Switch Those Feelings

Switch those feelings

Let's get real.

How does it feel as a young man or woman who is still looking for a job when some of your mates are already working in their dream companies?

How does it feel as a young lady who's under pressure to get married when most of your friends are already engaged or married and it seems like you're the only one left out?

How does it feel when you log onto social media and you see most of your friends uploading pictures of their vacation, holidays, cars and then you think of why you're not having as much fun as they're having?

How does it feel when you don't get on well with family whereas you look around you and it seems like everyone else gets it right with their own families?

How does it feel under your economy, when you're trying your best to make ends meet in a legal way whereas some people who may decide to go through a shady process quickly make so much money?

Do you feel quite unhappy about yourself? Do you feel dissatisfied? Are you quite jealous? Then you're not alone. We all feel this way at one point or the other. It's not an exclusive feeling, so feeling this way isn't a bad thing, but the feeling should be transmuted as a motivation to achievement and not negativity.

The problem is often that most of us think we are alone in this. Millions of other people are experiencing similar things.. The young chap who has just got a good job is worried about getting a car of his own because all his friends have cars. If you're still looking for a job, there are many graduates who are also looking for jobs.

The richest people still feel unhappy when they're not spending quality time with family like others who may not be so rich. The poor still feel that same way about the rich because they don't have the means to afford what the rich can. Other people don't have the things bothering you in this present economy, yet they're happy.

The point is that these feelings exist. They will always come around once in a while no matter how far you go. Man's needs are insatiable. But you must take care not to dwell on the thoughts for too long because it could push you to negativity and even depression.

You've got to look beyond those thoughts and questions. When you feel left out, when you feel like you're behind, when it seems like your dreams are not happening as fast as you want it, remember that these are just feelings. Breathe and let them pass.

Dwell your thoughts on the things you are grateful for(most of us rarely do this). Look the what you presently got. Thank God for good health, be grateful that you're still breathing. Think of your successes.. This will change the way you feel.

Then.. Rather than feeling somehow or being jealous of your friends living the dream, simply aspire for more. Learn to use the successes of other people as a motivation to aim higher for yourself.. Don't look at other people's successes with despair for yourself or jealousy. It's pointless.

Switch your thoughts by being grateful and aspire for better things without thinking too much about it.

Keep winning! Never settle for less.

Easiest Way To Win People Over

easiest way to win people over

Many little things happen in our daily lives, most of which has a way of guiding us to the truth if only we pay some attention to it. I paid attention to one of those things and it inspired me to write this blog post.

I learnt something new from a pretty young lady Lara, who recently joined a support group for bloggers of various categories of which I was already an existing member. I was inspired with the way she joined the group; the actions she took and her good communication which won the admiration of many of us. How was she able to do this?

Usually, most newbies to the bloggers group often just introduce themselves briefly and start bombarding the platform with various links to visit their blogs. But Lara's approach was different and that made her stand out.

When Lara joined the group, the first thing she said was: "Hi, I'm Lara, nice to meet you all" and after a few responses, she proceeded with "Where do you guys blog at?" This question was so pivotal. She was interested in knowing about the members of the group first and what they do. Like who wouldn't be proud to show off his/her blog?

Of course, most of us were too excited to answer. Comments rolled in from the members who were online, introducing themselves and their blogs to Lara. Amazing.. Lara got us talking! How did she get us to want to talk to her? She simply asked an interesting question. Now, she didn't just stop there. For every blog link that was posted as a reply to her question, she visited it, read one or two posts and dropped off an intelligent comment relating to the post.

That was clearly going the extra mile. Members who dropped off their links got notifications as regards some comments on their blogs and it was from Lara. That really endeared them to her and they thanked Lara for visiting their blogs and commenting it. I would like to remind you that she never said anything about her own blog yet. She even helped someone with an answer to a question on comment moderation.

Naturally, enthralled members had to ask her about her own blog. They were naturally craving to find out about her blog. Why? She had showed some concern for theirs and they felt the need to reciprocate. She didn't put her own interest upfront. She communicated very well with existing members, added some value to them and then without even saying anything about her interests, they were asking for it.

Long story short, she was the center of attention at that time and we all ended up on her blog, reading and commenting on it.

What's the lesson behind this? It's the importance of first adding value to other people before clamoring for your interests. Sadly, it appears many people only care about themselves and their needs without really taking some time to show genuine concern for others. This attitude keeps them trapped with same goals without making much progress.

If you really want to win people over, FIRST add value to them. Think of a way you can add some value to their own lives first. The question you should ask yourself is: "How can I show some care?" "In what little way can I meet their own needs?" "How can I be of use to them?" The only way you can clearly answer those questions is by finding a way to add something nice to those people's aspirations.

See, a whole lot of people out there are bugged with lots of problems already. They've got a lot going on in their minds and they're thinking of how to achieve their numerous goals. You shouldn't blame them if they don't really take your requests seriously when you've done nothing in any way to meet any of their problems. And the thing is: You don't need to solve all their big problems to win them over. Just do any little thing you can for them that can help them achieve an objective or need. It works wonders.

"Do unto others what you want them to do unto you."
- The Golden Rule 

Learn to think first about what you can do for people, how you can help them if you want them to be willing to easily support you. You build great relationships with them and they'll be your buddies for life. It's that simple. It's one of the principles of effective communication(a blog post on that is coming up soon titled "Secrets of effective communication").

Keep this in mind, keep winning people over and just keep winning boldly in every area of your life.


10 Reasons Why You Still Suffer

10 Reasons Why You Still Suffer

In an ideal world, people should be generally happy, loving and successful. But of course that's not the case here and many people are suffering in one way or the other. Here are 10 reasons why you may still be suffering and tips on breaking out of that zone:


1. You care too much

One of the reasons why we suffer for nothing is simply because we care too much. It's important we care about certain things, but when we care about them too much to our own detriment, it becomes a big problem. You should consider the opinion of other people around you, but you shouldn't care too much about it. Sometimes, you may need to go contrary to the general views of other people in order to be successful.

Sometimes, you don't need to care about what anyone else thinks if you're thoroughly convinced about something. Sometimes, you may need to go ahead alone with an idea for it to be fruitful. If you always care too much about the opinion of other people, you will miss those opportunities which need you to differ. See this article: Failures or What People Have Said Or Done To You Don't Matter.

2. You worry too much

Many people put themselves into needless suffering because of their worrying habit. They worry about the past and the future but forget the present. They often worry about why a loved one had to die, why they haven't been able to make a 100 million dollars, why they are so fair or dark in complexion, why they were born in their countries, why life seems to be unfair to them and lots of other inconsequential things.

People are worrying. It's not rocket science. Listen to some discussions and you'll hear them talk about everything they're worried about.
Worrying is what keeps you trapped in that situation you find yourself. Be grateful for the things you have and diligently work towards the things you wish for. All you need to do is PLAN on what action steps you need to take and go ahead with them.
Don't keep worrying about anything. It's pointless.

3. You wait for the perfect time

I want you to realize that the concept of a perfect time is an illusion. You can't keep waiting for a time when every condition is met before you go ahead with taking an action that could lead you to achieving your dreams.

If you have any little means to kick your idea off, use those resources you have to start it, with time, things will keep improving naturally. There will always be room for improvement in any venture. So, don't wait for perfect moments or seasons because you don't even have the luxury of time. If you have the ability to do what you need to do, go ahead and do it, stop waiting. Hesitation could be dangerous.

4. You are afraid

Fear is our worst enemy. And often times most of those fears are illusions that are baseless. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said and I quote: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." What are you afraid of doing? What are you afraid of trying? Often times, what we're most afraid of doing is exactly what we need to be doing.

Many dreams have ended up as just dreams because those who dreamt about them were too afraid to try. Stop being afraid. Go out there and face it. Because it's only when you face your fears that you can live your dreams. Also see: Always Face your Fears. 

5. You give up too easily

You don't have to expect all those good things you desire for yourself to come so easily. They may actually come so easily.. Some people are that lucky. They try the first or the second time and they make a major breakthrough.  Yeah. For some other people, they may have to try ten times, twenty times or Forty times before they can make that breakthrough.

So the thing is that you cannot really use the number of times other people tried before they made it as a yardstick for yourself. You shouldn't give up easily because you tried few times and failed.
If something tells you to keep trying, then keep trying.

There are indeed times you have to give up though, that's when it's clearly obvious that your endeavor will be futile. However, if you still believe in the possibility of your breakthrough, you should not be quick to give up.

6. You put yourself last

Yeah, you read that right. In the name of humility and being loved by others, many of us put ourselves last and we often suffer for it. You don't have to put your own needs and wants last because you want to please others. You only end up making yourself unhappy.

As much as you are passionate enough to respect the desires of other people, your own desires actually matter and it's not an evil thing to put them on the same level you've been putting the needs of others.

It's very important you stop sweeping your own needs under the carpet to please another person.
If you continue doing it, the other person may start to feel that it's only their own needs that matter and you're always there to meet those needs. They may not see the importance of your own needs too.
Respect your needs and others will follow suit.

7. You don't treat others with respect 

The way you relate with other people really matters. What you give is what you are most likely to get. When you treat other people badly, you're most likely gonna be treated the same way. No one likes a cantankerous person.

You need to respect other people, whether big or small. Oftentimes, we make the mistake of only respecting those who we perceive as highly ranked or popular in the society rather than ordinary people.
Till date, some people are still suffering because they were not nice to people who could've helped them in their mission.

You see, that person you think is ordinary, who you may treat with disrespect and disdain may turn around tomorrow to become a famous or wealthy person. They may even have the only information which could change your life for good. But you underrate them and you still suffer as a result.
Respect everyone.

8. You procrastinate 

Procrastination they say is a lazy man's apology. "I will do it tomorrow," you say. Then tomorrow comes and you repeat "I will do it tomorrow," and this goes on and on until you're not even motivated to do it again. Benjamin Franklin once said, "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today."
It's one of my favorite quotes which inspires me to continue with the "Now Habit" which is an ideal solution to the thief named Procrastination.

Many are still in the position where they are today because they were not doing what they had to do on time. They kept postponing it until it was too late to even do it. And then they suffer. They blame life or God for their woes, but they were too lazy to do what they had to do when they had the time.

Our people say, "Chọọ ewu ojii ka chi dị, " meaning "Find the black goat during the day time." It implies that if you don't look for it when it's day time, you are most likely not to see the black goat when it's nightfall.

Because Time is one of the most important resources on planet earth, we must not let procrastination steal it away from us. Imbibe the Now Habit by doing what you have to do once it comes to your mind(as long as you're not currently doing anything). Remember, "Tick Tock Says The Time."

9. You don't seize your opportunities 

They say great opportunities usually come but once. Some people are lucky that the opportunity may come around a second time, but everyone isn't so lucky. It's better you grab a life changing opportunity the first time it shows up than gamble with the probability that it will show up a second time.

When that opportunity shows up and you're moved to do something about it, don't hesitate. The more you hesitate, the more likely you're not going to grab it. The mind can be very tricky. It can convince you otherwise. It can start replaying all your fears and doubts. Before you know it, you forfeit the opportunity.

You know the opportunities you've been waiting for. Once you recognize them, grab em. It's that simple. This doesn't mean you should be gullible though. I believe you're smart enough to differentiate between a scam and a great opportunity.

10. You've not figured out your purpose

In a previous article "Are you purpose driven?" I wrote briefly on the importance of purpose. Most people are still going through hard times because they've not been able to identify what they're meant to be doing.

Can you imagine how frustrating it is to just be driving around in a car without any particular place in mind? That's exactly how life is for someone without a purpose. A purpose is what keeps you going. It's what makes you happy, it's what gives you the juice to live, engage and create. Without it, we're almost lifeless. Life becomes somewhat meaningless.

So, it's important we know ourselves naturally and have a purpose which guides our every move. It's your responsibility to find and decide your purpose for yourself. This article on "How To Discover Your Purpose In Life" could be of help.

Okay, I'm signing off here.  Think about those lines and make the changes you need to make to experience desired changes in your life. Keep winning!

On The Human Spirit And The Fear Of Death

On The Human Spirit and The Fear of Death


Hello bold winners,

It's been a while. I came across this video by Lisa Nichols and it inspired me to craft out this blog post. The whole message is centered on having some belief in yourself, loving yourself and taking that bold step to make your life better. You can't achieve much without loving yourself first. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect other people to love you? Here's the video:


You also need to have some faith in yourself. Some people are just too negative. "I can't do this," "I cannot do that, " "I'm a loser" "I'm not good" "I've done this or that in the past." "My Dad/Mum left me when I was very young" "My parents were divorced" "I was abused when I was younger," "I'm not so beautiful or handsome," "Life's so unfair and cruel," and a host of other bloody excuses.

All those excuses don't just count. The big questions your human spirit asks are: "What now?" "What's our plan to create the best for today?" "What do you want to do to make this world better?" "What do you want to achieve?" "How can we show love today?" Your human spirit doesn't care about your past and your excuses. It wants you to express and experience love, success and happiness always.

You have always postponed the answers to those questions asked by your spirit, because you expected your life to be perfect. You expected everything to always go as you thought. But things don't always go that way for a very good reason. You may also have postponed these questions because you're scared or waiting for the most perfect situation.


You mustn't wait till it's perfect before you make your move. There no perfect condition. If you can, do it when you can, just make your move. Many dreams have died without coming to pass because the dreamers were busy playing out their dreams inside their heads and waiting for everything to be just perfect.

Life itself ain't perfect and often times, the first time you try won't be perfect. But once you make the move, you unlock something in yourself which makes you better when next you try again. So why wait and try making your first try perfect anyway?
Just do it! Do the little you can with the little imperfect means you have.

Some people are afraid to die when they try something they really want to do. But come to think about it. We're all going to leave this earth someday. And something will definitely take you away when the time is right. So why are you afraid of living? You already know that whether you choose to stay indoors all day, not travel around the world or go out there to interact with other people, you will still eventually die. So why die before your time by deciding not to live?

You sit around there worrying about death and being afraid to do what you've always wanted to do, yet you sit back and envy all those who are bold enough to take risks and engage meaningfully in life. Changing the world in their own ways, while you watch them do their thing on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or on TV. Why not live your own life and dare?  What's the worst that could happen?

None of us living knows exactly what death feels like and no one can claim to know. What we know is that we are alive and we are here for a reason. It's our responsibility to figure that reason and live on purpose. You're not here to worry about death or think about it. You're here to live and add a meaning to this world. Let the world feel your impact. Let people know you were here before you die. It's very important we understand this else our lives here would be wasted.

Life ain't pointless. Existence ain't pointless. Don't be tricked into thinking that way. When some people close to us die, we often think that life's meaningless. What's the point of all these when we're still going to die anyway? And we grow negative in our thinking. I've been there too, but I know those depressing thoughts ain't necessary. I know life has a meaning and the meaning is found when I live my life purposefully based on my nature.

So, go out to the beach and enjoy nature.

Try learning to write that code.

Hang out and meet nice people.

Fly to that place you've always dreamt of going to.

Apply for that job or competition.

Open up on how you feel about him/her.

Go to the party and dance.

Go and give that speech.

Sing.

Start that business idea.

Drive that car.

Just get out there and engage with life. Don't get stuck dreaming about it. You can start living that dream right away.

Till next time,

Nigel.


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