Be Bold Enough to Put Yourself First, Sometimes

Happy New Year, Winners!

I shared this New Year message with some of my friends:

"Knowing exactly what you want out of anything is the shortest way to get it.

Don’t be confused. Set your boundaries and enforce them with your actions when they’re crossed.

This year, you’re not wasting your time or anyone else’s. You just go and get it.

Show no mercy. Be selfish if you have to. Protect your own interests at all costs, and don’t let anyone take advantage of your cool-headedness.

Show them crazy if you must.

Keep winning.
Ike"

It felt real, genuine, and like exactly what needed to be said.

At some point, when I read it again, a part of me wondered whether the choice of the word “selfish” was appropriate or not.

But I knew that word accurately captured how I felt at the moment I shared it with my friends.

So what part of me seemed to have an issue with that word, selfish?

That question led me into deeper reflection. I realized I had always assumed that being selfish was inherently wrong, and this belief was at the root of why I had been overly self-sacrificing in the past.

For a long time, I believed that always putting my own needs last was the way to win people’s hearts, the way to show them I loved and cared about them, and that I deserved to earn their love.

Because of that, I was strongly against the word “selfish.” It represented a negative coping mechanism I developed from personal issues, issues I have worked on and am still working through.

As I matured and did the inner work, I realized I was wrong.

Being selfish is not always a bad thing. Sometimes, being selfish is necessary for self-protection and peace of mind.

And sometimes, being selfish simply means putting your own needs first. Not always, because that can become extreme, but sometimes. Especially when you are someone who has been conditioned to always put other people first.

This is where wisdom and growth come in.

Being selfish in this way is actually healthy, as long as it does not become your default state.

You matter, and your needs matter too. You are a unique human being with your own needs and desires, and they exist for a reason. As long as your needs do not harm others, and as long as they are needs you would gladly meet for others, you deserve people who are willing to meet them for you as well.

This is an act of self-love, self-value, and self-respect.

You teach others how to value and respect your presence and contribution in their lives. When you consistently over-give and suppress your own needs, you expect others to do the same, because you would. But history and experience show that this is often not the case.

When you never voice your needs and continuously sacrifice yourself to please others, you unconsciously teach them that your needs do not matter and that theirs matter more. This attracts a certain type of person, people who are used to having their needs met. They will take and take until you have nothing left to give.

You do not want to teach people to treat you that way.

The root of chronic self-sacrifice, done in the name of not being selfish, often comes from a lack of self-worth or from not fully understanding how valuable one’s soul and spirit truly are. It frequently stems from childhood trauma or difficult life experiences such as war, authoritarianism, unhealthy relationships, poverty, and similar circumstances.

You learn that you are worthless, and that to receive care or love, you must overcompensate. You must prove your worth. You must give endlessly before you are allowed to be loved, cared for, or seen as belonging.

But this is false.

You have always been worthy simply by existing.

Yes, it is important to work hard, build yourself, and win in life. But the reason for doing these things should never be to earn love or approval. You do them because you want to. Because they feel good. Because you genuinely want to make a difference.

They feed your soul and spirit.

You do them out of service, because you love doing them.

For example, my writing. I do not write this blog to become famous, make tons of money, or prove that my life has meaning. I have nothing to prove to anyone.

I write because I love to write. I love how it feels to put thoughts from my consciousness onto paper. I love the energy it gives me, and I like knowing it might brighten someone’s day.

That is all.

And that is how it should be with anything we do.

We should never do things purely to please others for the sake of it. That is a trauma response. That mindset is exactly what makes you believe being selfish is always wrong.

So this year, do not feel shame for being yourself.

Do not feel guilty for saying no to protect your peace of mind.

Before making any decision, pause and ask yourself this. Am I doing this to prove I am worthy of love or affection, or am I doing this because I already know I am worthy and loved, and I am choosing this because it feels right for me?

That question alone will make your decision-making much clearer this year.

I also want to share something else. It is important to start the year by doing something you have never done before. Find one thing, just one, in the first month of the year and start it. I cannot fully explain it, but it sets the tone for new experiences.

And if you have not written down your goals yet, you are already late. But you still have time to do it this January.

You are not writing goals so you will achieve every single one and never fail 😂

Goals are hard to fully accomplish. Writing them down is about setting direction and keeping your mind focused on where you want to be by the end of the year.

Be gentle with yourself when writing them. Statements like “I will never do XYZ..” or “I will always do ABC..” are easy to fail. Instead, try goals like “improve my investments by at least 15%” or “be more consistent with exercise.” These are achievable and do not place unnecessary pressure on you.

I wish you all the best this year, and I hope this piece struck a chord somewhere.

They say it is the year of the horse. Let us ride the horse together.

Godspeed and good luck.

Keep winning!

Ike