Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts

Friday, March 30, 2018

6 Things You Can Give Which Cost Nothing

6 Things you can give which cost nothing

A few days back, I was having a little chit chat with some of my colleagues at work and one of them was all about how he wanted to make so much money so that he can give it to his loved ones to make them happy.

The way he kept laying emphasis on that made me suspect that he probably thought that giving those people money was the only way he could show that he cared about them.

Well, I had to commend his desire to make millions: it was a good thing, however, I kinda let him see other ways he could also show his care presently before he made those millions.

We live in a world where so many people are crazed about making money at all costs. Some of us think that money is everything. Money is definitely important and believe me, I also desire to have tons of it, but a life with lots of money without meaning, without purpose, without love would be quite boring.

Forgive me for digressing from the main topic. Here are the 6 other things you can give to people which cost you nothing just as I shared with my co-worker:

1. Time

Time is one of our most valuable assets. And that's why many people keep talking about their time being wasted and saying they don't have time. Time is really important and critical in today's world.

With a lot of time on our hands, we could accomplish more. But we humans have been designed to have a limited time to exist here on planet earth, so we want to make the best out of it.

This leads some of us to place all our time on our careers and businesses, forgetting to share and spend time with other people that matter to us.

How do you feel when you spend some time talking to a loving parent, close friend or someone who cares about you? Don't you feel great? Don't you feel happy being around them?

Of course I know your answers. We all love to spend time with people we cherish and if we spend less time with them, our fondness for them wanes without us even knowing it.

So taking some time off your "busy" schedule to meet your friends, loved ones, family or anybody else really means a lot to them. People who care about you are happy that you give them some of your time. You build and strengthen your relationships with your time.

None of us is really as busy as we claim to be sometimes, I believe that no matter how tight our schedules are, it's possible to squeeze out some time to spend with others.

2. Compliment Words

Your words matter. The things you say to other people matters a lot. Think of how this world would be if nobody talked to anybody. If there was no sound or language.

Would be quite weird right? Lol.. Well that's to show you how powerful words are. If saying to someone "You're an idiot." can transform that person from a meek lamb to a roaring lion, I bet you already got the point.

Learn to give complimentary words to people. See something good in them and say it to them. It doesn't cost a thing.

You see most of us find it very easy to see what's wrong with a person and we are quick to point it out and criticize them very quickly. Damn, some of us need an award or probably an Oscar for fault finding.

But that's not what we should always focus on. Lets learn to see something nice in other people and compliment them genuinely.

I'm yet to see anyone who doesn't love being complimented. Some people pretend like they didn't hear you, but then they go back home with your words in their hearts and they smile when they think about it.

So, you can make a difference in another person's life and show your affection by saying nice things to them when you notice it. You don't have to be a complainer who whines all the time about other people's faults.


3. Help

When was the last time you went out of your way to help someone without being asked? Can you really remember?

Say you're passing by and you notice your neighbor needs a hand to help start up his car, do you wait to be called? Do you offer to help? Or do you just mind your own business and move on?

Or let's say a loved one needs help with setting up stuff for a birthday celebration or naming ceremony, can you offer help to them?

There are many instances I could give here regarding helping people, however my point is just that you don't necessarily need money to help out.

You can offer help by volunteering to handle certain tasks or activities. You can teach them. You can help them in discharging their duties if you're less occupied. It doesn't have to be money.

I mean, who doesn't like to be helped out? It would be difficult for anyone to decline a helping hand when offered one.

People are going through a lot in life alone. Learning to offer a helping hand to them when you can do that is a lovely gift you can give to them.

4. Texting and Calls

Thank God for the internet. Today the world has become a global village and technology is rapidly turning everything upside down.

You can reach out to another person on the other side of the world just by the push of a button or a simple click.

Traditional call and texting rates have dropped ever since the use of the internet became mainstream.

These days you can chat with other people on social media for free with no data whatsoever.

Facebook Video calls, Whatsapp calls, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter.. Just name it. There's no reason not to keep in touch with those who you care about.

The thing is that many people are yet to take advantage of most of these opportunities created by the internet to get closer to people.

We are totally out for business and making money and can't even pick up our smart phones and just chat up people that matter to us.

A simple "hello" or "hi" could start off a wonderful conversation with a brother, sister, lover or a close friend.

You could get access to information that could even lead you to the money you've been pursuing all these years. Lol. But some of us can't even spare a few seconds to call or text people we cafe about even when calling and texting are almost free these days.

Why not place a call or text that person you care about and you've not spoken to all these while?

You think all they need is money from you? Haha

5. Support and Advice 

We all need good advice and support at some point in our lives. No man is an island. No matter how independent we may want to appear, we will still find out that at some point, we need to lean on someone so we can get back on our feet.

So how willing are you to support someone else or offer them good advice?

You don't need always money to support people. By giving out your fairly used phone to someone else who may need it, or by letting a friend who is yet to stand on his feet stay with you in your house if you can, you've really made a difference in their lives.

You can give away items you no longer need to other people. Why cover up space in your house with unwanted and unused items?

You can offer your advice to other people who you care about and help them better face whatever they are passing through.

6. Attention

How well do you pay attention to the people you claim to love?

Do you care to listen to them when they are saying something or are you just waiting for them to stop talking so you can say your mind?

Do you observe them? Do you notice the look in their eyes when they are down and need to say something to you or you don't even take notice of their disposition?

Do you notice their new hairstyle and the new haircuts? Do you notice their scars or injuries?

Do you notice their change in behavior and the unconscious body movements they make to hint that something is wrong?

Look here Mr, Mrs or Miss.. Paying great attention to people you care about is very important. People love to be noticed and heard even when they say nothing.

Some people don't know how to talk when they are really bothered about something. It will take your careful attention to know that such people aren't feeling okay.

Many words left unsaid are only understood by those who pay attention. You may not be close to them, but in their voices, responses or expressions during calls, you should be attentive enough to decipher those unsaid things.

Being able to pay attention has a lot to do with being emotionally intelligent. That would be topic for another good day.

So there you have it. You can give these 6 things and even more to people for free without spending nothing and it will go a long way in showing how much you care, love and appreciate them.

Keep these ideas in mind as you live your life and just keep winning!

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

The Illusion Of Valentines Day

illusion of valentines day

It's February 14th again. Valentines day is celebrated around the world as lovers day. On this day lovers are expected to go the extra mile in showing love to their partners. They are so carried away by the hype that they fail to see the illusion that surrounds it.

Let's start with a brief history of Valentines Day:

Saint Valentine is a popular name associated with Valentines Day and he is frequently attributed with Valentine’s Day history.

He was a Roman priest during the third century, serving under Emperor Claudius. Strict Emperor Claudius believed that single men made better soldiers than married ones with families, and he therefore passed a law making marriage illegal for all young soldiers.

Valentine recognized the absurdity of this law and continued to marry young couples in secret, effectively defying his Emperor's order.

When Claudius discovered Valentine’s acts of defiance, he had him killed immediately. Valentine was later canonized by the Vatican and, in the 5th century, February 14th was named his feast day, the day designated by the church to honor and commemorate a saint’s life.

Another version here claims:
In France and England, February 14th is the beginning of the birds’ mating season, which symbolizes love, fertility, and the promise of spring.

Valentine’s day is celebrated in several countries throughout the world, including France, England, Australia, and of course The United States. The day began to rise in popularity around the 17th century, where it was very common for friends to exchange little gifts and notes of affection.

The first Valentine’s Day card was said to be sold in 1840 by Esther Howland, also known as The Mother of the Valentine, and today it is estimated that over 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year.

Those were the two common stories associated with the origin of Valentines Day.

With time, Valentines day seems to have been redefined. It has become a day when lovers are expected to overdo things and expect something extraordinary from their partners.

In all, it's supposed to be a day to celebrate love, but the illusion of expecting too much from another person is making the day distasteful.

Secondly, it creates the illusion that romance is higher than all other forms of love. A lot of partners in relationships feel that they are obliged to have sex on valentines day in order to show how much they love their partners.

You'll find out that there's a higher tendency for someone who may not really love you that much to allow you have access to their body. Why is it suddenly easier on valentines day? Something worth thinking about.

Last but not the least, it makes love seem like it's reserved for a special day. I mean, you have 365 days every year to show your love to another person.

Why wait to show that love only on Valentines day? Love isn't something that we have to save for a particular day or express fully on February 14th only.

Love is life itself and if we want to live fully, we should be free to show our love every single day. We don't have to hoard it until it's valentines day. Why wait?

Despite this illusion that I see associated with today, I still feel it's important to contemplate on the real meaning of true love and still show love to someone today.

Don't just do them today, contemplate love and show love to someone any other day you feel like, it doesn't have to be only today.

And you don't have to pretend you like someone because it's valentines day. You don't have to try to overdo things except you naturally feel that way. Neither do you have to decide to have sex with someone you don't even love because you're under valentines day pressure.

Let's be more real with ourselves today and celebrate love without allowing those illusions destroy the true meaning of what we're meant to celebrate today.

Have fun. Happy lover's day!



Saturday, December 2, 2017

Secret To Building Effective Love Relationships (Look In The Mirror)

building effective Love relationships

Many go into relationships with the mindset of what they're gonna get out from it. This ain't really a bad mindset o. Humans are Basically motivated by what they will get from any venture(some may argue otherwise, but at the base of all our actions, there are expectations and motives). However these motives must also go with a deep reflection of what you can also do for the other party and that's where looking in the mirror comes in.

You want him/her to place you above every other thing, you must ask yourself whether you're also willing to do the same. No one will put you first if you've not shown a considerable level of care, interest and love towards them. It's not Hollywood, it's reality.


Breakups are common these days and people are falling in and out of relationships because they fail to look to look in the mirror. Whatever you expect from your partner, you should be willing to provide even more for that partner.

Love is really deeper than what most of us see it as these days. Love even transcends hate. With real love on our hearts for our beloved, we conquer all forms of conflict, fights or quarrels that may arise. If you form the habit of looking in the mirror, you will be able to really understand your partner and the motives behind his/her actions.

But then most of us aren't willing to look. We don't want to blame ourselves or try to understand why our partner may have been behaving differently. We simply just throw every fault at them and try to paint ourselves as right all the time. We even resort to applying certain wrong advices in order to create some form of desire or jealousy in the partner without even understanding why they're acting differently. It's like taking an injection for a sickness you're not even aware of. That will lead to catastrophe.

The starting point is to be really aware that we are not as perfect as we may think we are and our partners aren't gods either(they are humans liable to changing emotions and feelings). Therefore in order to build stronger relationships, we must always first try to get to the very root of any issues that may arise. We must never be quick to jump into conclusions, rather we should first try to blame ourselves instead of quickly blaming the other.

Because often times, we are the problem 90% of the time. It may be very difficult to see that because you've formed the unconscious habit of never accepting the blame of a bad relationship. You've always blamed it on the other, so it may be difficult to see that you are actually the problem. And the major reason why you may be the problem is simply because you've not tried to understand the root.

You have to be willing to go the extra mile and show genuine love and care to the one you love. The more you express that love, the more the love grows in the other and the more the other person will be willing to treat you exactly the same way. That's how it works. It's not a one sided affair.

It often happens that sometimes we may really be trying our best to show love to someone we care about and they don't even seem to care. This is dicey situation because it could hurt your feelings that this person doesn't appreciate your love. In this situation, you need to really ask yourself whether you sincerely love that person and they aren't committed to another relationship. If the answer is Yes to both, you should persist. Try to push harder and let this person know exactly how you feel about him/her.

Continue to show your love and care. Most times, they will eventually be overwhelmed by your sincere love and reciprocate eventually much more than you even expected. However, in rare cases after persistent efforts, some people will still not care to reciprocate. At this stage, you don't need to feel and about it. If you're really expecting them to reciprocate, you must drop the expectation and simply love them as a choice if you wish to continue loving them. You should never get desperate or obsessed though. Simply just love for the sake of loving and if they push you away, leave them and find someone else to share your love with.

It's our nature to love and be loved. And no situation should make you decide to stop showing love or reciprocating the love shown to you by others. Love makes life worth living and love never runs out. The more you share it, the more you receive it. When you're in a relationship, it's not about how much love you get. It's about your willingness to share your love as much as possible in it. Real love shouldn't really depend on how much love you're receiving from your partner. It should depend on how you're ready to keep giving knowing that whatever you give will eventually return a thousand fold.

If at any point in a relationship you no more feel the desire to share your love, the relationship has become unhealthy. But make sure that the unhealthiness wasn't simply as result of your partner's inability to fulfill some expectation of yours. That will be selfish. Let the only reason be that you no more genuinely feel the desire to share your love in that relationship.

The beginning and end of any relationship should be dependent on you and not necessarily on your partner. Let's think about this and build more loving relationships.

Until next time,
Nigel.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Not Always About What You Think


A bold winner must always put into consideration the fact that things may not be exactly as he/she thinks. You may have ideals and beliefs about something, but be careful enough to consider what other people think about it as well before accepting or concluding your own assertions of what's true.

Often times, we make the mistake of thinking that we're always right and what we believe is true. That makes us arrogant and indifferent to other people's point of view. We must avoid that by first trying to get a balanced perspective of things. From there we can make well informed decisions on what to believe or act upon.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's Ted Talk on the "Danger of a Single Story" points out the importance of gaining that balanced view of things. You can see the enlightening video here on YouTube:




Make it a priority to always gather information from extensive and diverse sources before making a decision to believe anything or act upon it. It gives you a greater edge over someone who just believes things without substantial information because he/she simply feels they are true.

Don't take regrettable actions or make poor decisions because you thought you were right. Be sure of your thought results by considering what others think as well.

Stay Bold.. Keep Winning! 

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Your Own Needs Matter!

your own needs matter

I used to be that person who always puts his needs last. I only considered what other people wanted without considering my own needs. I did this because I felt I will be liked by other people or gain their admiration.

I was doing all for them and for their approval. It turned out that even though I was putting my needs behind and working for the needs of others people, I was still unhappy. I got their approval and most of them thought, "He's such a nice guy." But I wasn't happy.

The prison of what other people would say or think about me kept me behaving this way for quite some time. But then I found out I wasn't living my life. I was not doing what I wanted to. Life wasn't fun for me even though I made others happy. What was the problem?

I had to think deeply about it as it bothered me a lot. Then, somehow I figured out the answer: My own needs really matter. I didn't have to sweep those needs under the carpet while helping meet the needs of others. There was a connecting point between my needs and the needs of other people.

I could meet my own individual needs while also meeting other people's needs. It wasn't meant to be a win - lose situation. That was the problem. I was making other people happy, because I only wanted to please them, without considering my unhappy self.

I figured out that there is a way to please myself while pleasing others. This is different from being selfish because selfishness focuses on pleasing oneself even at the disadvantage of other people around you. This was beyond selfishness. It brought mutual happiness. I was happy understanding that I could still make people around me happy while honoring my own needs in any situation.

It was a win-win. It was the perfect answer. I didn't have to do things just because I needed the approval of people around me. That's important, but most importantly, I must do things because I really wanted to do them and achieve my own objective as well.

It was an eye opening moment. A moment of deep insight. I've been a happier individual ever since. Happy with life, happy with self and sharing that happiness with people around me.

Keep winning! 

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