Be There For Your Own Self
This article was first inspired by a comment on Instagram and then fuelled by a video a friend had shared online.
I am writing this article for anyone out there who feel overwhelmed that they are going through certain challenges or troubling times in their lives alone. This is usually not the case because in the truest sense of the word, nobody is really alone. It is impossible to actually be alone. But the thing is that our minds have a way of playing the alone trick on us.
We then become shortsighted and fail to see all of the people, connections, friends, loved ones and even family members that are actually behind us. We often underestimate the power of all of the connections we have in our lives, regardless of how little communication we have had with these connections, they are connections regardless and it is impossible to actually say that we have no connections.
The feeling of being alone is often a charade of the mind. And when we give into this false thought that we are alone, it leads us to all sorts of wrong decisions. We have to understand that we always have support, even when the support is not clearly evident, it is important to know that you always have support, no matter how difficult it is for you to see it.
This being said, sometimes you will need to do the work of discovering support rather than tell yourself the lie that you are alone. Again, nobody is really alone. You will be surprised at the number of people out there ready and willing to support you. Good people exist everywhere, just as bad people do. You just have to do the work yourself in identifying who is who, but support is always available.
However, the support we always have available to us may not be easy to see sometimes and this has a tendency to make us believe we are alone. When you are in this kind of situation, you must learn how to be there for yourself and by that I mean learning to take care of yourself and take action by yourself if need be to put yourself in the best frame of mind and state to find the support you need.
It is very important to learn to be there for ourselves even when it feels like nobody cares, loves, respects or even understands what we are going through. Most people in this situation tend to give up on everything because they feel like "What's the point?", "Why try when nobody is there for me or cares about my plight?".
Well, if you permit this, you have fallen into a trap and you limit your chances of finding the support available to you! So in other to avoid this trap of feeling helpless, we must learn to stand up for ourselves and be there for ourselves in tough times. How do we do this?
1. Expect from Yourself and Not Others: Most people that tend to feel hopeless do so because they expect a lot from people. They expect people to do certain things for them without making the effort to try get those things for themselves. If you lower your expectations from others, you will be motivated to do the best you can for yourself to get what you want and you will be free from the unnecessary feelings of disappointment which most people feel when they expect some things and do not get them.
2. Do What Makes You Happy: As long as what you are doing does not harm yourself and other people, doing what makes you happy is a great way of being there for yourself. Most people make the mistake of waiting for others to initiate the things they want. This leaves them at the mercy of other people. So lets say someone likes to travel and travelling makes them happy. But rather than make a plan to travel to see a place they have never been or invite others to join them, they keep waiting for others to invite them first or wait for someone else to come up with the idea.
That is nonsense if you ask me. It is postponing your happiness. When you are tempted to think you have no support, just remember to do what makes you happy by yourself. You do not necessarily need people to do it with you or to initiate it (If they come along, it is fine, but it is not a must!). Do it for yourself and derive the happiness in it. This helps a great deal in preventing your mind from going into the cylcle of negative thoughts. In the process of making yourself happy by yourself without waiting for anybody, you may just find available support! Happiness begets happiness!
3. Love Yourself: This sounds cliche, but there are people that do not even love themselves and the person they see in the mirror! People wait for others to love them before they can love their own selves. Loving yourself means appreciating yourself and being grateful about every good thing that you have experienced in your life. Make a conscious effort to REMEMBER all of the good stuff going on in your life and love the hell out of yourself for experiencing those things.
Problem is a lot of people focus on the stuff they do not have in their lives and this focus obscures all of the good things they've got going on, leaving them in sadness. Focus on the good stuff and love it. Loving yourself also means allowing yourself enjoy the luxury of things you want: whether listening to music, hanging out, eating at a fancy restaurant, travel, whatever tickles your fancy, just enjoy it. It's a way of showing yourself love especially when you are finding support.
In the words of Sheryl Ralph at the Critics Choice awards in the video above ".. People don't have to like you, people don't have to love you, they don't even have to respect you.. but when you look in the mirror, you better love what you see!"
I don't think anyone put it better than she did!
4.Care For Yourself: A lot of people are very needy of care from others. They are always miserable when they feel other people do not care. But guess what? You do not have any right over anybody's care. People will always have the choice to decide whether they will care about you or not! You cannot force people to care for you no matter what you think they owe you. Noobody owes you any care or love! This has to be registered in our minds.
It does not mean that people caring for you is not a good thing. It is a great thing if people care for you, but your life does not have to depend on their care or concern. If they care, that's fine! And if they do not, it should also be totally fine. Why? Because you care for yourself regardless. Other people's care should ne AN ADDED ADVANTAGE and should not replace the MAIN THING which is SELF CARE!
A lot of people whining and cryying today about not being loved or cared for are people that have thrown away their basic responsibility of taking care of their own selves. Because they threw this responsibility away, they suddenly become at the mercy of other people's care which cannot and can never be guaranteed! And when it does not come, of course they become sad and depressed because they were not taking care of themselves in the first place! You see?
Someone (bouwerbosch) once made a comment on self care in response to one attention seeking post on Instagram: "It is not other people's job to heal you! The harsh reality of life is that our hurt comes from others but the healing MUST come from ourselves! Everyone is struggling with anxiety or depression of some sort."
His point is just for people to learn to take the responsibility for caring for themselves without expecting others to do so because others are facing similar situations of some sort!
5. Stop Taking Things Personally: A great form of looking out for yourself is learning to stop taking things too personally. Some people let themselves be provoked at the slightest disagreement with other people. When some people notice you get easily pissed off, it becomes a thing of joy for some of them to actually piss you off.
So it's important to know when to ignore certain things and act in a matured way than letting people's behaviours or actions affect you. Yes, we sometimes feel disappointed when people we have trusted or believed in have done some unimaginable things, but that's life!
You move on and stop dwelling on the thought asking yourself why. It has happened, it has happened, move on fast with your life and try not take everything personally. Some problems are not yours, they are other people's problems, don't take on unnecessary baggage from others because you easily take the things they do personally!
These are the 5 tips I have on being there for yourself as you seek support in whatever challenge that you ever encounter!
Never buy into the lie that you are alone! It is the origin of downfall. You are always connected and there are lots and lots of people waiting and ready to support you, some of whom you may never even have met! Trust me on this, I know it over and over from personal experiences!
Nobody is alone in whatever they face in this world. Recognize this (even though it may be hard to see), make the efforts to be there for yourself and the support will reveal itself to you in surprising ways than you could have anticipated!
I will love to hear of any additional tips you may have.
Be there for yourself and keep winning!