Love Someone with Similar Energy Levels or Expectations

Love someone with similar energy and expectations

I was discussing with a friend few days ago when the idea hit me to really share this blog post because I feel it's important people in relationships know this.

Now for a second, imagine two people in love. Let's call them Romeo and Juliet. Romeo really loves Juliet and she also loves him just as much. But their relationship isn't going great despite the love they have for each other.

Juliet calls Romeo on a daily basis to check up on her. To her, that's how she expresses that she loves and cares for him. She also makes efforts to see him regularly. 

Romeo on the other hand despite loving Juliet, doesn't want to call her every day. He only wants to speak to her once or twice a week. Calling someone twice a week for Romeo is the height of loving someone as he isn't really into calls.

To him his biggest expression of his genuine love can only allow him want to hear from her twice a week.

At some point Juliet begins to worry and think about why she has to be the one who seems to be making the effort to call Romeo each day. She doesn't feel he loves her just as much as she does because he isn't reaching out to her with same zeal.

Now, even though this fact isn't true and Romeo still really loves Juliet, Juliet will be unsatisfied in this relationship.

As someone who is really 'hyper' about displaying her love, she may at some point begin to genuinely believe that Romeo doesn't love her as much because he isn't responding with same 'energy'. And so even though the love may be between the two. A break up eventually happens.

This short scenario kind of paints a picture of how people who may actually be in love fall out of love because one party feels they aren't getting what they deserve. Which brings me to this topic "energy levels" or "matching expectations".

What began our discussion was that I said something about people learning to give without expectation and she has responded "True, it would be good if people can love without expectation".

While it may be true in few cases, I had responded to that statement by saying that "romantic" love usually comes with expectations. If you love someone, you definitely expect them not to cheat on you. If there were no expectations, romantic love would seem quite pointless.

People have selfish and unselfish reasons why they romantically fall in love with others. And I believe if one is to go into a relationship with another, these reasons must be very clearly defined and understood. 

Because there are 'selfish' reasons associated with romantic love, there are surely expectations. I hope to be proven wrong on this though. 

These expectations have to somewhat complement each other for the relationship to have at least a great chance of surviving. In other words, I believe there should be a sort of balance in these expectations. Might not exactly be 50:50, but it should be quite close.

If someone that loves you buys you gifts regularly or calls you on a daily, it is quite safe to assume that this person's love language is encoded in those things. And if you love them as well, you are expected to reciprocate or kind of match this energy.

You may not have the resources, but it's the effort that counts and makes the other feel like, "okay, I'm appreciated and loved too". In cases where you aren't sure about what he/she wants, it's best to even ask them.

Questions like: "how often do you want me to call?", "How often do you want to hang out?" "Do you like to chat often?" "Would you feel comfortable if we saw each other more often?", Questions like these can help you get a picture of their energy or expectation levels.

And you should observe the kind of energy your partner brings and at least try to match it. If your partner is very hyper about expressing their love to you, the love would have a higher chance of being sustained if you are hyper or if you can be hyper just to match that energy.

If your expectations aren't really so much and you are not a really hyper person in love, sometimes It's best to be in a relationship with someone who has little expectations too. Speaking to each other twice may be just okay for you both... hanging out less, but spending quality time on days you agree to hang out may mean more to you than partying every day.

So meeting someone who understands and values your energy that way, goes a long way to strengthen love.

Problem arises when one is hyper and the other isn't hyper. One will feel sort of chocked with the expression of love. They aren't used to that, so it makes them uncomfortable. To some they're like, "Slow down, you're encroaching into my personal space here." But they may not voice it out. 

And they may not be able to reciprocate such hyperactive love expressions because it's not just who they are. They may try, but they may not be able to put up with the show for a long time. That's why I think hyper should go for hyper. Little expectations go for little expectations.

That way people fall in love with those who can bring in same energy as them and the love will wax stronger because no party feels like they're the one putting all the work. 

Matching that level of energy is so important... because even as you're willing to go the extra mile for someone you love... that person should be able to go that mile for you as well. That way the love grows stronger.

I don't really believe in love at first sight. I hope something convinces otherwise.

My reason is this: I think for real love to happen; you must understand your partner's personality too which must include information on their energy expectation levels.

It begins with understanding your own self. How are your needs? How do you understand love? How do you want to be loved? then find someone who you can love that way, and who will be able to give you that energy.

Because no matter how someone loves you, their way of showing that love may be different. To some people, they may be genuinely showing you live by calling you once a week? To them, that's the height of their expression of true love.

If you're someone who understands love as someone calling you 24/7... you will definitely not understand that this person calling you once or twice a week loves you very much at that.

If you're in a relationship and your partner isn't matching that level of love energy you want and can also give… (Now this is important before I continue... you have to want/expect something you CAN also give.

It doesn't make sense expecting your partner behaves or does something in a particular way when you cannot do that thing yourself. That's what I call feeling entitled. 

You are allowed to want and expect something from another person you love ONLY if you are able to provide this same thing to your partner sometimes.)

… if your partner isn't matching that energy you want AND YOU CAN GIVE, then it may be best for you to move one and find exactly what you want.

There's no point settling for what you don't want and live in regret later. Know exactly what you want by understanding yourself and needs and then go for it. 

No one is an island in love. If you want to love someone, it means you need to be loved as well. Love is balanced when both partners are giving and receiving love as they find appealing. It's never a one sided affair where one party should feel they are not doing as much as they should of they are doing more than the other.

If you're constantly made to feel guilty about your input in a relationship or if you always feel your partner isn't showing you Love as much as you show them, then it may be a sign you need to find something better.

Effective communication between both partners and their needs should happen often. If the communication doesn't make any difference in how both partners relate, then it may be time to move on.

Fall in love with someone who shares that same every level/expectation and keep winning!

- Ike Nigel




  1. Good piece😃 the truth is understanding is key in a relationship. If my partner understands that I'm not as hypher as he is and he's cool with it, and I'm cool with the way he is, we'll flow better... Also, communication... If I don't like something about him, I'll have to discuss it with him so we see how to balance things up and flow😃🥰

  2. Wow, this is amazing.
    Glad, I read through.
    Weldone Ike for breaking this topic in details, making it comprehendible for your audience.

    Here, is my take on the above discuss,
    Relationship is more interesting and lovely when the two parties involved, get to first study each other and know themselves (understanding each other) then you will know what works for your partner, the key to ignite to get them reciprocate back to you at the same energy.

    It also helps you to create the right environment for your partner.

  3. Great piece!
    Nothing is as frustrating as being with someone whose definition of "love" completely contrasts yours. I believe people should have a good understanding of themselves as you rightly said and learn their partners enough to understand what works. This shouldn't mean downplaying the importance of communication (the problem is, some persons tell their potential partners or "newly found" partners what they believe the person wants to hear, probably for fear of losing the person).
    I believe there should be a FRIENDSHIP phase before jumping into a relationship. That should help in the learning process.

    Kudos to you Nigel

  4. Effective communication between both partners and their needs should happen often
    This conclusion is absolutely the best!

    We may not be with a partner whose energy/expectations matches ours - we have to consider temperament, culture and nurture.
    But we should never compromise on having a partner we can communicate effectively with and vice-visa. They must be willing to communicate their feelings and expectations. And the quality of our conversations must reveal that they're totally in that relationship.

    Relationships are successful when two individuals are willing to learn about each other, and are able to accept the other person (flaws and all) but more importantly, are willing to make compromises. Go the extra miles, and accept 'the miles without an extra' with love.

    Thanks for sharing this!!!

    ~ Temitope


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