The World Doesn’t Owe You Sympathy

It’s been a while, but I’m releasing some writing energy...

A friend of mine inspired this post. He struggles with personal issues, and when they weigh heavily on him, his behavior toward others, including myself, changes.

For him, I think it’s difficult to see how his actions affect the people around him. So whenever I notice it, I tell him, firmly, that I don’t appreciate that behavior. He usually becomes defensive at first, but eventually, he realizes it after I point it out.

One thing I believe he gets wrong is this: he feels that because he’s going through something, the world should feel sorry for him, treat him gently, or lower its expectations.

But reality always teaches us otherwise, the world doesn’t care about your personal struggles, nor should a wise person expect it to.

Whether you’re going through hell or not, the world still has expectations of you. People still expect you to respect their time, treat them with dignity, and behave decently around them.

Struggling doesn’t excuse you from treating others with respect.

It doesn’t make sense to show up late, speak degrading words, or act poorly toward people, and then expect them to treat you kindly just because you blame it on your “struggles.”

No. If you treat people with disrespect and hostility, you should expect that same energy back. That’s the misunderstanding I feel must be addressed.

No matter what you’re facing, deal with it as best as you can, but never, even for a moment, expect society’s expectations or your personal standard of conduct to be lowered.

As long as you’re human and exist in this world, there will always be basic expectations for how you treat others. Of course, you don’t have to treat someone kindly if they treat you harshly, you have a right to defend yourself. But you don’t have the right to be hostile toward people and then expect them to be nice to you just because you’re struggling.

It doesn’t work that way for two reasons:

1. No one really cares. It’s your challenge, your struggle. Society expects you to deal with it and grow into a stronger version of yourself who still meets basic expectations.

2. Even if people pause their own concerns to understand your struggles, no one will ever understand them better than you do, and even if they do, that still doesn’t justify treating them badly.

So whether people understand your challenges or not, it doesn’t make your unprovoked hostility toward them any more reasonable. Their natural response will be to avoid you, or to treat you worse.

So why would someone who’s struggling choose to be hostile toward the very people making an effort to be there for them? It makes no sense. From an objective view, there’s no benefit in justifying bad behavior by trying to make others “understand” your challenges. No one needs to understand them more than you do. You’re the one who can actually do something about them and reach out for the right help if needed.

Behaving badly as a way to draw attention to your struggles is counterproductive. It does the opposite, you scare people off and isolate yourself.

That mindset is destructive for anyone dealing with difficulties. Don’t expect the world to pity you or lower its expectations just because you’re struggling.

Understand this: everyone is dealing with challenges of some kind. And if we all chose to treat others poorly because of our problems, the world would descend into chaos.

So remember, others are fighting battles you know nothing about, yet they still manage to treat you kindly. What right do you have to disrespect them because of yours?

It’s a question worth thinking about.

Keep winning!