Redefining Forgiveness


Redefining forgiveness: Hand lets go of Butterfly.

I had written something on this subject in the past here. However, I gained some fresh perspective I'll love to share. 

Forgiveness has always been a difficult topic. I, myself, struggled with it for a while. There’s a natural feeling of justification when you want to deal with people who have hurt you in the past, people who have wronged or betrayed you.

It feels noble and right to want to hit back at them, to give them a taste of their own medicine, and to show them all that you’re made of.

However, over time, forgiveness has proven to be the most noble way.

Now, some people misinterpret forgiveness to mean that you should let certain people back into your life and give them another chance to hurt you again. I personally don’t believe that’s what forgiveness is.

I think forgiveness is letting go of resentment, bitterness, hate, and anger towards those who may have hurt you in the past.

This letting go doesn’t mean you should be naïve enough to give them the chance to hurt you the same way again. It doesn’t mean that what they did was not wrong, or that you shouldn’t seek justice or take steps to protect yourself in the future.

Rather, it means that you do not allow yourself to be constantly consumed by ill feelings, negative thoughts, and resentment towards such people.

What this really means is that you no longer become a slave to the energy of hate and revenge. Those energies drain your soul and spirit, the very energies you should be spending on things that uplift you, that take you to the next level, and make you a more confident, loving, and trusting person.

When you’re constantly feeding into the energy of “How do I hit back?” you overlook the things that could actually help you grow.

At that point, it’s no longer the action that person did to you that hurts, it’s your refusal to let go of the negative energy that came with it. That’s what perpetuates the pain.

Imagine it takes you six months, one year, or even twenty years to get your so-called revenge. That means, for all that time, you’ve allowed yourself to be consumed by negative energy.

I don’t think that’s a sensible thing for anyone who wants to make the most of life, especially since our existence is quite finite.

The more sensible approach is to acknowledge what was done to you and the pain it caused, learn from it, and make decisions based on that understanding. Whatever your plan or next steps may be, think carefully, act wisely, and then let the resentment go.

As you act on what you’ve decided, protecting yourself or seeking justice, without letting yourself be consumed by hatred, you’ll find that you grow tremendously. This happens because you’re not letting the hurt control you; instead, you’re staying open to the positive energies that help you create, function, and thrive in your world.

You may even reach a point where you begin to feel gratitude and compassion toward those who hurt you. You might realize that, had they not hurt you, you may never have been propelled to learn the lessons and gain the knowledge that allowed you to rise above, navigate life better, and become a happier, more loving individual, content with who you are.

Perhaps you’ll also realize that they acted from their own level of awareness and didn’t even fully understand what they were doing.

But you’ll never reach that point of growth, power, and self-awareness if you stay trapped in the energy of revenge, destruction, or hate. So much time is wasted in those emotions, and opportunities to grow are often missed.

Most people who finally get their revenge or their “pound of flesh” usually don’t feel any different afterward. Nothing changes. In fact, many experience a deep sense of emptiness because they’ve spent the better part of their lives plotting one act of destruction against another. What’s the gain in that?

Now, I’m not saying there’s never justification for wanting to fight back. If your life or the lives of your loved ones are in danger, if your survival is threatened, you must act by all means necessary.

But let it just be that, an act. Do what you must do, but never let it turn into a long-term emotional state that consumes you and blocks your growth as a person.

A useful mantra to remind yourself is:

“I forgive everyone and everything that has ever hurt me because why should I not? Every bad experience (as we usually define them) was actually an opportunity for me to grow and let go of some false way of thinking I once had.”

“The pain and hurt from those experiences pushed me to search for a deeper sense of meaning, something beyond external circumstances and other people. They taught me to treat myself with respect, honor my boundaries, and ensure that I won’t be hurt the same way again.”

That’s something to feel grateful for, even if you still need to act on what was done to you. Feel gratitude for what you learned, for how you grew, and for the strength you found through it.

Don’t burden yourself by holding onto resentment. That, to me, is what forgiveness truly means.

With forgiveness, the things you once thought were bad begin to reveal how they ultimately worked for your good. The acts against you were wrong, yes, but if they taught you how to protect yourself, to take action, and to grow in spite of the pain, then they led to something positive.

That’s why forgiveness is so important.

You may never have become who you are now if you hadn’t faced those difficult experiences.

So, let go of the need to hit back, and you’ll find yourself growing tremendously, standing strong, and realizing that those who once hurt you no longer hold any power over your life.

Keep winning!
- Ike

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