We live in a world where many people want to be liked. We want to be seen and appreciated. We want other people to like the good things about us and appreciate our unique gifts or talents.
This isn't a bad thing. Who doesn't want to be liked by others? Being likeable to many people is actually an advantage for you.
A problem only arises out of this normal human desire when you focus on other people liking you without liking yourself first.
This is where many of us get it all wrong. When you crave for other people to like you, but you don't even like yourself at all.
There was this young lady who was obsessed with men liking her. She did everything to get a man's heart and keep the man to herself, but all the men she kept dating left her after sometime.
This happened repeatedly and it took some counseling for the girl to understand what the problem really was.
She didn't like herself at all. And therefore, she thought that getting those likes from men outside would help her fill up the emptiness she felt by being unhappy with herself.
She failed to understand that it was impossible to fill herself up with something that is not already within her.
The men she had met somehow felt that emptiness and lack of happiness about herself in her heart and that somehow pushed them way.
"Whatever you don't have inside of you will always manifest itself."
A chat with a counselor revealed that the girl didn't like herself, her background and the way she looked. The counselor advised her to try something new.
He told her to make a conscious decision to start loving and appreciating herself the way she was without waiting on any man to do it it for her. She also told her to extend this attitude to whatever things about her that she resented.
It was difficult for this young lady to practice this exercise. I mean, all her life, she has been used to not liking herself the way she was, the force of habit was already working in her.
A day, two days, one week.. She kept on trying even though she fell back to the attitude sometimes. But whenever she was conscious of her decision, she will feel good about herself and appreciate the way she is.
That was how her life started transforming for good after some time . She reported back to the counselor months later and was filled with lots of good news.
She reported that people started being nice to her even without her trying too hard to please them. She started to discover some gifts about herself that she never paid attention to.
She generally felt better and she is happier because she wasn't really expecting much from the outside anymore. She had learnt to generate a natural liking for herself from within.
The experience of this young lady isn't so different from what many of us experience. You might be a man experiencing the same thing. It might not be exactly her case, but you might be battling with something similar which stems from not liking who you are.
Look, it's a must that you possess that natural likeness for your own self. When it comes from yourself, you won't need to depend on external validation or acceptance to feel good about who you are.
If you dress up in a nice cloth, compliment yourself first! Look yourself in the mirror and say "You look awesome." Don't wait for anybody to say it to you first.
If you post something on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, be the first to like it. If you found it worthy of posting, then I can bet that it is an awesome post.
So immediately you post it, like it first. You don't have to wait until someone does that.
You must form the habit of being the first person to appreciate yourself. Like and appreciate yourself by yourself. It will make you feel better and you'll be amazed at how efficient you'll become.
It's not like being liked by others is undesirable. It is desirable and should be enjoyed as an additional bonus. But first, you have to like yourself before any other thing!
I don't know what it is that you don't like about yourself that makes you look down on yourself and expect other people to be the first to tell you how amazing you are.
Is it the way you look? Is it your performance in academics? Is it how you think your life is turning out? Is it your family background? Is it what?
Whatever it is that is making you not to like yourself as God has created you to be, I'm saying you should screw all of that. They don't matter at all. They're all garbage.
Whatever reason that is making you to feel bad about yourself should be thrashed. You should completely ignore it and try liking yourself first for who you are.
Appreciate whatever little things you're grateful for in your life. See the good in yourself. Always see the good in yourself. Because you get more of what you see.
Eckart Tolle said and I quote "Acknowledging all the good that you already have in your life is the foundation of all abundance"
How many people are acknowledging the good in their lives? Many are just busy acknowledging only the bad in their lives and the things they don't like. How can such people ever like themselves?
If there's anything that you don't like about yourself, my dear, just accept it if it's something you cannot correct and begin to love it that way.
When you begin to love aspects of yourself that you always hated, you will begin to experience a kind of transformation in your life that you cannot explain.
Look, I don't think we can unequivocally explain why we were born the way we are or why we have our skin colors or why we have been born in a particular country to a particular family.
I think none of us can comfortably explain any of those whys. Therefore, it is of vital importance that in whatever condition you find yourself, you must learn to like yourself first.
That genuine likeness for yourself is what will help you to thrive and grow in that condition.
I think I have said enough. A word I believe is enough for the wise. If you're still feeling negative about yourself, having low self-esteem, getting jealous over another person or whatever, you better change and begin to like yourself the way you are.
Not liking yourself first will only lead to more misery and sadness. Liking yourself first is the first bridge to success, happiness and achievement.
Be the first to like yourself first and keep on winning!