Sunday, December 31, 2017

Why You Should Still Make - And Keep - New Year Resolutions

Make amd Keep New Year Resolutions

We're back to that time of the year again when many people begin to make resolutions for the New Year. This period however has been marked by lots of circulating articles  discouraging some of these people from making those important resolutions on the grounds that they're overrated and hardly kept up with. I see something wrong with this one sided argument and that's why I'm here to give you a reason why you should still make and keep New Year resolutions.

First of all,  I'll like to give you all the standard meaning of a new year's resolution. This is because often times, the problem comes from the understanding of the term.

 According to Wikipedia:
"A New Year's resolution is a tradition, most common in the Western Hemisphere but also found in the Eastern Hemisphere, in which a person resolves to change an undesired trait or behavior, to accomplish a personal goal or otherwise improve their life."

Collins dictionary defines it as: 
"a promise to yourself or decision to do something,
especially to improve one's behaviour or lifestyle in some way, during the year ahead."

Cambridge dictionary sums it up:
"a promise that you make to yourself to start doing something good or stop doing something bad on the first day of the year."

The bottom line of these definitions is that a New Year resolution makes you intent, determined and conscious of doing something. Being intent on achievement anything as we all know is indispensable to being successful at it. Intentions go hand in hand with concrete plans and a soldier never goes into a battle field without any plans!

So those people telling you to scrap New Year resolutions are more like telling you to go into the New Year with no plans. You should go into it with no intentions for it. Just go in and take whatever comes your way. How does that sound? We all know he who fails to plan for just about anything is already planning to fail in that thing.

So New Year resolutions as we've seen from the definition helps us have a very conscious intent, goal or decision as regards what we plan to do with the next 365 days. What could be wrong with having one?

In the arguments by those who say we do away with the resolutions, they always want to drive a point by asking "How many times have you made a New Year resolution and kept it?" And then the logic behind it is: because you've not been able to keep up with some or all of those resolutions, why should you bother about creating one for this New Year?

Do you see anything wrong with that logic? Let me break it down for you. What they're saying in essence is similar to asking "Why should you keep trying to study and pass an important exam when you've failed it many times?" or "Why should you keep resolving to build up your new business when you've made a few losses at the initial stages?" That sounds more like a defeatist mentality.

 Here's another way to look at it: Since your good intentions and plans for yourself to develop your life and add value to others hasn't worked well so far, why bother having any intention at all? Why not fold your arms, relax, keep living life in the same average way and sleep? How inspiring does it sound to you?

Here, we believe that failure at any good venture should never be an excuse to quit. Because you were not able to achieve something, you should not totally scrap the idea of attempting it. So their first argument is debunked.

Another argument is that New Year resolutions are often unrealistic and unattainable. This isn't an issue because it's only an unrealistic person that will set an unrealistic goal for himself or herself. If you're honest with yourself, you will set goals that you know you can definitely achieve. You can't say you want to lose so much weight in few days or make 100 billion dollars in a day. You only set unrealistic goals when you're not honest with yourself. So that's not even a point.

Having dealt with the major arguments from those against making New Year resolutions, I will like to admit that indeed New Year resolutions aren't easy to keep up with. According to a statistic by U.S News, up to 80% of New Year resolutions fail by February. Surprised right? Well, I don't know how they got their statistics, but the good thing is that there are 20% of them that made it past that threshold.

This upcoming year, I want that percentage to increase to at least 50% and here are 5 things I think you should keep in mind as you make your resolutions for the New Year:

#1 Don't Complicate It
It's important to keep your resolutions simple. It's unnecessary to complicate things for yourself. It's better to narrow down your intentions to 3 things you really desire to achieve and achieve it than make a resolution of 100 things then end up achieving none.

#2 There's No Hurry 
Things that last often take some time and cumulative effort. If you try too hard to achieve your resolutions in the shortest possible time, you may end up stressing yourself out or even run out of patience and quit entirely. Just do something everyday that will take you closer to your goals and be patient with results.

#3 Remind Yourself Everyday 
Some people just write their resolutions down somewhere and after the 1st of January, they can't even find it again. Some just forget their resolutions as time goes on. If you're serious about this, you should write it down somewhere you can easily read it every single day. Remind yourself why you made that resolution in the first place and let that be your motivation with every step you take.

#4 If Possible, Keep It To Yourself 
Some people cannot keep their mouths shut. The whole world must not know about your New Year Resolutions. It was written by you and it's for you. Why should you go about telling everyone who cares to listen about it and then end up achieving nothing? Talking about your resolutions gives you a false feeling that you've already achieved them. This isn't good for you. The only exception should be with your significant other.

#5 Pray
Maybe you're among those contemplating on scrapping the whole New Year resolution of a thing because you've tried so many times and it don't seem to work. Maybe you've tried the 4 steps above and yet nothing. You might be missing the spiritual dimension to it which involves prayer. Whatever religion or spirituality you subscribe to, it's important you pray to your creator about your resolutions. This might just be the missing link.

I can tell you that New Year resolutions still work and I've been able to achieve most of the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year. I hope it works for you as we go into this New Year. I hope you keep these ideas in mind and make better resolutions. I wish you a Happy and Prosperous New Year!

Friday, December 29, 2017

The Quickest Way To Build Your Self Confidence

The shy squirrel

Self confidence is a quality that you cannot find lacking in any successful individual. Knowing the quickest way to build it is probably worth some value. You shouldn't be found acting shy or timid when your golden opportunity comes knocking just like the depicted squirrel above. And that's why I've decided to write this blog post.

Damn, I used to be  a really shy guy. I was shy to speak in public, I was shy to give a toast, shy to ask a girl out, shy to even look at other people squarely in the eye. This was a big issue for me because I lost many wonderful opportunities to develop myself as a result of lacking self confidence in certain situations. Even though I occasionally came tops in class, my teachers cared less because I was shy to take up some responsibilities.

No one really cared about how intelligent I was or how quickly I understood things. They cared about my demeanor and how well I carried myself. They weren't seeing good signs, so most of them avoided me and couldn't see any potentials except the few who came  closer and believed in me irrespective of my shamefaced nature. This is important to note: Your level of self confidence is what attracts you to people.

Being shy was almost destroying my life and my potentials until I took a very introspective and analytical look into my life and made a firm decision to build my self confidence for my own good. That led me to read a whole lot of books on the issue which subsequently helped me gain a better understanding of myself and what I needed to be doing.

Nevertheless, irrespective of what I came to learn and know from those  books, I was still not so confident. It was when I decided to constantly dare myself by trying out the things I was afraid to do that I noticed a sharp boost in my self confidence.

I had to push  myself into those situations I was not confident enough to take. I pushed myself to speak up at gatherings given the chance, I pushed myself to organize mini parties with friends even though I felt awkward as regards how best to behave. I pushed myself to try taking people out to lunch or dinner. I pushed myself to dance, start conversation with strangers, look people in the eye and speak to an audience.

And I noticed that with every push that I made, my confidence grew. I definitely felt awkward while pushing myself into those situations, but I did what I could anyways. Whether I did them well or not never mattered to me. What mattered was that I pushed myself to do them.  That was how my self confidence level rose sharply.

Every time I successfully pushed myself into a situation and I came out of it, I always felt an instant boost when I said to myself: "Nigel, you were able to this! Congrats! You have improved!"

It became fun daring myself repeatedly to do things I was scared of doing. And my confidence level increased with every attempt. It doesn't mean that I'm the most confident person in the world right now, because I still have my shy moments. Lol. Notwithstanding, there's a marked improvement in my personal life as a result of my sincerest efforts to dare the scary and the nerve racking.

I know it will work for you as well, because I've passed through it and I'm proof that trying to do those things you thought you couldn't do or that you were afraid of doing really boosts your confidence like magic! It doesn't mean you should dare everything, please don't attempt to fly off a cliff. Lol. The point is to dare yourself given certain opportunities.

There are many ways you can dare yourself. You just need to identify those things you're afraid of doing or facing and make a firm decision to keep trying them one by one. You will notice that the more you try them, the better you will get in those things and the more confident you will be. Self confidence has to also do with experience. The more experienced you are in doing anything, the more confident you are when called upon to do it.

But then, you have to start the process by pushing yourself into those scary and uncomfortable situations. The push is just what you need to start building your self confidence immediately. It will feel awkward, it will feel embarrassing, you will still feel shy or nervous.. But just overlook those scary feelings and keep being in those awkward situations and acting the way you can.

The awkward feelings are only trying to keep you trapped the same way, so that you will keep avoiding those scary situations. But you will never grow with avoidance. You will have to face it if you want to build that confidence. There is no quicker way than that push.

Working on your personal grooming and social skills are also worthy to mention. But they do not boost your confidence as quickly as daring those uncomfortable situations does.

I hope this article motivates you to break out of that reticent nature.

Stay confident and keep winning!

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Experience Is The Only Real Teacher

Experience As Real Teacher
How far would a man go in life without experience? I'll leave the answer up to you. However, the times have taught us that experience is the only real teacher out there. Other teachers may give you just mere knowledge, but experience arms you with both knowledge and practice. Learning by experience has proven over and over again to be  the  best way to learn.

Before I become good at playing certain games like PES and Chess, I was a typically a fish in playing them. I was like the Jon Snow of the HBO series when it came to those games. Till I put myself into playing those games and letting the experience of playing them teach me, I was only wishing I could play them as well as those who were experts.

For PES, I knew the keys to press on the game pad. I knew the controls. But ultimately, I knew nothing about it because I had never played it. The first time I played it with the knowledge I had, I was trashed completely. Which confirmed that having knowledge about something never equates to knowing how to do it!

Same thing goes for Chess. I knew the movement of the pieces, I knew the names of pieces, I Googled some tactics and strategies. But then, it never translated to becoming an expert or a master. I was still beaten lots of times before I began to get a hang of the game.

Now this is very important to note: I had knowledge of these games, but I wasn't good in those games because experience had not taught me. When I let experience teach me, irrespective of the risks and the embarrassment that could be involved, that was when I became better in those games.

The only way to get better in anything is by passing through repetitive experience! There are no shortcuts. You can study all you want, go on YouTube and watch videos, you can listen to various how to audios, but if you never put yourself in the situation and let experience teach you, you're only wasting your precious time!

Experience will first humble you! You will make mistakes, you will embarrass yourself, you will feel like you know nothing, but it's all good, because that's exactly how experience wants you to feel. It will shatter all your lofty opinions about yourself and you'll be as humble as pie.

You know why experience does that first? It's because boastfulness isn't good for you. Some people boast too much about what they think they know and this often hinders them from learning anything new. Experience knows this and it shatters this arrogance beforehand. Many educated people are this arrogant because of what they think they know. However, they have very little experience.

Experience will push you to certain risks. Some of the very accomplished speakers today once felt shaky the first time they stood in front of an audience to speak. They faced risks of making a very terrible grammatical error, forgetting what they wanted to say and being ridiculed. Some made errors, some forgot their lines, some felt embarrassed, but guess what? They all became better at every subsequent speech and today, they're wonderful orators.

In learning how to drive a car or fly a plane, there are risks. You'll need assistance, but you will still be the one to drive or fly. It will be scary, you may crash, you may get injured, you might collide with other drivers or even obstacles, but nevertheless, you face all those risks, put yourself into repetitive experience and you finally become an experienced driver or pilot.

Everything worthwhile comes with a certain amount of risk. And the gains of being taught by the only true teacher(experience) is definitely worth the risks you will have to face. The most successful people in the world today are those who have passed through many experiences. They were taught by the best and they became the best. They were daring and bold enough to embrace the risks that experience came with and they were duly rewarded with success.

From building awesome technological systems to inventing the latest vaccine in the medical world, experience is indispensable.

Even asking a girl out requires you to have some experience and face some possible risks. She might turn you down, she might embarrass you, she might ignore you totally. But then you get better with whatever result you get and you become wiser for next time. You might end up figuring out that her turning you down might have been in disguise or that she really likes you but was only acting up. Or worse case scenario, you know for sure that she's not interested. Whatever the outcome, you win!

But if you don't try to pass through any experiences, and yet you claim to know something, when you'll eventually find yourself in a situation, you'll be shocked that you're a John Snow in the matter. Lol.

Life favors the experienced, the bold and the courageous. Experience is all you need. It will teach you everything you need to know. It will teach you what you can't find in books or on the internet. It teaches you by making you pass through the action and destroying your arrogance. It's simply the best teacher.

Get as much experiences as you can and keep winning!

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

The Dilemma Of The Young Hustler

dilemma of young hustler

This article is dedicated to all the young hustlers out there striving to make their marks on the world, improve the quality of their lives and positively impact their environment. These young ones often find themselves in a dilemma where  they're worried about how they will make a major breakthrough or when their works will be rewarded and recognized.

The world is already a competitive space with more and more  people falling back to living average and just comfortable lives. It's not like  most of these guys who are falling back to mediocrity want to remain there. It's just that they've given up on continuously making efforts towards standing out from the rest because of the challenges they have encountered.

However, therein lies the fun of standing out and making an impact. The challenges and problems you encounter while striving for relevance and sustainable wealth  are what prepares you for that position you seek. Young hustler, if it was easy, then everyone would be relevant and possess massive wealth. But the challenges you encounter on the way are what shapes you into an individual who is ideal for such accomplishments.

Have it at the back of your mind that whatever you're striving for may not necessarily come as easy as you thought it would, but if you're willing to stay on your path and keep doing something very well irrespective of the hurdles you face, you will eventually get there. It has been the path of very successful men and women before you. It has been the only path: work hard(smart), be persistent and keep trying your best.

Stop adding a time frame to when you will make a major breakthrough. Because there's no exact time for everyone. If opportunity meets with your preparedness, then you found your own time. We cannot all meet opportunity at the same time. What really matters is how prepared you are for it when it comes. The preparation is really the key!

Once you're  prepared, it doesn't matter the time opportunity will come because whenever it decides to come, you're ready! You will maximize it and make a major breakthrough. And how do you get yourself prepared? Work! Work, work and work in the field you're passionate about. Take time to learn and gain experiences in that field. The challenges you face while working on your missions are there to prepare you for that golden opportunity you seek.

Therefore, we shouldn't see these challenges we face as stumbling blocks, we should see them as preparatory situations. Maybe your government isn't doing very well to support your work or grant you loans. That shouldn't stop you from going out there and adding value in whatever way you can. The  government might not appreciate you, but if you keep preparing yourself with work and responsibility in your field, an opportunity will find you!

It may be from a stranger, an unexpected NGO, a new partnership with a foreign country or a firm. It might come  from the advancements on the internet. You never can tell. But the deal is not to let those challenges you face stop you from expressing what you wish you express or create in this world. Challenges don't really exist if we refuse to acknowledge them.

Experience has shown countless times that a person with a positive mindset and attitude about the achievement of anything is more likely to achieve it than one who is too pessimistic and conscious of all the challenges involved.

Young hustler, you may have been working for years without any major breakthrough. It may look like there's no one out there who supports you and the little you do. It might even seem that all your efforts are pointless and you're barely making a living from it or getting noticed. But guess what? Your breakthrough is just around the corner if only you can hang on, close your eyes to those stumbling blocks and keep developing your art.

It will surprise you when you will get to that place where you want to be and your opportunity may just happen when you least expect it. The catch is to stay continuously prepared and active when it will come.

I hope this inspires you to keep it up. The future is bright for you. Don't relent. Keep striving. Keep working hard. Keep shining and keep winning. Your breakthrough is already there.. just hang on.

Stay bold and keep winning! 

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Why You Should Stop Running Away From All Tough Situations

stop running from failure

Running away from tough circumstances or situations is rapidly becoming commonplace in our world today. And you know why? It's because more and more  people are becoming lazier and lazier.
And why are more people getting lazier and lazier? It's because most of them are busy watching TV or surfing online for a new movie series.

So they run away from anything that looks tough or anything that is likely to stress them because they can't wait to go back to their movies, entertainment, gossiping, whiling away time and finally to their comfort zone. And that's how they keep running away from opportunities that could change their lives for good. They keep running from "stressful" or "tough" things, because they want it easy.

But come to think of it.. If becoming successful was as easy as that, then it would make no meaning to be a successful person. Everyone would then be successful, because everyone could do something that is easy to do. In reality however, not everyone can put up with something that is challenging or difficult. That's why few people are successful. Because only few people are ready to change their mindsets about what may look tough and decide to conquer it.

It's easy to find out for yourself how reluctant people are to do anything tough. Just listen. Words like stress at  common because people are just becoming lazier. They'll rather sit at home watching the latest series, playing video games, arguing over pointless things and blaming their government for their woes. Time that could've been spent on a challenging experience becomes wasted and nothing about them changes.

It's important we learn to face tough challenges that we may not necessarily find easy whenever we are  disposed to or not occupied with anything. Those situations instill qualities in us that enable us become better individuals who are  on the right track to achieving success. They teach us persistence, humility, determination, doggedness, resilience and a whole lot of life skills. And whenever we are able to beat those challenges that looked so tough, it greatly builds our self-esteem and confidence.

The easier route when faced with a very hard looking situation is to run and back off. But then, when you run away, the situation laughs at you because you've lost. You've learnt nothing, you've gained nothing and you've accomplished nothing. You lose on all grounds. You add nothing to your life and you go on being the same old you.

A man or woman who loves to be new, stronger and fresher everyday is willing to take up new challenges that will help them learn, improve and develop. Taking up tough challenges doesn't mean that it's a must you come out solving it. You may encounter failures, but those failures are successes in disguise because they make you stronger the next time you try. You find out that with every new trial after any failures, you're better.

You're one step closer to your ultimate self whenever you take up those challenges that don't look so easy. You're many steps afar, when you keep running away from them. There's only one way up and that way is to always improve. Improvement is rapid when we dare those things that scare us to do. Failing or being successful when you dare these things don't matter. The important thing is to build the habit of continuously challenging ourselves to tough challenges.

Some people's reason for seeking easier alternatives may not be as a result of laziness. Some are as a result of the fear of failure. This fear must be eliminated from our lives totally. It doesn't help us in any way. To that person willing to try continuously, failure is impossible. That's what most of us miss. I used to be afraid of failing. I was a perfectionist, I couldn't stand failing even once. But this kept me in the dark for some time because I was so afraid to fail that I actually tried very few things.

Today, I know better. And I know that failure doesn't really exist in the dictionary of anyone who understands that the willingness to keep trying knows no failure. It only knows improvement from every single attempt. My life turned around with this understanding.

So, if you're taking the easy route because you can't stand failure. I'm telling you today that failure is an illusion that doesn't exist and you never fail once you're willing to keep trying! It's only your mind that keeps you imagining how bad failure is.

Failure is good for you.. Just face it over and over again and it will bow before you and show you success. In short, failure is success disguised on another level. It is same thing! Understand this and try many things you've been afraid to try, that's how you succeed!

If you're seeking easy routes because of plain laziness, you better think again after reading this article. If you really care about standing out and making uncommon impact to this world, you should learn to sometimes try the tough ways. It will build you up to be a creator who brings out his or her best continuously. Creators rule the world. It's just the truth. Creators in technology, art, drama, sports, politics, science, business.. Name it.

The people who are always on their toes doing those tough things on a daily basis and taking up more responsibility than the lazy ones are  the ones ruling the lazy ones. Laziness is the easiest route to mediocrity, poverty and a life of regrets. I know you don't want that.

Bold winners are not afraid of taking up tough challenges! They take it up when opportunity presents itself. It gives them responsibility, builds them up and keeps them on a sure pathway to success!

Stay bold and keep winning!

Your boy, Nigel! 

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Face Life With A Mindset Of Simplicity

mindset of simplicity

Often times we face life with a mindset that makes us believe it's difficult to excel or become successful in certain things. Rather than keeping an open mind to learn the simplicity behind many things, we tend to complicate it with our minds. This article aims to help you see and approach things from the basics rather than complicate them with your mind.

Recently, I went for a skill acquisition program with some friends of mine and soon there was this enthusiastic guy who came to speak to us. He was confident, funny and delivered his lesson very convincingly. After his final speech, the whole class honored him with a thunderous round of applause.

And then a friend who sat by my side asked, "How does he do it?" I replied, "How do you mean?" He  continued, "I mean, how does he make public speaking look so easy?" After a brief pause, I replied "It's because it's actually easy for him. He is that precise because he no more sees speaking as a difficult thing and so it has become actually easy for him."

It's not just my friend, many of you might be wondering or must have wondered about how well certain people become so good at what they do. You watch Barack Obama give a speech and he connects deeply with his audience. Then you wonder how he does what may look difficult for you so well. What about when you watch top football players like Messi play? You wonder how they manage to dribble with the ball like that and score.

You might look at pilots, engineers, mathematicians, doctors, singers, teachers, lawyers, strategists, dancers, politicians and etcetera. And then you wonder how the experts in those fields do what they do so well. You could think, "Well they practiced, so they became perfect." You're not wrong, but it's only a half truth.

Constant practice with a wrong mindset about what you're practicing will lead to frustration. What you believe about anything is exactly what you get. If you already think something is too complicated, believe me, no matter how hard you practice it with that mindset, you won't make any serious progress.

Reminds me of something way back in college. I loved mathematics, it had always been my best subject and I found it very easy and exciting to learn. However, some of my peers had a mindset of difficulty when it came to mathematics. No matter how much I try to explain to them, they always say they hate math and won't ever understand it. Their words became reality for them. Only a few of them willing to believe that it was as easy as I told them, made some progress in learning  it.

This holds one truth: Your mindset about anything will affect the results you get out of it. Have you ever wondered why a woman who believes that all men are cheats or irresponsible usually gets to hook up with same kind of men over and over? Or ever wondered why the person who believes that there are no jobs or opportunities out there seldom finds any? It's worth thinking about.

Some people think that things are difficult. The truth is that there is nothing as difficult as you imagine it to be. The mere fact that someone is doing it and doing it with so much ease should be proof that it's not difficult to do. But the thing is that you believe it is difficult and it makes you afraid to even try the basics which are usually easy to grasp.

People often want to make things look complicated and that's why they often miss out on achieving success. Things are incredibly easy believe me! If only you can accept that mindset of simplicity and approach it step by step. You will eventually get to that point where you see how easy it is. That's only when you have invested time through practice and then you make progress because your mindset is right.

Nothing is difficult once again. Just approach it with the right mindset, persistence and practice, then you will see how easy it is to do.

You have always been the one in between where yourself and where you want to be. You are totally responsible. 

People keep asking what's the secret to success? The answer has always been free and commonplace: work hard and smart, do more than others in your area of interest. But then the answer is too simple, so they don't accept it. It has to be a secret or a mystery or something more complicated. So they seek for harder answers. They keep asking the question over and over.

Some ask, "How do I get good at math(or anything)?" And you tell them the simple truth: "Math(anything) is really easy, just work at it and practice as much as possible." But no.. The answer is too obvious, they want a shortcut to make things easier because the way of simplicity looks difficult to them. They go on looking for non existent shortcuts and never get good in what they want to master. 

You should know that there are no shortcuts to finding how easy things really are. The shortcut is to have a simple open mind and then invest time and practice to learn the ropes. When you've paid your dues, it becomes very easy. But then you may decide to go on wasting the time you should've used to pay your dues in searching for illusory shortcuts. Then things will continue looking hard for you.

If you're to take anything away from this article, I want you to just know that nothing is hard. Everything is easy. But then you have to pay your dues(which may look hard) in order to see the simplicity in it. That's the price to pay for things to be easy for you.

Don't complicate things for yourself. Follow the basics, take time to learn the ropes from the beginner level to the advanced level, you will see that nothing is difficult. Don't look at the part that looks hard, don't worry about how you're going to do achieve it. Just know that it's as simple as ABC and bend down to learn it gradually. Everything will surprisingly look easier as you go higher.

We all need to approach our lives and challenges with a mindset of simplicity. That way, you and me will be positioned to achieve the very best!

See you at the top! 

Saturday, December 9, 2017

The Easiest Way To Rise Above Mediocrity

easiest way to rise above mediocrity

Let's roll. Catchy title right? You probably were quick to click on this link because you really wanted to find the easiest way to rise above mediocrity. That's a good thing and that's exactly what you're going to get.

A lot of people are striving for success in their personal lives because they want to live life comfortably, stand out and not just live an average life like everyone else. This is really a good thing and the hunger to rise beyond the rest is the starting point. However, even though many people want to be successful and are striving for it, there are few people who eventually encounter success. 

Why is this so? More and more people are working harder everyday doing work from dawn till dusk, trying to make ends meet but still they find themselves trapped living life at same level with other people. Some people have read many self-help books, amassed lots of certificates, gone to the best schools, tried their hands at businesses and even listened to the best advice on success but yet they can't still rise above mediocrity.

Mediocrity becomes a sort of a big wide gulf that is very accommodating and stands in between them and their success. Let's bring it down to you, my dear reader. Maybe you have tried your hands at stuff and failed. Maybe you've applied for lots of jobs, but you've gotten none yet. Maybe you have a work or a business that you're doing, but you're not really happy with it because you can barely pay your bills with it. Maybe, just maybe.

What have you done about it? You've read books, you've gone for seminars, you've done your research and you're trying your best. What's wrong? Why are you still trapped with the majority of people instead of breaking out? The next lines you'll be reading will tell you exactly what's been keeping you from achieving success and what you need to do. Read them carefully, digest it word by word, don't rush and try to understand, then apply it.

The only reason you've not risen above mediocrity is simply because you're not doing more than the rest in your best niche. 

Yeah, you read that right. There are two important things there: "doing more" and "your best niche." You could be working so hard, but you may not be doing more than the rest. Working hard isn't the same as doing more. A person who does more doesn't just work hard, he goes the extra mile to accomplish much more than other people.

A person who does more will put in an extra 2 hours to learn new trends about his or her business while the rest are rushing home to party or club for the weekend. A person who does more will put in time to develop new skills that will enable him or her create something extraordinary, while the rest are complaining about how bad the government or economy is.

A person who does more is not an ordinary person who wastes his or her time. He makes it a business to be very smart and thoughtful about whatever he chooses to do. Working hard isn't bad advice, as a matter fact it's important to work hard, however the question is how smartly are you working hard?

There's a story, two men were given 10 minutes to cut down one tree each of the same size with two very blunt axes. They were not in the same place. So they had no idea what the other person would be doing. As the set time began counting, the first man immediately rushed into action, hitting the tree with the blunt axe. For 10 minutes he tried to cut down the tree without progress.

He was working very hard. Hitting the tree with all his energy. But he wasn't making any progress. In the end he didn't achieve any success. He was sweating profusely, exhausted and panting. This is where so many mediocre people are. They work so hard, and they invest so much energy into achieving more, but they get little. This first man was working hard, but he was doing little. He couldn't cut down a single tree.

When the time started for the second man, he gave it a bit of thought(important) and decided to sharpen his axe first. It took him 3 minutes to sharpen the axe and it was very sharp. And he hit the three "One, Two, Three, Four..." At the seventh hit, the tree fell down thunderously. He accomplished this in 2 minutes. He had 5 extra minutes to spare! This is worth thinking over for sometime.

This second man was thoughtful. He had to do more than the first by being very smart and thoughtful. His thoughtfulness led him to decide to sharpen his axe first. Of course, it paid off. Thoughtful and smart hard work pays off. He did more than his opponent by his thoughtfulness and smartness. You must be smarter and more thoughtful than the rest if you want to stand out and be successful.

The first man could've hit the tree 100 times in quick succession with aggressiveness. This man cut down the tree in 7 hits. It was easier for him to achieve success. Given the extra 5 minutes, he could cut down three more trees. If he desired to work as hard as the first man, 100 hits should cut down about 14 trees coupled with his "doing more" through being smart. The first man cut zero.

I hope you already get the drift about doing more than the rest. It's not about just repeating the same thing over and over without thoughtfulness or doing it the same way everyone does it. You must have the mindset and consciousness of doing things differently with "sense."

Then we come to the second thing to pick which is "Your Best Niche." You should be doing more in your best niche and not anywhere else. It's difficult to even do more than the rest in a niche you have no passion for. Even if you're doing more than the rest in an area that's not your niche, you won't go very far because it's not what you were designed to do.

This is where passion for what you do plays a great role. That's because you are motivated to do more when you're in a field you're passionate about. We were not created to do the same things. Everyone has a role and mission to accomplish. It doesn't have to be what another person does. Many people are trapped in mediocrity because they are merely copy cats and they're never original. 

They say there's money in coding, they rush into coding when they clearly don't love it. They say there's money in medicine, acting, singing, engineering or politics, they rush into it without knowing if that's what they're meant to do with their lives. Someone comes along and says there's money in ponzi schemes, and you see them run along. These people simply don't know their niche. They're just floating and trying things out.

That's why they're easily fed up. They finally go into coding, medicine, engineering, acting or whatever and then it starts becoming a chore for them. They get easily bored and they don't have any passion for their work because in the first place they got it all wrong. Very passionate people are only found in their niche and their passion keeps them doing more than the rest.

That's why all those successful people who stand out are very passionate. You see it in their eyes. From the way it glitters, from their expressions, you simply know they're where they are meant to be. Everyday becomes play to them because they're in their best niche. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Lionel Messi, Oprah Winfrey, Barack Obama are few examples. These guys aren't working anymore, they're playing.. Playing keeps them doing more than the rest because they're enjoying the play.

Do you ever feel tired of doing what you love? Let's say a video game, an interesting movie or being with someone you love? Of course not! That's how work feels like for passionate people in their best niche! This article could help you identify your niche. Discovering your best niche is a personal job which only you can do for yourself. No one else will.

Once again: The only reason you've not risen above mediocrity is simply because you're not doing more than the rest in your best niche. 

In other words, the easiest way you can rise above mediocrity(the rest) is by doing more than the rest(explained) in the niche where you function best. It's just the truth there is to it.

Until next time,

Stay bold and keep winning.



Thursday, December 7, 2017

Jealousy And Praise Are Pointers To Your Success Path

Jealousy and Praise as pointers to success

Jealousy and praise are two sides of the same coin. They are both emotions arising out of the same thing which is achievement. In a competitive world however, where many are trapped in mediocrity, it's easier for other people to get jealous about what you've achieved and you may tend to perceive their envy negatively instead of seeing it as a pointer to your path of success.

Take some time to reflect over your life and figure out the things that you're often praised about. Maybe it's your dexterity in fixing up technical stuff, maybe it's how good looking you are, maybe it's how sweet your food tastes, it could be how well you play a particular sport or even how well you speak, dance and perform on stage. Whatever it is, try to write them down.

Also think about the things that make other people envy you. Write them down too in a separate list. In many cases you will figure out lots of similarities in the two lists. But the point of this exercise is to bring to your consciousness the various things which can be harnessed to lead you to ultimate success. The list could be long or short. It doesn't matter, just be very honest about it and write anything as long as you can be praised or envied because of it.

It's important to make your decision on what you want your life to be based on those items on the list. They're the items that make you stand out of the average life. You should think creatively of those items, find out what it says about you and seek for ways you can add value to the world through it as a possible career path.

For example, say on the list, you have intelligence, maybe you always come on top of your class and of course feathers are ruffled. You have other guys who want to be like you, but you're not giving them any chance. You're busy winning the prize for the best student yearly. Of course, naturally your competitors and other students will tend to be jealous of you.

People tend to naturally feel jealous when they feel that someone else has something which they wish should have been theirs. Sometimes, even the best of your well wishers cannot help but feel a bit jealous of your accomplishments when you're moving up real fast. It's not like they want to be jealous, it comes naturally to them.

In such a school situation as described, the intelligent kid shouldn't make the mistake of channelling negative energy back to other students who may be envious of him. He would lose his focus if he does that and he will go on making unnecessary enemies for himself. But if he doesn't really let the envy of others bother him, he will stay on track as an intelligent kid and develop his intelligence very well.

With a sharpened intellect, he could go into any other field of endeavor he's really passionate about and excel.

For you maybe it's football, managing people, planning or organizing, cooking, dancing, acting, repairing, coding, arguing, manufacturing, talking, cracking jokes. Whatever you're praised or envied for, you should develop it. It points to various paths to your success. You could be praised for being good at games, it says you're a competitive person and you should focus on figuring out how to channel your competitive nature for creating good.

Some people are just very clean, or they have a keen sense of fashion. Some are just really good at Mathematics, some are good at writing or speaking very well, they've got an accent. All these are pointers to their success paths.

People must've made very good comments at you for the way you do something. There are things we do very well, even though we may not notice it ourselves, but other people could see it and say something about it or react in a certain way to you. See through this praise and identify your best skills and maximize them. Don't get carried away!

Alternatively, people must've gotten jealous over you based on something. You should be observant enough to figure out what's making them jealous because your strongest points to progress are usually envied as well. So.. Instead of getting worked up about who's envious or not.. See through the envy and know what you're doing very well. Then continue to do it and expand your experience and skill in that area. Those areas are your key areas to shine and as a bold winner, the goal is to keep shining and keep winning!

Till next time,
It's your boy, Nigel.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Four Things I Learnt From Boarding A Bus This Morning

things learnt from boarding bus

Many of us I guess has had to board a bus to some place at some time for some reason. I do that a lot. But today was different because a deep insight just dawned on me as I alighted from a bus on my way to work this morning. I never looked at boarding a bus this way before and it showed me the path to the achievement of anything. I found it enlightening and that's why I'm sharing it with you guys today.

I woke up this morning with the intention of getting to work early enough and as usual I went to the nearest bus stop to wait for a bus. The main intention was to get to work on time. And in order to do that, I had to board a bus that was going towards my place for work(choice and action) and stop at the closest bus stop to it(awareness, consciousness), then alight(action).

These were 4 things I gleaned:

#1 Intention 
If I had no intention of going to work this morning or anywhere for that matter. I'll most likely stay at home and waste my entire day and time because I had no intention. The power of intention in the achievement of anything cannot be underestimated. Intention is the force that pushes you to action. Now some people don't act on their intention because their intentions aren't strong enough or they don't know how to go about it. But if you have a strong intention, it will drive you to find out how best to take action and then take the required action.

My intention was to get to work early.. And that intention was what pushed me to prepare myself and head to the bus stop. Intention will give you a clear direction and you won't be hazy. You'll be clear.

#2 Choice
At the bus stop, there way many buses going to various destination. All the buses weren't going to the same place. I had to board a bus and the choice that I'll have to make must be the choice that will lead me to my desired destination. Having an intention and just acting on it without making informed choices could be catastrophic.

Imagine myself just entering any of those buses or the first one I saw without finding out where it was going. I'll probably get lost somewhere and waste my money trying to come back to a known location. Your choice will be influenced by correct information about your intention and the route to it. That's why it's important to ask the right questions as regards your intentions of you're really serious about getting to achieving it.

#3 Action
I waited for the right bus heading to my way and boarded it. I could've stood there at the bus stop even though I wanted to go somewhere and I know the right choice of a bus to enter. I could've hesitated to enter the expected bus when it came by. I could go on thinking about the number of accidents that may have happened to bus commuters or I may be scared of being kidnapped or something. I could've made up any excuse to stay back and do nothing about my intent. But against all odds, I boarded the bus and paid for the fare.

Taking action is crucial to achievement of anything you want to achieve and it's usually the part where many people fail because they have so many fears and questions keeping them from taking action when they have to. It's important to ask questions, the very important questions that will inform your actions. But sometimes we just ask too many irrelevant questions because of our latent fears. It will keep you stuck in same place and you'll achieve nothing because you've done nothing!

#4 Awareness/Consciousness
After boarding the bus, I had to be very aware and conscious because I was already making progress by the action to enter the bus. This is important because some people get carried away when they have taken an action and they forget that they have a target in mind.

I could've lost myself discussing with a passenger sitting beside me and fail to alight at the right bus stop. I could start enjoying the driver's style of driving and forget my intention. But no.. I had to be aware and fully conscious of when the bus was approaching my destination.

Awareness will keep you focused on your goals or intentions. You will not be easily distracted I'n the course of taking an action when you've become aware. When we got closer to the desired stop, I informed the driver and he stopped me. And I got to work early(success).

These four stages intention, choices, action and awareness are indispensable to achieving whatever we want to achieve. The saying that God helps those who help themselves is as true as they say it. If you play your part as a human being, existence will help you to reach your goals easily.

What would we achieve in life without these 4 stages?  Imagine if I just boarded a bus with nowhere in mind. I wouldn't even know when I achieve anything because there was nothing in mind to achieve. I'll just be passing time and waiting for nothing. How can such a person succeed at anything? Life will be meaningless because I'm not living for anything. I'm just wasting space and time. That's not the kind of life I'll wish for anybody.

You were born bold and you were also born a winner. You have the capacity to achieve anything you want to achieve if only you can apply these 4 steps.

Go out there, conquer, stay bold and keep winning!

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

If You Ever Felt Like You Don't Know How To Go About Anything, Read This Article

trapped by I don't know how to go about it

Many dreams have been trapped, caged and buried as a result of the popular line "I don't know how to go about it." It has limited a larger number of people from achieving success in their various fields. This article has been written to push you beyond this line to go ahead and take action based on whatever little information you currently have.

To begin with, I'll like to share this rarely acknowledged truth with you: no one knows exactly how they're gonna go about achieving anything big. Many successful people have simply stumbled upon opportunities because they were already in motion. Remember that "..already in motion!" Anyone who claims to know exactly how to be successful in achieving their ideas is most probably lying. People are in the dark.. but the few in motion will stumble upon their life changing opportunities.

Some of you tend to easily give up on achieving whatever wonderful ideas you've got simply because you think you don't know how to go about it. But the simple truth is that there's always a clue or a hint as regards something you can start in line with that idea.

The Wright brothers didn't have a clue as regards how they could invent the first successful manned flight. As a matter of fact, many people at that time thought it was impossible and even stupid to try something like that. These  boys didn't know how to go about it faced with so much pessimism, but they went ahead to experiment and take action that helped them figure out exactly how.

 They could've sat back and said "We'll like to invent the first manned flight, but we don't know how to go about it." Their time would've just ticked away and they'll probably have died unknown without making much impact. Thanks to them, the aeronautical industry has improved rapidly since their 12 seconds successful flight in 1902.

What about Thomas Edison who was the inventor of the first electric light bulb? History has it that this dude tried over 1000 times before he was successful in his invention. One thousand good times? I wonder how many of us would have had such patience which Edison had.

Did he know exactly how to go about it? Of course not! If he did, he would not have tried more than the first time. He would've gotten it right the first time! But he had no idea, but was willing to try given some clues which he had. Are you still having the mindset of knowing exactly how to do anything? Let's go over a few more examples.

Abraham Lincoln was one of the foremost and most instrumental American presidents. Legend has it that he failed at many things in his life time. He even contested for many elective positions and failed. You think this man with all his challenging experiences knew exactly how he was gonna become the president of America? You must note however that he was willing to try. 

What about Nelson Mandela who was instrumental in the fight against apartheid and multicultural discrimination in South Africa? Do you think he knew exactly how he would be instrumental in achieving his vision even after spending 27 good years in prison? That's a question I'll leave you to answer.

In a post here on Goalcast, Actress Taraji P. Henson shared her experience before she rose to stardom. She left for California at 26 years of age with only $700 in her pocket and her toddler. Some people thought she was crazy by taking that decision, but today, she's grateful she took that action.

There are many more examples that I could give, but I'll just stop at these few. What's the point of telling you about all these people? It's simply to let you know that you don't need to focus or dwell too much on figuring out exactly how you going to achieve anything. Because it's a big trap for the mind and you'll easily get stuck there without doing anything.

You should simply just find clues and take action. Action(being in motion) is really crucial. It's the only road that pushes you closer to whatever you want to achieve. The common thing among all these guys mentioned above is this: they were all willing to take important action and try out something(which may have looked impossible) in line with their vision. And that's why they were still able to achieve it.

They all acted on the little clues they had without trying to figure everything out first. Clues are everywhere.. Sometimes, they just come into your mind as hunches to act. Other times, you might get clues from discussion with other people. With the internet at our fingertips, there are billions of clues towards achieving anything. So clues that could inspire you into action are so free.

But you know why you've still not made much progress? It's because instead of acting on those clues, you allow your fears creep in and then you want to figure out the perfect(exact) way to achieve your vision. The whole point of this article is to let you know that there's no exact or perfect way which you can figure out. You're only wasting time.

Simply pick your clues and act on them. Try things out instead of being stuck on the idea zone. When I created this blog 2 years ago, I didn't know anything about blogging. I didn't know about formatting my posts to be search engine optimised, I didn't know about how to design my templates, buy a domain name, edit html and all that. I only had a clue back then and that was to create this blog on a free platform.  So I went ahead to create this blog with all my ignorance and in the process, I've learnt a lot about blogging which I never knew. I've met with other experienced bloggers and there's a whole lot more for me to learn.

What if I had been stuck by the question: "I don't know how to go about blogging?" I may probably have never created this blog. You may not have been reading this today. I may never have had the opportunity to touch people's life for good through this blog. It might have just been one of those ideas in my head which I never acted upon. But this blog is here and I'm able to reach you because I wasn't stuck in figuring out everything about blogging first.

So that's the deal: Whatever you're passionate about doing, whatever ideas you've got in your head, whatever way you want to add some value to the world, simply go into it. Take any available clue and act on it. When you're into it, you'll be surprised at how you will begin to know whatever you need to know. You'll learn a lot in the process and you'll move closer to achieving that big idea.

I want you to be successful and never be stuck in the same zone in your life. And I hope this article inspires you to break out of that comfort(idea) zone into activity.

Until next time,

Break out, take a clue, act on it and keep winning!

Nigel.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Inspiring Letter To The Younger African Generation

younger generation

I recently came across this inspiring letter written by an influential African businessman, Tony Elumelu, for the younger generation. I found it worth reading, worth sharing and worth thinking about. Here it is:


"Young African,
You are brave, you are resilient. You are savvy, you are entrepreneurial, and unlike the generations that have come before you, you are much hungrier for success. You call your ambition, “your hustle”, and you have several of them because you are tireless and eager to achieve financial independence – no matter how elusive it appears.

You are optimistic but you are also anxious. You have seen others toil long and hard for economic security in vain, decades of labour without fruit. Some of your friends may have discussed emigrating with you – legally or illegally, and some may have lost their young lives crossing the Mediterranean in search of a future overseas where their talents are recognized and rewarded.

You may even know a few in Libya, unsuspecting victims to the ugly acts of slave trade. A combination of these factors has left you disillusioned and disconnected. You don’t believe in politics. There is no use in getting involved. You have seldom experienced good governance, so you think, “What’s the point?” But despite the gloom, there actually is indeed a point.

My generation and the ones before may have failed you, and the infrastructure for success glaringly absent – a persistent darkness in place of electricity, a stifling business environment that discourages enterprise and innovation, debilitating bureaucracy, inaccessible public officials who remain oblivious to your needs, an outdated education system in urgent need of reform– and the list goes on, but, if there’s anyone with the power to transform our continent and reshape our economic and social trajectory, it is YOU.

There is formidable power in your intellect and creativity, your talent and ingenuity are rare, and your resolve and determination against all odds, can drive great change. But most importantly, the greatest force is in your numbers. Together, all 600 million of you that are under 30 years old, have the potential to be the most influential bloc on this continent. The indescribable influence that you can collectively wield, I hope that you soon fully understand and hopefully, deploy.

Today, I’d like to discuss the inescapable reality of politics with you. It has been a busy week of traveling from Lagos to Boston, to Los Angeles, and in a few hours to New York, to receive BCIU’s inaugural Dwight Eisenhower Entrepreneurship Award, but I thought to take time out this evening to share a few thoughts with you.

I have been inspired to share this with you after listening to my former professor at Harvard, Prof Michael Porter, whose session during our leadership council meeting of the Harvard Kennedy School Center of Public Leadership, was insightful, powerful, and very thought provoking.

His well-articulated argument emphasized that as a people we cannot afford to remain passive about politics. Though his reference region was America, there are strong parallels with our own situation in Africa. The main root cause of our continent’s underlying failure to pull the majority of its citizens from the unyielding clutches of poverty is poor leadership, so then why do we continue to tell ourselves that politics exists in a realm outside our own realities?

 Why do we refuse to engage in the political process of identifying and supporting visionary candidates, instead we remain at the mercy of political leadership committed to putting private interest ahead of public interest. Leaders who are beholden to the ideology that political parties come before citizens. Leaders who are private gain-seeking actors.

What we desperately need is a continent-wide awakening. We must grow to become active citizens who are committed to getting involved. The system is not self-correcting, there are no market forces at play to ensure that it corrects itself. It will require human actors – me and you – to identify and dismantle the structural impediments that fuel the status quo of bad leadership.

We must address this issue both systemically and systematically. Our democracy has become very disconnected from being democratic, we must bring power back to the people. We must reform the rules of our electoral processes to inject more transparency. We must transform politics from being an industry for a few interests, to being about the people and addressing the public needs. We must change the oligopoly nature of our politics today to being one for the majority.

The barriers to entry are high in politics, and very often, our best brains and talent are discouraged from running for office. We must dismantle these systems that keep away talented, individuals from joining the race. We must open the door for generations knocking after us. We must take advantage of our demographic dividend, millions of young people who are ready to make a change.

We must welcome this new generation of new ideas and we must democratize access to opportunity for all. We must get more women involved in the process because when you empower women you empower communities. Structural reforms mean that no one individual can make this change alone, but with our collective voices and the realization that this is our time and that no one but us can save our continent, we can achieve change.

We can no longer outsource politics or governance to people we do not trust. We must understand the inextricable link between governance, economic growth and national security. To pretend that politics does not influence the entirety of our lives harms us more than it benefits us. We must change the rules of the game. We must put up a coordinated front to reorient our values and bring power back to the people. Our leaders must be the best amongst us - those with the most transformative ideas and the capacity to deliver.

 It should be the best amongst us leading us in government, in the military, in our judiciary and of course the corporate sector. We must instill accountability in our processes, but also hold ourselves accountable. We must play our own role in identifying and empowering those amongst us best placed to make this difference. To abscond from this duty is to be negligent of our responsibility to our continent.

It won’t be easy, but nothing good comes easy. A famous man once said you should learn to categorize all your problems in three sections: Easy, Impossible and HARD but doable. When it’s easy, you should give it to someone else to handle. When it’s impossible, you shouldn’t bother with it. But when it’s hard but doable, you should go straight to work to make it happen.

My fellow Africans, I appeal to you that though this task seems hard, it is entirely doable and we must begin this journey. Let us rise to this challenge and begin to elect leaders who we trust in and are confident will help us realize the social and economic hopes of our continent."

-Tony Elumelu

Inspiring and motivating wasn't it? I'll like to know your thoughts on this. The future is bright when we keep creating it with what we do right now. Have a nice day, keep making creative efforts to make yourself better and make the world better. Keep shining your light and keep winning! 

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Secret To Building Effective Love Relationships (Look In The Mirror)

building effective Love relationships

Many go into relationships with the mindset of what they're gonna get out from it. This ain't really a bad mindset o. Humans are Basically motivated by what they will get from any venture(some may argue otherwise, but at the base of all our actions, there are expectations and motives). However these motives must also go with a deep reflection of what you can also do for the other party and that's where looking in the mirror comes in.

You want him/her to place you above every other thing, you must ask yourself whether you're also willing to do the same. No one will put you first if you've not shown a considerable level of care, interest and love towards them. It's not Hollywood, it's reality.


Breakups are common these days and people are falling in and out of relationships because they fail to look to look in the mirror. Whatever you expect from your partner, you should be willing to provide even more for that partner.

Love is really deeper than what most of us see it as these days. Love even transcends hate. With real love on our hearts for our beloved, we conquer all forms of conflict, fights or quarrels that may arise. If you form the habit of looking in the mirror, you will be able to really understand your partner and the motives behind his/her actions.

But then most of us aren't willing to look. We don't want to blame ourselves or try to understand why our partner may have been behaving differently. We simply just throw every fault at them and try to paint ourselves as right all the time. We even resort to applying certain wrong advices in order to create some form of desire or jealousy in the partner without even understanding why they're acting differently. It's like taking an injection for a sickness you're not even aware of. That will lead to catastrophe.

The starting point is to be really aware that we are not as perfect as we may think we are and our partners aren't gods either(they are humans liable to changing emotions and feelings). Therefore in order to build stronger relationships, we must always first try to get to the very root of any issues that may arise. We must never be quick to jump into conclusions, rather we should first try to blame ourselves instead of quickly blaming the other.

Because often times, we are the problem 90% of the time. It may be very difficult to see that because you've formed the unconscious habit of never accepting the blame of a bad relationship. You've always blamed it on the other, so it may be difficult to see that you are actually the problem. And the major reason why you may be the problem is simply because you've not tried to understand the root.

You have to be willing to go the extra mile and show genuine love and care to the one you love. The more you express that love, the more the love grows in the other and the more the other person will be willing to treat you exactly the same way. That's how it works. It's not a one sided affair.

It often happens that sometimes we may really be trying our best to show love to someone we care about and they don't even seem to care. This is dicey situation because it could hurt your feelings that this person doesn't appreciate your love. In this situation, you need to really ask yourself whether you sincerely love that person and they aren't committed to another relationship. If the answer is Yes to both, you should persist. Try to push harder and let this person know exactly how you feel about him/her.

Continue to show your love and care. Most times, they will eventually be overwhelmed by your sincere love and reciprocate eventually much more than you even expected. However, in rare cases after persistent efforts, some people will still not care to reciprocate. At this stage, you don't need to feel and about it. If you're really expecting them to reciprocate, you must drop the expectation and simply love them as a choice if you wish to continue loving them. You should never get desperate or obsessed though. Simply just love for the sake of loving and if they push you away, leave them and find someone else to share your love with.

It's our nature to love and be loved. And no situation should make you decide to stop showing love or reciprocating the love shown to you by others. Love makes life worth living and love never runs out. The more you share it, the more you receive it. When you're in a relationship, it's not about how much love you get. It's about your willingness to share your love as much as possible in it. Real love shouldn't really depend on how much love you're receiving from your partner. It should depend on how you're ready to keep giving knowing that whatever you give will eventually return a thousand fold.

If at any point in a relationship you no more feel the desire to share your love, the relationship has become unhealthy. But make sure that the unhealthiness wasn't simply as result of your partner's inability to fulfill some expectation of yours. That will be selfish. Let the only reason be that you no more genuinely feel the desire to share your love in that relationship.

The beginning and end of any relationship should be dependent on you and not necessarily on your partner. Let's think about this and build more loving relationships.

Until next time,
Nigel.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Switch Those Feelings

Switch those feelings

Let's get real.

How does it feel as a young man or woman who is still looking for a job when some of your mates are already working in their dream companies?

How does it feel as a young lady who's under pressure to get married when most of your friends are already engaged or married and it seems like you're the only one left out?

How does it feel when you log onto social media and you see most of your friends uploading pictures of their vacation, holidays, cars and then you think of why you're not having as much fun as they're having?

How does it feel when you don't get on well with family whereas you look around you and it seems like everyone else gets it right with their own families?

How does it feel under your economy, when you're trying your best to make ends meet in a legal way whereas some people who may decide to go through a shady process quickly make so much money?

Do you feel quite unhappy about yourself? Do you feel dissatisfied? Are you quite jealous? Then you're not alone. We all feel this way at one point or the other. It's not an exclusive feeling, so feeling this way isn't a bad thing, but the feeling should be transmuted as a motivation to achievement and not negativity.

The problem is often that most of us think we are alone in this. Millions of other people are experiencing similar things.. The young chap who has just got a good job is worried about getting a car of his own because all his friends have cars. If you're still looking for a job, there are many graduates who are also looking for jobs.

The richest people still feel unhappy when they're not spending quality time with family like others who may not be so rich. The poor still feel that same way about the rich because they don't have the means to afford what the rich can. Other people don't have the things bothering you in this present economy, yet they're happy.

The point is that these feelings exist. They will always come around once in a while no matter how far you go. Man's needs are insatiable. But you must take care not to dwell on the thoughts for too long because it could push you to negativity and even depression.

You've got to look beyond those thoughts and questions. When you feel left out, when you feel like you're behind, when it seems like your dreams are not happening as fast as you want it, remember that these are just feelings. Breathe and let them pass.

Dwell your thoughts on the things you are grateful for(most of us rarely do this). Look the what you presently got. Thank God for good health, be grateful that you're still breathing. Think of your successes.. This will change the way you feel.

Then.. Rather than feeling somehow or being jealous of your friends living the dream, simply aspire for more. Learn to use the successes of other people as a motivation to aim higher for yourself.. Don't look at other people's successes with despair for yourself or jealousy. It's pointless.

Switch your thoughts by being grateful and aspire for better things without thinking too much about it.

Keep winning! Never settle for less.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Easiest Way To Win People Over

easiest way to win people over

Many little things happen in our daily lives, most of which has a way of guiding us to the truth if only we pay some attention to it. I paid attention to one of those things and it inspired me to write this blog post.

I learnt something new from a pretty young lady Lara, who recently joined a support group for bloggers of various categories of which I was already an existing member. I was inspired with the way she joined the group; the actions she took and her good communication which won the admiration of many of us. How was she able to do this?

Usually, most newbies to the bloggers group often just introduce themselves briefly and start bombarding the platform with various links to visit their blogs. But Lara's approach was different and that made her stand out.

When Lara joined the group, the first thing she said was: "Hi, I'm Lara, nice to meet you all" and after a few responses, she proceeded with "Where do you guys blog at?" This question was so pivotal. She was interested in knowing about the members of the group first and what they do. Like who wouldn't be proud to show off his/her blog?

Of course, most of us were too excited to answer. Comments rolled in from the members who were online, introducing themselves and their blogs to Lara. Amazing.. Lara got us talking! How did she get us to want to talk to her? She simply asked an interesting question. Now, she didn't just stop there. For every blog link that was posted as a reply to her question, she visited it, read one or two posts and dropped off an intelligent comment relating to the post.

That was clearly going the extra mile. Members who dropped off their links got notifications as regards some comments on their blogs and it was from Lara. That really endeared them to her and they thanked Lara for visiting their blogs and commenting it. I would like to remind you that she never said anything about her own blog yet. She even helped someone with an answer to a question on comment moderation.

Naturally, enthralled members had to ask her about her own blog. They were naturally craving to find out about her blog. Why? She had showed some concern for theirs and they felt the need to reciprocate. She didn't put her own interest upfront. She communicated very well with existing members, added some value to them and then without even saying anything about her interests, they were asking for it.

Long story short, she was the center of attention at that time and we all ended up on her blog, reading and commenting on it.

What's the lesson behind this? It's the importance of first adding value to other people before clamoring for your interests. Sadly, it appears many people only care about themselves and their needs without really taking some time to show genuine concern for others. This attitude keeps them trapped with same goals without making much progress.

If you really want to win people over, FIRST add value to them. Think of a way you can add some value to their own lives first. The question you should ask yourself is: "How can I show some care?" "In what little way can I meet their own needs?" "How can I be of use to them?" The only way you can clearly answer those questions is by finding a way to add something nice to those people's aspirations.

See, a whole lot of people out there are bugged with lots of problems already. They've got a lot going on in their minds and they're thinking of how to achieve their numerous goals. You shouldn't blame them if they don't really take your requests seriously when you've done nothing in any way to meet any of their problems. And the thing is: You don't need to solve all their big problems to win them over. Just do any little thing you can for them that can help them achieve an objective or need. It works wonders.

"Do unto others what you want them to do unto you."
- The Golden Rule 

Learn to think first about what you can do for people, how you can help them if you want them to be willing to easily support you. You build great relationships with them and they'll be your buddies for life. It's that simple. It's one of the principles of effective communication(a blog post on that is coming up soon titled "Secrets of effective communication").

Keep this in mind, keep winning people over and just keep winning boldly in every area of your life.


Sunday, November 5, 2017

10 Reasons Why You Still Suffer

10 Reasons Why You Still Suffer

In an ideal world, people should be generally happy, loving and successful. But of course that's not the case here and many people are suffering in one way or the other. Here are 10 reasons why you may still be suffering and tips on breaking out of that zone:


1. You care too much

One of the reasons why we suffer for nothing is simply because we care too much. It's important we care about certain things, but when we care about them too much to our own detriment, it becomes a big problem. You should consider the opinion of other people around you, but you shouldn't care too much about it. Sometimes, you may need to go contrary to the general views of other people in order to be successful.

Sometimes, you don't need to care about what anyone else thinks if you're thoroughly convinced about something. Sometimes, you may need to go ahead alone with an idea for it to be fruitful. If you always care too much about the opinion of other people, you will miss those opportunities which need you to differ. See this article: Failures or What People Have Said Or Done To You Don't Matter.

2. You worry too much

Many people put themselves into needless suffering because of their worrying habit. They worry about the past and the future but forget the present. They often worry about why a loved one had to die, why they haven't been able to make a 100 million dollars, why they are so fair or dark in complexion, why they were born in their countries, why life seems to be unfair to them and lots of other inconsequential things.

People are worrying. It's not rocket science. Listen to some discussions and you'll hear them talk about everything they're worried about.
Worrying is what keeps you trapped in that situation you find yourself. Be grateful for the things you have and diligently work towards the things you wish for. All you need to do is PLAN on what action steps you need to take and go ahead with them.
Don't keep worrying about anything. It's pointless.

3. You wait for the perfect time

I want you to realize that the concept of a perfect time is an illusion. You can't keep waiting for a time when every condition is met before you go ahead with taking an action that could lead you to achieving your dreams.

If you have any little means to kick your idea off, use those resources you have to start it, with time, things will keep improving naturally. There will always be room for improvement in any venture. So, don't wait for perfect moments or seasons because you don't even have the luxury of time. If you have the ability to do what you need to do, go ahead and do it, stop waiting. Hesitation could be dangerous.

4. You are afraid

Fear is our worst enemy. And often times most of those fears are illusions that are baseless. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said and I quote: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." What are you afraid of doing? What are you afraid of trying? Often times, what we're most afraid of doing is exactly what we need to be doing.

Many dreams have ended up as just dreams because those who dreamt about them were too afraid to try. Stop being afraid. Go out there and face it. Because it's only when you face your fears that you can live your dreams. Also see: Always Face your Fears. 

5. You give up too easily

You don't have to expect all those good things you desire for yourself to come so easily. They may actually come so easily.. Some people are that lucky. They try the first or the second time and they make a major breakthrough.  Yeah. For some other people, they may have to try ten times, twenty times or Forty times before they can make that breakthrough.

So the thing is that you cannot really use the number of times other people tried before they made it as a yardstick for yourself. You shouldn't give up easily because you tried few times and failed.
If something tells you to keep trying, then keep trying.

There are indeed times you have to give up though, that's when it's clearly obvious that your endeavor will be futile. However, if you still believe in the possibility of your breakthrough, you should not be quick to give up.

6. You put yourself last

Yeah, you read that right. In the name of humility and being loved by others, many of us put ourselves last and we often suffer for it. You don't have to put your own needs and wants last because you want to please others. You only end up making yourself unhappy.

As much as you are passionate enough to respect the desires of other people, your own desires actually matter and it's not an evil thing to put them on the same level you've been putting the needs of others.

It's very important you stop sweeping your own needs under the carpet to please another person.
If you continue doing it, the other person may start to feel that it's only their own needs that matter and you're always there to meet those needs. They may not see the importance of your own needs too.
Respect your needs and others will follow suit.

7. You don't treat others with respect 

The way you relate with other people really matters. What you give is what you are most likely to get. When you treat other people badly, you're most likely gonna be treated the same way. No one likes a cantankerous person.

You need to respect other people, whether big or small. Oftentimes, we make the mistake of only respecting those who we perceive as highly ranked or popular in the society rather than ordinary people.
Till date, some people are still suffering because they were not nice to people who could've helped them in their mission.

You see, that person you think is ordinary, who you may treat with disrespect and disdain may turn around tomorrow to become a famous or wealthy person. They may even have the only information which could change your life for good. But you underrate them and you still suffer as a result.
Respect everyone.

8. You procrastinate 

Procrastination they say is a lazy man's apology. "I will do it tomorrow," you say. Then tomorrow comes and you repeat "I will do it tomorrow," and this goes on and on until you're not even motivated to do it again. Benjamin Franklin once said, "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today."
It's one of my favorite quotes which inspires me to continue with the "Now Habit" which is an ideal solution to the thief named Procrastination.

Many are still in the position where they are today because they were not doing what they had to do on time. They kept postponing it until it was too late to even do it. And then they suffer. They blame life or God for their woes, but they were too lazy to do what they had to do when they had the time.

Our people say, "Chọọ ewu ojii ka chi dị, " meaning "Find the black goat during the day time." It implies that if you don't look for it when it's day time, you are most likely not to see the black goat when it's nightfall.

Because Time is one of the most important resources on planet earth, we must not let procrastination steal it away from us. Imbibe the Now Habit by doing what you have to do once it comes to your mind(as long as you're not currently doing anything). Remember, "Tick Tock Says The Time."

9. You don't seize your opportunities 

They say great opportunities usually come but once. Some people are lucky that the opportunity may come around a second time, but everyone isn't so lucky. It's better you grab a life changing opportunity the first time it shows up than gamble with the probability that it will show up a second time.

When that opportunity shows up and you're moved to do something about it, don't hesitate. The more you hesitate, the more likely you're not going to grab it. The mind can be very tricky. It can convince you otherwise. It can start replaying all your fears and doubts. Before you know it, you forfeit the opportunity.

You know the opportunities you've been waiting for. Once you recognize them, grab em. It's that simple. This doesn't mean you should be gullible though. I believe you're smart enough to differentiate between a scam and a great opportunity.

10. You've not figured out your purpose

In a previous article "Are you purpose driven?" I wrote briefly on the importance of purpose. Most people are still going through hard times because they've not been able to identify what they're meant to be doing.

Can you imagine how frustrating it is to just be driving around in a car without any particular place in mind? That's exactly how life is for someone without a purpose. A purpose is what keeps you going. It's what makes you happy, it's what gives you the juice to live, engage and create. Without it, we're almost lifeless. Life becomes somewhat meaningless.

So, it's important we know ourselves naturally and have a purpose which guides our every move. It's your responsibility to find and decide your purpose for yourself. This article on "How To Discover Your Purpose In Life" could be of help.

Okay, I'm signing off here.  Think about those lines and make the changes you need to make to experience desired changes in your life. Keep winning!

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