Take Care of Your Own Self

 

As an adult, you have to stop expecting other people to care for you or take care of you, and learn to do that for yourself, by yourself.

If, in that mindset, people choose to care for you, that’s fine. Accept it, and care for them as you’re able. But don’t start to expect it as something you need in order to be happy.

When you depend on others that way, you set yourself up for disappointment. Even with the best intentions, people have their own lives. Things happen. Circumstances change. Someone who cares about you may not always be able to show it in the way you expect.

You can’t let that make you unhappy or bitter toward them. The way to avoid that is to get used to taking care of yourself, for yourself. When you do that, your expectations aren’t placed on the few people who are generous enough to show you care from time to time.

Resentment and hard feelings usually come from expecting others to always be “a certain way” or to always “do certain things” for us. When you learn to do those things for yourself, you free others from that pressure. You give them the freedom to care for you when they genuinely want to, or when they’re able to, not because they feel obligated. No one should be held prisoner to your needs. The only person responsible for meeting them is you, because no one will ever care about your needs more than you do.

Another way to avoid resentment is to stop doing things for others with the hope that they will reciprocate. That’s one of the fastest routes to bitterness, because many people won’t return the favors you do for them, and that shouldn’t control your mood or your emotions.

But for some people, it does. That’s because the favors they gave were based on the expectation that those people would do the same for them one day. And more often than not, that expectation isn’t met.

This doesn’t mean trustworthy people don’t exist. They do. But they’re rare, and even they can go through situations where they genuinely want to return your kindness, yet simply can’t. You can’t get angry at someone for being in circumstances that prevent them from helping you.

So the only sure way to keep others out of that expectation prison is to do things because you truly want to do them, without any strings attached. Build the habit of taking care of yourself so well that your happiness and confidence come from within.

That way, when others choose to care for you, even if their concern is inconsistent, you won’t be bothered. You’ll appreciate their kindness, but you won’t resent them if it changes. You’ll already be consistent and gracious toward yourself.

You’ll stop doing things out of obligation or expectation, and instead act from genuine intention, without needing anything in return.

And when you reach that point, you’re in control of your emotions and your moods, unshaken by the unpredictability of life or the choices of other people.

Keep winning!

- Ike