valuable quality that is more important than money. When people trust you, money won't be a problem.

Now there are people who have a passion for something. This passion is what makes them feel alive and brings out that sparkle that shines through their eyes. They love it. It could be music, working on numbers, talking, playing football or other sports, cooking, writing, managing projects, engineering, teaching and etcetera.

It could be anything, but what makes it your passion is that you love to do this always. You could do it all day and you could never get tired of it. It comes naturally to you and you just connect to your higher self through it.

Now for these passionate people, there comes a time when it will look as if their passion isn't making money for them. Now, this passion makes them happy, but they start to expect money from it and if they aren't seeing any money, they get discouraged and they may consider quitting their passion to do something that makes money.

I don't know if you're one of them or if you've ever been in that state of mind, well here's what I think:
Finding yourself in this state of mind means that you're now thinking just in monetary ways. You're no more thinking beyond the money.

Why do you want money in the first place if not to be happy? Happiness is the true goal if you think about it because all the money we seek is just to enable us do or get things that will make us happy. So the big question is: If living your passion makes you genuinely happy, must you really have to be making money from it before you can happy?

Get me right, I'm not saying you cannot and should not make money from your passion. Of course you have to pay your bills and sort out stuff. My point is that it's not a MUST you make money from it and it's not a wise thing to drop your passion because it doesn't make money for you. Your passion makes you happy, so it shouldn't be dropped for any reason.

If you've really got to pay your  bills, try to make money from your passion, if it's not working, as it may not work sometimes, try to do something else or learn a skill that can help you pay your bills, but don't ever drop the passion because you can't pay bills with it. Keep the passion because its value to your general well-being is way beyond money.

You can merge the two.. You can make money doing what you love. If you can do it, that's the best. But sometimes, you may not be able to do it easily. Its not worth it sacrificing that passion because of this reason. Because if you had thought beyond Money, you will see that passion brings you happiness.

This example touched on thinking beyond money when it comes to your passion.

There are cases of people who have betrayed their friends, close networks and even family because of money. The thing these people fail to see is that whatever money they get from such betrayal will still finish and someday they will need to fall back on family and friends for support in some way.

When it comes to love, many of us face a similar
dilemma. He or she may love you genuinely, he or she may care about you so much and really desire your own good. But presently, the person may not have the money to do certain things for you that you may expect. Then you quit, you leave them because they seem to have nothing.

You then go for people who may not want or cherish you as much but they have the cash and you're fine with settling with them. This is called gold digging. You finally settle with them and you get so much money from him or her, but then as time goes on you start searching for something more, you start desiring genuine love and care because you've seen that the person never really cared as much.

The best and most desirable case is to find someone who really loves you and also has the cash(if you desire it). But often times it's not always the case. Would it be wiser in such a case to ditch someone who has demonstrated genuine love and care towards you for someone who may care less, but has got the cash? Up to you!

I've seen people who only treat rich people with respect and courtesy, but they are quick to insult and disrespect those who they believe don't have as much money as the wealthy.

What those people forget is that the table could turn at any time and the same people they treated disrespectfully today may be their bosses tomorrow. They can't think beyond the money.

I could say many more things to show you that money isn't everything and we should all learn to see beyond it, but I'll conclude with this:

Money is very important, but it's not everything. We sacrifice many things on the altar of money, but at the end of the day we find out that there are more things that are of greater value than this money.

Chase your money, but just remember that it's not everything. Your happiness, your well-being, your sense of fulfilment and general peace are of greater importance.

There are things that are not worth sacrificing for money. If you understand this you will see that money is everywhere, and it's not the true goal.

See beyond the money and keep winning! Some things aren't worth sacrificing or risking for money's sake. Stay sharp, the sky is the limit.


Sunday, 4 February 2018

Do Not Tolerate Abuse

do not tolerate abuse

Abuse of any form should not be tolerated. When you tolerate abuse, you hurt yourself and drown your creativity. No one has the right to make you feel so miserable and depressed.

Some people just find it fun making others feel bad. You should avoid such people as much as possible for your own happiness.

For some people, they feel they have the right to treat you like shit simply because they provide for you and shelter you. Despite the fact that these people are helping you, it still doesn't give them any right whatsoever to treat you like shit.

You don't have to tolerate abuse because someone is providing for you or claims to love you. If you find out that a benefactor is abusive, simply move away and strive to get things for yourself no matter what pains it will take.

It's better to suffer and have peace of mind than take things from someone who treats you like a damned rag.

If someone loves you, they have no right to be abusive or to beat you up unnecessarily in the name of love. Someone who loves you will respect you and even though they may be unhappy with you sometimes, they are willing to settle issues in a matured way not by physical abuse.

If you feel you cannot help yourself out of it, speak out and let people close to you know that you need help.

A friend Shola wrote this:

"Some negative experiences can cause rapid cognitive decline. We lose our sense of perception with the inability to put learning into action. With time, our sense of worth is diminished.

Abusive relationships can trigger this decline. Asides health issues and drugs. Having an abusive spouse, children, supervisor or working in a toxic environment can have deep impact on the brain.

Many get lost in the process. Have you seen vivacious personalities that now become vacuous? Have you met smart confident people that now become timid? Have you seen people that have lost their shadows?

It is important that you guide and guard yourself. That you put barriers to your mind that keep poison away. That you walk away from negative relationships. That you change jobs when it is taking you with it.

Nothing should take your essence away. No one should take joy and give you back gloom. Some people’s mission in life is to do that. They never praise. They never encourage. They gain joy when those around them are unhappy.
Find you. Never let you go!"

Beautiful piece isn't it?

You shouldn't allow yourself to face the dangers that come with abuse when you see the early warning signs. You're better off away from abusive relationships than to stick around taking crap.

Whatever your abusers have been providing for you, you can provide them for yourself if you're bold enough to face your fears and try.

Whatever love they're professing, don't listen to them if they're not willing to change.  You can experience better love somewhere else from someone who will value you the way you are and respect your individuality.

Stay away from abusive people, strive for your own personal freedom or independence and keep winning! 

Cut The Fake Happiness Crap

cut fake happiness crap

With various happiness ideologies floating around the internet these days, an increasingly high number of people are beginning to accept crap as a norm in their lives.

They deceive themselves with a fake sense of happiness that they believe comes from knowing themselves and accepting all outcomes without resistance. It's high time we cut the crap.

I don't know why it appears that more and more people are buying into the concept of accepting whatever comes or just being happy with the unimaginable way they currently live.

It seems they are finding more reasons to remain in their comfort zones without having the tenacity to push through whatever obstacles or odds that may come to them during their pursuit of higher aims.

Think about it: Let's say you've been applying to get a job at a big firm. You keep trying and yet your application is usually rejected. Then someone comes to tell you that not being accepted into the job could be a good thing; it could mean you start up that business or you should consider working with another firm which you probably don't want to ever work for.

Then somehow you start buying into the idea. You stop making effort to pass through the necessary pain you need to pass through to get your desired job and you settle for a lesser job that seems more secure.

Or you go ahead to attempt starting a business you have no passion for which is likely to fail. And then you deceive yourself that you're happy not getting exactly what you wanted.

Or let's say you've been dating and you know exactly the kind of person you wish to have as a partner. And then you try to date people to find a compatible person, but so far you've not made much progress.

Then, someone comes to sell you a fake happiness crap. He or she tells you that you cannot find that person you really desire that you have to accept whoever comes and try to change them. Then you listen and you accept something below the standard you have set.

Maybe you're struggling and you're working hard trying to achieve success, then someone comes to tell you that you should have no desire and that you should be content with existence in order to be happy. Then you stop putting sufficient efforts to get to where you want your business to be and start being "content".

Or you've had dreams to make impact in your country or immediate community. It burns inside of you to see your society progress for good. However, people keep bombarding you with messages of how irredeemable your government is or how useless and corrupt your country is and how futile it is to even try to change it. And then you drop this strong drive and start living averagely without caring about your vision.

You may have failed many times at different things, instead of telling yourself the truth that indeed you've failed woefully and you really need to work very hard, You decide to buy into some crap that happiness doesn't come from trying to achieve things, it comes from within, then you settle into mediocrity and stop trying.

I believe you're already getting my point? I'm trying to say that a lot of people want life to be way too easy for them. They want to be happy in any way possible, but instead of working their way into that happiness by going for exactly those things they desire in their lives, they rather buy into ideologies that make them feel better and relaxed when they don't work.

True happiness comes from getting exactly what we want and seeing our dreams come to fruition. It's a trick to throw away those dreams into the trash can because you feel you've learnt something about where happiness comes from and who you are. You're only accepting those soothing posts because they make you feel better even though you know the truth that you've not been able to achieve exactly what you wanted.

This dangerous lukewarm attitude caused by that ideology is one of the reasons why most of our problems in the world today still linger. Many are tactfully dodging their responsibilities and the work they must do to be happy, instead they pretend that they're happy buying into all those philosophies about feeling good always. How can you feel good always?

Most of us don't care about what our neighbors are going through. We're so relaxed into our own happiness that we fail to see the challenges and threats we collectively face.

Whenever you're deceiving yourself with being happy all the time, you cannot see that children somewhere are suffering or that there are people that urgently need your help. You won't see that you have some serious work to do in this world to make it better for yourself and for others. You'll believe all is well.

But is everything really well? You read on the news every day about chaos here and there. There are endangered groups of people around the world, there are displaced persons, there is crime, there are genocides. There are many threats. But how on earth  can you ever see it when you keep pretending that you're always happy even without achieving your dreams?

Look, we're all here on earth for a reason. We all have a big role to play in helping mankind progress. It's not an easy deal to play that role. Because in playing that role, we will find ultimate happiness and help others find theirs.

Many people are looking up to you, most of which you're not even aware of. Some people are inspired by you,  your attitude and your zeal to achieve the best for yourself.

Why settle for less because of some crappy advice sold to you by one of these happiness peddlers? Why brake down on your drive and feign that you're happy and content?

Dude, look deep down into your heart, you will see the truth that the happiness you pretend to have out of contentment is false. You will see that those dreams you had are still burning within you and urging you to pass through the obstacles and pain you've been avoiding.

Listen to it and take up your weapons once again. When you man up and refuse to accept shit in the name of happiness, you'll be able to fearlessly face the challenges in your way and you'll achieve whatever you've dreamt of.

Then you will know happiness. You will also unknowingly inspire millions to follow your steps and still push for exactly what they want instead of buying into crappy advice.

We were born to work and contribute our quota to the advancement of the human race, let us not neglect or shy away from this collective responsibility because we prefer to take solace in crappy happiness. We would only be deceiving ourselves and things will get worse.

Be willing to go through the experience and continue passing through pain if needed to achieve exactly those things you've always wished for. Never throw those ideas away and pretend to be happy because you've not been able to achieve them. Man up to your pain and keep winning! 

Tuesday, 30 January 2018

They Owe You Nothing

They owe you nothing

The moment you begin to get the point that other people owe you nothing and therefore develop the mindset of working towards whatever you want to have in this life, the better for you.

It's so common these days to hear things like: "My uncle has a lot of cash and yet he's not willing to help me," "My sister is a manager at a big company and she hasn't even given a job role," or even something like "I'm related to him, but yet he hasn't done anything for me even though he's doing very well."

Even in relationships, people behave as if their partners owe them happiness always by saying things like: "I'm his lover and since he won 2 million naira, I hope to get a million," "He or She doesn't do everything to make me happy," or "He doesn't do as much as this other person or that person." And that's how relationships begin to collapse because someone starts comparing the partner with someone else because of this inordinate sense of entitlement.

The gospel truth is that no one really owes you anything and you should really be grateful to anyone who loves or cares about you enough to do helpful things for you. The fact that these people are close to us or that they love us so much doesn't mean that it's by force they do things for us. No matter how deeply connected, we must always respect another person's freedom of choice.

Indeed, when we ask for help from someone we love or someone we know to be successful and we don't get any, we will tend to be unhappy. However, that unhappiness shouldn't linger long enough if we really respect that person's freedom of choice. It shouldn't lead us to hating that person or bad mouthing them because they couldn't help us.

The habit should be to help ourselves. No one else but our very own selves can truly help us. Our sincerest efforts to get things for ourselves and make our lives better can achieve much more for us than any external help from others.

This is not to say that people cannot help us. People can help us and even transform our lives for good. But the point is that rather than just hope on help from other people or totally putting our desires in their hands, we should develop that attitude of helping ourselves. So that if help comes along the way, then it becomes a bonus. But if it doesn't, we won't be so bitter about it because we're already working our way towards those needs.

If you want money, you go out there and get it by doing exactly what you have to do. You don't really have to wait on a particular person to give you money and then when he or she doesn't, you curse them because you felt entitled to the person's money. How ridiculous!

If you need a job, you hustle your way into it. That you have someone you know who is in top level management at a firm doesn't mean that they must give you a job. They reserve the freedom and the right to give or not give you that job because you don't know what they may be facing in the firm or what it took for them to get to that level. Why not strive to get a job yourself?

If you feel that your partner isn't making you as happy as you desire, why not find a way to make yourself happy and then involve him or her? Does falling in love with someone mean that we've lost the capacity to even make ourselves happy? Being unable to make yourself happy because you're in love means that there's a problem with you already. You can and should always be able to make yourself happy and sometimes try to make your partner happy too. Because sometimes he or she could be facing challenges and unable to make you happy sometimes. Would you rather die?

We can always get the things we want for ourselves without feeling that anybody owes us any of it. Whether it's money, a successful career or love.. Whatever it is, you can always do something about it in whatever little way you can. That little thing you can do to change your situation for yourself is extremely important, crucial and must not be neglected.

They owe you nothing.. YOU OWE YOURSELF EVERYTHING!

The earlier you realize this, the better for you. You will become more tolerant and forgiving. You will become a source of goodness to others rather than unnecessary hate. You will begin to blossom. You'll see and know that whether they choose to help you or not, it's doesn't matter.

You'll not be lazy and you won't waste your time backbiting those who won't help you. Your eyes will be open to the various opportunities around you which you can take advantage of to improve your life!

Understand this, help yourself as much as you can and just keep winning!

Monday, 13 November 2017

Easiest Way To Win People Over

easiest way to win people over

Many little things happen in our daily lives, most of which has a way of guiding us to the truth if only we pay some attention to it. I paid attention to one of those things and it inspired me to write this blog post.

I learnt something new from a pretty young lady Lara, who recently joined a support group for bloggers of various categories of which I was already an existing member. I was inspired with the way she joined the group; the actions she took and her good communication which won the admiration of many of us. How was she able to do this?

Usually, most newbies to the bloggers group often just introduce themselves briefly and start bombarding the platform with various links to visit their blogs. But Lara's approach was different and that made her stand out.

When Lara joined the group, the first thing she said was: "Hi, I'm Lara, nice to meet you all" and after a few responses, she proceeded with "Where do you guys blog at?" This question was so pivotal. She was interested in knowing about the members of the group first and what they do. Like who wouldn't be proud to show off his/her blog?

Of course, most of us were too excited to answer. Comments rolled in from the members who were online, introducing themselves and their blogs to Lara. Amazing.. Lara got us talking! How did she get us to want to talk to her? She simply asked an interesting question. Now, she didn't just stop there. For every blog link that was posted as a reply to her question, she visited it, read one or two posts and dropped off an intelligent comment relating to the post.

That was clearly going the extra mile. Members who dropped off their links got notifications as regards some comments on their blogs and it was from Lara. That really endeared them to her and they thanked Lara for visiting their blogs and commenting it. I would like to remind you that she never said anything about her own blog yet. She even helped someone with an answer to a question on comment moderation.

Naturally, enthralled members had to ask her about her own blog. They were naturally craving to find out about her blog. Why? She had showed some concern for theirs and they felt the need to reciprocate. She didn't put her own interest upfront. She communicated very well with existing members, added some value to them and then without even saying anything about her interests, they were asking for it.

Long story short, she was the center of attention at that time and we all ended up on her blog, reading and commenting on it.

What's the lesson behind this? It's the importance of first adding value to other people before clamoring for your interests. Sadly, it appears many people only care about themselves and their needs without really taking some time to show genuine concern for others. This attitude keeps them trapped with same goals without making much progress.

If you really want to win people over, FIRST add value to them. Think of a way you can add some value to their own lives first. The question you should ask yourself is: "How can I show some care?" "In what little way can I meet their own needs?" "How can I be of use to them?" The only way you can clearly answer those questions is by finding a way to add something nice to those people's aspirations.

See, a whole lot of people out there are bugged with lots of problems already. They've got a lot going on in their minds and they're thinking of how to achieve their numerous goals. You shouldn't blame them if they don't really take your requests seriously when you've done nothing in any way to meet any of their problems. And the thing is: You don't need to solve all their big problems to win them over. Just do any little thing you can for them that can help them achieve an objective or need. It works wonders.

"Do unto others what you want them to do unto you."
- The Golden Rule 

Learn to think first about what you can do for people, how you can help them if you want them to be willing to easily support you. You build great relationships with them and they'll be your buddies for life. It's that simple. It's one of the principles of effective communication(a blog post on that is coming up soon titled "Secrets of effective communication").

Keep this in mind, keep winning people over and just keep winning boldly in every area of your life.


Sunday, 24 September 2017

Why You Shouldn't Take Mockery Seriously

Why you shouldn't take mockery seriously

I have an awesome friend called Dave.  Dave is smart, intelligent and very funny. He is full of life, energy and fun. Whenever I'm around him,  I laugh a lot alongside some of his other friends. When Dave talks and you're looking at him, you'd  rarely notice his dentition isn't pretty nice because you'll be lost in his words.

Despite the way his set of teeth looked, Dave was never shy to speak, to crack his humorous jokes and just be a happy guy to be around with. He wasn't limited by it. He only smiled and cracked a joke about anyone who makes a comment about his teeth. He wasn't hiding it. He didn't let it make him stop being himself.

In contrast, I learnt about another guy who also had bad dentition. As expected, he was constantly jeered at by his peers because of that. This guy took it to heart, and rarely spoke in public. In his photos, he rarely smiled because he didn't want anyone to notice the way his teeth looked.

He became restrained and unhappy because he was limiting himself as a result of letting that bother him. He was someone you would rarely be around with because he hardly laughs. He was too conscious of his teeth. It wasn't good for him.

Assuming you had bad dentition, which of those guys would you rather be? Dave or the other guy? Your guess is as good as mine. It's Dave of course, the young chap who kept on being happy, having fun and making lots of friends by being himself and not letting that little predicament limit him.

This is just an example. There are many things about you that other people can make mockery of. They may say you're too tall, too short, too fair, too dark, too slow, too fast, stammering, ugly, and lots of all other words that could be used to make humor or just ridicule you. You don't have to take it seriously. You don't have to let it get to you or make you stop being who you are, free and happy.

If you have not known, accepted or understood the way you are and who you really are, you will be affected by those common talks from other people. Know, accept and understand yourself, the way you are, and who you are. For example, if you're short, It's obvious that you're short, you must love and accept yourself that way. If you love and accept that you're short, it will be hard to get angry at anyone who makes a comment about it.

Being short doesn't limit what you can achieve. Kevin Hart is short. He's a well known celebrity, he's celebrated and very successful in his career, despite being short. If he had allowed comments about his shortness to bother him, you think anyone will know about him today?

People go on feeling bad about what other people said about the way the look which is so unnecessary if only they loved and accepted themselves. It's not the mockery that makes people believe negative things about themselves. It's their latent low self esteem. So they tend see such words as an attack on themselves. If only they knew themselves, they won't be bothered at all.

There's no point trying to hide yourself or your looks because people are commenting negatively about it. When they comment, keep on being yourself and keep showing up. Keep showing yourself. Keep living. They will get used to your looks and get tired of making mockery of you.

If you let them make you crawl inside and hide yourself, then you've lost the game. Their comments should inspire you to keep showing up, contrary to what they expect. Keep showing up and being yourself. Ignore those negative comments aimed to bring you down. Surprise them by staying happy despite all they may say.

It's not what people say about you outside that should determine how you feel about yourself. You should determine how you feel about yourself by loving yourself and accepting yourself the way you are. Not them.

We can't totally stop people from mocking or making jest of us sometimes. That's the way life is. You can't stop people from talking about you. You'll have to stop them from talking altogether which is impossible. People are too occupied with their own personal lives and interests than to care about how you will feel when they mock you.

Some may mock you without any bad intentions. Just for laughter and fun. Being mocked by others doesn't make those who mock us bad people. We only need to know ourselves and see that these mockeries shouldn't be taken seriously at all.

Take your mind off mockeries and rude words. Love yourself first, love others and keep winning.

Friday, 11 August 2017

Learn To Be Proud of Yourself

Be freaking proud of yourself

"I messed up in that exam today," "I'm not good enough," "I'm useless," "I can't achieve it," "They're better than me," "I'm a failure," "I'm not worth it," All these thoughts go round and round the minds of different people in different places across the globe every single day.

It's not that these thoughts pay or that they are beneficial to anyone. It's just that many people have formed the habit of thinking that way and seeing themselves that way. That's why we have many unhappy people today, all those kinds of thought keep going on in their heads.

But I want every one of you to think about this article I shared on my Facebook timeline and make changes to your thought process and lifestyle:

________

When last did you tell yourself that you were proud of yourself? When last did you say to yourself.. "I'm (Name) and I'm damn proud of myself." Ask yourself that question.

You're always busy inside your head saying negative things to yourself. The more you say negative things to self, the more you begin to accept it as your identity and the more it becomes reality to you!

Please, take some time everyday to think of reasons why you're proud of yourself so far. Think of your successes. We are so used to thinking and seeing only our failures. Decide to Remember your successes.

Remember when you aced that exam? Remember when you did something others were proud of. Remember when you won that competition. Remember when you carried out that project successfully. Remember how beautiful you look. Remember how wonderful your voice sounds. Remember how you usually come tops in a card game. Remember anything about yourself that you are proud of today.

Take some time away from negatively thinking about self and think good thoughts about yourself. It greatly builds your self esteem against all odds. Your government or community won't do that for you. It is your responsibility to build your self esteem and it starts with being proud of who you are and your accomplishments, no matter how tiny they seem to you. 

Now, switch that mindset from negative to positive and just smile for me today. I love you. Yes you. :)

________

That's it. Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones that empower you, motivate you and feel good about yourself on a daily basis. Don't forget to do this.

Keep winning! 

Thursday, 10 August 2017

An Experience With The Pie

always make the best choice

Today's Article was inspired by my personal experience when I wanted to buy a meat pie. I was really hungry and looking for some snack to devour when I decided to go for the pie.

The seller was a young lady probably in her late twenties and I learnt the pies she sold were tasty. So I ordered for one pie and she quickly selected one of them from the pack, wrapped it quickly and handed it over to me, so I didn't really get to see the pie she selected.

However on collecting the pie, I felt that it wasn't really a complete pie. It was way shorter than the other ones from where she had picked and some parts of it had already broken off. So she literally handed me half of what I paid for.

There were two choices here: To accept the half pie and make payment just like that since she had already wrapped it up or to really demand for a pie that's worth the money I'm to pay. Of course, I preferred to make the best choice of getting full value for my money.

So I politely told her that I wasn't really going to accept that pie and I requested for a better one. She tried to argue that it was all the same and nothing was really wrong with the pie. At this point of some resistance, certain people would simply have agreed with her just to "avoid creating any issues."

But here's something you must know: If you really want to achieve, get or have anything, you must be willing to continue going for it no matter what others may think, say or or do. If you want to avoid trouble or if you tend to consider too much of the risks, problems or outcomes, then you don't really want that thing. 

So, after her initial resistance to change the pie, I still insisted that I didn't want that pie. I wanted another one. I wasn't settling for less when more was available. I wasn't going for a bad choice when there was a better one because I didn't want trouble. I wanted another complete pie, and I was willing to stick with that choice not considering it's costs.

Well she had to smile, return the pie and offer me exactly what I wanted to satisfy my appetite at that point. I smiled back at her and made my payment. And that's how it ended.

That short event got me thinking. What if I had accepted the other pie just like that? Who's loss would it be? What if I hadn't insisted on a better pie? Would I have derived the maximum utility I derived after consuming it?

Choice came to mind once more. You have choices. You know exactly what choices you prefer and those you distaste. Don't let anything make you go for something lesser than what you desire. There's no better feeling and guarantee of happiness than having exactly what you wanted. None.

Bold Winners are of high self esteem, they are also happy and motivated because they make the best choices and go for exactly what they want.

Go for what you want, be happy and keep winning!

Monday, 19 June 2017

Deal With Social Media Envy!

deal with social media envy

You log on to Facebook or Instagram, you are bamboozled with different pictures and images uploaded by your friends. They all seem to be having a good time and enjoying themselves.

He takes a picture with his brand new car, she posts a picture where she's chilling with her fiance, there's a picture of your friends having fun at a party or get together last night. All these kind of pictures are flashed on social media on a daily basis.

For some people, they tend to start feeling bad about their own selves when they see these pictures. They wonder, 'Why isn't it me?' 'Why am I not the one having this much fun?' 'Why am I not the owner of that brand new car or house?' It becomes a problem for these people.

They always compare themselves with what they see on social media and they start feeling bad when it appears they don't have what they see.

They easily forget that most people only post their best pictures online and that they don't know what those people might be going through in their own lives, but because of what they see on social media, they conclude that life is all rosy for them.

It's easy to upload such pictures if you want to really show off or if it makes you feel good. You can chat up your own friends to hang out at cool pics and take shots. It's easy to take a pic with any car or house and claim it's yours. Taking pics shouldn't be a problem if you want to feel good about yourself.

The important thing is asking yourself why. Why do you feel in a certain way when you see certain pictures online if you too can create such pictures yourself or take similar shots with ease?

There's no point in feeling down. Learn to genuinely feel good about yourself and for other people. When you look at it critically, there is no need to be jealous of anybody talk less of an online picture as long as you're doing your best in whatever you do.

Stop comparing yourself on social media. It does you no good. The fact that people upload awesome pictures everyday online doesn't necessarily mean that everything is well with them or that they are better than you.

Most of these people often upload pictures just to feel good about themselves. Some of them are actually lonely and depressed, but they see social media as a way to feel good about themselves. So why should you be jealous of any picture on social media?

Stop the envy, stop the comparison and just be happy with yourself and other people. You are happy when you're being yourself and doing what you want. If taking pictures everyday just like your friends will make you happy, please do. But don't ever feel sad or terrible about yourself because of what you see on social media.

Create your own fun for yourself. There is no reason to be unhappy, just maximize your opportunities and be happy wherever you find yourself.

It's been a while… Stop envying and keep winning! 

Sunday, 30 April 2017

Your Own Needs Matter!

your own needs matter

I used to be that person who always puts his needs last. I only considered what other people wanted without considering my own needs. I did this because I felt I will be liked by other people or gain their admiration.

I was doing all for them and for their approval. It turned out that even though I was putting my needs behind and working for the needs of others people, I was still unhappy. I got their approval and most of them thought, "He's such a nice guy." But I wasn't happy.

The prison of what other people would say or think about me kept me behaving this way for quite some time. But then I found out I wasn't living my life. I was not doing what I wanted to. Life wasn't fun for me even though I made others happy. What was the problem?

I had to think deeply about it as it bothered me a lot. Then, somehow I figured out the answer: My own needs really matter. I didn't have to sweep those needs under the carpet while helping meet the needs of others. There was a connecting point between my needs and the needs of other people.

I could meet my own individual needs while also meeting other people's needs. It wasn't meant to be a win - lose situation. That was the problem. I was making other people happy, because I only wanted to please them, without considering my unhappy self.

I figured out that there is a way to please myself while pleasing others. This is different from being selfish because selfishness focuses on pleasing oneself even at the disadvantage of other people around you. This was beyond selfishness. It brought mutual happiness. I was happy understanding that I could still make people around me happy while honoring my own needs in any situation.

It was a win-win. It was the perfect answer. I didn't have to do things just because I needed the approval of people around me. That's important, but most importantly, I must do things because I really wanted to do them and achieve my own objective as well.

It was an eye opening moment. A moment of deep insight. I've been a happier individual ever since. Happy with life, happy with self and sharing that happiness with people around me.

Keep winning! 

Thursday, 13 April 2017

Choose To Remain Happy

Choose to stay happy

Often times in our lives when we are not achieving the results that we expect while working towards anything, we tend to feel sad, unhappy and depressed. Whenever we put in our very best and the outcome doesn't look very good, we easily lose our hope and we ask ourselves, "what's the point?"

When you look at those people around you, it may appear that most or all of them are seemingly getting it right and they have made significant accomplishments and achievements. But when you look at yourself, it seems as if you have a long way to go. You begin to feel terrible about your own life and you wonder if life is playing a sort of joke on you. You start asking, "What is happening to me?"

I want to share this with you if you've ever felt that way, if you're about to lose hope, if you're fed up with your own challenge, if you've lost your joy(the joy of living) or if you ever felt like giving up because of the present situation of things. And here it goes:

You can choose to stay happy in these situations. You can be happy and it is very important that you stay happy even when things don't look so promising. I've come to learn that life constantly tests us and whatever challenge we face is testing every one of us to see how strong we can withstand the storm and the harsh realities of life.

You can throw in the towel when this test comes your way. You can back off, grumble and complain. You can become unhappy, lose your motivation or accept defeat. You can do these things and prove to life that you are not worth it and you do not have what it takes to come out tops. If you choose to do these, you've failed the test and your situation won't change.

You can also choose to stay happy in these challenges you face. You can choose to pick up your sword and continue to fight your way through the tests of life. Life will keep coming at you with stronger tests, but you can choose to continue to fight by continuing to try and staying happy in the process. When you stay happy, you put your tests and challenges in a dilemma. They wonder: "Why are you still happy even when you're passing through these things?"

You are already winning because you are confusing those challenges coming at you. It will mean that you are confident that those tests have no power over you and you are certain that will pass through them successfully. Believe me, those challenges will pass over when you maintain your happiness.

Happiness attracts happiness. I believe the world will be a better place if everyone of us is happy doing what we do. When we are happy despite our different predicaments, we are motivated to keep doing what we do with passion. We continue to try and our success is guaranteed whenever we keep trying.

Therefore, try your best to stay happy in anything you are doing. In whatever situation you find yourself, don't let yourself get so down that you lose your joy and your smile. Keep doing what you can do and keep trying your best in happiness. You will see your dreams come true before your very eyes.

If you're not happy doing anything, it is better you don't even start doing it in the first place. If you do anything out of unhappiness, you tend to do it haphazardly and the output won't be very nice.

Choose to be happy no matter the situation of things out there. It is only our unrelenting happiness even in the midst of our tests that proves to life that indeed we are worth it and we can withstand the storm. We pass the test by staying happy and doing our best at all times. When we pass the test, we get exactly what we want.

Keep winning!

Friday, 7 April 2017

We Are Not Meant To Do The Same Things

We are not meant to do the same things

In this world, some of us think that we should do exactly what another person has done or follow exactly another person's path. We want to study the course another person studied, even when we don't like it. We want a job another person has got even when we are not talented to do the job. We want to do things in the same way another person did it. We want to be experts in another person's field and etcetera.

We continue to struggle to be like someone else or do what someone else does and in the process we forget ourselves and our uniqueness. We are not all meant to be Doctors, who will be the patient? Who will rule? Who will defend the country? Neither are we all meant to be footballers, not everyone is born with the natural talent.

Should we all be comedians? Who will be laughing at our jokes? Should we all become presidents? Who will lead? Or maybe we all should become bloggers, who will read our blogs? Lol. I believe you are gradually getting my point right now.

You shouldn't just try to be what another person is. You should rather try to discover your own special talents and work earnestly towards being yourself. If you should check out the lives of very successful people, you will find out that they share one thing in common: they carve out their own way and they do things differently. They are able to do so because they are not focused on copying another person, they are simply being themselves.

We are not all meant to go into same things. We are just created that way to be good in certain things and not so good in other ones. We tend to like some things and dislike another one. Therefore, pay attention to yourself and be honest with what you like and what you're good in.

Look, we are all champions in that field which we have been designed for. No one is born or created to be a loser. A loser is simply someone who has not found his place in the world and discovered his strengths. The only time you start losing is when you abandon what you are designed for and start forcing yourself to be like someone else designed for an entirely different thing.

You are you. And you must come to terms with that and respect yourself. Now this article doesn't say you should not admire the qualities of some people, by all means, you should admire the lives of great and distinguished men and women. But DON'T try to COPY them.

 Learn from them and use the knowledge to improve and BE YOURSELF. You can do it better than them. You can do something that those you admire never thought of. If you focus on copying them, you fail to explore the territories that ONLY you can explore.

You must have fully understood me by now. If you find that special niche meant for you or that unique part of existence that you're meant to fill, you will always be happy in whatever you do. You will not struggle with work because everyday you are happy doing what you do in your special niche.

Don't make yourself worried, sad or unhappy by abandoning your space and trying to be someone else. It doesn't work out that way. Discover yourself, know who you are, know what you really want to do and relentlessly go for it with passion. Nothing can stop you. And always remember: We are not meant to do the same things!

Keep winning! 

Monday, 3 April 2017

Choose To See The World Positively

Choose To see the world positively

How do you see the world? What kind of a place do you believe the world to be? What do you think about everyone else? These questions are necessary for you to answer because the way you see things play a crucial role in what you tend to experience.

Some people tend to have a very negative view about life and if you take a closer look at them, they tend to get exactly what they believe in. Take for example someone who believes that everyone else is out to get them. This person believes strongly that no one else really cares about them and everyone wants to rip them off. This state of mind makes them react negatively to people who may genuinely want to help them.

Their reaction towards those people makes those people turn away from them and leave them on their own. And when these people turn away angrily, the one with the negative belief about people in his heart will say, "Yes, I said it. They have gone away because they do not really care about me." And inside his heart, he confirms this wrong belief.

This is a sort of vicious circle that goes on and on for him solidifying his negative beliefs. Note that what drove those good willing persons away  was not that they were really out to get this person, but rather it was due to the person's reaction towards them. The reactions were as a result of the individual's negative beliefs about them.

Another person may believe that there are no opportunities in the world for them. This person with this view about life will not recognise opportunities around him because he believes otherwise. He will even pass up on great chances that are brought to his knowledge because he sees the world poorly.

How about those who believe that everyone around them is wicked, hateful or evil? They tend to only see wickedness and experience it often times because the way they choose to see other people affects the way they react to them. And it is usually offensive.

Think about this for a moment. Those who see the world in a beautiful way tend to see the beauty in everything. It's doesn't mean that they are not discerning to know when they should be careful. They see and understand everything, but they chose to still see life in a positive light. This keeps them experiencing the best.

The way you see the world is the way the world shows itself to you. Yes, there are good things and bad things happening, but always choose to continue recognising the good things and seeing opportunities around you.

 No matter how bad things may appear to be, always maintain a positive outlook that things will always get better. This outlook is what moves you to react positively to life which leads to positive results. Don't let the negativity make you lose sight of the good.

Always see the brighter side. Don't let the downside of life steal away your motivation. Stay sharp and keep that beautiful outlook on life steady. You will see things changing in your life in beautiful ways.

Just see the world positively.

Keep winning! 

Saturday, 7 January 2017

A Quick Way To Change How You Feel

A Quick Way To Change How You Feel

How do you feel right now? Happy or Sad? Feel like an achiever or a loser? Worried or relaxed? How do you really feel about yourself and your life? Your feelings are just about your state of mind. It's all inside your head.

If your mind is filled with good thoughts, you will definitely feel good. And if your mind is cluttered with negative thoughts, you will feel crappy or feel like a loser. Therefore, the kind of thoughts you dwell on determines how you feel.

Hence, all it takes to change the way you feel is simply to change your thoughts. Are you thinking too much about someone's words? Are you thinking too much about risks? Are you thinking about what other people think about you?

Is your mind telling you that you won't succeed? Are you feeling scared? These things are mere thoughts that clutter our heads and make us feel bad. Stop thinking of these negative things and switch your mind to positive thoughts.

If your the thought says "You will never make it!," You laugh and say "I will definitely make it." If it says "All hope is lost," You say "There is always a chance." If it says "You're a loser and that nobody loves you." You'll remind yourself of your successes and people that have cared about you, then say "That's a lie. I'm a winner and I'm loved."

Always replace any negative thoughts in your mind with positive and invigorating ones. What is the purpose of existence if not to be happy in this life? If you're not happy, you're wasting your precious life.

Learn to quickly switch the thoughts inside your head from negative ones to positive ones. That's the simple trick to change how you feel. Don't let negative thinking and depression to steal away your life. This life is beautiful and you need to love it.

No one knows what is going inside your head, but you. So, people may not really understand you or help you get out of your head. If it seems difficult to still get out of these negative thoughts , then talk to someone who can encourage you.

Life is fun. Switch your thoughts to positive ones, do the little you can do to achieve your goals or improve the world and experience the beauty of life. Most of our problems are just living inside our heads. They are simply as a result of the way we think and allow negative thoughts control us.

You don't solve problems by thinking negatively about them. You solve problems by understanding them and looking at the bright side. Believing there is always a solution. Learn to control your thoughts and you will never feel terrible about anything.

I want you to be happy. You are awesome and wonderful just the way you are. Whatever it is that you're currently worried about is definitely going to pass. Everything will be okay. All is well.

Switch your thoughts to believing and be grateful for the life you have. All it takes to feel good is simply to think good thoughts. So switch your thoughts and Do whatever Will make you think good thoughts and stay happy.

See ya!

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