Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

Saturday, 14 April 2018

You Are Not Alone

you are not alone

Many people around the world today often make the mistake of wrongly thinking that they are the only ones facing certain situations in their personal lives.

This leads most of them into depression, a negative mindset and even suicidal thoughts. In this article I will try to make you see reasons why you are not alone in the challenges you face.

Growing up, I used to think that I was all alone in many of the circumstances I found myself.

As a teenager, I didn't really get along so well with my mom. Maybe it was because Dad had passed away when I was much younger. But we often disagreed on many occasions because of my lack of understanding or trying to see things from her own perspective.

I often thought I was alone in this and it often affected my predominant disposition because I felt unloved. It was until when I discussed with other seemingly happier colleagues that I realized some of them had actually been through more serious disagreements with their parents. But they didn't let it stop them from being themselves.

At parties or picnics, I usually felt awkward as regards how to act and behave. I was too self conscious wondering what people expected me to do and what I should do. Scared of making mistakes and stuff. All these kind of thoughts made me not act freely and I thought I was the only one who felt that way.

My eyes were opened when I talked to others who were seemingly the life of the party. They admitted that they felt the same way and were often tempted to be too self conscious, but they trained themselves to simply take action and do what came naturally instead of keep thinking like I did.

And that's really the secret here: Acting even when you feel alone. When those thoughts haunt you, do you act and switch your mind away from it? Or do you keep seeing more and more reasons why you are alone?

What you do when you feel alone really goes a long way to shape your experience.

There was a time I used to think that I was the only one who had few friends and that meant that I was less popular. I'm actually very careful in selecting my friends and my friends were few and I was feeling bad about that...

Till I found out that the people I thought were popular with many close friends also had few very close friend but many acquaintances. That is.. They knew many people or have been with many people, and it's just the familiarity and exchanging pleasantries that linked them.

I used to think I was the only one who was yet to get a job, start an awesome business and start having fun. Turned out that many other people were in my shoes still working on getting a job or starting a small business.

There was a time I was so confused about finding my purpose. I didn't know exactly what I was in this world to do and I felt bad that I've not yet narrowed my life down. It was liberating to find out that many other people were in my shoes. And I could still live out all my ambitions.

Some people who are in relationships or married often times fall for this trap too. They see all the good things happening in other marriages or relationships outside and only see the wrong thing in theirs. Then they feel all alone in that condition.

Are you seeing the problem? Some of the marriages or relationships they envy might have faced or are facing worse challenges than theirs, but the partners involved acted and somehow twisted the hands of fate to their favor. And now you envy them and you think their relationship was all perfect.

What the seemingly perfect partners did was simple: Instead of feeling all alone about their own predicaments and getting depressed, they understood that they were not alone in their situation and focused on working their way out of the love challenge.

The only way is working your way out of your feelings of being alone. Then you'll see how things transform.

Some people you see also pretend. They have mastered the art of pretense. They also feel all alone sometimes, but they can cover that feeling with a lot of things. Some resort to drugs, excessive drinking and lasciviousness. All because they are trying to avoid that feeling.

But all those substitutes don't help because you're just avoiding the feeling. The best thing is to work your way out of it through the things you do.

All you need is to simply observe or discuss with people, you will see that you are never alone in whatever you face and many others are encountering the same thoughts or experiences.

My life changed when I realized how easy things I thought were difficult really were. And when I saw that challenges I faced weren't really so different from the  challenges of those I envied.

The difference between me and them was in my attitude. While I had let my challenges make me look down on myself, they ignored their challenges, still saw themselves in a positive light and took conscious action to overcome those challenges.

When I understood this, I copied their pattern and consciously took any action to overcome the personal challenges I had. Though difficult for me initially, but as I kept on doing it, my life changed.

I attracted people to myself and when they left me, I didn't feel bad, I moved on to other people. I wasn't stuck thinking about the meaning of stuff like why they had to leave and why stuff happened to me. There is no meaning to anything except the one you give that thing. So I committed to acting right.

When I disagreed with mom, rather than feel like I was all alone or sad, I tried to see things from her perspective and made her understand my own feelings about stuff. No matter how strongly I disagreed, I walked up to her and tried to understand her. Our relationship got better and waxed stronger.

When I went to parties and felt awkward, I take the initiative and start a conversation with someone or even get up and dance naturally to the beating of the music. I never cared in the world what anyone thought about my dance steps.

Instead of feeling like I only had few friends. I made conscious efforts to build my network of friends and tried to keep in touch with most of them occasionally. My network expanded for good.

Bottom line is that I tackled all my feelings of aloneness with conscious activity. I didn't let my feelings make me inactive. I acted despite how my mind wanted to make me feel. That was when the transformation began in my life. And that is where yours will begin too if you ever feel alone.

Most of our problems arise from either over thinking or a lack of the most basic form of it. Because if you had given a little thought to other people, you would've seen that they too faced the same challenges, but the difference between those who appeared to be having it smooth and yourself was all in the attitude!

 You could sit around all day feeling bad about your predicament or you can do something about it right away. The magic happens in doing. When you do, you make a difference. Stop being stuck with feeling and thinking too much. Learn to Act your way out!

There are many people who have faced, are facing and will still face whatever thing you think you are facing all alone. Don't fall for the trap of thinking that you are the only one facing anything. It leads to acute depression and suicidal thoughts.

If some of them were able to make it out successfully, why can't you?

Thinking sure helps, But over thinking without any action is a curse.

You are definitely not alone.. If you're religious, you should know that God sees everything and is with you at all times. Just play your part by doing and watch the miracles happen.

Keep winning!

Friday, 30 March 2018

6 Things You Can Give Which Cost Nothing

6 Things you can give which cost nothing

A few days back, I was having a little chit chat with some of my colleagues at work and one of them was all about how he wanted to make so much money so that he can give it to his loved ones to make them happy.

The way he kept laying emphasis on that made me suspect that he probably thought that giving those people money was the only way he could show that he cared about them.

Well, I had to commend his desire to make millions: it was a good thing, however, I kinda let him see other ways he could also show his care presently before he made those millions.

We live in a world where so many people are crazed about making money at all costs. Some of us think that money is everything. Money is definitely important and believe me, I also desire to have tons of it, but a life with lots of money without meaning, without purpose, without love would be quite boring.

Forgive me for digressing from the main topic. Here are the 6 other things you can give to people which cost you nothing just as I shared with my co-worker:

1. Time

Time is one of our most valuable assets. And that's why many people keep talking about their time being wasted and saying they don't have time. Time is really important and critical in today's world.

With a lot of time on our hands, we could accomplish more. But we humans have been designed to have a limited time to exist here on planet earth, so we want to make the best out of it.

This leads some of us to place all our time on our careers and businesses, forgetting to share and spend time with other people that matter to us.

How do you feel when you spend some time talking to a loving parent, close friend or someone who cares about you? Don't you feel great? Don't you feel happy being around them?

Of course I know your answers. We all love to spend time with people we cherish and if we spend less time with them, our fondness for them wanes without us even knowing it.

So taking some time off your "busy" schedule to meet your friends, loved ones, family or anybody else really means a lot to them. People who care about you are happy that you give them some of your time. You build and strengthen your relationships with your time.

None of us is really as busy as we claim to be sometimes, I believe that no matter how tight our schedules are, it's possible to squeeze out some time to spend with others.

2. Compliment Words

Your words matter. The things you say to other people matters a lot. Think of how this world would be if nobody talked to anybody. If there was no sound or language.

Would be quite weird right? Lol.. Well that's to show you how powerful words are. If saying to someone "You're an idiot." can transform that person from a meek lamb to a roaring lion, I bet you already got the point.

Learn to give complimentary words to people. See something good in them and say it to them. It doesn't cost a thing.

You see most of us find it very easy to see what's wrong with a person and we are quick to point it out and criticize them very quickly. Damn, some of us need an award or probably an Oscar for fault finding.

But that's not what we should always focus on. Lets learn to see something nice in other people and compliment them genuinely.

I'm yet to see anyone who doesn't love being complimented. Some people pretend like they didn't hear you, but then they go back home with your words in their hearts and they smile when they think about it.

So, you can make a difference in another person's life and show your affection by saying nice things to them when you notice it. You don't have to be a complainer who whines all the time about other people's faults.


3. Help

When was the last time you went out of your way to help someone without being asked? Can you really remember?

Say you're passing by and you notice your neighbor needs a hand to help start up his car, do you wait to be called? Do you offer to help? Or do you just mind your own business and move on?

Or let's say a loved one needs help with setting up stuff for a birthday celebration or naming ceremony, can you offer help to them?

There are many instances I could give here regarding helping people, however my point is just that you don't necessarily need money to help out.

You can offer help by volunteering to handle certain tasks or activities. You can teach them. You can help them in discharging their duties if you're less occupied. It doesn't have to be money.

I mean, who doesn't like to be helped out? It would be difficult for anyone to decline a helping hand when offered one.

People are going through a lot in life alone. Learning to offer a helping hand to them when you can do that is a lovely gift you can give to them.

4. Texting and Calls

Thank God for the internet. Today the world has become a global village and technology is rapidly turning everything upside down.

You can reach out to another person on the other side of the world just by the push of a button or a simple click.

Traditional call and texting rates have dropped ever since the use of the internet became mainstream.

These days you can chat with other people on social media for free with no data whatsoever.

Facebook Video calls, Whatsapp calls, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter.. Just name it. There's no reason not to keep in touch with those who you care about.

The thing is that many people are yet to take advantage of most of these opportunities created by the internet to get closer to people.

We are totally out for business and making money and can't even pick up our smart phones and just chat up people that matter to us.

A simple "hello" or "hi" could start off a wonderful conversation with a brother, sister, lover or a close friend.

You could get access to information that could even lead you to the money you've been pursuing all these years. Lol. But some of us can't even spare a few seconds to call or text people we cafe about even when calling and texting are almost free these days.

Why not place a call or text that person you care about and you've not spoken to all these while?

You think all they need is money from you? Haha

5. Support and Advice 

We all need good advice and support at some point in our lives. No man is an island. No matter how independent we may want to appear, we will still find out that at some point, we need to lean on someone so we can get back on our feet.

So how willing are you to support someone else or offer them good advice?

You don't need always money to support people. By giving out your fairly used phone to someone else who may need it, or by letting a friend who is yet to stand on his feet stay with you in your house if you can, you've really made a difference in their lives.

You can give away items you no longer need to other people. Why cover up space in your house with unwanted and unused items?

You can offer your advice to other people who you care about and help them better face whatever they are passing through.

6. Attention

How well do you pay attention to the people you claim to love?

Do you care to listen to them when they are saying something or are you just waiting for them to stop talking so you can say your mind?

Do you observe them? Do you notice the look in their eyes when they are down and need to say something to you or you don't even take notice of their disposition?

Do you notice their new hairstyle and the new haircuts? Do you notice their scars or injuries?

Do you notice their change in behavior and the unconscious body movements they make to hint that something is wrong?

Look here Mr, Mrs or Miss.. Paying great attention to people you care about is very important. People love to be noticed and heard even when they say nothing.

Some people don't know how to talk when they are really bothered about something. It will take your careful attention to know that such people aren't feeling okay.

Many words left unsaid are only understood by those who pay attention. You may not be close to them, but in their voices, responses or expressions during calls, you should be attentive enough to decipher those unsaid things.

Being able to pay attention has a lot to do with being emotionally intelligent. That would be topic for another good day.

So there you have it. You can give these 6 things and even more to people for free without spending nothing and it will go a long way in showing how much you care, love and appreciate them.

Keep these ideas in mind as you live your life and just keep winning!

Monday, 5 March 2018

The Hoarders Mentality

hoarders mentality
A lot of people have this tendency of hoarding things and always keeping unnecessary stuff to themselves. They find it difficult to let things they don't need anymore go. Rather than let someone else have it, they prefer to hoard it. This is what I call the hoarders mentality.

A hoarder is more like a miserly person. He or she believes that it will never be enough for them and will continue to save up unnecessary things. But this is a big trap and demonstrates a poor mindset.

Winners know and believe that they will never run dry. This doesn't mean that they waste their resources, rather they aren't afraid to let go of the things they no longer need. And indeed, they never run dry. Beliefs are incredibly powerful.

Many of the things some of us still keep with ourselves aren't needed anymore by us, yet we just leave them with us for no good reason. You go to some homes, you find a large box filled with old clothes that are no longer in use. Why not share?

You bought a new gadget and won't be needing the old one, why not give it away to someone else that may need it rather than pack it up in the basement?

Winners usually live like Spartans. They only use or keep exactly what they need. Whatever they don't need has no business with them. As a matter of fact, allowing yourself get attached to things you should have given away keeps you lagging behind.

Winners are bold people who keep looking forward to new and better things deserving of their attention and time. As a human being who is always moving and changing positively, it's important you don't let attachment to physical things hold you back.

By giving away everything you don't need, you make room for exactly what you need! When you keep hoarding things, you keep yourself from progressing. Our mindsets should be reflected in our surrounding.

A positive mindset aspiring for new experiences, should be matched with surroundings that are continually renewed. These surroundings give good feedback to your subconscious mind and strengthens your mindset to stay anew.

But a surrounding that stays the same always, will subconsciously keep you thinking the same way. How do you renew your surroundings? By taking away the things you don't need and make few changes whenever you can.

You see, when you're always making your surroundings new by taking away what you don't need, you subconsciously train your mind to keep improving every single day without even knowing it.

Your surroundings must reflect your mindset.

So learn to take stuff you don't need away. It distracts you. Share those things to neighbors, friends or less privileged people who may need them. You will strengthen your relationship with these people by doing so and more especially your mindset for success. A win-win situation!

We shouldn't be hoarding things unnecessarily.

Hoarding things doesn't just pertain to properties, you shouldn't hoard paying people nice compliments or using your words to make them feel better. You shouldn't hoard your care and affection.

Yeah, we know that there are people who won't appreciate it when you care, but still care for people anyway. You're doing it for yourself. You never know how far your words can go to change someone's mind.

Many have been saved from committing suicide and other dangerous acts because of a nice word somebody said to them.

So when you're moved to say something nice or comforting to someone, just say it. It doesn't take anything away from you. Paying that compliment or saying something nice doesn't make you lesser than that person. You just make your world a lil much better as you've made that person's world.

If we can learn to love, share and give freely without holding back, we will make room for these things to keep manifesting in our lives. We will see that our minds won't be cluttered by things of the past because we've not cluttered our world with hoarded things.

We will find it easier to accomplish our goals and we build strong networks with people around us. I'll end with this short update by my friend Shola:

"The Hoarders

An aunt of mine died recently. She was a widow. She also had no child. She died in her late 50s. She has been buried.

When the family went to clean up her property, they were amazed. She was a hoarder. The type you watch on American and British reality shows.

 She had stuff filling her apartments. Piles of new materials. Piles of expired food products. Piles of gifts and souvenirs dating 10 years.

6 television sets. 5 new freezers. 4 new generating sets. New gas cookers. Kerosine stoves of the 80s. All new. Expired vegetable oil.

Decaying bags of rice. And so forth. There was no sitting space in a 4 bedroom apartment. Littered with junk.

Plenty of stuff was thrown away. Many shared by family members who had no clue on how she lived. I am certain she has a decent amount in the bank.

She was prudent. Almost much too prudent.

 Bordering on...

Many of us are like her. We can’t give away stuff that we do not need. We pile “junk” that might be useful to another.

We have clothes in wardrobes all over. We hoard everything we own. Lace of '92, gele of '88.
Many even hoard love and praise.

They hoard affection. No one is deserving of love. No one is deserving of help. When they lose, one they love, they cry, because they hoarded words of affection and more.

Life is meant to be lived. That we will die is certain. The uncertainty is when and how. The wise one lives everyday as the last.

This is not to be read as encouraging wastrels. Or failing to save for tomorrow. Empty your barns regularly to the needy so you also can have new stock.

At the end, the only thing you take with you, is your soul. Nourish that."

Inspiring wasn't it? His update inspired this blog post. Let's learn to share, give and love. It takes nothing from us and gives us everything.

Throw away your hoarders mentality this second and keep winning!

Wednesday, 28 February 2018

Learn To See Beyond Money

learn to see beyond Money

Our world today seems crazed about money. When you ask the average person what he or she wants, you're certain to hear the word "money" in 90% of the responses you get. We've become so obsessed with getting so much money that very few people can see beyond it these days.

It's understandable why people seem to be so crazed about the cash. With so much money at your disposal, you can get anything you want, you can travel to places, you can buy any stuff, you can live big the way you want. So, money seems to be everything, right?

Well, in this article, I will try to make you see reasons why money isn't everything and why you should learn to see beyond money if you want to make sustainable progress in your life.

Money is very important and we really need it in our lives. I totally agree. I also need money and more money as well. However, I am not willing to sacrifice my ultimate happiness, fulfilment, peace of mind and strong relationships for the sake of money.

There was a story of a trader in a market who was fond of cheating anyone who came to his shop to buy things. For instance, if you wanted to buy something sold for 10 bucks, he would sell it to you at 100 bucks and he would go home happy.

Another trader who was just beside him was selling those things at a normal rate and each time after his neighbor cheated any buyer, he would turn to this other trader and tell him, "You see, you're not as wise as I am, I'm making money." The other trader would just ignore him and continue selling as normal.

What the first trader didn't know was that each time the customers he had cheated discovered the normal price of the goods they bought from him, they would vow never to come to his shop again. And they even went on to tell their friends who were bulk buyers to stop buying from the cheat.

By and by, this cheating trader kept losing customers and he started depending on just the money he had gotten from cheating. But the other trader's customers kept growing steadily. Even though he wasn't dishonest to charge exorbitantly, he was still making great profit as he sold off large quantities of his goods.

Months later after making serious losses, the cheating trader quit his business. He had failed because he failed to see beyond the money he was getting through cheating.

This example only touched on building trust as a valuable quality that is more important than money. When people trust you, money won't be a problem.

Now there are people who have a passion for something. This passion is what makes them feel alive and brings out that sparkle that shines through their eyes. They love it. It could be music, working on numbers, talking, playing football or other sports, cooking, writing, managing projects, engineering, teaching and etcetera.

It could be anything, but what makes it your passion is that you love to do this always. You could do it all day and you could never get tired of it. It comes naturally to you and you just connect to your higher self through it.

Now for these passionate people, there comes a time when it will look as if their passion isn't making money for them. Now, this passion makes them happy, but they start to expect money from it and if they aren't seeing any money, they get discouraged and they may consider quitting their passion to do something that makes money.

I don't know if you're one of them or if you've ever been in that state of mind, well here's what I think:
Finding yourself in this state of mind means that you're now thinking just in monetary ways. You're no more thinking beyond the money.

Why do you want money in the first place if not to be happy? Happiness is the true goal if you think about it because all the money we seek is just to enable us do or get things that will make us happy. So the big question is: If living your passion makes you genuinely happy, must you really have to be making money from it before you can happy?

Get me right, I'm not saying you cannot and should not make money from your passion. Of course you have to pay your bills and sort out stuff. My point is that it's not a MUST you make money from it and it's not a wise thing to drop your passion because it doesn't make money for you. Your passion makes you happy, so it shouldn't be dropped for any reason.

If you've really got to pay your  bills, try to make money from your passion, if it's not working, as it may not work sometimes, try to do something else or learn a skill that can help you pay your bills, but don't ever drop the passion because you can't pay bills with it. Keep the passion because its value to your general well-being is way beyond money.

You can merge the two.. You can make money doing what you love. If you can do it, that's the best. But sometimes, you may not be able to do it easily. Its not worth it sacrificing that passion because of this reason. Because if you had thought beyond Money, you will see that passion brings you happiness.

This example touched on thinking beyond money when it comes to your passion.

There are cases of people who have betrayed their friends, close networks and even family because of money. The thing these people fail to see is that whatever money they get from such betrayal will still finish and someday they will need to fall back on family and friends for support in some way.

When it comes to love, many of us face a similar
dilemma. He or she may love you genuinely, he or she may care about you so much and really desire your own good. But presently, the person may not have the money to do certain things for you that you may expect. Then you quit, you leave them because they seem to have nothing.

You then go for people who may not want or cherish you as much but they have the cash and you're fine with settling with them. This is called gold digging. You finally settle with them and you get so much money from him or her, but then as time goes on you start searching for something more, you start desiring genuine love and care because you've seen that the person never really cared as much.

The best and most desirable case is to find someone who really loves you and also has the cash(if you desire it). But often times it's not always the case. Would it be wiser in such a case to ditch someone who has demonstrated genuine love and care towards you for someone who may care less, but has got the cash? Up to you!

I've seen people who only treat rich people with respect and courtesy, but they are quick to insult and disrespect those who they believe don't have as much money as the wealthy.

What those people forget is that the table could turn at any time and the same people they treated disrespectfully today may be their bosses tomorrow. They can't think beyond the money.

I could say many more things to show you that money isn't everything and we should all learn to see beyond it, but I'll conclude with this:

Money is very important, but it's not everything. We sacrifice many things on the altar of money, but at the end of the day we find out that there are more things that are of greater value than this money.

Chase your money, but just remember that it's not everything. Your happiness, your well-being, your sense of fulfilment and general peace are of greater importance.

There are things that are not worth sacrificing for money. If you understand this you will see that money is everywhere, and it's not the true goal.

See beyond the money and keep winning! Some things aren't worth sacrificing or risking for money's sake. Stay sharp, the sky is the limit.


Wednesday, 14 February 2018

The Illusion Of Valentines Day

illusion of valentines day

It's February 14th again. Valentines day is celebrated around the world as lovers day. On this day lovers are expected to go the extra mile in showing love to their partners. They are so carried away by the hype that they fail to see the illusion that surrounds it.

Let's start with a brief history of Valentines Day:

Saint Valentine is a popular name associated with Valentines Day and he is frequently attributed with Valentine’s Day history.

He was a Roman priest during the third century, serving under Emperor Claudius. Strict Emperor Claudius believed that single men made better soldiers than married ones with families, and he therefore passed a law making marriage illegal for all young soldiers.

Valentine recognized the absurdity of this law and continued to marry young couples in secret, effectively defying his Emperor's order.

When Claudius discovered Valentine’s acts of defiance, he had him killed immediately. Valentine was later canonized by the Vatican and, in the 5th century, February 14th was named his feast day, the day designated by the church to honor and commemorate a saint’s life.

Another version here claims:
In France and England, February 14th is the beginning of the birds’ mating season, which symbolizes love, fertility, and the promise of spring.

Valentine’s day is celebrated in several countries throughout the world, including France, England, Australia, and of course The United States. The day began to rise in popularity around the 17th century, where it was very common for friends to exchange little gifts and notes of affection.

The first Valentine’s Day card was said to be sold in 1840 by Esther Howland, also known as The Mother of the Valentine, and today it is estimated that over 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year.

Those were the two common stories associated with the origin of Valentines Day.

With time, Valentines day seems to have been redefined. It has become a day when lovers are expected to overdo things and expect something extraordinary from their partners.

In all, it's supposed to be a day to celebrate love, but the illusion of expecting too much from another person is making the day distasteful.

Secondly, it creates the illusion that romance is higher than all other forms of love. A lot of partners in relationships feel that they are obliged to have sex on valentines day in order to show how much they love their partners.

You'll find out that there's a higher tendency for someone who may not really love you that much to allow you have access to their body. Why is it suddenly easier on valentines day? Something worth thinking about.

Last but not the least, it makes love seem like it's reserved for a special day. I mean, you have 365 days every year to show your love to another person.

Why wait to show that love only on Valentines day? Love isn't something that we have to save for a particular day or express fully on February 14th only.

Love is life itself and if we want to live fully, we should be free to show our love every single day. We don't have to hoard it until it's valentines day. Why wait?

Despite this illusion that I see associated with today, I still feel it's important to contemplate on the real meaning of true love and still show love to someone today.

Don't just do them today, contemplate love and show love to someone any other day you feel like, it doesn't have to be only today.

And you don't have to pretend you like someone because it's valentines day. You don't have to try to overdo things except you naturally feel that way. Neither do you have to decide to have sex with someone you don't even love because you're under valentines day pressure.

Let's be more real with ourselves today and celebrate love without allowing those illusions destroy the true meaning of what we're meant to celebrate today.

Have fun. Happy lover's day!



Tuesday, 30 January 2018

They Owe You Nothing

They owe you nothing

The moment you begin to get the point that other people owe you nothing and therefore develop the mindset of working towards whatever you want to have in this life, the better for you.

It's so common these days to hear things like: "My uncle has a lot of cash and yet he's not willing to help me," "My sister is a manager at a big company and she hasn't even given a job role," or even something like "I'm related to him, but yet he hasn't done anything for me even though he's doing very well."

Even in relationships, people behave as if their partners owe them happiness always by saying things like: "I'm his lover and since he won 2 million naira, I hope to get a million," "He or She doesn't do everything to make me happy," or "He doesn't do as much as this other person or that person." And that's how relationships begin to collapse because someone starts comparing the partner with someone else because of this inordinate sense of entitlement.

The gospel truth is that no one really owes you anything and you should really be grateful to anyone who loves or cares about you enough to do helpful things for you. The fact that these people are close to us or that they love us so much doesn't mean that it's by force they do things for us. No matter how deeply connected, we must always respect another person's freedom of choice.

Indeed, when we ask for help from someone we love or someone we know to be successful and we don't get any, we will tend to be unhappy. However, that unhappiness shouldn't linger long enough if we really respect that person's freedom of choice. It shouldn't lead us to hating that person or bad mouthing them because they couldn't help us.

The habit should be to help ourselves. No one else but our very own selves can truly help us. Our sincerest efforts to get things for ourselves and make our lives better can achieve much more for us than any external help from others.

This is not to say that people cannot help us. People can help us and even transform our lives for good. But the point is that rather than just hope on help from other people or totally putting our desires in their hands, we should develop that attitude of helping ourselves. So that if help comes along the way, then it becomes a bonus. But if it doesn't, we won't be so bitter about it because we're already working our way towards those needs.

If you want money, you go out there and get it by doing exactly what you have to do. You don't really have to wait on a particular person to give you money and then when he or she doesn't, you curse them because you felt entitled to the person's money. How ridiculous!

If you need a job, you hustle your way into it. That you have someone you know who is in top level management at a firm doesn't mean that they must give you a job. They reserve the freedom and the right to give or not give you that job because you don't know what they may be facing in the firm or what it took for them to get to that level. Why not strive to get a job yourself?

If you feel that your partner isn't making you as happy as you desire, why not find a way to make yourself happy and then involve him or her? Does falling in love with someone mean that we've lost the capacity to even make ourselves happy? Being unable to make yourself happy because you're in love means that there's a problem with you already. You can and should always be able to make yourself happy and sometimes try to make your partner happy too. Because sometimes he or she could be facing challenges and unable to make you happy sometimes. Would you rather die?

We can always get the things we want for ourselves without feeling that anybody owes us any of it. Whether it's money, a successful career or love.. Whatever it is, you can always do something about it in whatever little way you can. That little thing you can do to change your situation for yourself is extremely important, crucial and must not be neglected.

They owe you nothing.. YOU OWE YOURSELF EVERYTHING!

The earlier you realize this, the better for you. You will become more tolerant and forgiving. You will become a source of goodness to others rather than unnecessary hate. You will begin to blossom. You'll see and know that whether they choose to help you or not, it's doesn't matter.

You'll not be lazy and you won't waste your time backbiting those who won't help you. Your eyes will be open to the various opportunities around you which you can take advantage of to improve your life!

Understand this, help yourself as much as you can and just keep winning!

Saturday, 2 December 2017

Secret To Building Effective Love Relationships (Look In The Mirror)

building effective Love relationships

Many go into relationships with the mindset of what they're gonna get out from it. This ain't really a bad mindset o. Humans are Basically motivated by what they will get from any venture(some may argue otherwise, but at the base of all our actions, there are expectations and motives). However these motives must also go with a deep reflection of what you can also do for the other party and that's where looking in the mirror comes in.

You want him/her to place you above every other thing, you must ask yourself whether you're also willing to do the same. No one will put you first if you've not shown a considerable level of care, interest and love towards them. It's not Hollywood, it's reality.


Breakups are common these days and people are falling in and out of relationships because they fail to look to look in the mirror. Whatever you expect from your partner, you should be willing to provide even more for that partner.

Love is really deeper than what most of us see it as these days. Love even transcends hate. With real love on our hearts for our beloved, we conquer all forms of conflict, fights or quarrels that may arise. If you form the habit of looking in the mirror, you will be able to really understand your partner and the motives behind his/her actions.

But then most of us aren't willing to look. We don't want to blame ourselves or try to understand why our partner may have been behaving differently. We simply just throw every fault at them and try to paint ourselves as right all the time. We even resort to applying certain wrong advices in order to create some form of desire or jealousy in the partner without even understanding why they're acting differently. It's like taking an injection for a sickness you're not even aware of. That will lead to catastrophe.

The starting point is to be really aware that we are not as perfect as we may think we are and our partners aren't gods either(they are humans liable to changing emotions and feelings). Therefore in order to build stronger relationships, we must always first try to get to the very root of any issues that may arise. We must never be quick to jump into conclusions, rather we should first try to blame ourselves instead of quickly blaming the other.

Because often times, we are the problem 90% of the time. It may be very difficult to see that because you've formed the unconscious habit of never accepting the blame of a bad relationship. You've always blamed it on the other, so it may be difficult to see that you are actually the problem. And the major reason why you may be the problem is simply because you've not tried to understand the root.

You have to be willing to go the extra mile and show genuine love and care to the one you love. The more you express that love, the more the love grows in the other and the more the other person will be willing to treat you exactly the same way. That's how it works. It's not a one sided affair.

It often happens that sometimes we may really be trying our best to show love to someone we care about and they don't even seem to care. This is dicey situation because it could hurt your feelings that this person doesn't appreciate your love. In this situation, you need to really ask yourself whether you sincerely love that person and they aren't committed to another relationship. If the answer is Yes to both, you should persist. Try to push harder and let this person know exactly how you feel about him/her.

Continue to show your love and care. Most times, they will eventually be overwhelmed by your sincere love and reciprocate eventually much more than you even expected. However, in rare cases after persistent efforts, some people will still not care to reciprocate. At this stage, you don't need to feel and about it. If you're really expecting them to reciprocate, you must drop the expectation and simply love them as a choice if you wish to continue loving them. You should never get desperate or obsessed though. Simply just love for the sake of loving and if they push you away, leave them and find someone else to share your love with.

It's our nature to love and be loved. And no situation should make you decide to stop showing love or reciprocating the love shown to you by others. Love makes life worth living and love never runs out. The more you share it, the more you receive it. When you're in a relationship, it's not about how much love you get. It's about your willingness to share your love as much as possible in it. Real love shouldn't really depend on how much love you're receiving from your partner. It should depend on how you're ready to keep giving knowing that whatever you give will eventually return a thousand fold.

If at any point in a relationship you no more feel the desire to share your love, the relationship has become unhealthy. But make sure that the unhealthiness wasn't simply as result of your partner's inability to fulfill some expectation of yours. That will be selfish. Let the only reason be that you no more genuinely feel the desire to share your love in that relationship.

The beginning and end of any relationship should be dependent on you and not necessarily on your partner. Let's think about this and build more loving relationships.

Until next time,
Nigel.

Friday, 14 July 2017

The Golden Rule

The golden rule

When you say "love your neighbor as you love yourself", you are correct.. but you should consider this too:

It is difficult for people who haven't experienced love to love another person like themselves. Some people grew up being abused.. some grew up in broken homes.. others grew up seeing everyone as their enemies.

Some of them experienced wickedness and rejection from people around them while growing up. So, they tend to see everyone else as people who don't care.

Do you think it's easy for such people to understand the golden rule? They have grown to love only themselves and never care about the plight of anybody else because nobody cared for them too.

You can't blame these people or hate them for being that way. It's the environment of hate which they have experienced that made them that way.

Your duty is to love such persons and try to let them know that contrary to what they have subconsciously come to believe, you really care about them and God always cares about them.

The love you show to people around you has unending implications.. love is the only antidote to hate.

Show love to someone today. Genuinely care about someone else's problem today. Take out some time to put a smile on another person's face and let them know that even if the whole world doesn't care about them, you actually do.

Don't hate anybody for being wicked or negative, it's not usually their fault.. it is their conditioning.. Help them break out of a poisonous mentality.. with love.
#Nigel
#KeepWinning

Thursday, 16 February 2017

Don't Try To Be Too Nice


In today's society, some people try to appear too nice and overdo things in order to win the love, respect or admiration of other people. Ironically, it usually turns out that they get the opposite of what they want because they were trying to be too nice.

Think about this: Parents who keep on letting their kid have whatever he or she wants end up spoiling that kid no matter how generous they think they are. The kid grows up not knowing that some things are not good for him because the parents had not disciplined him properly. And why's that? They were trying to be too nice.

You own a pet and all the time your pet keeps on peeing in your living room. You don't want to punish that pet by using some strict training practices because you claim to love the pet and you're trying to be a nice pet owner. What happens? The pet goes on misbehaving and causing problems for you.

You're in an abusive and unhappy relationship. Your partner keeps on doing the things you don't like. He may beat you up, cheat, and do all sorts of things to show a lack of love and non commitment. But you keep on trying to defend him, you don't want to show that you're actually unhappy with their behavior. You keep quiet and keep tolerating crap because you're being too nice. What happens? They keep doing it.

Okay, someone keeps on harassing you and keeps on troubling you. You have done nothing wrong to them, but they seem to derive pleasure in interfering with you and your life. You keep trying to ignore them because you're a nice person, but they keep on looking for your trouble. Would you go on ignoring them forever because you're too nice?

It is unnatural for us to be too nice. We should be nice people, but when we take it to the extreme, it could be a limitation or a sign of fear. You have to try and relate very well with everyone, but don't try to be too nice to the point of tolerating nonsense from anyone, anything or any situation.

Do what you have to do and learn to express what you really feel instead of holding it in because you're trying to be too nice. If you've got to punish your kid or deny him some things, please do so. If your pet misbehaves, discipline it appropriately.

If you are in an abusive relationship, come out of it for your own good. If the person really loves you, they will come to their senses else, good riddance! If you have to confront some troublesome people, do so and let them know you're tired of their crap.

If you're not happy with anything, don't try to pretend in the name of being too nice. Just be natural and do what the situation really calls for with smart reasoning. You will find out that if you don't try too hard to be nice, but rather do what you have to do, things will gradually fall in place and work out well. From better responsible kids, lovers and pets to a better and happier life filled with genuine people.

Be real, be nice.. but don't try to be too nice.

Keep winning!

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

Love Is Not A Cage

Love is not a cage

Love is not a cage where you put someone else and you don't even allow them to breathe without you. Some people have this idea of love and it doesn't really help them in their relationships.

If you really love someone, you should respect their freedom and personal space. Yes, the love should be there, but when you try to overdo certain things, it will tend to be boring and the love soon begins to fade away gradually.

Some people want to be always around the person they claim to love 24/7. But it is not possible to do that given the many responsibilities that they have and time taken by other daily activities. So lovers must come to terms with the fact that they can never be around their loved ones every second.

This is good. And in fact, can you imagine how you would feel if someone is always around you every time and everywhere? You will soon find the whole thing boring and sometimes you need your own space or you want to spend some time alone.

If your idea of loving someone is such that they cannot be happy living their lives when you are not close to them, then you should rethink this 'love.' Wanting to always stay around someone you love can even stem out of mistrust.

You may feel that once you're not there the person may go to someone else or cheat on you. Hence, if you can even mount a camera everywhere they go or set up a drone to follow them, well that would be nice so you can 'confirm' what they are doing.

But that is not love. You are restraining that person's freedom which is definitely not good. You must learn to trust the one you love. If they will cheat on you, they will still cheat anyway without your notice. So what's the point trying to even cage them?

It is difficult to trust another when you've been heartbroken many times, but we can't really accomplish much in matters of love without having a level of trust. Make out time for the one you love, but don't become so obsessed with them that you can't even let them live their normal lives.

A good partner will remain a good partner whether you're watching or not. There is no need wasting your time trying to stop them from 'misbehaving' through your watch. You can't see them 24 hours everyday. So have some trust and sometimes give your loved one some space.

When you respect the freedom of others, they feel it and they will love you more for it. If they decide to cheat and you find out, then fine, good riddance! It is better you found out what they're capable of doing given some space than try to live with a chameleon.

In allowing your partner some freedom, you will find out if they really love you or not. What is the point trying to force love on someone who doesn't love you by trying to cage them? Nothing. Given any small chance, they will cheat. But when your partner stays true to you even when you respect their freedom, then the love is genuine.

Think about it. Share your views through the comments section.

Sunday, 8 January 2017

Don't Love Anyone Too Much To Ignore Their Faults

Don't love someone too much to ignore faults

Yeah, you read the title right! Most of us are so carried away by the feeling of loving someone that we ignore the things we don't like about them. They do things that we don't really like and we overlook it because we claim to love them.

This is bad, not just for ourselves or our feelings, but also bad for the other person because we are actually spoiling them and not letting them grow. If you genuine love someone, you would want the very best for them and not just love them blindly.

Some parents claim to love their kids and they don't ever scold them or punish them when they do something wrong all in the name of love. These kids finally grow up to be a problem to them. They become stubborn, extravagant and spoilt.

I think that loving these kids should be about bringing out the best in them and this includes punishing them when necessary so that they learn right values and principles.

In our relationships too, we tend to ignore aspects of our partners that we don't like, because of love. Indeed, everyone has their own weaknesses, but that doesn't mean you should ignore those of your partner.

You shouldn't judge him/her because of those weaknesses, but you should let them be aware of it and try to help them out of it. Same way they should help you come out of yours.

The whole idea of ignoring the faults of those we love does us no good in the long run. It allows these people misbehave and become very inconsiderate. Therefore, loving someone shouldn't be blind.

Make sure you recognize those weaknesses, signs and deviations and do what you can do to help them overcome these weaknesses. Or else, the weaknesses you ignored will come back to haunt the love you thought you had for them.

Love people, but don't ignore their weaknesses. It doesn't mean you should judge or avoid them when you discover their weaknesses, rather be open minded and do what you need to do to help them come out it and become better persons. That is true love which brings out the best in people.

Tuesday, 13 December 2016

Let's Get Real About Love

let's get real about love

Let's get real here about this issue of love. I'm not going to be playful about it. I'd be as plain as I can ever be. Forget everything you've seen in the movies or read about love. Let's just be honest and practical here.

Everyone here on earth I believe needs love and appreciation. I've not met anyone who doesn't. If you claim you don't, I think you should think again. I believe we all want someone who loves us just as much as we love them.

Here's the thing: We want to be loved, but often times we are not willing to love someone in that same way that we want to be loved. We want to be loved 'more' than the other party. We want to develop a sense of pride knowing that no matter what we do, the other party will still love us. But in reality, it doesn't work that way because the love becomes selfish. And when selfishness enters any love, it doesn't last.

You need to understand that just as you need someone who will love you so much,  other people need someone like that too. You don't throw the need of the other person outside. The equation will always be unbalanced and the relationship is bound to fail when one side is dysfunctional.

Why would you expect someone to have undying love for you when you don't have undying love for them? This is where the problem lies. To be happy in issues of love, you must be with someone who is willing and ready to love you just as much as you love them. Someone who is willing to take risks and make sacrifices for you just as you are willing to do same for them.

Most relationships fail because of the useless ploy to be loved "more" than the other. Love is meant to be mutual.

Don't fall in love with anyone out of pity. If you don't love them just as much as they love you, kindly take your leave. Likewise, if they don't love you or care about you just as much as you do, disengage yourself too.

Wait for the right person.. the person who will truly love you, understand you, cherish you and be ready to appreciate your mutual love as well. If you've found that person, never let that person go. Such a love is unbounded and unlimited because there is no game, record keeping, selfishness or pride involved.

Don't also beg anyone to love you too. Always be free to show love to someone you admire, but if they're not willing to reciprocate or they don't love you same way, don't stay there and try too hard to please them. They are not right for you.

Never be selfish to the extent of wanting love from someone when you know you don't love them the same way. It's dangerous and it's not the way. Clearly let people know you are not interested and don't play ball with their feelings.

If we learn to be more real about the issues of love and cut out the bull shit, we'd be in a better position to find our ideal soul mates and have more fulfilling love life and relationships.

-Nigel















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