Monday, 17 April 2017
I never liked football and sometimes, I wonder what men like in the game. The worst part of it is that I don't really like green, so the colour of the field even turns me off. But one day, i decided to watch a football match and a force just got me interested and i fell In love with it.
Ironically, I was not watching it with the same mindset as every football lover would watch a football match which is to know if a particular team(Chelsea or Arsenal) will win. Rather, I watched every thing that was actually going on in the field and studied it carefully.
I noticed that before the match starts, each team will pray. And so once the game begins, every player would focus on the ball, I saw the passion with which every player strived to get the ball. Even when a player is with the ball, other opponent players will dribble him just to snatch that ball but he must face them and dribble them as well and try to pass the ball to his team player, why? Because he trusts that they have the same mission.
Meanwhile, the commentators will always be telling the world who is doing badly, who almost did well and who actually did well. I noticed that each team has a coach and you can tell if a player is doing well on the field by the look on his face. But then, even though they work as a team, only players who score a goal will be announced and celebrated ; even the headlines will pick it up for example, "Ronaldo just scored the first goal."
Meanwhile, there are rules, if you break the rules, you will get a red card. If a player could not do well in the first half, they get a another chance in the second half. So there is so much work to do on that field, any player that goes to play with no determination and focus on the ball will never be recognised except by football fans who will help blow the trumpet "that guy, very sluggish, he cant even play, he should be thrown out ; he is a disgrace"
I hear this very well from football fans.
And then, this got me inspired.
I likened a football match with life journey to destiny.
Every player will pray before the match starts but only those who work hard enough will be celebrated.
So if you decide to pray all night with no hard work, you are going no where. Every player is passionate about scoring a goal and so he does not take his eyes off the ball. How passionate are you towards achieving your goals in life? Or are you nonchalant and aimless in life?
Players are dribbled but they stay focussed on retaining the ball, they do not just allow the opponents collect the ball. In life, you will get a lot of distractions trying to take your eyes off your goals, do you allow that? You should refuse to get distracted. When players are dribbled, they try to pass the ball to their fellow team player. In life, do you have the right friends who are on the same page with you? I mean good friends who want to see the best in you and try to encourage you to pursue your goals?
Commentators talk about every activity on the field... Do you know that you are being watched by a number of people and what you do will be publicly announced? The coach watches his players play and he frowns when they are taking the wrong moves on the field. God is your coach in life; Are you striving to impress Him or you are making Him frown at you?
A player will only be recognised and celebrated if he scores a goal, are you striving to make great impact and achieve your goals in life? Players who mess up get a red card.. How diligent are you in your service? Are you misbehaving when you should be serious minded? There is always a second half, an opportunity to do better but once the whistle is blown, that's the end.
Are you making use of opportunities that come your way or you think you have all day?
Just like the football match, you have so much work to do in the field of life.
Be focused on your goal,
Be time conscious
Make the right friends
And strive towards greatness.
Live your life like you are in a football match.
~Beautifully written by: Eno Sam
Most people have a thousand and one excuses why they are living a crappy life. You hear people say things like: "I wasn't born into a very wealthy family like X," "I'm not as beautiful or good looking as Y," "There are no opportunities around me like those in country Z," "I'm not loved like or by X," etcetera.
Many people make up different excuses to explain or justify why they are still living in a disadvantageous state. The plain truth is that there is always an excuse available. You can always make up an excuse for anything at any time. Hence, if one becomes too used to making excuses, it becomes hard to overcome the habit because one never runs out of excuses.
This turns out very dangerous to us. Living a life filled with excuses is only a gateway to failure and shows a high level of irresponsibility. There are really no excuses needed to live a successful life. A successful life, I think, is a life that enables the individual live happily and genuinely make positive impact on the lives of many others.
To really become successful and happy individuals, we must to stop making excuses to explain any unfavorable situation we may find ourselves. Making excuses only implies that our situation is "justified" by the excuse. Therefore, whenever you make an excuse, you simply say, "This is the reason why I am here, I cannot do anything about it."
A life of "no excuses" is the life of a bold winner. A bold winner doesn't make excuses and hardly talks about his/her negative or unfavorable situation. Expert bold winners are even oblivious of adverse situations. They make no excuses, but rather continue to press for their desired goals, dreams, targets and aspirations. They understand that excuses are for losers. A winner needs no excuse. They focus on winning and they don't need excuses to win.
If you've been making any recurrent excuses in your life, make it a point of duty today to quit and discard whatever excuses you may have in your life. It is limiting you and stalling your progress. Learn to take responsibility for whatever situation you find yourself and continue to do what you can to turn it around and get to your desired destination.
If you do this, you have become a true bold winner and our winning never ends. Keep winning!
Thursday, 13 April 2017
Often times in our lives when we are not achieving the results that we expect while working towards anything, we tend to feel sad, unhappy and depressed. Whenever we put in our very best and the outcome doesn't look very good, we easily lose our hope and we ask ourselves, "what's the point?"
When you look at those people around you, it may appear that most or all of them are seemingly getting it right and they have made significant accomplishments and achievements. But when you look at yourself, it seems as if you have a long way to go. You begin to feel terrible about your own life and you wonder if life is playing a sort of joke on you. You start asking, "What is happening to me?"
I want to share this with you if you've ever felt that way, if you're about to lose hope, if you're fed up with your own challenge, if you've lost your joy(the joy of living) or if you ever felt like giving up because of the present situation of things. And here it goes:
You can choose to stay happy in these situations. You can be happy and it is very important that you stay happy even when things don't look so promising. I've come to learn that life constantly tests us and whatever challenge we face is testing every one of us to see how strong we can withstand the storm and the harsh realities of life.
You can throw in the towel when this test comes your way. You can back off, grumble and complain. You can become unhappy, lose your motivation or accept defeat. You can do these things and prove to life that you are not worth it and you do not have what it takes to come out tops. If you choose to do these, you've failed the test and your situation won't change.
You can also choose to stay happy in these challenges you face. You can choose to pick up your sword and continue to fight your way through the tests of life. Life will keep coming at you with stronger tests, but you can choose to continue to fight by continuing to try and staying happy in the process. When you stay happy, you put your tests and challenges in a dilemma. They wonder: "Why are you still happy even when you're passing through these things?"
You are already winning because you are confusing those challenges coming at you. It will mean that you are confident that those tests have no power over you and you are certain that will pass through them successfully. Believe me, those challenges will pass over when you maintain your happiness.
Happiness attracts happiness. I believe the world will be a better place if everyone of us is happy doing what we do. When we are happy despite our different predicaments, we are motivated to keep doing what we do with passion. We continue to try and our success is guaranteed whenever we keep trying.
Therefore, try your best to stay happy in anything you are doing. In whatever situation you find yourself, don't let yourself get so down that you lose your joy and your smile. Keep doing what you can do and keep trying your best in happiness. You will see your dreams come true before your very eyes.
If you're not happy doing anything, it is better you don't even start doing it in the first place. If you do anything out of unhappiness, you tend to do it haphazardly and the output won't be very nice.
Choose to be happy no matter the situation of things out there. It is only our unrelenting happiness even in the midst of our tests that proves to life that indeed we are worth it and we can withstand the storm. We pass the test by staying happy and doing our best at all times. When we pass the test, we get exactly what we want.
Friday, 7 April 2017
In this world, some of us think that we should do exactly what another person has done or follow exactly another person's path. We want to study the course another person studied, even when we don't like it. We want a job another person has got even when we are not talented to do the job. We want to do things in the same way another person did it. We want to be experts in another person's field and etcetera.
We continue to struggle to be like someone else or do what someone else does and in the process we forget ourselves and our uniqueness. We are not all meant to be Doctors, who will be the patient? Who will rule? Who will defend the country? Neither are we all meant to be footballers, not everyone is born with the natural talent.
Should we all be comedians? Who will be laughing at our jokes? Should we all become presidents? Who will lead? Or maybe we all should become bloggers, who will read our blogs? Lol. I believe you are gradually getting my point right now.
You shouldn't just try to be what another person is. You should rather try to discover your own special talents and work earnestly towards being yourself. If you should check out the lives of very successful people, you will find out that they share one thing in common: they carve out their own way and they do things differently. They are able to do so because they are not focused on copying another person, they are simply being themselves.
We are not all meant to go into same things. We are just created that way to be good in certain things and not so good in other ones. We tend to like some things and dislike another one. Therefore, pay attention to yourself and be honest with what you like and what you're good in.
Look, we are all champions in that field which we have been designed for. No one is born or created to be a loser. A loser is simply someone who has not found his place in the world and discovered his strengths. The only time you start losing is when you abandon what you are designed for and start forcing yourself to be like someone else designed for an entirely different thing.
You are you. And you must come to terms with that and respect yourself. Now this article doesn't say you should not admire the qualities of some people, by all means, you should admire the lives of great and distinguished men and women. But DON'T try to COPY them.
Learn from them and use the knowledge to improve and BE YOURSELF. You can do it better than them. You can do something that those you admire never thought of. If you focus on copying them, you fail to explore the territories that ONLY you can explore.
You must have fully understood me by now. If you find that special niche meant for you or that unique part of existence that you're meant to fill, you will always be happy in whatever you do. You will not struggle with work because everyday you are happy doing what you do in your special niche.
Don't make yourself worried, sad or unhappy by abandoning your space and trying to be someone else. It doesn't work out that way. Discover yourself, know who you are, know what you really want to do and relentlessly go for it with passion. Nothing can stop you. And always remember: We are not meant to do the same things!
Wednesday, 5 April 2017
If you're like most people, you'd be very reluctant to admit your weaknesses, imperfections or flaws. You'd like to pretend to be perfect even when deep down you know you're not.
The reason behind this is psychological and ego based. We all want to appear perfect, blameless and impeccable to other people around us. That's why we like pushing the blame outside ourselves.
The danger in this instinctive attitude is that it actually does more harm than good to your efforts at succeeding and achieving your objectives.
The biblical story of the Pharisee and the tax collector kind of illustrates the danger in this attitude. Both men went into the same temple to pray to God.
The Pharisee was busy claiming to be perfect and boasting of how different he is from the 'sinners'. He was so proud of his virtues forgetting that no matter what, there is always room for progress.
The tax collector was more real. He already started by admitting the truth that he had sinned and was deserving of God's mercy. And he went home justified with his prayer was answered.
If we really want to succeed, we must build our foundation on truth and an honest admittance of our flaws and mistakes. If we've been lazy, we've got to admit it. If we don't know how to do something, there is no point pretending to know it and look stupid. We have to admit our ignorance and humble ourselves to learn.
Claiming to be what you're clearly not stagnates you. It keeps you in the same position while you keep deceiving yourself with your false sense of pride. If you don't like your job, your relationship and your current situation, you must be honest to admit it. No need to pretend and give reasons why you're stuck there.
Whenever we come to accept our weaknesses, it immediately empowers us and frees our mindset to work on them. We begin to see ourselves making genuine effort to utilise our time in becoming better individuals.
I'd recommend an exercise for you. Stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself very well and tell yourself the whole truth about yourself, your present situation and where you want to be. Ensure to tell yourself the weaknesses you have and you need to work on. Don't be shy, trying to hide them hinders you. So say it out loud to yourself. And genuinely resolve to work on them.
The exercise is simply empowering. Whenever you do that, you're no longer afraid of people discovering your flaws or talking about it. You'll become free to work on yourself and achieve your dreams without trying so hard to paint yourself as perfect.
So, be true to yourself. You're not living in this world to prove to anyone that you're perfect. No one even cares about whatever you're claiming to be and what you want to prove. Rather the world cares about what you have to offer, what you can contribute to make life better here.
It's pointless wasting your energy on pretence and camouflage. Be yourself, open yourself up to others. Let them see what they want to see. Let them praise you or curse you. It doesn't matter! What matters is that you've got nothing to hide and you've become free to take full responsibility of your life.
I sincerely hope that this article will be of benefit to at least one person.
Till next time,
Be true to yourself and keep winning.
Monday, 3 April 2017
How do you see the world? What kind of a place do you believe the world to be? What do you think about everyone else? These questions are necessary for you to answer because the way you see things play a crucial role in what you tend to experience.
Some people tend to have a very negative view about life and if you take a closer look at them, they tend to get exactly what they believe in. Take for example someone who believes that everyone else is out to get them. This person believes strongly that no one else really cares about them and everyone wants to rip them off. This state of mind makes them react negatively to people who may genuinely want to help them.
Their reaction towards those people makes those people turn away from them and leave them on their own. And when these people turn away angrily, the one with the negative belief about people in his heart will say, "Yes, I said it. They have gone away because they do not really care about me." And inside his heart, he confirms this wrong belief.
This is a sort of vicious circle that goes on and on for him solidifying his negative beliefs. Note that what drove those good willing persons away was not that they were really out to get this person, but rather it was due to the person's reaction towards them. The reactions were as a result of the individual's negative beliefs about them.
Another person may believe that there are no opportunities in the world for them. This person with this view about life will not recognise opportunities around him because he believes otherwise. He will even pass up on great chances that are brought to his knowledge because he sees the world poorly.
How about those who believe that everyone around them is wicked, hateful or evil? They tend to only see wickedness and experience it often times because the way they choose to see other people affects the way they react to them. And it is usually offensive.
Think about this for a moment. Those who see the world in a beautiful way tend to see the beauty in everything. It's doesn't mean that they are not discerning to know when they should be careful. They see and understand everything, but they chose to still see life in a positive light. This keeps them experiencing the best.
The way you see the world is the way the world shows itself to you. Yes, there are good things and bad things happening, but always choose to continue recognising the good things and seeing opportunities around you.
No matter how bad things may appear to be, always maintain a positive outlook that things will always get better. This outlook is what moves you to react positively to life which leads to positive results. Don't let the negativity make you lose sight of the good.
Always see the brighter side. Don't let the downside of life steal away your motivation. Stay sharp and keep that beautiful outlook on life steady. You will see things changing in your life in beautiful ways.
Just see the world positively.
Wednesday, 29 March 2017
I don't need to start defining what pornography is to you, why humans are attracted to it and how it affects the brain. You can use Google to find them out. I believe why you are reading this article is simply to find out how you can end the desire to see pornography for good. That's what I'm going to FOCUS on. No distractions.
Almost everyone who uses the internet knows what porn is, even though we'd like to pretend that it's not there, but we all know it's there. The internet is one of the best things invented on earth and has led to quick exchange of information across nations and beyond borders. Ideally, things should be improving rapidly based on this development, but guess what? Few people are actually using that internet for something useful. Many have been drawn to the dark side of the net where pornography lives.
Web statistics really show that a lot more people are spending more time viewing porn sites and the number is increasing. Enough of the pretense, many people are also challenged with the addiction to pornography, but few speak out and many keep pretending not to know. Pornography has led many ills in our society ranging from inefficiency, laziness, rape, high rate of premarital sex, moral decadence, unwanted pregnancies, time wasting, and loss of focus. It's silently robbing creative minds of their ability to properly control themselves and make useful impact to society.
The problem of pornography is not solved by clearing your browser history, deleting the videos or images after viewing them and uninstalling your apps. These things only hide the underlying problem and that’s why it has been difficult for you to break free from it. To solve any problem, we must be able to trace the cause and tackle it from there.
The major causes of pornography addiction are idleness, lack of exercise, reduced will power, lack of self-control, depression, lack of purpose and direction, unclear life intents and goals, unbridled curiosity, poor control over the kind of music you listen to and films you watch. This article was written with these causes in mind and simple practices to correct them. Always remember that any amount of time, data or money spent on pornography is really a waste.
There are no quick fixes to quit the addiction to see pornography. Most of you will like to scan this article as fast as possible and "KNOW" the secret to quitting porn. But knowing something is not enough if you can't practice it and see results for yourself. I can't promise that you'll quit pornography in one day or two. But I can guarantee you that if you take time to carefully read this and read in between the lines, while practicing what you find here; you will certainly quit pornography for good and see it for what it really is.
Understand that your activities and personal cooperation are very important and very much required from you to be successful with overcoming it. Don’t just read the article; make it a point of duty to take the suggested actions towards it. This will require some measure of mental and physical preparations which will be elaborated in the upcoming chapters. My sincere wish is that this article helps you continually win the war against pornography.
Before you take any action, it must have existed in your mind first. You have to entertain the thought first and decide whether to go ahead with the action or not. Same for pornography: the conscious mind convinces you beyond reason to go ahead and view porn, before you actually view it. Therefore, the first step in overcoming pornography is mental and this will require you to make a firm decision as explained in the action steps.
Some may argue that they don’t have to think about yielding to porn and they just find themselves doing so. Why they think so is simply because conscious repetition puts the mind in auto-pilot. That is: if you have been using your conscious mind to allow yourself view pornography over and over again, it will get to a point where your mind forms a mental habit of always accepting to see it subconsciously.
It doesn’t mean that you don’t think about it. Repetition has made it seem so because of previous patterns and habits. Good news is that you can break away from this pattern, no matter how deep or automatic it has become. The only catch is that the deeper the pattern, the harder it is to fight it when you start practicing. But trust me, it’s only hard in the beginning and it gets easier with your victories.
Some others want to argue that pornography helps them to learn about how to have sex. This is a deception. If you wanted to learn how to brush your teeth, do you need to download a new video every time to learn how to do so? If indeed the reason to watch porn is to learn how to have sex, then why didn’t you stop at the first pornographic material you ever saw? Have you ever wondered about how human beings learnt and knew how to have sex before the internet, media, magazines and other outlets came into existence?
The ability to have sex is already built into us as a natural human instinct. Hence, claiming that pornography teaches you how to have sex is an attempt to hide the danger it portends.
Think deeply about why you really want to quit pornography and Make a strong decision right now that you’re going to stop seeing pornography. You can say it out loud or write it down, but before you do so, you have to think deeply about it and then try to make that decision with a strong conviction that you will actually stop it. Take as long as it takes to really think about it before you decide. Your reasons for deciding to quit pornography must be very strong; so strong that you will not like to ever go back to it. Now, this may not be so easy for some of you to do.
Ask yourself a deep question. Why do you really want to stop watching porn? Take out time to figure this out and write it down. Think of the very worst things about porn. The vileness, the filthiness in it, the time it wastes and the distraction. The fact that you found this article already means you are serious about quitting porn. There must be a strong reason for that. Porn may have made you lazy, inefficient, broke, boring, inactive, feel guilt, it may have become so addictive that you can't seem to stop it; it may have taken control of your life. Write down the strongest reasons why you want to stop it.
Think of what you want to achieve by quitting pornography. Will it give you a better control over your life? Will it help you study more? Will it make you more efficient and active? Will it free up your mind to absorb and come up with brilliant ideas? Will your relationships with other human beings be more fulfilling and loving? List out everything you want to achieve by quitting porn. These lists will be your motivators anytime the urge becomes too strong. So keep these handy and pick up a convenient time every day to look at them for some time.
It will remind you of why you DECIDED to quit pornography. And if you can be consistent in reminding yourself why you want to stop it and what you want to achieve, you've already won half the battle. The more you're conscious of why you want to stop pornography, your will to stop it will be strengthened. Why you sometimes fall back after the desire to stop is that you forget. Forgetting can make you fail. So remind yourself always.
Now you may be thinking "I've taken the decision to quit many times before, but I keep falling back." The question I'd ask you is "How STRONG was your decision?" Was your decision strong enough to make you see pornography as a threat to your success, dreams and aspirations? Was it strong enough to make you plan and be very careful about every action you take? Was it strong enough to make you forfeit certain things so you can actually break away? My guess is NO. Taking a FIRM decision is NOT so easy. It's not just about saying the words. If you think DECISION is all about words, then you've been missing the whole point.
If you're serious about quitting porn, you must believe that you CAN. Some people have given up on fighting it because they don't see the point. They've been trying and failing, so why should they bother again. These people give up and let pornography ruin their lives. Giving up on this fight means that you're saying "I can't control myself. I'm weak and can't stop it" That's what you say whenever you give up. Truth is: You can actually stop viewing pornography. You may have your doubts right now. But here I want you to just believe that you and say these words aloud: "I can actually quit pornography." Say it again and say it like you mean it. Believe me, after going through this article and following the practices, you will overcome it.
This action step is there to break all the limiting beliefs you may have about this addiction.
Taking a strong DECISION to quit pornography requires deep reflection and thought. You have to sit down and really think about pornography and see it for what it really is. You just sit down and look at how ugly it is. You must sit down and figure out why you're interested in it in the first place. Look at your life, relationships, your dreams and aspirations. See how it is limiting your progress in various areas of your life. Think of what you really want to do with your life and see how pornography distracts you from this goal. Pornography steals your time. What on earth is gained by pornography? Answer is nothing. It just wastes your bloody time. And time is money.
Do you feel like you’re powerless over it? I just want you to take my word for it that no matter how powerless you may feel as regards quitting pornography, if you can stay with me till the end of this article, believe that you can actually do this and take the action steps suggested seriously, you will gain tremendous power over it. I’m not just saying it. I want you to simply believe what I’m telling and practice what is recommended here and you will see for yourself.
To be able to bring yourself to find stronger reasons to back up your decision making process, answer the questions:
How do you feel after watching porn? Do you feel great about yourself? What do you gain by it? How has watching pornography helped you achieve our life’s purpose? Why spend precious time watching people have sex? Can you really say you achieved anything reasonable by watching porn? What has porn taken away from you: your time, focus, relationships with real people, money, energy, focus and mental acuity?
Think of all the possible things you could've done or achieved with time spent on porn. You could have studied more, earned better grades, made more feasible plans in your business, had more fulfilling relationships and even come up with a brilliant idea or a solution to a problem. But look what porn has done; it had stolen your time and made you think more often about sex than you should.
Write down the answers to these questions. Having very strong answers to these questions will give you enough reasons to stick with your decision to quit porn anytime the temptation comes. Also write down a comprehensive list of all the things you will like to achieve by quitting pornography. All these should make up for sufficient reasons why you will like to quit. Hence our list should include what you’ll love to achieve and what pornography is stealing from you.
As I said, if you’re serious about taking your life back from the dirty hands of this addiction, you must be willing to come up with very strong reasons. Reasons that will make you really hate pornography and detest it as much as possible. And this is done best by systematically thinking about all the things pornography has robbed you of. One of these reasons should be that addiction to pornography is a strong sign of laziness and lack of clear directions or intent.
Do not proceed if you have not spent quality time in carrying out this exercise. When the reasons have been listed out on paper, make it a point of duty to go through them immediately you wake up and just before you go to bed.
The Truth is that it's not so easy. Nothing worthwhile comes very easily. You'll be ready to really put in work for it. I think it's worthwhile to put in the work right now and have a focused and decisive life rather than let the addiction to pornography control and destroy your whole life. I think a smart person will be willing to sacrifice certain things for his/her ultimate happiness.
Whatever worthwhile you want to achieve in this life, you must be willing to put in work, pay the price and make the necessary sacrifice for it. Anybody telling you otherwise is trying to deceive you. Breaking free from pornography will require your commitment, time, dedication and devotion. You must be prepared to practice and continue with the other action steps suggested in this article and keep on practicing. I tell you determination and consistency is the key to it.
If you have really gone through the mental preparation and followed the steps suggested therein, you are already winning the battle because you’ve started from the origin which is the mind. However, our physical environment always creates impressions on the mind whether we are conscious of this or not.
The things you see around you, the things you hear, the environment or physical situations you find yourself in all have a way of influencing the mind. You have to consciously take control of your environment if you don’t want the mind to be overcome again by the urge. The more control you have over your body, the things you choose to see, hear or experience, the greater your will power, which will help you stick to your decision.
You must see this as a war. It's a serious war you're facing. This war will never end; you just have to continue winning it. Pornography is trying to ruin you and you're fighting to take your life back from its ugly clasp. You must be prepared physically too, but how?
Before I proceed to the steps needed in the physical preparations, I will like to make something clear: The brain works in such a way that when you do something over and over again, it creates a kind of automatic connection to that thing and increases the urge for you to do it again... and if this continues like that for a long period of time, it will seem as if you have no control over it. But you still actually do, just that it has become very weak.
To reverse that urge to repeat these bad habits, you have to consciously stop doing that thing. It is very difficult at first, but once you continue rejecting the idea of doing it for over a period of time. The brain naturally weakens that link and you gain your full control again.
Be prepared to resist the urge to see pornography for as many times as you’ve ever seen it and beyond.
1. Be selective about the kind of music, films or books you read.
What kind of movies do you love to see and what kind of music do you listen to? Do you watch too much movies that are sexually charged? Do you listen to music that is always sex themed? If you're serious about this deal, then you must be selective in the kind of movies and music you choose to play. Remember it starts from your mind. If your battle is strong at the mind level, you're already winning the war. To strengthen your mind, you must not feed it with things that suggests and triggers the urge to view pornography.
Go through your music folder. Delete music which is focused on sex and vulgarity. Download fresh music that can inspire or motivate you to be a better person. Stop playing music which does not have a good impact on you well-being. The movies you watch too can trigger the urge to see pornography. You have to quickly scan through movies before you decide to watch them, so you can have an idea of the kind of content it has. There are websites too like rottentomatoes.com and metacritic.com which offer movie reviews to help you know if a movie contains some content you may not like to see.
Some books too are not good for you. They keep your mind focused on sex all the time and can trigger the urge to view pornography. You must be on guard and be careful about what you let your mind consume.
So draw out a plan to discard any movies, books or music which you know can trigger these thoughts. And replace them only with the ones that can help improve your life.
2. Exercise your body
A sound mind lives in a sound body. Do have a regular exercise routine? Do you take some time exercise your body? Do you engage your body into something? You need to engage yourself with an exercise that develops your body and improves your health. There are many of them out there; you can go swimming, play tennis, basketball, hit the gym, and play football or any other sport. You can easily learn any of them as well. Make a plan right now to regularly participate in any sport of your choice. This will keep your body healthy and your mind sharply focused.
3. Go out more and hang out with people
There is a greater chance of wanting to see pornography when you are alone. Learn to go out and engage with other people. Don’t spend most of your time alone. We are social creatures and as such it is important to connect, socialize and meet with real human beings. Push yourself to make out time for real social activities. This will improve your mental health and keep you away from pornography.
4. Make a list of the things you will love to learn how do
This is very important. A key point in overcoming the urge to see pornography is keeping your mind actively engaged and working on something always. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Therefore anytime your mind is not occupied with something positive, negative thoughts will find time to creep in. Therefore make a good list of many things you will like to learn. You can add things you also want to improve yourself on. The list may include: good books you’ll like to complete, places you’ll like to visit, courses you’ll love to learn etc.
Make this list and everyday work towards crossing something out of the list. You’ll be amazed at the many things you will learn how to do just by doing this. If your mind is actively engaged in productive pursuits and endeavors, there will simply be no time to see porn.
The Battle Secrets
The physical and mental preparation were designed to prepare you physically and mentally so that you will be fit to go into battle. If you have successfully gone through them, then you are ready for the battle, so please proceed else go back and prepare.
Now you are mentally and physically prepared. Your mindset has changed, you’ve made some changes in your physical environment, and you’ve set your goals and outlined things you’ll love to achieve. I will now go further to reveal the keys to overcoming the urge when temptation strikes.
1. Operation “Fry the thought”
The thought and the need to see pornography can only enter your mind when you are idle and not thinking about anything productive. This is why I previously suggested one of the major steps you're overcome pornography is to engage yourself in real life activities. Visit your friends, go out and learn how to play a game, offer to take someone out, read up on how to improve your work, read books that can help you, play interesting games. Always engage your mind with things that are helpful and things that won't trigger lustful thoughts.
It happens that sometimes, our minds may not always be engaged, especially when we are at rest. At this point different things can creep in including the desire to see porn. Here's where operation fry the thought comes into play. Whenever you're at rest and a thought comes to you to see porn, fry the thought immediately by either channeling your mind to something else, saying a word that will help you remember, or immediately getting up to do something else. Words can be anything from "I reject you" "Get behind me" "To hell with it" or whatever suits you. Anything that will eliminate the thought and remind you of your reasons and your decision is welcome.
It is important that any slightest thought to see pornography is dismissed immediately. The more time these thoughts stay in your mind, the greater the chances that you will be convinced to see it, so you must not tolerate any thought that pushes you to see pornography. Fry it by thinking something else, saying something else, or getting up to do something else. Our actions in terms of these things are what will kill off the desire at that initial mental level.
Keep on practicing this until you master it.
2. Go without the internet for some time
I will personal recommend 2 weeks for anyone serious about this. Take a break from the internet. If you must use it for any reasons, then plan yourself so that you can only use it at a public cybercafé. On a personal note, cut off the internet from your personal gadgets for at least two weeks. Use the time away to focus on building yourself and thinking of various ways you can move closer to your goals in life. I promise you that you will be pleasantly surprised at how much time you got and what you will achieve just in those weeks.
Sometimes we spend too much time surfing the internet for nothing and in the process one may stumble upon pornography or decide to download it because they don’t really have a particular reason to be online. After these two weeks, you can still personally decide to go without the internet anytime you want. Form a habit of only going online when you have specific and important things to do online. Plan the time you should spend online and always have a meaningful purpose before you connect.
3. When strongly tempted, go back to your notes
The notes you made earlier, which included reasons why you decided to quit porn and what you intend to achieve should be kept handy. You should make copies of them and place in strategic places where you can always read them and remind yourself of them. These notes should be read whenever it seems that the urge has become strong. I really suggest going some time without the internet because the starting period of quitting porn is the toughest, but it definitely gets easier when you are consistent. Going without the internet will greatly increase your chances of surviving the high pressure that comes in the beginning.
Remember to remind yourself of your decision and motives with these notes. It will keep you conscious of your goal. If you stay conscious, then it will be difficult to unconsciously go back to watching pornography. Now sometimes the temptation becomes strong. This shouldn't happen if you fried the thought immediately, but once the urge is that strong, here's what you'd do; Get up and go get your lists and notes. Read them. Turn off your phone, laptop, iPad and leave the room of you can. Move your body, breathe in deeply and exhale.
Relax and find something else to channel your mind to. Do anything that will take your mind away from that strong urge. The urge will pass. The key here is in playing the game right mentally. Once you permit the thought to stay in your mind for too long, the thought to engage becomes stronger. That's why you must work on eliminating all influences to see pornography from your mind; Bad Music, Videos and books.
You must be strict about this because anytime you fall, you're adding to the accumulated habit. Your goal is to cancel out accumulated indulgences with your rejections. If you can reject the urge to see porn as many times as you've accepted it, you have already broken free.
Monday, 27 March 2017
I opened my mouth to speak and I was shocked that the words won't come out. It was as if my tongue was tied. It felt very strange. My heart was beating very fast. Just in a flash I had surprisingly forgotten everything I had planned to say.
"Damn.. This is it," I thought. "The ground had better opened up to swallow me." I was sweating uncomfortably and I could see my own hands shaking with the microphone. I was done for! Luckily for me the guest speaker understood what was going on and just joked about the situation. Then he politely asked me to go back to my seat.
My oh my! I was embarrassed. Before I raised my hand and came on that stage, I was confident that I could do exactly what that speaker was doing. I had carefully rehearsed what I will say in my mind many times and I had envisioned the perfect speech. I had overlooked one thing: The fear that comes with the first time.
It turned out to be a disaster. That was a few years back at a youth gathering. I had never forgotten that experience. I decided to find out why. What was there to be afraid of? Why couldn't I simply say what I wanted to say perfectly? I like being the best in anything I do, so performing that way on stage was disturbing.
I went online, checked out articles on public speaking. I even asked some friends who were used to speaking up at such events. And I found out something from them: Most of them were also very nervous during their first speech. However they kept practising and they kept on speaking with every opportunity until they became used to it.
That was it. That was the answer I was seeking. Since then, I vowed to always utilise every opportunity I get to try to say something in public. And gradually I grew and I am still growing. I can't say I'm the best speaker in the world, but I can say that the initial fears I had have all disappeared.
I found myself not always bothering about what the audience thought. I became more relaxed. I said what I wanted to say with confidence and finished smoothly. I got better and better.
The first time is not usually rosy. And you don't need to be afraid of failing the first time. Some people are too shy to fail the first time that they don't try anything new in their lives and hence they do not get good at them.
I can remember the first time I tried to ask a girl out.. It's a story for another day, but the whole point of this article is that we should dare to do those admirable things we are afraid of. It doesn't matter if you fail at it. People laugh at you and so what? They still go back to their lives. They don't laugh forever.
Don't allow the fear of trying new things keep you from improving the quality of your life by learning new things. You have to be bold to face your fears and score your wins.
In short, make it a deal.. to try to do for the first many interesting things that you'd have loved to do. Go and visit that person. Try to play piano. Try to learn a new game. Go out with someone. Organise a fun party. The ideas are numerous. Think and try. That's all it takes and you'd see yourself becoming a generally better person.
See you at the top!
Wednesday, 22 March 2017
People often say things like: "I wonder why I was born in this family," "I wonder why I look this way," "I wonder I'm experiencing this," "I wonder why I met this person," "I wonder why this happened to me." They keep wondering about why they are where they are, why this and why that. They wonder so much about these things that they forget to live.
If you are in a situation you don't like or if you've had some experiences that are not good, there's really no point wondering why you're in that situation or why you were born in a certain environment or family. The point is that you always try to "LIVE" your life no matter where you have found yourself or in whatever you are experiencing.
Living your life means that you don't keep asking why or continue to find something to put the blame on. It means that you understand that the answers to some questions you may have been asking don't really matter. Rather, what matters is your response to whatever challenge you have and the choices you make to steer your life into what you really want to experience.
It's not an easy deal. The situations and different settings we've found ourselves in life has a way of trying to shape our mindset into accepting a certain stereotype of who we are. But then, the truth is that shaping your mind is ultimately your responsibility. You are the master of your own mind, not the answers to some unnecessary questions.
Knowing this, you learn to stop wondering too much and focus on really living your life the best you can. There is no limit to what you can achieve no matter what situation you find yourself. Your environment would try to shape you, but you will have to be the one to shape yourself and create your future.
Wondering too much about mysterious questions or asking about why fate put us in certain circumstances has never been useful to us, rather it's a time waster. Let's focus on living, carving our own path, staying focused on our missions, continually making efforts and being proactive.
We are happier when we bother less and do more.
Monday, 20 March 2017
"I wish I knew what I now know when I was 12, I would've built …" he said. "How old are you now?" I asked him. "I'm 28," he replied. I said to him: "Simply assume that you're 12 and start doing exactly those things you would've have done if you had known what you now know by then."
How old are you? 10, 20, 35, 47 or 55? Here's the deal: No matter how old you presently are, it doesn't matter and it doesn't stop you from still attempting to do those things you really wanted to accomplish. Looking closely at it, the time is always Zero for everyone until they start living their dreams!
Most people are fond of saying stuff like: "I wish I knew this when I was 16," "I wish I learnt that at a younger age," "I could've done this and achieved that." Instead of telling stories of your lost years and looking for someone to feel sorry for you, simply start doing those things you regret not doing on time now. It doesn't matter how much time you think you have wasted or how much time you may have left.
It doesn't matter if you're going to be able to do it as perfectly as you would've done if you were younger. Simply go out there and try accomplishing those things. The mere thought that you have lost time, should even make you put more effort into achieving the same thing in a very short time. You may even be surprised at how easy it may be.
Most people have this belief that because they didn't do some things very early, they cannot be successful in certain areas of their lives. This belief alone is enough to keep them wishing they had known and leave them eventually achieving anything meaningful. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
It all starts from zero. It doesn't necessarily matter when you started. You may start late and still move faster than someone who started years back. The difference in years is no longer a barrier to achieving success in today's world. Therefore, it's an illusion for anyone to think that what they couldn't do at a certain age has destined them for failure. It's a lie which many unhappy people tell themselves. And that's why they stay unhappy.
No matter where you are.. Your time starts when you start; when you cross the zero. Stop sitting there and wishing you achieved this and that by a certain age. Just focus on achieving what you can at your present age. You'd be shocked at what you can still achieve with your time if only you can be focused and stop lamenting of what you should have done earlier.
Everyone makes some mistake and loses some time. It doesn't really matter. Don't let the lost time or mistakes drown you into depression and a loser's lifestyle. You can still build stuffs more than you ever thought possible if only you focus your energy. If Charles Darwin, Ray Kroc, Vera Wang, Henry Ford and other people who became successful after age 40 could still achieve something great, then I don't see why you should spend your precious time wishing you were younger.
Embrace the reality. Start now. Your time is still Zero. Your physical appearance may have changed, but the content within you still yearns for expression. Focus on expressing it rather than musing over lost years.
To the very young guys and girls reading this, understand that the time you have now is really precious. If you can start right away.. Start from your own Zero. The advantage is that you become successful at younger age and you enjoy the rest of your years while contributing greatly to society. Value your time and use it wisely.
To the older ones.. The time is still Zero. You can still start up something you've always wanted to do. It's never too late. Your creation might just be the next big thing. You should stop telling yourself that you've lost time and focus on living your life. You may be older, but your potential can still make great impact just like those in the examples I gave previously.
From Zero to One!
Saturday, 18 March 2017
The most problematic set of people in this world are the ones who think they know things so well to extent that they make no room for additional knowledge. These people do not consider or tolerate the opinions and views of other individuals other than themselves.
They are ready to fight and humiliate anyone who has contrary views to what they believe or think they have known. The question is: "If everyone in this world was exactly like these intolerant ones, do you think we would still be existing as a species?"
Think about it. There would be intense fighting everyday, wars, murder, serious crimes and etcetera. The people who are tolerant enough to understand other people are those who have kept things in balance. They are the progressives who try to get people to unite themselves, understand themselves better and live in peace despite their differences.
Now some people claim to know God so well that any other contrary view from another person becomes a serious offence. But let me ask: Do you really know God Almighty, the Infinite and creator of all things visible and invisible or do you just believe that you know Him?
Do you really think you really understand the deep mysteries and operations of God? Do you actually know him or you just believe you do? Think about it. Because I don't think anyone can really claim to have known God and understand all his operations.
I think knowing God should mean a progressive knowledge of our maker which should never end. It should mean that everyday we are still learning about God and getting to know him better. Not claims to a complete and unshakable knowledge of him. No one can claim to have that.
I used the concept of knowing God as an example because religious intolerance has been a major issue. The fact that gaining knowledge is progressive means that we should not be quick to disregard other people's opinion. Indeed, some people may have opinions that may look wrong or actually be wrong, but before we write them off, let us listen to them and if they are actually wrong, make them understand from our perspective.
We must tolerate the opinions of other people and if we are in disagreement, we can argue in a healthy and tolerant manner. We must not fight over different opinions because knowledge and learning never ends.
Understanding one another should come first when we have different opinions. With understanding and an open mind ready to learn, you can learn new things from the opinions of others or you can help others really understand your point ONLY when you've understood theirs.
No matter how much we think we know about anything.. We must remind ourselves that we do not know everything and that the quest for knowledge continues forever. That will help us to listen, tolerate and understand rather than become problematic in our society.
Always try to understand,
Wednesday, 15 March 2017
Your objectives and goals in life must be defined well enough to the point where you are not accepting anything less. You must have that objective in mind which you must relentlessly work for. No matter how things may look, you must not choose anything less than what you have set out to achieve. This is what I mean when I say that lions do not eat grass.
A lion doesn't start eating grass because there appears to be no meat. It doesn't go eating grass because it's not sure if it can actually get meat or if there is meat out there. A lion that wants meat, goes out there, hunts for the meat and with persistence gets the exact meat it was looking for.
You know yourself and you know what you really want. Whatever it is, you can actually achieve it. Everyone has the ability to get what they want if only they make it their sole objective and have the willingness to stick with this objective and pursue it without giving up even in the hardest times.
Extraordinary success honors extraordinary people who give all they have to get all they want. It doesn't honor the faint hearted or those who easily back off when things look bleak. This success is only for those select few who can prove that they are really fearless in the pursuit of whatever dreams they have in mind.
You wonder why there are few people who attain enviable heights of success and importance while many more are living average lives? It's because few people have the tenacity, doggedness, alacrity, persistence, fearlessness and faith to hold onto that one mission which they see very clearly. Very few pass the number of tests which actually shows if they are worthy of getting exactly what they want.
It doesn't always matter what other people tell you. These people might give you the best of advice, but they do not know your mission. If you let them influence you and you lose sight of your objective, you lose what you could have achieved by staying with it. It's still your choice though.
It's all about you. Your life is unique. Your experience is unique. No one else knows better than you what exactly you want in your life. You know what you want. Go for it! Don't let the situation of things tell you to give up on that dream. Don't let discouraging events stop you from having that dream. If you really want to achieve it, pursue it with all you got!
If you lose the vision, it's all gone, just like a flash. You lose everything you've been working for just the second you decide to accept something less. You don't have to manage what you don't want. You don't have to go for something else you don't want because it looks easier. You don't have to do something else asides from what you really want because things look tough.
You can get exactly what you want! Take my word for it and let your life be a proof of what I've just told you. See you at the top! Stay bold and keep winning!
Saturday, 11 March 2017
You've been working hard all your life, but it seems like you're not getting any reward from all your efforts. I say to you, "Continue." You've been working hard for a promotion, but it seems the boss doesn't notice you. "Continue."
You've been in various relationships, but it seems that you've not found the one for you. "Continue.." You have a dream and a strong vision of what you want to achieve. You've been trying your best and making serious efforts towards the realization of that dream, but things don't seem to be working out right. "Just Continue!"
Sometimes, it may seem that things are not working out just the way we want it to work out. It may take more time and more trials than we were expecting. It might require more responsibilities and enhanced efforts. We must remember to continue.
Do not be discouraged that you are not getting results yet. As long as you're putting in your best and you are taking required action to the best of your knowledge, simply continue. You can only meet your success and your lucky break when you constantly show up in your activity.
If you let the present state of things or current results to discourage you from constantly trying, then you've automatically lost. Think about this: let's say that in a particular game, anyone who rolls out "six" on the dice wins the prize. You cannot win that game when you've decided not to play at all.
First step is coming out to play that game. You must participate to win. You have to be active by joining other players and rolling the dice. You may roll the dice 20 times and not get a six.. But it may just be a "six" on your next throw. If you give up, you give up totally on the possibility of rolling out a six and you can never win the prize.
But if you continue to play, despite not getting that "six" , by the law of probability, the six must show up for you once your persistence is there. If you're ready to continue and go all the way for what you want to achieve, you will definitely achieve it. Your fortune and your success will have no other option than to show up and bow to your determination.
It reminds me of this week's game between Barcelona and PSG. PSG was leading Barcelona with 4-0 after the first leg match. Everyone thought that there was no way Barcelona could turn the four goals deficit around in the second leg. But Barcelona's shocked everyone to turn around the score sheet with a 6-1 victory against PSG which led to an aggregate of 6-5 with Barcelona progressing towards the next stage.
They continued.. They didn't give up. They didn't think that the initial 4-0 defeat was impossible to turn around. They believed in themselves and in putting out their best efforts on the football pitch to turn their situation around. They "continued" and it paid off greatly.
You may have many things bothering you right now. You may have many things on your mind that you feel like giving up on some important things. I want to tell you to hang on and continue trying. Keep pushing. Your lucky break may just be minutes or seconds away. It might be closer than you imagine.
Continue showing up, continue taking action and continue trying! One day the outcome of the dice will roll out in your favor and you will definitely celebrate it. Don't think about the outcome. No matter how unfavorable it seems. Just focus on showing up and actively participating in the game. Someday, it will be your turn.
Keep on trying. Hang on there. Don't give up on your dream. Don't give up on finding that person. Don't give up on working hard for your desired results. Don't let the outcome make you feel bad. Keep pressing and keep pressing. Don't be a quitter. Show the world that you're unstoppable and it will gladly yield to your push.
- It's Nigel.
Tuesday, 7 March 2017
You may pretend that it's not there. But everyone who has used the internet must have at some point or the other come across some pornographic content. It could come up as a pop up, a click bait or a virus on your laptop screen. You may be surfing for something else and boom it's there!
It's not just on the internet, in some latest movies, pornographic scenes are becoming the norm to the extent that most people have fallen victims and became addicted to this menace. What's the consequence? Those addicted to pornography easily lose focus on their life mission and end up thinking about sex all the time.
Pornography robs the mind of precious ideas, will power and clear intentions. You stop thinking and planning about things that really matter in your life and you waste your time thinking about just sex. That's really something to be seriously dealt with because a life without focus, planned activity and strong drive is already a wasting life.
You know the difference between successful people and unsuccessful ones? It's in their mindset and planning. Successful people spend more time thinking about things that really matter and making plans on how to get them. Others just think about how to have sex. Take eating for example. Do you think about how to eat food all the time? Do you keep downloading videos or viewing images of people eating? It's really absurd right?
That's how absurd it is to keep thinking about people having sex or watching their images or videos. It's not normal. It may look normal, but it's an addiction that every person who really wants to make progress in life should break away from. Your state of mind is very important and key to your success. What you often think about has a way of affecting your life.
Sex is not a bad thing. Neither is the urge to have sex an evil thing. We are humans and at some point in our lives there is a need for companionship and intimacy with a member of the opposite sex. This is how we are and we should not pretend that we don't have sexual urges or fantasies. But then watching and getting addicted pornography is not the way to go about it. It actually causes more problems for you as regards real sex with your spouse.
Pornography is actually fake. It deceives your mind into thinking that sex is something that should be placed top priority in your life. Bold winners know better. Sex is just as natural as eating, breathing, blinking and other natural processes. There is nothing too special about it as pornography may depict. What really matters in our lives is how relevant we are to ourselves and to our society.
We must always focus on making an impact and solving real life problems. When you are focused on your mission, you don't go on thinking about sex. This doesn't mean you should not have sex in your entire life. Rather, it means that you understand that sex is a part of you that you have to also control just like other parts of you that makes you human. It means that you remain focused on your mission and you're not letting thoughts of sex distract you.
I'm working on releasing a book that will help those addicted to pornography break away from the addiction. It all starts with making a firm resolution, asking God for help(if you believe in God) and taking certain steps to fight the desire for it. I hope you check up the blog from time to time in order to get first hand information about the book once it is released.
Bold winners have one mission in mind. This mission is in line with their life's purpose, passion and mission. They don't think about sex all the time, they're not addicted to pornography. They think about the very important things in life and they make solid plans and take relevant actions towards achieving them. That's why they keep winning.
Keep winning, stay bold and don't forget to share this!
Sunday, 5 March 2017
Are you confused? Are you finding it difficult to know exactly what you want to do? Does it appear as if you don't have an idea of how to go about you career, life, choices or anything else? Then hang on because you are definitely not alone.
You've been reading motivational and inspiring books, they keep telling you to take a decision, make a choice, follow your passion, do this and do that. It seems as if everyone else knows exactly what they want to do with their lives, but you? You are still confused and unsure about it.
You're concerned about the future, but you don't know how to go about it. You appear to be floating and idling away your time. If this describes you, I want you to know that the only cure for confusion is knowledge. When I say knowledge, I don't mean you should go on reading different books again(that may even confuse you the more).
When I say knowledge, I mean in depth knowledge coupled with practical activity. In depth knowledge is gotten from experienced people. In whatever you are confused about, try meeting experienced and accomplished people who have been through a similar situation. Learn from their practical experiences and ACT on this knowledge.
Most books cannot give you this kind of knowledge. It is best gotten from experienced people who have faced similar situations as yours and have successfully triumphed over them. So, you should find these people around you and seek for their expert advice. Most of them are willing to help serious minded individuals. Listen to them and gain in depth knowledge.
It is important to act on this knowledge. When you are actively doing something, it's difficult to be confused. Confusion is a mental thing, so being confused is a sign that you're thinking too much and you're not really taking any actions. You're thinking too much because you don't have the knowledge that will help you start taking actions which is why you need to meet experienced people.
No one by themselves can claim to have all the answers. Some people around you or even closest to you have some answers that you don't have. We are all unique and our different experiences has enabled us find some peculiar answers to life's numerous challenges. So, tap into the answers from other people and always act on them.
Being confused can waste your time and make you lag behind. Conquer it with the right knowledge and application.
Till next time..
Sunday, 26 February 2017
The world tends to favour those who know exactly what they want out of it. People who are clear about exactly what they want or the direction they have to go in life find it easier to accomplish their goals whereas those who aren't clear live hazy lives.
Think about two people hunting for treasure in a maze filled with items. One of them knows exactly the treasure he is looking for. He knows it so well that he is once he finds it anywhere, he knows. The other is looking for the treasure, but he doesn't have an idea of what he is looking for. Even if he sees the treasure, he won't know he has found it because he has no clue at all.
Which of them do you think will easily find the treasure? Of course it will be the one who has clues and ideas of what the treasure looks like and it's qualities. He will spot the treasure from far away because he 'knows' exactly what he's looking for. So it is easier to spot it. This simply summarizes our lives.
The maze is this world we live in. The treasure is the common goal we seek to achieve which can be said to be happiness, wealth and health. You be appropriately directed to our treasures, we must have a strong direction. This is our clue that points us to our own treasure. You must define exactly what you want and how you want to achieve it. When you do so, it is easier to spot your own treasure and grab it.
Most people are living aimless lives and anything goes for them because they simply have not sat down to define exactly what they want and how they intend to achieve it. This makes them miss out on multiple opportunities which they could have identified easily if they had guides and clues which is from their plans and directed intent.
Whatever it is you want.. First, you define the parameters. You don't just accept anything goes. That's a choice too though, but I think you deserve better. You deserve exactly what you want and believe you me if you are willing to define exactly what that is and how to get it, you will get in in no time.
In your relationships, you should define the kind of partner you want. You define the qualities you want in him/her and go for it. Don't make it unrealistic though because no one is perfect. Identify what you want from a partner and seek for it.
In your career, define what you really want to do with your life and how you want to do that. Don't just do anything. Whatever you do must be part of a plan to that thing you really want else you waste your time. Always know exactly what you want, know exactly how you intend to achieve it and the steps you need to take and you will rise quickly on the success ladder.
Friday, 24 February 2017
No one was born to be pitied. There is always a way forward in whatever anyone presently faces in his/her life right now. Don't expect to be pitied as a way out of it. Don't expect anyone to start feeling sorry for you and make the way for you.
You must make the way for yourself. If people will help you, that's fine, accept their help. If they don't want to help you, that's fine as well, you were not entirely depending on them. You just have to prove that you deserve whatever you want to get.
Sometimes when some people are talking maybe in a job interview, discussion, social gatherings or when they want something from someone, they start telling stories of how they lost their loved ones, how they were abandoned, how they are struggling and difficulties they face.
They keep talking about circumstances, what they've been through, their life and all what not. People don't really want to hear those stories. People want to hear how you can be of benefit to them and what you're bringing to the table. Prove to them that you're deserving of whatever position they are willing to give you in their lives.
You don't have to beg for it. You don't have to expect them to pity you and say something like, "Oh, he lost his parents at a young age, so let's give him the job." when you have not demonstrated that you are very fit for the role. You should demonstrate what you are already doing or what you have done which makes you relevant to other people.
Here is the ugly truth: Everyone expects something from you which could be of benefit to them. It could be your skills, time, money, attention, love or anything else. People want something from you always and they expect you to be able to give it to them. Then they too will be willing to meet your own expectations as well.
It's then a win-win situation for everyone. You are able to give expectant people what they want and they compensate you adequately for your contributions. Everyone is happy. But if you are expecting them to give you something for nothing or out of their pity for you. You're wasting your time.
Look.. There must be something you can give. Train yourself and your mind to always give it and opportunities will always be knocking at your door. Show the world that you're capable of giving them what they expect from you and the world will become your oyster. Don't wish for anyone to pity you.
Thursday, 16 February 2017
In today's society, some people try to appear too nice and overdo things in order to win the love, respect or admiration of other people. Ironically, it usually turns out that they get the opposite of what they want because they were trying to be too nice.
Think about this: Parents who keep on letting their kid have whatever he or she wants end up spoiling that kid no matter how generous they think they are. The kid grows up not knowing that some things are not good for him because the parents had not disciplined him properly. And why's that? They were trying to be too nice.
You own a pet and all the time your pet keeps on peeing in your living room. You don't want to punish that pet by using some strict training practices because you claim to love the pet and you're trying to be a nice pet owner. What happens? The pet goes on misbehaving and causing problems for you.
You're in an abusive and unhappy relationship. Your partner keeps on doing the things you don't like. He may beat you up, cheat, and do all sorts of things to show a lack of love and non commitment. But you keep on trying to defend him, you don't want to show that you're actually unhappy with their behavior. You keep quiet and keep tolerating crap because you're being too nice. What happens? They keep doing it.
Okay, someone keeps on harassing you and keeps on troubling you. You have done nothing wrong to them, but they seem to derive pleasure in interfering with you and your life. You keep trying to ignore them because you're a nice person, but they keep on looking for your trouble. Would you go on ignoring them forever because you're too nice?
It is unnatural for us to be too nice. We should be nice people, but when we take it to the extreme, it could be a limitation or a sign of fear. You have to try and relate very well with everyone, but don't try to be too nice to the point of tolerating nonsense from anyone, anything or any situation.
Do what you have to do and learn to express what you really feel instead of holding it in because you're trying to be too nice. If you've got to punish your kid or deny him some things, please do so. If your pet misbehaves, discipline it appropriately.
If you are in an abusive relationship, come out of it for your own good. If the person really loves you, they will come to their senses else, good riddance! If you have to confront some troublesome people, do so and let them know you're tired of their crap.
If you're not happy with anything, don't try to pretend in the name of being too nice. Just be natural and do what the situation really calls for with smart reasoning. You will find out that if you don't try too hard to be nice, but rather do what you have to do, things will gradually fall in place and work out well. From better responsible kids, lovers and pets to a better and happier life filled with genuine people.
Be real, be nice.. but don't try to be too nice.
Saturday, 11 February 2017
The people who make up entire population of the world can be divided into two simple categories: those who do and those who don't. As a living human being you belong to one of these categories depending on your approach to life and the choices you make. Let's look into the two classes.
The class of "those who do," are confident, happy, determined and very successful people. They love to do things and take control of their lives. They don't necessarily have to depend on anybody or anything in order to achieve their goals.
No matter how things are, "those who do" find a way to do something about it once it is in their power. They recognize that they have a choice and in whatever they face, they simply find their way through making smart choices and taking actions that they need to take.
You don't find this class easily telling their problems to anyone or grumble about other people or bad situations around them. They may talk about it occasionally, but only for very brief moments because they know that unnecessary complaints don't achieve what they want. They know what they do is what actually achieves it, so they keep doing.
"Those who do" tend to always become very successful in life because they obey the principle of life; you have to give to get. They give through their actions and earnest efforts to make a contribution and they are definitely rewarded for it. They are happier because they always reap the fruits of what they have done. They know it's in their hands.
The other class of those who don't are actually the opposite. You find them expressing dissatisfaction and resentment towards other people or conditions around them. They easily blame those things for their present predicaments instead of doing anything about it. That's why they are usually sad.
They are not happy because they spend more time resenting and grumbling over issues rather than do anything about it. Hence, they achieve no results because they don't do anything. You give nothing and you definitely get nothing. Their lives remain the same because they don't want to do things.
They tell their problems to almost everyone thinking that other people really care about their complaints. They forget that other people are struggling with their own problems as well and looking for a way to solve them. This class believes that the world owes them something for nothing. They fail to recognize the world works like an input to output system.
They are usually not successful people. Not because they can't be, but simply because they waste the time they could have used to start doing stuff on things that are unimportant.
So ask yourself, which class do you belong? Compare the characteristics of the two and see where you fall into. Bold winners are those who do. Those who take control and create the life they want. If you're on the wrong class, kindly make necessary adjustments and join those who do.
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
By Nigel Ikechukwu at February 07, 2017
Often times, some people come to me and say, "I want to build a house," "I want to be a billionaire," "I want to own my own company," "I want to be famous," "I want to meet the love of my life," and may other things like that. But when I ask them what they are currently doing about that or how they intend to achieve it, very few of them give concrete answers.
It's easy, very easy to say that you want you want those things; that you want the finest things in life. I mean, who doesn't want them? Everyone wants to be better than they are and be able to achieve these common desires but not many of them have made clear plans or started working consistently towards achieving them.
Talk is cheap. Many people are willing to talk and tell you about what they want. The reason why few people actually get those things whereas many do not is that few people make steady efforts to go for these things. These few even hardly talk about their goals and plans but rather focus on activity. They know that to achieve their desires, they must be doing something about it constantly.
It is activity that brings you closer to anything you intend to achieve. Nothing else does. Nothing will change if you do not change yourself. Nothing will happen if you do not do anything but talk. If you remain the same, do the same things and roll with the same set of people, you will get the same results.
Rather than always talk about what you intend to accomplish, learn to be quiet and think deeply about it while formulating deep solid plans to achieve them. Set your deadlines and work in accordance with it. Work on these plans every day without relenting and see how fast everything changes in accordance with your actions.
You should only talk about your dreams to those you trust, those who can really help and those who share similar interests in what you intend to achieve. Don't share it with just anybody.
Quietly work out your way up there and walk the path. You will definitely achieve whatever you want to achieve. You don't have to tell me or anybody else about it except if you really need to do so. Tell it to yourself and work towards it. Enough said!
Friday, 3 February 2017
You may not have have won that appointment or competition. What you created or built today may not be the very best in the whole world. The food you tried your best to cook may have tasted crappy. You may not have delivered your speech right. You may not have had the perfect first date.
You know what's important in all that? The fact that you tried your best given the opportunity. It doesn't matter how these things you've been planning and working on finally turns out. It doesn't really matter if things never went as you thought it would go.
What matters is that you go to bed confident that despite the unexpected outcome, you gave your best in whatever you did. Being able to try your best in any situation you find yourself is something you should really be proud of.
You may not have eventually won the appointment, but at least you were among those selected in the preliminary stages. Your performance may not have been good enough to win that competition, but you tried anyway. At least you made it up to that stage where many others couldn't.
Your speech may not have been so perfect, but you were bold enough to get up that stage, hold that microphone and talk to the audience. Few people can actually do that. Your date with someone may not have been so great as you may have envisioned, but at least you showed up and you broke away from your regular routine to try something new.
The results should not make you give up or think you're a failure. Actually all failures are stepping stones to success. I once said that the formula to success is to fail, fail and keep failing till you succeed. No one gets it right the first time! So be proud that you were able to do something which was your best. Be proud that despite those fears you were still able to push yourself to try.
That's a step in the right direction. The more you're willing to try, the better you become. So never feel sorry for yourself or sad that things never turned out quite well. Pat yourself on the back for at least mustering the courage to try. Tell yourself that you tried your best and be damn proud of it.
Don't ever dwell on any negative outcome. Always try your best and keep on trying it. Never lose hope and never call yourself a failure. You're a winner when you always try your best!