Thursday, 16 February 2017
In today's society, some people try to appear too nice and overdo things in order to win the love, respect or admiration of other people. Ironically, it usually turns out that they get the opposite of what they want because they were trying to be too nice.
Think about this: Parents who keep on letting their kid have whatever he or she wants end up spoiling that kid no matter how generous they think they are. The kid grows up not knowing that some things are not good for him because the parents had not disciplined him properly. And why's that? They were trying to be too nice.
You own a pet and all the time your pet keeps on peeing in your living room. You don't want to punish that pet by using some strict training practices because you claim to love the pet and you're trying to be a nice pet owner. What happens? The pet goes on misbehaving and causing problems for you.
You're in an abusive and unhappy relationship. Your partner keeps on doing the things you don't like. He may beat you up, cheat, and do all sorts of things to show a lack of love and non commitment. But you keep on trying to defend him, you don't want to show that you're actually unhappy with their behavior. You keep quiet and keep tolerating crap because you're being too nice. What happens? They keep doing it.
Okay, someone keeps on harassing you and keeps on troubling you. You have done nothing wrong to them, but they seem to derive pleasure in interfering with you and your life. You keep trying to ignore them because you're a nice person, but they keep on looking for your trouble. Would you go on ignoring them forever because you're too nice?
It is unnatural for us to be too nice. We should be nice people, but when we take it to the extreme, it could be a limitation or a sign of fear. You have to try and relate very well with everyone, but don't try to be too nice to the point of tolerating nonsense from anyone, anything or any situation.
Do what you have to do and learn to express what you really feel instead of holding it in because you're trying to be too nice. If you've got to punish your kid or deny him some things, please do so. If your pet misbehaves, discipline it appropriately.
If you are in an abusive relationship, come out of it for your own good. If the person really loves you, they will come to their senses else, good riddance! If you have to confront some troublesome people, do so and let them know you're tired of their crap.
If you're not happy with anything, don't try to pretend in the name of being too nice. Just be natural and do what the situation really calls for with smart reasoning. You will find out that if you don't try too hard to be nice, but rather do what you have to do, things will gradually fall in place and work out well. From better responsible kids, lovers and pets to a better and happier life filled with genuine people.
Be real, be nice.. but don't try to be too nice.
Saturday, 11 February 2017
The people who make up entire population of the world can be divided into two simple categories: those who do and those who don't. As a living human being you belong to one of these categories depending on your approach to life and the choices you make. Let's look into the two classes.
The class of "those who do," are confident, happy, determined and very successful people. They love to do things and take control of their lives. They don't necessarily have to depend on anybody or anything in order to achieve their goals.
No matter how things are, "those who do" find a way to do something about it once it is in their power. They recognize that they have a choice and in whatever they face, they simply find their way through making smart choices and taking actions that they need to take.
You don't find this class easily telling their problems to anyone or grumble about other people or bad situations around them. They may talk about it occasionally, but only for very brief moments because they know that unnecessary complaints don't achieve what they want. They know what they do is what actually achieves it, so they keep doing.
"Those who do" tend to always become very successful in life because they obey the principle of life; you have to give to get. They give through their actions and earnest efforts to make a contribution and they are definitely rewarded for it. They are happier because they always reap the fruits of what they have done. They know it's in their hands.
The other class of those who don't are actually the opposite. You find them expressing dissatisfaction and resentment towards other people or conditions around them. They easily blame those things for their present predicaments instead of doing anything about it. That's why they are usually sad.
They are not happy because they spend more time resenting and grumbling over issues rather than do anything about it. Hence, they achieve no results because they don't do anything. You give nothing and you definitely get nothing. Their lives remain the same because they don't want to do things.
They tell their problems to almost everyone thinking that other people really care about their complaints. They forget that other people are struggling with their own problems as well and looking for a way to solve them. This class believes that the world owes them something for nothing. They fail to recognize the world works like an input to output system.
They are usually not successful people. Not because they can't be, but simply because they waste the time they could have used to start doing stuff on things that are unimportant.
So ask yourself, which class do you belong? Compare the characteristics of the two and see where you fall into. Bold winners are those who do. Those who take control and create the life they want. If you're on the wrong class, kindly make necessary adjustments and join those who do.
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
Posted by Nigel Ikechukwu at February 07, 2017
Often times, some people come to me and say, "I want to build a house," "I want to be a billionaire," "I want to own my own company," "I want to be famous," "I want to meet the love of my life," and may other things like that. But when I ask them what they are currently doing about that or how they intend to achieve it, very few of them give concrete answers.
It's easy, very easy to say that you want you want those things; that you want the finest things in life. I mean, who doesn't want them? Everyone wants to be better than they are and be able to achieve these common desires but not many of them have made clear plans or started working consistently towards achieving them.
Talk is cheap. Many people are willing to talk and tell you about what they want. The reason why few people actually get those things whereas many do not is that few people make steady efforts to go for these things. These few even hardly talk about their goals and plans but rather focus on activity. They know that to achieve their desires, they must be doing something about it constantly.
It is activity that brings you closer to anything you intend to achieve. Nothing else does. Nothing will change if you do not change yourself. Nothing will happen if you do not do anything but talk. If you remain the same, do the same things and roll with the same set of people, you will get the same results.
Rather than always talk about what you intend to accomplish, learn to be quiet and think deeply about it while formulating deep solid plans to achieve them. Set your deadlines and work in accordance with it. Work on these plans every day without relenting and see how fast everything changes in accordance with your actions.
You should only talk about your dreams to those you trust, those who can really help and those who share similar interests in what you intend to achieve. Don't share it with just anybody.
Quietly work out your way up there and walk the path. You will definitely achieve whatever you want to achieve. You don't have to tell me or anybody else about it except if you really need to do so. Tell it to yourself and work towards it. Enough said!
Friday, 3 February 2017
You may not have have won that appointment or competition. What you created or built today may not be the very best in the whole world. The food you tried your best to cook may have tasted crappy. You may not have delivered your speech right. You may not have had the perfect first date.
You know what's important in all that? The fact that you tried your best given the opportunity. It doesn't matter how these things you've been planning and working on finally turns out. It doesn't really matter if things never went as you thought it would go.
What matters is that you go to bed confident that despite the unexpected outcome, you gave your best in whatever you did. Being able to try your best in any situation you find yourself is something you should really be proud of.
You may not have eventually won the appointment, but at least you were among those selected in the preliminary stages. Your performance may not have been good enough to win that competition, but you tried anyway. At least you made it up to that stage where many others couldn't.
Your speech may not have been so perfect, but you were bold enough to get up that stage, hold that microphone and talk to the audience. Few people can actually do that. Your date with someone may not have been so great as you may have envisioned, but at least you showed up and you broke away from your regular routine to try something new.
The results should not make you give up or think you're a failure. Actually all failures are stepping stones to success. I once said that the formula to success is to fail, fail and keep failing till you succeed. No one gets it right the first time! So be proud that you were able to do something which was your best. Be proud that despite those fears you were still able to push yourself to try.
That's a step in the right direction. The more you're willing to try, the better you become. So never feel sorry for yourself or sad that things never turned out quite well. Pat yourself on the back for at least mustering the courage to try. Tell yourself that you tried your best and be damn proud of it.
Don't ever dwell on any negative outcome. Always try your best and keep on trying it. Never lose hope and never call yourself a failure. You're a winner when you always try your best!
Thursday, 2 February 2017
Are you wondering how you're ever going to handle a specific task or accomplish something big? Are you worried about how you can make that speech, ask someone out on a date, pass that course, raise those kids? Are you thinking too much about how to do anything? What's bothering you?
I don't know what it is, but one major problem that you may be facing right now is that you're thinking too much about it. Thinking too much about it means that you only extend the time the problem will stay. Think about it. They say, "the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."
The step is what kicks off the solution. Thinking about it initially could help, but if you overdo it, it delays the solution. You know you're overdoing it when you start feeling depressed and incapable of surmounting your challenges.
If you keep thinking about the 1000 steps involved, you'll end up worried and unable to do anything. Just focus on doing it by taking the little steps you can and stop worrying about everything involved. If you focus on taking one step at a time, before you know it 1, 2, 3, 4 , 100, 500, 800…1000 and you find your task accomplished.
Don't think too much about it, that's the mistake most of us make. Just do it! Because doing something makes the task easier one at a time. Get outside your head and do something to make some progress in anything you want to achieve.
If there's anything you trying to figure out how to do, just do it in any little way you can. If you're trying to perfect your speech for an audience, you don't worry about how you are going to speak to about 100,000 people. You start practicing how to speak to small groups of 10, 20, 100 people and keep increasing until you're able to comfortably speak to the target number.
Are you worried about how you're going to pass your courses? Start with the ones you can handle and find ways you can learn the tougher ones from teachers or course mates. No matter how big your problems are, there is always one step you can take to get closer to the solution. All you need is to stop over thinking about the problem and just do it! Take the step and with a little patience and time you will find yourself triumphant over the challenge.
Keep winning and share your thoughts.
Tuesday, 31 January 2017
Have you ever felt like you don't fit in at all or that you are so different from other people around you? Do you feel down because you are not like them? Are you troubled because you are unique and what interests you seems not to appeal to others?
I've got something to tell you: You are lucky to be different. Being different is a blessing and a precious gift. Most of the greatest innovations and ideas of mankind were brought forth by those who dared to be different. Being different means that you are destined for something greater than the average.
It's not a crime to have different ideas from what everyone else believes. It's not bad to be interested in different things than what majority of people seem to be interested in. You must not do the same things everyone else is doing or chase after what they pursue.
Your difference is your selling point. Your creativity and real self manifests through your differences. That's why recognising that you're different should be good news and shouldn't make you worry. Being different means you're in a position to see things differently, do things differently and possibly create something new that the world has never seen before.
Are you really curious about the stars? Are you passionate about the media whereas others around you talk football all the time? Do you love history and politics rather than biology loved by your friends? Do you want to become a musician when your friends would rather be business men? Are you passionate about joining the forces whereas your family wants you to be a doctor? Something must be different about you. Learn to pursue that thing without trying to conform to what everyone else wants for you.
Sometimes we feel it's a problem to be different because we fail to surround ourselves with people of like minds and similar interests. You may be in a community surrounded by natives who only care about agriculture while you are really interested in the ICT industry. How do you cope? You tend to feel down because few people share similar interests.
That doesn't mean you are wrong to have your own unique inclinations. With the internet, it is easier to connect with people of like minds and similar interests who can help you see the beauty of pursuing that thing that makes you different. Various groups and communities that share similar ideals are already existing online and more are springing up.
We are in a World of unlimited possibilities and incredible potentials. You should consider yourself lucky to be different from other people. All you need to do is accept your difference and shine through it. Perfect it and make a difference in this world with what makes you different. Don't get discouraged by what everyone around you is doing or what they love.
Appreciate your own self the way you are and genuinely love the fact that you are different. Being different doesn't mean you should not relate well with other people. You just respect their differences as well but most of all tremendously respect yours. Work with them if you can, but never let them make you feel down about being different or discourage you from shining through your uniqueness.
If you're different, you are lucky! Shine and make a difference through your difference!
Monday, 30 January 2017
Posted by Nigel Ikechukwu at January 30, 2017
Have you ever felt rejected? Do you feel like your case is different or you're under a spell of being rejected by everything you've ever wanted? Then hang on, I got news for you.
You may have applied for a lot of jobs in various establishments, but none of them has offered you a job even after the countless tests and interviews. You may be looking for admission into a university, but you're rejected after every application.
You may sometimes feel rejected by someone you love. You try everything, but they don't just share the same feelings. There are many other events happenings in our lives that tend to make us feel rejected in a way or two.
The truth is that the feeling of rejection is a mental thing. We cannot be rejected in the real sense unless we reject our own selves on the inside. We are never really rejected unless we admit and believe that we are rejected.
The failed attempts at securing a job doesn't mean you're rejected. It doesn't mean that you don't just fit in or that something is wrong with you. It may be a call for you to become an entrepreneur. You could be the one to start up something big and the failures could be pointing you towards that.
It's definitely not rejection. Nothing is rejecting you. You only feel that way. So think differently and try to see things from a higher perspective.
Your unsuccessful attempts at securing an admission might be an opportunity for you to go acquire skills somewhere else or gain some important real life experiences. Don't feel like something is wrong with you because of that, learn something new, try out new things, discover what you're really passionate about and keep trying.
On love, no one really rejects you. Some people are not just compatible with you. And instead of feeling rejected because those people don't love you same way, simply be grateful that they didn't pretend about the way they feel about you. There are over 7,000,000,000 in the world. Not being loved by one person leaves you with about 6,999,999,999. So why go hide yourself in a cave, cry and feel terrible?
Lots of people are out there waiting and praying for someone like you in their lives. Why would you start feeling rejected or start thinking that something is wrong with you because of one person out of seven billion?
The feeling of rejection only exists in your mind. It is a mental thing. You feel that you are rejected and that's why you're rejected. You've come to accept rejection as a part of your being and it then appears as if everything rejects you.
Nothing rejects you. The possibilities in this world are endless. Opportunities are everywhere and you have to be thinking differently and out of the box to see them. So whatever is making you feel that your life is so terrible, you don't belong and you don't fit in; should be thrown out.
Know that you are unique, you are wanted and you are loved. Just open your eyes and you will see the beauty of everything even in the challenges you face. Don't lower your head in despair, keep your head up and take advantage of the opportunities all around you to brighten up your life.
Just keep shining and stay happy.
Share this article, someone close may need it.
Thursday, 26 January 2017
Posted by Nigel Ikechukwu at January 26, 2017
We all need some motivation to keep us inspired towards a particular endeavor. Great speeches and written words have played a major role in providing this motivation to a large number of people. Nevertheless, there is an underlying problem.
After you listen to that great speech or read that great book, how long does that good feeling last? I guess a few hours, some days or probably a week. But then after that, the adrenaline that once rushed through your veins as a result of the motivation soon fades away.
For many people, that's it. They go back to their comfort zone and continue living their lives the same way they lived it. Some even forget about the words and simply keep on living the same way.
It appears to be only few people who try to make some adjustments in everything they do in their daily lives. Why is it so? If motivation was designed to successfully play its role in changing lives, it should inspire more people to make immediate changes in their lives, but this is not usually the case.
This is the problem and I feel that it was caused by too much focus of motivation on abilities. People keep hearing more about their ability to become successful than how they can become successful. I think many people already know that they can do it. What they need to know are step by step guidelines regarding how they can actually do it.
This is where the focus on motivation should be targeted at. People should be motivated on what they should do and not just told what they CAN do. Practical examples should be given to these people as regards how they can achieve anything. Experienced people in any field should be incorporated into the motivation of ordinary people.
The only question most people are bothered about is "How?" Motivation should be focused on answering this question rather than simply tell people what they can do. Enough of the words, it's time for some serious action. The world needs active people to play a great role in its development.
There is little time for ordinary empty words. The only motivating words people should be listening to are the ones that will spur them into action and show them how to take the action. The adrenaline should not just end after the speech, it should continue as the people go back with extensive knowledge of what exactly that should do.
With more people motivated to do the right thing and take the right actions, I believe that our world will become much better than it currently is and we will have solved the problem with motivation.
Therefore, you should not listen to people who only tell you that you can do it, no matter how admirable they sound. You waste your time. You should listen only to people who can tell you how to do it. People who are well experienced and who can show you the way.
Till next time!
Wednesday, 25 January 2017
Posted by Nigel Ikechukwu at January 25, 2017
I stumbled upon this story on Facebook this morning and I felt it was a worthy story to put up on this blog. It is related to a previous post titled How To Deal With Angry People which was written earlier on this blog. It emphasizes on the importace of how we respond to certain things in order to create a desirable outcome.
One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. "You have no right teaching others," he shouted. "You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake."
Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man "Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?"
The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, "It would belong to me, because I bought the gift."
The Buddha smiled and said, "That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself."
"If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy. But when you love others, everyone is happy."
The young man listened closely to these wise words of the Buddha. "You are right, o Enlightened One, "he said. "Please teach me the path of love. I wish to become your follower." The Buddha answered kindly, "Of course. I teach anyone who truly wants to learn. Come with me."
This story is short but the meaning is deeper than lies on the surface. The Buddha could've easily gotten angry and reacted angrily at the young man. But that would have created more trouble. That would mean the young man had successfully infected his own mind with anger and taken away his inner peace. Buddha saw all that and his response even converted the young man.
It is important we exercise control over our response to different situations that we find ourselves. We must pause to think and decide on the best line of action before we react to anything. Reactions must not be impulsive or based on fleeting emotions, but rather based on sensible reason.
Keep winning like the Buddha.
Love is not a cage where you put someone else and you don't even allow them to breathe without you. Some people have this idea of love and it doesn't really help them in their relationships.
If you really love someone, you should respect their freedom and personal space. Yes, the love should be there, but when you try to overdo certain things, it will tend to be boring and the love soon begins to fade away gradually.
Some people want to be always around the person they claim to love 24/7. But it is not possible to do that given the many responsibilities that they have and time taken by other daily activities. So lovers must come to terms with the fact that they can never be around their loved ones every second.
This is good. And in fact, can you imagine how you would feel if someone is always around you every time and everywhere? You will soon find the whole thing boring and sometimes you need your own space or you want to spend some time alone.
If your idea of loving someone is such that they cannot be happy living their lives when you are not close to them, then you should rethink this 'love.' Wanting to always stay around someone you love can even stem out of mistrust.
You may feel that once you're not there the person may go to someone else or cheat on you. Hence, if you can even mount a camera everywhere they go or set up a drone to follow them, well that would be nice so you can 'confirm' what they are doing.
But that is not love. You are restraining that person's freedom which is definitely not good. You must learn to trust the one you love. If they will cheat on you, they will still cheat anyway without your notice. So what's the point trying to even cage them?
It is difficult to trust another when you've been heartbroken many times, but we can't really accomplish much in matters of love without having a level of trust. Make out time for the one you love, but don't become so obsessed with them that you can't even let them live their normal lives.
A good partner will remain a good partner whether you're watching or not. There is no need wasting your time trying to stop them from 'misbehaving' through your watch. You can't see them 24 hours everyday. So have some trust and sometimes give your loved one some space.
When you respect the freedom of others, they feel it and they will love you more for it. If they decide to cheat and you find out, then fine, good riddance! It is better you found out what they're capable of doing given some space than try to live with a chameleon.
In allowing your partner some freedom, you will find out if they really love you or not. What is the point trying to force love on someone who doesn't love you by trying to cage them? Nothing. Given any small chance, they will cheat. But when your partner stays true to you even when you respect their freedom, then the love is genuine.
Think about it. Share your views through the comments section.