Thoughts on Giving and Taking
In today’s world, it’s not uncommon for people to give you something without expecting something from you in return either in Cash or in kind. Many people give today expecting some favors from the people they have given to. This is not to say that there aren’t people who give without expectation, but from my experience, I think people like this are fewer in number than the ones who give with strings attached. It's best to give without expectations though because it frees you and others from unnecessary expectations, but it is not usually the case with a lot of us.
Based on this, it would be safer to assume that expectations are behind things you are given than not. Which brings us to the subject of today’s blog post. You must have heard statements like this from people who have ‘helped’ other people; “After everything I’ve done for you”, “I picked you up from the gutters”, “I was the one who gave him/her a job or opportunity now they feel big”, “I made you who you are today” and etcetera. These words are often used by disgruntled “helpers” who somewhat feel that the expectations attached behind what they did for others as a form of help wasn’t met.
None of you reading this would be very excited if someone was to say such words to you because of how they must have helped you in the past. So if you respect yourself enough, it’s wise to understand what gives such people the impetus to say such. And it often happens that this is caused by a large imbalance between receiving from others and giving to those same people.
Whenever you have to receive some help from others in terms of money or favors, it’s important to think of ways you can also add value the people helping you in a way or another. You may not be able to match exactly what kind of help you may have received at the moment, but strive to at least add something of value to their lives as well. It also pays to study the kind of person you are receiving things from. Some people are naturally toxic and controlling. You can find out by asking questions, observing and studying the person’s behavior to you and others over time.
What happens when you keep taking from others without adding anything to their lives is that those people will have a higher tendency to look down on you as someone who is always asking but never contributes. Not everyone will think this way, but a lot of people who you usually take from without adding to their lives in any way would think that way.
How you get some of your benefactors respect you is when you also add value to their lives in the way you can. You may not always give back in support what is commensurate to what they have done for you, but you must try. It also pays to think twice before accepting assistance coming in a form that you may never be able to pay back. This will put you in a cycle of perpetual indebtedness. You do not want to be in such a situation especially when it involves a toxic person who would ensure everyone knows you can never pay them back and would want to own your life just because of that.
So three key things, think of ways you can add value to people who help you as they add to your life, study and understand the kind of persons you receive help from to know if it’s worth it and think twice before accepting help for which you may never be able to pay back.
Knowing this would help you navigate better in life where give and take has become the order of the day. Once again, not everyone will expect from you when they give you something. But the risk of assuming everyone thinks this way is far greater than the risk of assuming people expect something in return. So why risk higher? It is better you try to still add value to the one who may expect nothing and the say “you are really bothering yourself”, that when you don’t try and it turns out they actually expect something and they say in their minds, “Look at him/her, they are always asking without contributing to us.”
It's always better to give more than we receive when it comes to casual relationships with others. And in cases where we can’t, it’s better to try strive for balance of some sort maybe not immediately, but it should constantly bug us until we at least get a sort of balance as we grow. This would free us from plenty of expectations that we may not even be aware of.
I hope you get the point. Let me know your thoughts on this. It’s just an opinion I felt to share to bold winners who value their self-respect.
Take wisely and keep winning!